Letting out a little audible sigh, she said, "I'm tired of having to fit into the box Justine and my father built for me. My whole life has been one of restrictions. Dress modestly. No dating in high school. Go to an all-girls' college where men won't be a distraction. Kissing leads to necking which leads to other things so don't single date, and on, and on."
"Which they did so you wouldn't follow the path your mother took," Rick pointed out. "They care about you and now you resent them for it. You really owe them an apology."
"Please don't start on that again," Sophie said. "Maybe I won't screw the first guy I meet, but I'm not going back to living like a nun either."
"Yeah, I kind of got that impression," Rick said, "but a whole lot can go on short of being screwed. Do you even remember what that guy was doing when you were on his lap?"
"No, and I don't need a reminder."
"I think you do," Rick said. "You were about to let some nameless guy have sex with you because you were having a tough time at home. But this thing with you right now isn't about sex. It's about you destroying yourself to get back at your mother. And yes, Justine is your mother. She's been there for you since you were five."
"You just don't understand," Sophie, said, "and I don't feel like trying to explain it. It's too complicated and too exhausting."
Rick didn't respond, but after a stretch of silence, he said, "If you don't want to talk to me about this then I suggest you get counseling."
"I suggest you get counseling," Sophie mimicked in a sing-song voice, then wondered why she reacted to Rick that way, when all he was doing was trying to help. But she didn't want Rick as a psychologist or a brother. The problem was, she didn't know how she wanted him.
"This is going nowhere," Rick grumbled. He climbed out of the pool and tugged his tee shirt over his wet torso then shoved his legs into his jeans, and said, "Meanwhile, we need to get your car and your things from my mother's place."
"Don't bother," Sophie said. "I already told you I'm staying with her." She stretched her arm out of the pool and reached for the towel, but before she could ask Rick to turn around so she could get out, his back was to her, but not before she caught the look of disgust on his face.
"I'm sorry I'm a disappointment to you," she said, as she was drying off, "but I'm tired of living a life that isn't mine. Maybe the alcohol and pot made me a little uninhibited last night, and I did things I normally wouldn't do, but it was also sort of an awakening for me."
"Yeah, it was for me too," Rick said. "I'll wait for you in my truck." He left the cavern and started down the trail.
And for the first time since she'd known Rick, Sophie realized she no longer had him dancing to her tune. She got the distinct impression that she no longer had him at all. It was a very sobering thought.
CHAPTER 3
When Rick returned to the house after leaving Sophie with his mother, he found his step-sister, Becca, sitting in the living room nursing the baby. He saw her first through the porch window as he'd approached, and he stood for a moment to take in the sight of her. It was a quiet scene, Becca and her baby, much like it was when Aunt Grace had a new baby. He could see the love and devotion on Becca's face as she looked down at her daughter, who looked up as she nursed, and who had already bonded with her mother.
Then there were women like his mother, who should never be a mother.
He wondered how far back his mother's trail of men went, and if it started by getting high and hanging around the if-it-feels-good-do-it crowd. Sophie seemed to have no remorse over what happened at the party , or the way she'd acted after he'd thrown her in the shower. Maybe that's what bothered him most. She appeared to have no regrets.
She also seemed comfortably settled at his mother's place and had no reservations about what was going on there, which also seemed a part of the new uninhibited Sophie. It was a disturbing and sobering thought, Sophie being dragged down the same path with his mother, except that Sophie was twenty-three and making her own decisions, so instead of being dragged, she was accompanying her mother down that path.
When he stepped into the house, Becca must have seen the concern on his face because she looked at him worriedly and said. "Are you okay? Dad told me about Sophie showing up and it sounds pretty serious. Where is she now?"
"That's the problem," Rick said, lowering himself into a chair across the coffee table from Becca. "She's with my mother."
"What is it like over there?" Becca asked, not in an accusing way, only curious.
