by Eden Beck
Not with the heat flooding through me.
“I just wanted to do that before you got the blanket,” he says with a grin.
I reluctantly get up from the bed, taking the empty cups with me to clean up as I go and set them on the desk. By the time I retrieve another blanket and come back to the bed, hoping to cozy up with Chase some more, it’s too late.
Chase is already fast asleep. He’s wrapped the soft blanket around him, slouched over against the wall, and is softly snoring.
A good thing too, because if we’re going to spend the rest of the break here together holed up in my room, I’m going to have to be careful. I don’t want to do anything I might regret.
Not so fast. Not until I know, for sure, that he can hold his own once Warren and Sterling are back at the end of break. I’ve already seen once before what they can turn him into.
That still doesn’t stop me from sliding back into the bed next to him and pulling the blanket up around me. I fall asleep as I listen to his steady breathing next to my ear.
Chapter Sixteen
The next couple of days are calm and uneventful—almost too uneventful, if I’m being honest with myself.
A part of me wonders what’s going to happen after this. What’s going to happen when the break is over again? I guess I wonder whether things will be different now that we’ve spent this great weekend together, like whether we might actually be friends … or maybe even more.
When Monday morning arrives, there’s no shortage of buzz on campus with everyone returning back from break and getting ready to plunge ahead toward the holidays and exams. The winter semester has a lot of exciting and important events here on campus that none of us are truly immune to.
Chase seems to be on board with all of it, but the only one that I’m really looking forward to is the gala.
I want to make sure I do everything in my power to make the best first impressions on the review board and solidify my chances to getting out of here early. Even if just thinking about it makes that new, nagging pit form in my stomach.
A mere minutes after Chase leaves my room Monday morning, Bridget walks back in, which means that both she and Warren have returned from break. I haven’t stopped thinking about what Chase said.
I wish Warren had just been honest with me earlier on in the semester. Knowing what I do now, that I’ve been keeping him from his tutoring sessions by not covering for him during our volunteering assignment, it kind of makes me feel like an asshole.
An asshole who didn’t know any better, but an asshole still.
“How was it?” Bridget asks as she flops her suitcase down on her bed. “Spending the break alone I mean.”
I’m sure that she is expecting to hear about how horrible and lonely it was for me to be here all by myself on a holiday break while everyone else was with their families, enjoying king-sized meals and adult conversation.
“It was good,” I say flatly, but I can’t help a small smile from forming. I should be able to help from slipping up and telling her the next part too, but I can’t. “Besides, I wasn’t totally alone—Chase was here too.”
“He was?” she asks with a look of utter shock on her face. “And did the two of you hang out together?”
I can tell by the look on her face that she is obviously just trying to pry and stir up trouble.
“Not much,” I answer. “I had a lot of schoolwork to do and I think Chase did too.”
Bridget bursts into laughter.
“That’s rich,” she says with a laugh. “Chase taking anything seriously, especially schoolwork, is definitely a joke.”
I feel both bad and strangely satisfied. I feel bad for Chase that it seems as if no one really knows who he truly is … but then again, no one really knows who I truly am either. And honestly, I like it that way.
If my time here at Ridgecrest has taught me anything, it’s that it makes it a lot easier to be myself in secret without running the risk of having to deal with anyone else’s perception of me.
It makes me feel oddly good that I seem to know more about Chase as a person than his best friend’s sister does. I’m also willing to bet that I might even know more about him now than Warren does.
Those guys might all be friends, but I think there are parts and pieces that they hide from each other, just as they try to hide things from everyone else. It’s probably a learned trait that emerged when dealing with their own parents and families—another thing that we have in common.
We are all beautifully dysfunctional, and I’m now starting to see that a lot of their nasty behavior is nothing more than a mask.
Just like my own, I suppose.
“Well, I guess it’s back to school and back to work now,” Bridget sighs. “I really wish we could just skip ahead to the parties. Tell my brother I said hello.”
She smirks at me and flounces back out of the room. She just got back from seeing her brother, so that is just a dig at the fact that I have to go to my volunteer shift with him this afternoon and I’m betting that he’s in a foul mood about having to go to it. Especially with exams coming up and him needing to meet with his tutor.
Not that he knows I know that.
I’m sure he’d be in an even more foul mood if he did.
But that’s just something I’m going to have to risk.
My time with Chase over break has made me determined to be better. To do better. I’m not ready to let my past tormenters off the hook entirely—but I can be careful not to stoop to their level.
Alaska tried to warn me about this earlier. I just wasn’t ready to listen then.
I am now.
“Hey,” I say when I see Warren in the hallway between classes. Unlike last term, when we shared most of our classes together, I haven’t had to deal with him—or much of the others—during any of my classes this time around. I walk up behind him to tap him on the shoulder. My class is actually in the other direction, but I need to get this over with while I still have the balls to do it.
