by J. M. Madden
By the time they made it around the store, they had almost a full cart of food. Paul was pleasantly surprised. Handing over his credit card, he paid for the food happily, hopeful that his child would start eating better. She’d been so picky…
They left the grocery store and headed to the truck. Paul unloaded the reusable grocery bags Jess had produced from somewhere behind the passenger side of the vehicle. Hope’s booster seat was on the other side. Jess fastened her into the seat, then circled the vehicle to the passenger side. Paul appreciated she didn’t automatically offer to drive or anything. Actually, she hadn’t said anything at all about his amputation. Or even offered to take over any task. Her focus had been on his daughter, and he appreciated that. He’d lost his arm years ago and he’d learned to adapt to the prosthetic’s capabilities.
Hope was responding to Jess and she was the focus, so that was perfect.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been back to San Diego,” Jess said, glancing back at Hope. “Any new cool places I haven’t seen?”
Paul thought maybe she was looking for a zoo suggestion or something, but Hope stayed quiet, looking out the window. Paul wished he could tell the girl that everything was going to be okay, and that no matter how scared she was, he would always be here for her. Losing a parent scarred a person, though, and he doubted she would believe him.
“I love the zoo,” Jess commented, “and the last time I was here there was a pregnant elephant. I wonder if she had her baby...”
“She did,” Hope whispered from the back, barely audible. “A boy. And the baby’s name is Ma-kiya. I can’t say it right.”
Jess turned in her seat. “Really? Oh, maybe we can go see him while I’m here.”
Paul watched in the rearview mirror as Hope shrugged. He could see the excitement in her expression, though.
They drove back to the house, and he tried to point out some landmarks for Jess. Her apartment was out east, and she’d admitted that she wasn’t familiar with this part of the city. “I can smell the sea, though,” she’d said with a charming smile.
She had a very pretty smile.
After he parked the truck, they all helped carry the groceries in. “Hope, I bet Sophie has to go potty,” Paul told her. “Can you take her out?”
Nodding her dark head, Hope took off to retrieve her little dog from the laundry room, where she’d been secured while they’d been at the store. The two ran through the kitchen and out the back patio doors, the little dog yipping playfully and Hope giggling.
“Does she only react like that to the dog?” Jess asked, glancing at him.
He gave her an ironic look. “Yeah, pretty much. As soon as she saw that dog, there was nothing else for her. She was determined to have it, and Erin swears the dog will be good for her.”
Jess shrugged, but somehow the movement was elegant. “It already is, right?”
He made a face. “I suppose,” he sighed. “If you want to get something to drink, we can go out onto the patio and talk about rules.”
Jess widened her eyes theatrically. “Oh, goody!”
Paul wanted to smack her pert ass as she walked in front of him, and he was shocked at the thought. It wasn’t like him to have responses like that.
Jess settled at the wooden teakwood table, a glass of ice water in front of her. The sun was still creeping up into the sky, so they were sitting in the shade. She could tell that in about an hour it would be full sun and probably hotter than hell back here, even with the pergola overhead. Paul paid for landscapers. Or he had an amazing green thumb. The flowers were lush and beautiful and feminine, but there was nothing out here for a child.
Paul settled across from her, his own glass of water he pulled from the fridge immediately developing condensation on the outside. He took a big swig, Adam’s Apple moving in the column of his throat. Then his head tipped forward, and his gaze met hers.
Jess was a very sensual person. She loved unique fabrics and bright colors, and wasn’t offended to be called Bohemian. Because she kinda was. Nothing rattled her, per se, and she could always find the beauty in everything. Or create her own.
She found certain men incredibly delicious. And though she normally went for the beach boy/ playboy type, there was something about Paul Jameson’s ruggedness that was pegging her dial. He definitely had it in the looks department, big and broad and striking, though he was a little uptight for her. Or maybe that was the appeal. Maybe she wanted to ruffle him up. His hair was slicked back from his face and shorn close to his head, and it had the look of potential curls. His beard was thick and dark, and she wondered if it was as soft as it appeared.
