by Leanne Davis
My decision made, later that night, I enter one of my favorite bars. It’s late. After eleven o’clock. I don’t intend to drink too much and strike up a conversation with two women who appear to be friends. I’m interested in either or both. The one named Riaan seems more receptive to my flirting.
I offer to escort her home. She likes my car. I always enjoy showing it off. I all but inwardly groan at her boorish comment and crude adoration. We enter her apartment, and I decide she’s in college. Not much money. We land on her couch after the usual pleasantries and get down to kissing. It’s good, wet and wild, and it doesn’t take long for our hands to wander. Then, fuck! I suddenly push her back, shoving her off me. It feels all wrong. Inexplicably wrong. Her spit tastes foul in my mouth. Her hands irritate my skin, like dozens of mosquito bites. No. Just no. Everything sours. She isn’t right at all. This ain’t right either. I don’t want her anywhere near me.
“What the hell?” she asks, sounding offended as she should be. But I don’t even look at her, I’m so lost in my thoughts. What is happening to me? Something very new and surprising, but I know I can’t do this with her. I hop onto my feet and glance down at her. Her hair is all messed up, the top of her dress is off kilter and her bra is showing. Nothing. I feel nothing. No stirring of hormones inside me. No hot dick or any hardening. Fuck. What if I’m impotent? From what? Not doing it for so long? From Claudia? It makes no sense. But the only thing I do know is I don’t want to be here. With her. A stranger.
“I’m sorry. I’m such a jerk, and I’m still getting over… someone…” Or is it something? Is it about Claudia and me? That makes no sense. I ended it. Or am I still getting over Ireena? Sure. Yes. That’s been it all along. I’m trying to overcome the betrayal of the woman I loved. That has more merit than something I brought on myself.
I leave, wanting to call someone just to talk this shit out. I want to call Claudia, but I can’t. I grimace as I mimic Cooper in a nasty voice, “Because she’s with Cooper.” I slam my hand on the steering wheel. Fuck Cooper. And fuck me for caring that she’s with him.
I had a million friends in college. I don’t contact most of them anymore because they were also friends with my brother. We were a packaged set, Devon and Damion, and we kind of hung out with friends and acquaintances as a set, even with Ireena. Since then, the humiliation became too much for me. So, I never called any of them. I just hunkered down and stayed by myself. I occasionally saw Claudia, of course. I focused on my work. I went out a lot, but it was mostly frivolous. Too much drinking and flirting with women who wanted a night out like me. Never really hanging out. How did I fail to realize how much my friends had pared down to only Claudia during the last eighteen months? She’d become my work partner, after work hang-out and fun companion.
I never paid any attention to my narrowed down list of friends. After I ended my social life with my girlfriend and my twin brother, I practically ignored my former friends. Not just the long-term childhood friends but also the newer college friends. All of them were tied up with Damion.
And to soothe my ravaged soul, I always counted on Claudia. How did I miss how exclusive we were? She was there. Always right there. Smiles. Sarcasm. Annoyance. Kindness. Irritation. Excitement. How did I miss all that? And how much I now completely miss her from my daily life.
How did I let Cooper get to enjoy all that is Claudia and I’m left with nothing?
Chapter 8
CLAUDIA
It’s only a few weeks later when Gia calls out that there is a call for me. I pick up the receiver with a, “Hello. This is Claudia, how can I help you?”
“Claudia? It’s Damion. I was actually looking for Devon. They transferred me to you. I… fuck. I don’t know what to do.”
An eerie tingle bolts down my spine, and I stiffen in response. Something is obviously not right. Or is Damion just making another epic attempt to bridge the gap he created between him and his brother? “What’s going on?”
“I’m at the hospital.” Well, crap. No other word in the English language could be more sobering to a situation than saying hospital, right? I immediately leap to my feet and look for my coat and purse. I have to be ready for whatever is required of me.
“What happened?”
