“I can’t wait to get this cast off,” she grumbled.
We were standing outside watching the dogs play in the snow. She rubbed the cast against her body.
“Stop trying to itch it.”
“I just hate it.”
“It’s just a few more days.”
“It already feels like a lifetime. I can’t wait to use my hand again.”
I quirked an eyebrow at her. “Remember what that’s like?”
“No, but I know what it’s like to use one hand. Imagine how much trouble I can get up to when I have two.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think anyone needs to experience that.”
I had been trying for a few weeks to figure out a way to bring up that folder. In the end, I just couldn’t do it. At first, I was worried that she would have this flood of memories, and it would be bad for her. I had no idea what she was running from. What if it was something she didn’t want to remember? Then again, I couldn’t properly protect her if I didn’t know what she was running from.
But then something even worse came to mind. What if she had a family out there, and she left me? I had grown used to having her around, and not just because she was a good fuck. I enjoyed spending time with someone for the first time in my life. Selfishly, I didn’t want to lose that. So, I decided not to say anything yet. She might still remember on her own, and maybe it was better that way. Besides, she would never know that I knew about the documents in her suitcase. It wasn’t like she could accuse me of hiding anything from her.
“How much longer until spring? I’m tired of all this snow.”
“Maybe a few more weeks before the snow begins to melt, but it depends on how cold it stays up here.”
“How can you stand to live up here? I mean, it’s beautiful, but don’t you want to live someplace warm?”
“I don’t like being around people.”
She pressed her hand to her chest. “No! I would never guess that!”
I shrugged off her sarcasm.
“Seriously, you’re such a fun, talkative guy.”
“What do you want to talk about?”
She sighed. “I don’t know. Since you won’t talk about yourself, we could talk about books.”
“Books,” I said, staring at her stupidly.
“Yeah, what kind of books do you like?”
“The kind that work as a doorstop.”
“Well, I love all the books you got me. I had no idea that I would like so many different genres.”
“Well…good.” What the hell was I supposed to say to that? Did she think this was a book club? I didn’t want to sit around and talk about books.
“Do you like poker?”
“I guess. I wouldn’t say I’m an avid player.”
“Well, one of the books you picked up was a biography about a poker player.”
I grunted, not really caring about poker players or the fact that it was a biography.
“He was actually an outlaw. Wild Bill Hickok.”
“Yeah?” It was so hard trying to sound enthusiastic about something I didn’t give a shit about. But I didn’t want to piss her off either.
“According to some people, they thought he was extremely handsome,” she said, making me look up at her. She had a twinkle in her eyes, like she was goading me. And it was working.
“Was he?”
“Well, I saw a picture of him, and he wasn’t really my type. Of course, he had long hair and one of those handlebar mustaches.” She wrinkled her nose. “Not really my thing. But everyone thought he was associated with Calamity Jane.”
“Calamity who?”
She sighed, rolling her eyes in this big way, like she was so annoyed that she had to explain it. It made me smile, because I knew now that she loved this.
“You know, wild west woman…no?” I shook my head. “Well, anyway, it doesn’t matter. They weren’t actually together. He married the woman he loved, but left her just a few months later to go find his fortune.”
I frowned. “That doesn’t sound like he loved her very much.”
“I know, but there was this letter he wrote her, speaking of his undying love for her. It was so romantic.”
I watched her face, as she stared down at the snow. “Is that what you want? Some man’s undying love?”
She shrugged slightly. “I don’t know. I don’t want a man to leave me just so he can write me flowery words of his undying love, but wouldn’t it be nice to know what that’s like? To love someone so much that you talk of speaking her name with your dying breath?”
I couldn’t look at her, not when it was so clear that she was looking for the man that would love her so fiercely. I couldn’t be that man. I didn’t deserve her or any love she might have for me.
“Anyway, he was diagnosed with glaucoma and some other word I can’t pronounce that year.”
“Is that how he died?”
“No,” she grinned. “He died playing poker.”
“And that’s funny?”
“No, but you might know the hand he was playing when he died.”
“And what was that? Don’t keep me in suspense,” I teased.
“The Dead Man’s Hand. See, he wanted a different seat when he sat down to play. He didn’t like having his back exposed.” I knew the feeling. “But the guy in the seat he wanted wouldn’t trade him. A guy that he had played poker with the night before walked in and shot him in the head.”
“Did he cheat him?”
“No, he gave him some money to cover breakfast after the guy lost all his money. Apparently, he was really insulted.”
I grunted, finding that funny. “So, aces and eights.”
“Yep. Turned out to be the worst hand of his life.”
“The hand didn’t kill him.”
“No, but it’s a great name for the hand, isn’t it?”
“Not if you don’t want to end up dead.”
She sighed, leaning against the porch railing. “I don’t know, I think it would be neat to go the that saloon someday.”
“You want to go to a saloon to see where a man was shot?”