And before he or anyone else can make me change my mind.
“I’ll cover your volunteer shift today,” I say, trying to keep my voice as matter-of-fact as possible.
I’m not expecting a smile or even a thank you. I’m simply expecting for him not to act like a complete ass.
“Why would you do that?” he asks, eyeing me warily. “Since when do you want to let me off the hook for no reason?”
Maybe I was expecting a little too much.
It’s all I can do to keep my voice steady. “I just thought that I could maybe help out a little this time and cover you.”
“Help out?” he asks with a raised eyebrow. “With what?”
“With your shift,” I say. Geez, why is he making this so hard? Why doesn’t he just say thanks and move on? “I just thought that since I’m going to be there anyway, and since you probably have more important things to do; that I could help out. It’s not a big deal.”
I don’t have time to sit here and spell it out for him, so I turn to start walking back in the other direction. There’s really no need for me to wait for a response from him anyway, but I only make it a few steps before I feel a hand pull my shoulder back and see that Warren has chased after me.
“Who told you?” he asks with a furious look in his eyes.
“Told me what?” I ask, knowing full well my voice doesn’t sound as convincingly confused as I mean it to.
Damn.
Chase is going to think that I betrayed him by telling Warren what we talked about.
“I’m going to kill him,” Warren growls as he shakes his head.
“Kill who?” I ask feigning ignorance.
“Chase,” he spits at me. “But you already know who, don’t you? I can’t believe that he told you. What kind of friend does something like that? And who do you think you are waving it around in my face like that?”
“What are you even talking about?” I say, still hoping to be able to backpedal out of this. I shouldn’t be
having to backpedal.
I was trying to do something nice.
But I should have known Warren wouldn’t take it that way. Couldn’t take it that way.
Not, at least, from me.
“You’re such a—”
I don’t let him finish.
“Such a what, Warren? You can’t even see past your own self,” I snap back. “Chase is a good friend to you, and I have no idea what you’re talking about. But even if I did, I would tell you to stop trying to blame all of your friends—and even me—for all of your problems. We all have problems, Warren. You’re no different from me, or Chase, or anyone else here.”
There’s a different look in his eyes now. It’s still one of anger but there is something else there now too. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s a little bit like the look Warren had when he broke the cutlery in the lunchroom.
It’s mad, and protective, and … and unless I’m mistaken, more than a little ashamed.
“You think that we’re all the same?” he asks, his voice suddenly quiet.
I can tell instantly that question is rhetorical, so I keep my mouth shut.
“We are so far from being the same that we might as well be planets on completely different sides of the universe. You have no idea what you’re even talking about, Aubrey. As usual, you are letting your mouth run before your brain has a chance to reign it back in. In fact, I think that maybe you even—”
I’m not sure what in the world comes over me now. I don’t know how it happens, or what prompts me to even act on it.
But as I am standing there watching Warren come unraveled, something inside of me gives. He looks raw and pulled open, as if I have somehow been able to expose a true part of himself that he has been trying to keep hidden and covered up with this fake “asshole mask.” A mask that’s easier for him to throw on his face to cover himself than it is to let anyone see who he really is inside.
He looks upset at the thought that his friend might have betrayed his embarrassing secret.
He looks ashamed that his “flaw” which has been so scorned by his family might have leaked out into the hands of a girl that he doesn’t think he can trust.
And he also looks like he’s struggling within himself and trying to keep himself from exploding into a fit of something—rage, passion, some sort of angsty emotion that he is trying desperately to keep bottled up. I’m not sure what it is, but somehow, I feel it too.
So, I don’t even think, I just act.
And before I can stop myself or tell myself that it’s a really impulsive and most likely very bad idea—I kiss him.
I kiss Warren.
I reach my hands up to Warren’s face and pull him toward me and put my mouth on his. I press my lips against his and I am so swept up with emotion and a sudden longing for him, that I slide my tongue into his open mouth and kiss him with all of the pent-up angst that I didn’t even know I’d been holding onto.
And the craziest part is—Warren doesn’t push me away.
In fact, not only does he not push me away, but his tongue encircles mine. For a moment, I close my eyes and think about how wonderful this feels. And for a moment, I think about how wrong I might have been about everything, and how right things could be.
When I open my eyes and pull my mouth slowly from his, Warren is staring at me with a look of complete and utter shock.
“Why did you do that?” he asks.
His tone is a lot more gentle than I’ve heard before, and a lot more humble too.
“After everything we did to you last semester, after everything we’ve done—why would you kiss me? You know I’m not good, right?” he says.
“And you should know that I’ve kissed both Chase and Sterling too,” I say. “So, do with that what you will.”
I don’t know what he’s thinking, but I know my own heart is beating fit to burst from my chest.
The look in Warren’s eyes darkens, not in a bad kind of way, but in a much more … sultry … kind of way. It’s how I would envision him looking at me if we were in a much less public place than this, with much less clothing on.