“It’s… it’s Ireena. She… I can’t believe this… She had a heart attack. They just rushed her into surgery. I don’t know how this could be. Or… or what it means… I… Devon… I don’t know what to do, Claudia.”
I shudder with the news. Shit! No! What? It doesn’t compute. “I’ll find him. He was supposed to be meeting with a client. We’ll be there shortly. Are you at the city hospital?”
“Yeah. Yes. Okay… then… okay…” He sounds so absent-minded and confused. Exactly how I feel. As I hang up, I am already out of my office. I tell Gia I have an emergency and ask her to hold all my calls and postpone any appointments. Then I think some more about it and decide to close the entire office down for the rest of the day. I tell her I’ll let her know about tomorrow.
I dial Devon’s cell phone but he doesn’t answer. I leave texts that say there’s an emergency. If he’s deliberately ignoring me, I feel sure that will make him answer my next call. My heart is pumping hard, but I ignore it. Hands shaking as I glance at my contacts, I call Chloe. Again, no answer. I leave a message asking her to please call me back.
Only when I’m accelerating out of the parking lot does Devon’s ringtone fill my car. I pull over.
“Hey, is the place on fire already without me?”
“No.” My voice shakes. I’m borderline angry but mostly just overcome with stress of the unknown.
“What’s wrong?”
“Damion called from the hospital. Ireena… he said she had a heart attack. I’m on my way over there. He just got there so I don’t have any details. He called the office and asked for you first. Before anyone else.”
Silence. A long, dead silence. The moments are rapidly ticking by, and I need to get on the road, but I can’t drive and talk to him right now. I’m close to feeling overwhelmed and starting to tremble, but I press one hand on my chest to keep myself calm. I squeeze my eyes shut, oh, please answer, Devon, I chant to myself. Don’t hang up. Please come to the hospital and be there for your brother. This is entirely different, and it goes way beyond their dispute over the last year-and-a-half.
“Devon?”
“How can I help him?”
“Devon! Don’t be like that. You can’t do that to him. Not when he needs you. This goes way beyond your petty feud.”
Silence. Then, “Claudia, I told you when we parted ways—”
Distracted, I snarl, “What? What did you tell me? To go away? Well, I did, and I’m quite happy. This isn’t about you. Or me and you. Or your pain and suffering. This concerns a real person, your flesh and blood, who is hurt. Dammit, do I have to beg you to get your stupid ass over there, too?” I rub my head and realize I am overreacting. I’m making it personal when Devon isn’t. But I sling my shit at him anyway.
Tension and anticipation fill the atmosphere. He’s so quiet, I finally snap and say, “Did you hear me?”
“Yeah. Yes. I’ll be there.”
I press a fist between my breasts, and the tightness in my chest is new and unpleasant for me. I’ve never felt that before. I slowly breathe in more air as I try to relax the physical tightness of my body. My head is spinning. But it isn’t about me. It’s about my friend who is overcome right now by shock, grief, and traumatic pain.
I sprint across the parking lot before flying through the admittance to the ER. I text Damion and a minute later, he instructs me where to go. I find him in the corner of an empty waiting room. He sits in a chair near some windows close to the hallway. No one else is around. I see a drinking fountain a few feet past him and a closed beige door at the side of him.
“Damion?”
He jerks upright and his right knee starts to jiggle up and down. Leaning forward, he stares at his toes and he looks distracted. I
rush to his side and stop to ask him, “Damion? What happened to her?” I speak softly and gently.
He doesn’t look up but shakes his head. “Ireena…”
I sit down in the chair next to him and set my hands on his wrist, intertwining his fingers with mine. “Damion? Is Ireena okay?”
He glances over at me, and his eyes are moist and red, which he tries to blink away. He shakes his head over and over again. “No. She’s not. I don’t know if she will recover…”
He starts rubbing his hairline. My head spins out of control and I feel dizzy and nauseated almost instantly. He can’t be serious. I’m practically floating out of my body. This isn’t happening. No! Ireena is a bitch. It’s okay to dislike her because she hurt Devon so terribly, and I care for him. Out of loyalty to Devon, I can hate her. She ripped through the Willapana family like a kid opening a Christmas present, changing it forever. But hearing about what happened to her isn’t what I want either. Is she hurt very badly? I shudder as my thought floats through my brain. Is she dying?