Rick wasn't sure he wanted to get into this with Becca, but she was the closest person to him at the ranch, more like an actual sister than a step-sister, so he said, "My mother's latest live-in's a whole lot younger than she is and she also drinks too much. Whenever I stop by she always has a glass of wine sitting somewhere. She claims it helps stabilize her blood pressure."
"Maybe it does," Becca said, being the eternal optimist.
Rick let out a short, cynical laugh. "My mother works out all the time to keep in shape. I guarantee she's not drinking to stabilize her blood pressure, but Sophie was drinking too."
Becca looked up from the baby, and her face showed concern. Then her expression changed, and she said, "I'm sure Sophie can handle a glass of wine. She's a sensible girl."
Rick was on the verge of telling her that they weren't talking about one glass of wine, but that Sophie had been both drunk and high at the party and didn't care what she did or who she did it with, but it was too new and too raw to talk about, even with Becca.
"Where will Sophie be staying?" Becca asked. "Aunt Grace and Uncle Jack have a house full with the boys home from college, and with the lodge and the cabins full, and me here with Lindsey... Will you give Sophie your room?"
"Like I said, she's staying with my mom. It's the worst possible place for her right now, but there's nothing I can do about it. I learned early on that Sophie can't be budged if she doesn't want to be. Right now she's mad at her parents, and she's doing whatever it takes to get back at them. Being with my mother will feed into that."
Becca gave a little shrug, and said, "You've been in love with Sophie for years. You rarely dated in high school, and in college you told me you didn't date much because you were studying all the time, but I know it's because of Sophie. Maybe it's time to let her go."
"I already have," Rick said, his words seeming to make it a reality, "but I won't turn my back on her now. If she's determined to mess up her life then I'll be there to pick up the pieces."
"Picking up the pieces might get her to marry you," Becca said, "but is that the kind of woman you want for a wife, someone who turns to drugs, drinking and sex to get through tough times? Sophie's been coming here each summer for years, and we all love her like she's part of the family, but that doesn't mean she'd make a good wife for you or a mother for your children."
Into Rick's mind came the image of Sophie sprawled across some nameless guy's lap with his mouth covering hers and his hands getting her ready for sex and her enjoying it, followed by the image of Sophie standing in front of him after the shower, challenging him to have sex with her. No love, just sex because she'd learned something bad about her step-mother. It was a sobering thought, Sophie turning to booze and men to resolve her problems.
"Why is she so angry?" Becca asked. "Dad didn't say, only that she'd had a falling out with her parents and took off in her car and drove straight here. I might have expected that when she was a teenager and going through a rebellion against house rules, but she's long past that, and things always seemed to be good between her and her folks."
Deciding that Becca was an adult who would be discrete, he relayed to her what Sophie learned about Justine, and added, "Sophie's trying to come to terms with it but right now she's confused and vulnerable and needs me even though she doesn't realize it."
"Actually, Rick, you need her to need you, because that might be the only way you'll get her," Becca said. "Take some advice from a big sister who cares. Find a woman who n
eeds you because you make her feel things she's never felt before, and because she can't imagine life without you because you're the center of her world. That's the way I feel about Chase, and it didn't take a lifetime of knowing him to realize he was right for me. You have to ask yourself why, after knowing each other since you and Sophie were children, Sophie doesn't feel about you the way you feel about her. Maybe it's just not meant to be a romantic relationship."
Rick said nothing because Becca was right. He just couldn't seem to let that reality sink in.
***
The following afternoon, when Sophie stopped by Rick's folks to talk to his step-mother, Jayne, about working at the ranch, she was surprised to find Rick at the house. His truck had been parked at the barn, so she thought he was there, but when he opened the door to her knocking, he gave no indication that he was glad to see her, but simply stepped back for her to enter, then returned to sit on the couch in front of the coffee table, which was covered by a spread of textbooks, notebooks and papers. But before he returned to his studies, he eyed her with curiosity, and said, "Are you going somewhere?"