She waved me off. “I can’t. I mean, the place burned down, along with most of the town. But it would be cool, you know? To sit in a place where a legend like that sat and get a feel for what his life was like. Even the town name is cool.”
“What is it?”
“Deadwood, in South Dakota.”
“I think with a name like that and its history, maybe that’s not a place that would be cool to visit.”
“I still think it would be. Besides, the man was thirty-nine when he died. It’s just so tragic. I mean, everyone died young back then from diseases and stuff, but still, can you imagine dying at such a young age, with so much of your life still ahead of you?”
“Please,” he begged quietly.
“You want forgiveness after you killed our sister?”
“I didn’t do it,” he urged. “Antonio, you know me. You know I would never do anything like that.”
I shook off the memory, hating that I took his life from him. He hadn’t even reached thirty-nine. What would Ciara think of me if she knew I killed my brother? Would she think of me like she thought of Wild Bill? Would she think I was tragic and that it was sad that my whole family had been killed? I wasn’t any better than an outlaw. The only difference was, I was never arrested. I’d killed plenty of people, and somehow, I was sure that nowadays, killing others wasn’t romanticized the way it was in the 1800’s.
“So, what do you say?”
“What?” I asked, not having heard her question.
“Road trip? It could be fun?”
“And be around all those other people?”
“They’re just people. It’s not like everyone is going to run screaming from you.”
A car pulled in the driveway and I swore under my breath. “Christ.”
“See? I think I made my point. It’s just Jo.”
“Just what I need, two women a
t my house.”
“Well, I could always see if she needs a roommate.”
I glared at her. “I told you I didn’t want you living in that place.”
She smirked at me. “I meant you.”
The car pulled to a stop and Jo got out, waving excitedly at us. I couldn’t stick around for this. I could almost handle one woman, but two was just too much.
“I’m heading into town.”
“Why? She came to see us.”
“Because I don’t do social calls.”
“You’re being rude again,” she hissed, trying to mask her displeasure as Jo approached.
“I have to take the dog into town. You can keep Princess here with you.”
“Why are you taking Max?”
I shrugged, not about to tell her I was taking the dog with me for company. The last thing I needed was for her to start ragging on me about the damn dog. I walked in the house and whistled for Max. She came running over and I grabbed her leash for when we were in town.
“Do you want to go for a ride, girl?” I scratched her head, grinning down at her. “Yeah, you deserve it. Maybe we’ll even get you a bath while we’re in town. Would you like that?”
She yipped at me, licking my face.
“I know, you’re such a good girl.”
I stood with the dog in my arms, coming to a stop when I saw Ciara and Jo standing right behind me, staring at me and trying to conceal their laughter. I glared at both of them as I shoved past them, but it didn’t work. They both laughed at me. What the hell? I could make men older, wiser, and stronger than them melt with my glare, but these women laughed at me. Getting into the truck, I looked over at Max, who also looked like she was laughing at me.
“Don’t you start too, or I won’t take you for your spa day.”
26
Josh
“Town poker night sucks,” Robert muttered, tossing down his cards. “At least when it was just the six of us, I had a good chance of winning. I don’t like my odds now.”
Anna wrapped her arms around him from behind. “You just don’t like that you have to be social.”
“Damn straight,” I grumbled my agreement. “Why do we have to talk to people in town?”
My eyes landed on Jack, who was glaring at me with death in his eyes. While others had learned to accept Carly and me back into their lives, Jack was still holding a grudge that would last a lifetime. I couldn’t blame him for his anger. If anything ever happened to Carly, I would burn the town down. I could still remember meeting Natalie the last day I saw Jack before I disappeared from his life. He had been so happy. They had planned this whole life while I’d been gone, and the moment I walked back into his life, she was taken away. His son no longer had a mother, and it was all because of what I brought down on his head.
I wanted to believe that I was over his anger. I pretended that it didn’t get to me anymore. I had apologized profusely. I tried to make things right, but in all honesty, there was nothing I could say or do to ever make things right between us again. And on nights like this, when he looked at me with so much hatred that it made my skin crawl, I thought about taking my family and moving somewhere else. But my brothers were here, and they were devastated when they thought I might not come back. I couldn’t do that to them again. We just got each other back. I couldn’t run now, not even for Jack.
“This is so much fun!” Kat said, grinning as she sloshed her drink all over the place.
Eric stood, grabbing the glass from her hand. “I think you’ve had enough to drink.”
She pouted slightly. “And I think you’re no fun. Come on! I haven’t had a drink in forever!”
I grinned at my sister-in-law. She’d been dying for something to drink for the past few months, ever since giving birth to her son, Owen. In fact, as I looked around the room, I noticed that Anna and Sofia were also partaking in the fun. Anna had also had a son, Tate, whom we all called Tater Tot, and Sofia had a little girl, Amelia. Lorelei was heavily pregnant with only a few weeks to go.
“I just don’t think this is setting a good example for Owen,” Eric argued.
“For Owen? He’s not here! He’s with the babysitter, and this is only my first drink.”