When she took jobs for Carolina, she did the job she was supposed to do, but that didn’t curb her enjoyment of life. Carolina thought she slept with every man Jess came across, which was not correct, but she saw nothing wrong with enjoying what the human body could do occasionally, if both parties were willing.
“That red Jeep is yours out front, correct?”
Jess blinked, focusing on Paul’s face. “It is.”
“Do you have a child-seat?”
Jess gave him a look. “Since I don’t have children, no,” she murmured.
He nodded, like that was the expected answer. “You can use mine out of the truck for now. Although I don’t know how much you’ll be going out.”
Jess glanced at the beautiful, yet barren, yard. “I expect we’ll be going out a lot. You might want to invest in some kind of play set for her. Or a pool. This is California. You should have a pool. I’m surprised the house didn’t come with one.”
Paul frowned. “A play set is more likely than a pool, sorry.”
She shrugged. “It’s your daughter. Does she like to read? Color? I know a little about her food preferences now, but does she have any allergies or take prescriptions?”
Shaking his head, he leaned forward, planting his elbows on the table. “No allergies that I know of and no prescriptions. I took her to the doctor and dentist as soon as she moved with me, and we have a follow-up dental appointment in a couple weeks. As for books, well, she likes the pictures, but she doesn’t want me to read to her.”
Jess shifted in her chair. “Hm. That’s a little odd. I’ll see what I can do.”
Every child needed to be read to. It was one of the things her grandmother made sure of when Jess was growing up. She needed to let Nan know she was back in town, too.
“So, no restrictions, per se.”
That little worry line developed between Paul’s eyebrows. “I don’t know about no restrictions. I mean, try to use common sense.”
Jess blinked, wondering if he’d actually just insulted her. She knew she looked like a beach bunny, but she couldn’t help that. “So, no skydiving or stunt car driving.”
He narrowed his bright blue eyes at her. “If you have questions, text me. All of my pertinent information is on the fridge. My hours are not always... standard, though. If the rehab center calls me, I go in.”
“I thought you were the director, or something.”
“I am,” he said with a nod. “But the safety of patients is paramount. If one goes into crisis or one of my nurses thinks I need to be there, I’ll go.”
She could admire that. “What do you mean if they go into crisis?”
He looked at her for a long moment. “The men and women that come into my rehab facility have had devastating injuries. Life-changing injuries. Multiple limb loss, traumatic brain injury. And it’s not something you can get over or get used to in just a few days. It takes months and years, and some days are just harder than others. So, when those days hit, sometimes they appreciate talking to someone who has been there.”
Jess thought about that, but refused to glance at his prosthetic arm. “I can understand that. You don’t have crisis days any more?”
Paul winced and glanced out into the yard. “I didn’t use to. I thought I’d gotten used to everything. But I’ll be honest. I’ve had a couple of rocky days since I took Ho
pe in.”
“Why?” Jess asked, leaning forward.
Paul shook his head, watching his daughter. “Not sure exactly.”
Jess wasn’t sure why, but she thought he’d just lied to her. Was this too personal for him? They had just met, really. Why did she feel a little hurt that he’d shut her down? Maybe because she was just a little fascinated with him.
“Your daughter will be fine with me,” she told him, bringing the conversation back around. “I won’t do anything with her I wouldn’t do with my own child, if I had one.”
Paul stared at her for a long moment, then nodded. “Thank you. That is reassuring.”
They went over the alarm codes and he gave her a credit card to use for expenses. “No big expenditures,” he cautioned, and she couldn’t help but grin. “Hope does need some clothes and accessories, though. I ordered her some stuff online and she refuses to wear it.”
Jess nodded. “I’ll figure out what she needs and let you know if it’s going to be super expensive.”
He gave her a look, but nodded. “I appreciate that.”
5
Jess just watched Paul and his daughter’s process that night. And she watched how they interacted with each other. Their entire relationship seemed stilted. But then, that was to be expected, right? It took longer than a couple months to get used to people. Sometimes longer. And it was hard to tell what Hope’s mother had told her about the father.