"No, just here," Sophie replied. "Your mother took me shopping." She turned in a slow circle to display her black slacks and modest white jersey top and olive blazer with rolled-back cuffs in a contrasting shade of darker olive. "What do you think?"
For a few moments Rick said nothing, just sat staring at her, brows gathered, a look of disquiet on his face. Then his gaze roamed the length of her and he said, "What do I think about what? The outfit? Or my mother taking you shopping?" There was a definite edge to his tone.
"Both," Sophie replied. Uncertain whether to draw up a chair and sit down or remain standing and wait to see if she was welcome, she braced her hands on her hips and opted for the latter. After a few moments, when Rick still said nothing, she said, "Well?"
"The outfit's fine," Rick replied. "At least you don't look like a hooker, which is surprising since it was my mother who took you shopping."
Sophie felt her temper rise. "Why do you turn everything your mother does into a negative? She was trying to be nice to me because you and I are friends and she wants to please you. Is that so hard for you to understand?"
"Most of the things my mother does are hard for me to understand," Rick said. "Do you plan to continue staying with her?"
"For a while, yes. I actually enjoy being with her," Sophie replied. "We went to a little deli for lunch and then we went to a salon and had facials, and your mother was everything you believe she's not. She was actually more of a mother to me than Justine, who would never have taken me to have a facial. She's also like a mother to Kenny, who's having a hard time at home. She's helping him get caught up on school work through a summer program, and she gives him jobs around the gym and lets him use the equipment, which is good because he's only seventeen and he could be getting into a lot of trouble."
"Yeah, I imagine staying with my mother works for him too," Rick said.
Sophie was annoyed with Rick's continued hostility towards his mother, which didn't seem warranted. She was, after all, his mother, and she'd had nothing but kind and loving words about Rick. "You resent your mother because she lives with men, but she and Don are just like a married couple. Don is very sweet to her, doing things the average man wouldn't do, like helping her bring in the groceries and massaging her neck and shoulders after she'd been working out."
"Yeah, I imagine he'd do that for free room, board and sex," Rick replied.
"Look, I didn't come here to hash over your resentment towards your mother," Sophie said. "I came to talk to your folks about working on the ranch. Do you know where they are?"
Rick shrugged. "My dad's at the winery and Jayne and Becca are across the way with Aunt Grace. Incidentally, you might want to go over there and tell everyone hello. They're wondering why you haven't, and I didn't want to pass on to them that since you arrived you've been too drunk to communicate." He went back to what he was doing, as if she weren't there.
"Not everyone's perfect like you," Sophie shot back, then immediately wanted to retract her words. Rick had never held himself out to be perfect, yet of all the men she'd ever known, he was about as perfect as a man could be. She'd never really thought of him that way before, but Rick had always used his head when making decisions. She tended to act on impulse. She also felt the first stab of remorse for her actions, not for leaving California after learning about Justine's seedy past, but because Rick looked at her differently now. Actually, he didn't seem to notice her at all and that bothered her more than she might have expected. She'd always been the focus of his attention when she visited the ranch, and she took it for granted.
"I'm far from perfect," Rick said, "but when things gets tough, I'll never turn to pot, booze or sex to solve the problem."
Sophie said nothing, but as she stared at Rick, who was looking steadily back at her, she saw in him a man who'd one day be the backbone of his family, who'd stay by his wife for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. A grown man now. Not Rick the boy she'd known over the years. He was also a man who’d choose carefully when selecting a wife, and in only two days, she'd shown him that Sophie Meecham was exactly what he didn't want. "Maybe it would be best for me to leave here and not come back," she said, testing.
Rick sat back and folded his arms. "No, it would be best for you to go back to San Francisco and square things away with your family, and then come back."
Sophie knew she couldn't do that, not right now. "You expect me to rush back to Justine and hug her and tell her it's okay that she had sex with her professor in order to become valedictorian, and it was fine that she slept with anyone and everyone to get where she wanted to go. How is that different from your mother living with a man she cares about, who also cares about her?"