She can’t die.
It doesn’t make any sense.
“Damion?” He doesn’t seem to hear me. I reach out and touch his hand. Gently, I ask, “Damion, what else did they say?”
He glances up. “Is Devon here? I need… I need him. Tell me that he’ll be here.”
My throat closes up. Shit! This just might be the real thing. It might have actually happened. Damion is totally out of it.
I rub his hand and say, “He’s not in town right now. He was out with a client but he’s on his way back. Can you tell me what happened?”
He looks at me. His expression is vacant and he seems unable to focus his pupils on me. “She… I mean, they think she had a heart attack at work. She was alone in her office, however, so they don’t know how long she was down. The medics resuscitated her before they rushed her into surgery. That’s all, nobody knows anything else.”
All words of comfort escape me. My vocabulary is too limited for me to figure out the right thing to say. I grip him harder, threading our fingers and tracing the outside of his hand. He keeps shaking his head. “I was at work, too. She collapsed, and a co-worker called for an ambulance. The co-worker and the hospital both called me, so I rushed over here.” He’s shaking a lot now. His entire body is convulsing. He keeps running his other hand over his head.
“What did they say when you got here?”
His gaze meets mine, and his round eyes are filled with shock. “She’s in emergency surgery. They’re not sure what happened or why. They told me she had a massive heart attack, but it’s something else. Claudia, they had to revive her. You know? Using a defibrillator and all that? What the fuck?” His hands tremble as he rubs his temples. His thoughts are so disjointed and rambling. “I don’t know what to do now. Just wait? Pray? I’m doing that, but the longer I sit here, the crazier and more unreal this feels. She’s so young, how could this be happening? This can’t be happening to a twenty-seven-year-old mother.” His head starts shaking as he drops his forehead into his hands, resting his elbows on his knees.
My stomach drops like an anchor. Has he called anyone else? He’s so out of it, he seems zombie-like. I wipe my own tears away and wrap my arm around his wide shoulders, I pull him against me. He buries his nose in the crook of my neck and starts to cry. He allows himself to succumb to the uncontrollable waterworks. I don’t know what to do. There is nothing for me to say. So I just let him cry. I quietly wait for him to get over his initial shock. My heart is twisting in my chest but my brain is spinning with temporary solutions. I let Damion take his time as he rests his head on my shoulder. I swear, it seems like he hasn’t registered what happened. I have the same problem; I can’t believe it either.
Ireena suffered a massive heart attack? What the hell? This can’t be real, or can it?
I am still puzzled about my role in this. “I should…” I start to say, and Damion lifts his tortured gaze to look at me. “What should I do?”
I take his hand. “Just wait. Stay with me.”
He nods, rubbing his hair with his other hand.
We descend into complete quiet. So many issues to discuss and subjects I am longing to inquire about, but Damion isn’t able to handle anything. So we sit in silence.
Guilt gnaws away at my gut. Ireena had a heart attack? Will they put a stent in her artery? Emergency surgery… It doesn’t compute. It’s horrific. She’s hurt. Badly. I glance at Damion and wonder if it’s a case of when she gets better or if?
My guilt overcomes me, even though she is one of my least favorite people. I would never wish any harm to befall her and certainly not this. I’m stunned, too. My dread ripples through me as I try to remember the last contact I had with Damion. It was when I told him I refused to continue to mediate between Devon and him. I said I was sick and tired of the petty fighting.
“I’m going to check in with the nurse again. I should let them know where you are.”
Damion slumps forward. I touch his shoulder, and he sits upright. He looks up at me. “Devon?”
“Don’t worry, he’s coming.” I wonder what he expects Devon to do for him? How can Devon improve the situation? I’m not sure.