Hope seemed to be a little disconnected. But she’d been through so much. Jess couldn’t imagine living through what the little girl had in her few years of life. The only thing that seemed to bring her comfort was the dog.
Jess looked at the little creature. Hope was in the tub, so the dog was hanging around outside, and Jess took the opportunity to call the pup over to her. She was really cute. Some kind of terrier, maybe? She definitely had poodle in her. Or maybe Shih Tzu. She had springy chocolate and white fur and bright, shining dark eyes. Sophie’s tail wagged as Jess kneeled down beside her, and she lifted one paw. Then she seemed to melt to the side, giving Jess her belly. Jess scratched the little expanse of bare pink skin, smiling in spite of herself. The dog was pretty cute. She wasn’t a puppy, there were some signs of age, but she was as sweet as could be.
“Let’s go get you a treat.”
Sophie jumped to her feet and started bouncing around in excitement. Jess laughed and led the way to the kitchen. She found a cheese stick in one of the drawers and peeled the wrapper. Sophie danced on her rear legs, looking adorable. Jess broke her off a piece of the cheese, dropping it to the floor. It never hit the floor, though. Sophie caught it in her mouth and swallowed it whole.
“You’re going to choke on that,” Jess admonished, but the dog didn’t seem to listen. Reaching down, Jess picked the dog up and looked at her. “You’re not too bad, are you?”
The dog almost wiggled out of her grip trying to lick her face. “Yeah, okay, okay. I get it.”
Jess glanced around, wondering where they fed and watered the little dog. Eventually she found the bowls in Hope’s room, at the foot of the girl’s bed. There was a round pet bed near the bowls that looked brand new and never used. Jess assumed that the little dog slept with Hope.
Jess heard commotion in the bathroom and looked up in time to see Hope running out of the bathroom, wrapped in a pink towel, her hair hanging down her shoulders and still dripping. She laughed as Hope almost skidded to a halt at the sight of her in her room. “What are you doing in here?” the girl demanded.
“I was making sure Sophie had food and water,” Jess responded calmly.
That seemed to back off the little girl’s ire. “Oh. Thank you,” she whispered.
“And I was trying to figure out where your clothes were. What would you like to wear to bed?”
Jess crossed to the closet and opened it up. There had been some dresses hanging in here, but not a lot of play clothes. She watched Hope move to the closet, towel wrapped around her little body. With a direct look, she turned around and backed into the closet, closing the door behind her. For a minute, Jess was at a loss. Well, that was different.
Four seemed a little young to be so self-conscious. Why was she hiding?
“Hope? Can I come in and help you?”
There was shuffling on the other side of the door, as if she were hurriedly getting dressed. Paul came into the room, and Jess gave him a look. “Does she always hide like this?”
He nodded. “She’s never let me help her.”
Jess frowned. That was concerning. She tried the door. It opened but as soon as she started to push it open, it was snapped shut again. There were a few seconds of rustling before Hope swung it wide and came out. She wore a pair of soft cotton shorts and a purple t-shirt, and looked up at them like they were the ones acting strangely. She headed out of the bedroom, calling for Sophie.
Jess watched her go, concern running through her. As soon as Hope was far enough away, she looked up at Paul. “This is going to sound invasive and crass, and I’m not accusing you of anything, but have you ever seen your daughter naked? Did you help her in the bath?”
Paul frowned, his eyes going dark. “No. I run the bath for her, then let her do her own thing. I tried to help her once and she basically told me no, she’s been taking baths on her own for a long time. And she’s never let me help her dress. I listen outside the bathroom door, sometimes, to make sure she’s doing okay, but I’ve never… made her expose herself.”
Jess sighed, thoughts running through her mind.
“What are you thinking?” he demanded, facing her fully.