"My mother doesn't care about the guy she's with," Rick said. "All she wants from him is what's in his pants."
Sophie didn't like Rick's straight talk. He'd never been like that with her before and it wasn't the way things should be with them, but she couldn't fault him either since she'd been the one to lay things out in words she never used. "You haven't been around your mother when she's with Don," she said, hoping he'd at least try to understand his mother, who Sophie found sweet, and very enjoyable to be with. "Unlike Justine and the men she slept with, your mother has nothing to gain by being with Don. The problem with you is you're still angry and bitter because years ago, your mother did the unthinkable and left your father for another man."
The expression on Rick's face told her any further discussion about his mother was closed, and Sophie had no intention of challenging him. But while she was deliberating whether to leave, or to wait for Jayne, the front door swept open, and Jayne stepped inside.
Spotting Sophie, Jayne walked over and gave her a hug. Then she stepped back, holding both of Sophie's hands at arm’s length, and said, "You look wonderful, honey, and now you've graduated from college and you look like a young business woman. I love the outfit."
Sophie glanced at Rick, who’d returned to his books, then said to Jayne, "I'm glad someone does." When Rick didn't acknowledge her remark, she knew all the feelings he once had for her had died. Yet, when she'd selected the outfit, she'd had him in mind, hoping he'd view her as he had before, with affection and appreciation. Now, all he felt was disgust.
Jayne's gaze shifted between Rick and Sophie, then she looked at Sophie, and said, "Honey, I know you've had a falling out with your parents, and I don't intend to lecture you or interfere in any way because you're the one who has to sort through it and come to terms with it, but until you do, you're welcome to help me with the ranch guests. It would give you some experience in business to add to your resume, and with Adam and Emily's wedding coming in less than a month, you could help with that too."
Sophie always felt deep affection for Rick's stepmother, and for his dad, and Aunt Grace and Uncle Jack, and Grandma Maureen. Actually, she'd felt affection for everyone at the ranch, inclu
ding the pack of Hansen boys who kidded her like she was their big sister, and for Maddy who was a gem of a little girl, who was also the heart of her six big brothers' affectionate teasing, and the apple of her daddy's eye. Over the years she'd wanted to be a member of a big happy family like theirs, and she'd told Rick early on that she wanted lots of kids someday, but made no commitment as to who the father would be.
"Honey?" Jayne said, when Sophie didn't respond.
"Oh, sorry. I was a little distracted," Sophie replied. "And yes, I'd love to help with the wedding. When should I start?"
"Anytime. You're welcome to stay with us until Grandma Maureen returns from visiting her brother. I know she'd love to have you stay with her. Until then, Rick won't mind sleeping on the couch." She looked at Rick and waited for his response.
Rick glanced up and shrugged. "That's fine," he said, then went back to studying.
Sophie started to say, don't put yourself out on my account, but said instead, "I'm okay where I am." Rick never looked up, but Sophie saw the disgusted look on his face.
Jayne gave Sophie anther hug, and said, "I have to round up the ranch guests and lead them to the barn for a trail ride, but when you're ready to start work, come to the lodge and we'll take it from there." She let herself out through the kitchen.
Sophie was about to leave too, when she glanced out the front window and saw a truck pull up and was surprised to see Buzz Newman get out. He stood with his hands on his hips, looking at the house for a few moments, then started toward it.
Hearing footsteps on the front porch, Rick glanced up from what he was doing and went to the door. Finding Buzz standing there, he said, "What do you want, Newman?"
"I'm looking for Sophie," Buzz replied, "Your mother told me she was here."
"She's not here to you," Rick said.
Buzz raised his palms outward in a kind of submissive gesture, and said, "Look, I'm not here to cause trouble, I just want to see Sophie. And I'm not the wild guy I was in high school. The party was kind of a get-together for old times sake, but we're all beyond that now."
Uncertain Loyalties (Dancing Moon Ranch Book 4) Page 4