“I need to get Dayshia. I have to call Ireena’s parents… and… and…” He glances up at me helplessly as if I, alone, possess a strategy for accomplishing those things. I realize then that he needs me; he doesn’t know what to do. Ireena’s dad and stepmother live on the east coast and are barely in touch with Ireena.
“I’ll see that Dayshia is well taken care of for the rest of the day and tonight. Then we’ll figure something out. I’ll call your parents. Okay? Let’s start there.”
I rise, but he tugs on my hand. I glance back down at him, raising my eyebrows as I wait with him.
“How do I tell her? How can I ever tell my baby girl—our baby girl—if something awful happens to her mother? How can I? What are the words that will keep it from ruining her life forever?”
I grip his hand and set my other one on top of his before squeezing it hard. “You don’t. Not yet. You speak in gentle words and try to soothe her confusion now. She’s very young. She won’t ask for any details. And then, as time passes, things will become clearer and you’ll find the right words. You’ll know what they are and how to say them. I promise.”
I have no idea how to answer him, so I pull that little morsel right out of my ass. I have so little experience with babies. I can’t imagine how to explain to a child that her mom is gone forever from her life. I can’t think about it or care about it now. I need to stay calm so I can deal with this the way I should. If I remain calm, I can do whatever needs to be done.
I take out my cell phone and click through my contacts until I find Kaeja’s number. She works in graphic design and Tamasy Industries has used her services before. She answers on the first ring.
“Claudia?”
“Yes. Um… this might sound crazy, but I’m at the hospital right now with Damion. He’s here because of Ireena. Apparently, she had a—a heart attack.”
Kaeja reacts with shock before she starts to cry. “No! Oh, no. Ireena? What? This is too crazy. She’s so young and healthy. Claudia, are you absolutely sure?”
“That’s what Damion told me.”
“How’s Damion taking it?”
“He’s still pretty numb, I think, and desperate to find Devon. He’s investing a lot in Devon, as if he can do something to improve the situation.”
“But this doesn’t make any sense. I can’t believe it. What can we do to help?”
“Please, just take care of Dayshia. I’ll call as soon as I know anything. Damion and I are the only ones at the hospital right now. I feel like I need to stay here for Ireena and Damion.”
“I should be there. Not only for Damion, but for Ireena, too. She’s my oldest friend.”
“Damion needs to know that Dayshia is okay right now and safe, you know what I mean? And since there’s no one Dayshia’s more comfortable with
than you…” I frown and stare at my phone, realizing the truth of the statement. She seems more content with Kaeja than Ireena, which is weird. But they are such good friends that Kaeja takes care of Dayshia several days a week when she works from home.
“I’m sorry to drop this on you so unexpectedly and hang up but I need to contact his parents, as well as Ireena’s and… well, can you keep Dayshia for a day or two?”
“Of course. Yes. I’ll keep her.”
“Thank you.”
“Please tell Damion…” She sighs and begins to cry softly.
“I know. The words escape me, too, but we have to find something to say to him, right?”
After a few more moments of sad goodbyes and promises to keep in touch, I call Chloe. She answers right away this time. “Oh, hey, honey. I just got your message and was getting ready to call you. Is this about Mother’s Day? I—"
She’s always cheerful and gives me a warm hello. What is she expecting from me? Am I inquiring about setting up a date for lunch with her and Aunt Tara? It’s been too long since I saw them. I like to do that sometimes. They were always my favorites growing up. I adore both ladies and value their friendship. I might just tag along with them as I often did in the past.
“Chloe? Something happened.”
Her voice sounds too tense. “What?”
“I’m with Damion right now at the hospital. He’s okay and Dayshia is with Kaeja, but… Ireena had a massive heart attack.”
Again, I hear the same shocked replies and denials. No one wants to believe any of this. None of this seems real. I go on autopilot to finish reporting what I know. I repeat how Damion is and who knows what. She hangs up, promising that she and Chet will be there as soon as possible.