Jess gave him a slow blink. “That someone has either hurt her or shamed her into not exposing her body. She’s too young to be this self-conscious. At four, five, they’re becoming aware of their bodies, but she seems hyper-aware, and I’m not sure why.”
“Should I take her to the pediatrician for an exam?” he asked immediately.
Jess sighed. “I don’t think there’s anything physically wrong. She runs around and plays, moves right. I think something emotional is at play. Not sure it’s worth the possible added trauma of making her go through an unnecessary exam.”
Paul’s face had darkened, and his jaw was clamped. Anger radiated from him, and she knew it wasn’t because of what she’d said. It was probably because he hadn’t noticed it himself. Paul seemed to be the type to want to be in charge and on top of everything. Reaching out, she rested a hand on his bunched bicep. “It may be nothing. Give me a little while. She may just be embarrassed.”
Paul glanced down at her hand, and Jess realized how forward it might appear to be. She hadn’t meant to reach out and touch him. It had just happened. His arm was very strong, though, she noticed, the bicep straining. Drawing her hand back, she turned to look out of the room, wondering where Hope had gone.
“She likes to get a glass of milk before bed,” Paul murmured. “And some cookies.”
She gave him a grin. “Let’s go get some cookies and milk, then.”
Paul watched Jess walk out of Hope’s room, her golden legs long and strong, her narrow feet bare. He was a shoes-on kind of guy, but she seemed perfectly content in her skimpy outfit and bare toes. She was so different from anyone he’d met, and he hoped that she would bring some joy to Hope. And maybe lessen his worry a little.
Right now, his anxiety was through the roof. It wasn’t like he’d had kids before, so he’d had no idea that the way Hope was behaving was out of the ordinary. Once she’d assured him she was fine, he’d left her alone mostly. Once Jess pointed it out, though, he’d seen it as odd.
He may not agree with the way the woman dressed, but she seemed knowledgeable about kids. Didn’t she say she was one of seven?
The few visits he’d had with Hope over the years hadn’t prepared him for the child she was now. She’d always been quiet, but now she was quiet and self-sufficient and incredibly guarded.
Rubbing his hand over his eyes, he walked toward the kitchen.
> “These are lame ass cookies,” Jess told him as soon as he entered the room.
Paul scowled, not appreciating the language. It had been incredibly hard to learn to curb his tongue in front of Hope. He was about to say something when he looked at Hope. There was a glimmer in her eyes and her cheeks had lifted, as if she was about to smile. Paul hesitated, then changed tact.
“What do you consider decent cookies?” he asked instead.
Jess waved a hand in the air. “Oreos, Nutter Butters, even Archway cookies. Not these store-brand wafer things that are more air than substance. I should have grabbed some at the store.”
She shook her head at Hope. “Tomorrow we’ll have real, homemade cookies. Do you like chocolate chip? Or Snickerdoodles?”
Hope nodded her head vigorously, making Paul smile. Jess laughed as well. “Okay, we’ll pick one to make tomorrow, but not both. Can you help me cook?”
Hope’s big blue eyes rounded in her face and her mouth fell open a little. Again, she nodded her head, staring at Jess like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Let’s let Sophie out to go potty and you can finish up your snack, then head to bed.”
Hope jumped off the chair and jogged to the French doors. Sophie ran after her and outside, happy to go out. Then Hope returned to her milk and wafer cookies.
Paul watched the interaction, a little bemused. Hope had been so stalwart and quiet. More quiet than a child should be. It wasn’t normal. The counselor he was taking her to, though, said that it was normal for her to be withdrawn after what she’d been through, and all the other changes.
So, he’d been trying to be patient and give her time to get used to their new arrangement. It was hard, though. She’d been a beautiful, cheerful baby, but as she’d aged, she’d become more withdrawn. Since he hadn’t been able to see her often, the change had been very pronounced to him. Frustration had built, and he remembered sending angry texts to Hope’s mother, asking her why Hope had been so down. Tara, of course, had told him she’d been down because Hope was forced to visit him, and unfortunately, it was very easy for Paul to believe her.