“And you are expecting me to be bothered by that?” he asks.
The corners of his mouth are tipped up into the slightest smile. I guess my answer to that would have to be yes, I had expected him to be bothered by that. Aren’t most guys bothered by it when they think they have to share?
My mind is seriously boggled by these three guys. They keep surprising me at every turn.
“Aren’t you?” I ask.
“No,” he chuckles darkly. “It would take a lot more than that for me to be bothered.”
As the two of us stand there staring at each other, all I can think about is how I really want to kiss him again. Warren lifts his hand ever so slightly so his fingertips brush against my thigh, and it makes my nerves tingle in all the right places.
But just as I am about to reach for his beautiful face again and am imagining what it would feel like to twirl my fingers in his hair this time—Bridget starts heading down the hallway toward us.
Both Warren and I see her and immediately step apart.
It seems like neither of us wants to have to explain what just happened to her. We give each other a silent glance. I think that we both know that seeing us together would send Bridget completely off the deep end.
Considering how much she hates me, seeing me with her twin brother would probably be the equivalent of sticking hot pokers in her eye sockets.
Before she can get within earshot of us, I move back to whisper to Warren, “I meant what I said before. Just take the offer.”
“You’ll get in trouble if you get caught covering for me,” he says as he keeps an eye on his sister closing in. “You do know that, right?”
“Since when have you cared whether or not I get in trouble?”
He dares one glance at me.
“I guess since you just kissed me, and I enjoyed it a whole hell of a lot.”
Damn, I really want to kiss him again right now.
Stupid Bridget is always getting in the way of my happiness.
“Don’t worry about it,” I reassure him. “I’ll work it out. Just do what you need to do to catch up on your schoolwork and keep your grades up. I’ve got it covered.”
With that, I turn on my heels and walk away before I have to face his sister, too, but I can’t stop myself from glancing back over my shoulder to see Warren still looking at me as I walk away, all the way up until the point that Bridget steps in front of him.
I have the strangest mix of feelings now, about all three of the boys. I like them all and I want them all, which wasn’t supposed to happen. I was supposed to hate them—all of them.
At least I still hate Bridget.
If that had changed, I’d start to wonder if I was the one who got stuck outside in the snow a bit too long over break.
I walk to my class, completely lost in thought about the feeling of kissing each one of them. I replay the moments with Sterling, Chase, and Warren in my head and can almost feel each of their mouths on mine as I walk. I’m not even watching where I’m going when I bump straight into the back of one of the new students who looks lost on campus.
“Hey,” she says as she holds up a campus map to show me whatever her finger is pointing to. “Can you help me find this building please?”
I look at her, and then at the map, and it’s almost as if my entire mind has reset itself. Everything I knew about the guys has been turned upside down, and everything that I wanted to do to them this semester to punish them for how they treated me has been replaced with new things that I want to do with them.
I’m so confused by everything that I literally just stare at the girl’s map without saying anything for a minute.
“Never mind,” she says as she pulls her map back and starts to walk away, mumbling something under her breath about how weird the people here are.
I have got to get my head on straight again.
&nb
sp; And fast … before it’s too late.
Though too late for what, I’m not sure.
Chapter Seventeen
Ever since kissing Warren, I’ve been avoiding Bridget like the plague, which is not easy to do considering that we share a room.
It would be one thing if it was a single kiss. That might be easy to hide, or if found out … forgivable even.
But it’s not just one kiss.
No, soon that single kiss turns into a habit of sneaking out of dorms early for more clandestine kisses under the bleachers, or behind the administration building, or with my breath heavy and back pressed against a snowy tree.
But that girl has a nose like a bloodhound for all things related to her brother, so we’ve been trying to time it so that I am up and out before Bridget wakes up, and then back again after she has already gone to sleep.
Anything to avoid the kind of prying questions I’m so fond of giving the wrong answers to. This, of course, means that I’m running a little low on my own sleep requirements. It’s okay though; it’s worth not having to deal with Bridget’s wrath.
I’ve also been trying to avoid running into her on campus, which I know from last term is something of a challenge in and of itself … especially now that she and her friends occupy the same table as me, Alaska, and Clark at lunch.
Bridget alone is bad enough to face, but having to face her with Tammy, Annabelle, and the others there beside her, all back to their simpering ways—mostly—well, that’s just too much. After a few days of this, I can stand it no longer.
I know I should be avoiding Warren altogether, but surely, I can be with him in public—if we’re not alone.
Or so I think, until I walk right past her table and sit down with the boys, garnering me looks of suspicion, not only from Bridget and her friends, but also from Alaska and Clark. I realize that it’s been a while since I’ve really hung out or talked with either of them. I’ve been too swept up in the guys to really give thought to anything or anyone else. I know that at some point, I need to go apologize to them for going MIA and for being such a shitty friend as of late.