“And you’re already spilling everywhere.”
“Hey, blame mother nature for that. It’s not right that a woman should have to not only spend nine months not drinking, but then push a giant baby out, and then still have to wait even longer to drink!”
Eric turned to me with an exasperated look. “Help me out, man.”
“Sorry,” I grinned. “I agree with her. Let her have some fun. It’s poker night.”
“Poker night sucks,” he muttered, slumping in his seat, grabbing Kat to sit in his lap where he could keep an eye on her.
“I’m not arguing with that,” I said, grinning as Carly walked over to me, plopping down none too gently on me.
I would never tell her, but since she found out she was pregnant, she wasn’t a very nice person, always using my body as her punching bag. I understood that she was tired of all the aches and pains, but Christ, it was like she abused my body just so I could commiserate with her.
“What’s wrong, baby?”
“I’m so fat,” she grumbled.
“You are not. You have the smallest pregnant belly I’ve ever seen.”
“Hey!” Kat snapped. “Don’t say stuff like that. You make the rest of us feel fat.”
“I’m not saying that, but she’s my wife. Do you want me to tell her she’s fat just to make you feel better?”
“You think I’m fat?” Carly asked, pushing against my chest.
“No, I was just saying…” I stared up at her, trying to form the words, only to see her smirk at me. “You’re messing with me?”
“I have to have some fun,” she rolled her eyes. “Do you realize how much non-fun I’m having these days?”
“Serves you right,” Robert muttered. “Remember how we all agreed that you weren’t going to have any kids until all the pregnant ones were not pregnant?”
“No, you all agreed to that. I never did.”
“Well, you should have. Now we have two pregnant women and three that are out here trying to get drunk just to have some fun before they go back home to parenthood.”
“Right, I should have listened to you and put all my future plans on hold for you.”
“That’s all I’m saying, man.”
Carly laughed with me, but she looked sad. I knew she loved my family, but I could tell at times that she wished she had her own family. I hadn’t told her yet that I’d talked to Antonio. He didn’t seem ready to talk to her. I knew he was struggling with what he had done. Carly didn’t blame him for what happened, though. She had told me how manipulative her family could be. I actually felt bad for him.
I could see the struggle every day for Carly, wanting to talk to Antonio, but feeling she needed to leave him in the past. There was too much baggage between what happened with Jack and what Antonio had done to her family. If she accepted Antonio back, it would be like accepting what he had done, right or wrong. But if she didn’t accept him back, neither of them would ever truly move on.
Eric and Robert got up, going for more drinks, leaving Carly and I alone at the table. I took the opportunity to do some digging.
“How would you feel about maybe inviting Antonio to come visit after the baby’s born?”
She turned to me in shock, shaking her head. “Why would we do that?”
She tried to make it sound like it was a terrible idea, but I could hear the longing in her voice.
“He’s still your family.”
“He’s a murderer.”
I nodded. “I think we both know that he was manipulated into doing that.”
She pushed at me, but I wrapped my arms around her, not letting her go. “He killed my brother. He just shot him without trying to find out the truth first. I can never forgive that.”
“Can’t you?” I asked. She
stared at me with pain in her eyes. “I won’t think less of you for wanting to see your brother again. It’s been so long since you sat down and talked. Maybe you need this, even if it’s just for closure.”
“I already got closure.”
“No, you really didn’t. You saw him for a few minutes after a gunfight. That’s not the same as sitting down and having a conversation.”
“He’s dead to me,” she said fiercely. “I can never forgive him for what he did.”
I wanted to tell her that I had spoken to her brother, that he was different, that maybe she would want to get to know him as he was now. But that would be a betrayal on my part. If I was going to tell her, it should have been a long time ago.
“What if I told you that I could find out where he is. Would you be interested in seeing him sometime? Just having a conversation?”
“And how would that go? How’s it going? Killed anyone lately?”
“Don’t you think that’s a bit hypocritical? Carly, we weren’t exactly saints when we came back to town.”
“No, but we only killed to survive. He killed for money. Everything he has in life is tainted by the blood he spilled.”
“Maybe he’s not the same. He hasn’t come back to Chicago. Maybe he’s just…off living life.”
“It doesn’t matter if he is.” She sighed and leaned into me, her belly resting against me. I placed my hand on it, rubbing it slightly, feeling the small kicks from our child. “We need to give our children the best possible lives, and that doesn’t include my brother. Even if I want it,” she said quietly.
I kissed her head, not pushing her any further. But that admission right there told me that she desperately wanted to talk to her brother. I wanted her to have what I had, my family around me. She deserved it, and I had a feeling that Antonio was living a much different life than he had before. That was clear just in the fact that he reached out to me about a woman. I wanted to tell Carly that, but I wasn’t sure she was ready to hear it. Not yet, but someday soon, she would want to hear it, and she’d finally reconnect with the only family she had left.
Dead Man's Hand: A Small Town Romance (A Good Run Of Bad Luck Book 1) Page 17
