by Marie Scully
Needing to get away, I take the steps necessary to get back inside the building, walking past him wordlessly. I go to open the door, but he grabs my arm and pulls me painfully back. His grip is going to leave bruises, but trying to tug my arm away only causes him to hold tighter. Before I know it, he’s pulling me back towards the rail.
“Do you have any idea the embarrassment you caused me? All the questions I got asked and had to answer regarding your whereabouts? Your brother’s death made the goddamn news,” he hisses in my face. “I looked for you for a while until I realized you weren’t worth the time or money. But now that you’re here, I can tell you once and for all what I think of you and your useless brother and whore of a mother.”
Useless brother. Whore of a mother.
These words ring through my mind like a bomb, shaking my body. Pulling free, I swing my arm back and smack him across the face. The slap echoes. His face goes from red to purple in anger and shock, and I take a step back, surprised. My hand throbs but I long to hit him again.
He raises his own hand, and I know he’s going to hit me. There’s no use in ducking; it’s going to happen too fast, and once it does, I’m going to hit the ground. There’s no way with the size difference and the fury on his face that I’ll be left standing. My eyes twitch, anticipating the strike. But it doesn’t come.
His arm is stopped in mid-air, confusion replacing his fury, and he tries to turn to see who’s dared to intervene. I can’t make out who it is either, as my father is blocking him mostly from my sight, his arm now twisted around his back, but when he leans forward trying to relieve the pain, I’m able to see who’s come to my aid.
Pat O’Connor, Liam’s father, is the one holding my father back, and from the look on Pat’s face, he wants to put my father six inches in the ground. Movement from the door catches my eye: Holly, Nick, and Liam are all standing outside the door, taking in the scene.
“Take your hands off me,” Father roars. Pat nods, signaling me to move to the side. I do, moving briskly to the others before Pat releases him. Father turns around. “How dare you!” He takes a step forward, almost nose to nose with Pat, his hands clenched into fists.
Pat’s eyes don’t move as he says as calmly as one would ask someone to pass the salt, “Do it—I dare you. But just know that you’d better knock me out with one hit because if you don’t, I promise you I will.”
Father must believe him because he takes a step away and lashes out at Holly and Nick. “You two don’t look surprised to see your sister. But I guess you already knew where she was.”
He moves towards us, and I feel Holly cringe like a puppy used to being kicked next to me. Instantly I take a step in front of her while Nick takes a step forward too. Pat looks ready to hit our father in the back of the head, and Liam tenses beside me, ready to jump in.
My father seems ignorant of the tension surrounding him as he continues to glare. “You’re all an embarrassment. I thought James was bad, but at least he had the decency to kill himself.”
That’s the final straw. Pushing forward, I launch myself at his form, but before I make it the full distance, secure arms pull me back into a solid body. Nick. The body that’s holding me isn’t Liam. If it had been, I would have known immediately—I know his body intimately.
“It’s time to go,” Pat says, crossly grabbing my father’s arm and attempting to get him to move of his own will.
Nick tries to reason with him, saying, “Dad, let it go. You and Danny haven’t had anything to do with each other in years. No one remembers what happened anyway. Leave her be.”
From the blazing look sent Nick’s way, Father has no intention of leaving me be.
Liam speaks next. “How did you get an invite? As of last night, your name wasn’t on the guest list.”
My head swings to Liam. I hadn’t known that he’d checked the guest list, let alone had the connections to check. I hear the back door open again but don’t look to see who it is. What’s one more to witness to this nightmare?
“Liam, I saw you come out here. Can we talk?”
You’ve got to kidding me now. Fucking Nicole.
Without turning around, Liam answers, “Nicole, now isn’t the time.”
No kidding, Liam. No kidding.
“Liam—”
“I know you,” Nick’s surprised tone interrupts her. “Where have I seen you before?”
Nick releases me as he turns to get a better look at Nicole. Liam, Holly, and I turn around as well. For the first time since we met, her eyes are clear, though they do dance between us nervously. Once more, she looks stunning in a strapless blue dress that falls to her knees and a simple silver chain with a pear-shaped diamond.
“You’re mistaken,” she says quickly. Too quickly.
Nick takes a step closer. “No, we have. I remember your tattoo.”
Surprisingly, she has a tattoo of a monarch butterfly on her wrist. Inside one wing is a small heart and the other the symbol of yin and yang. I’d never noticed it before. Each time I’ve seen her, her clothes covered it up, or I guess she wore make-up to cover it.
Nick continues, “I asked you about it, and you said something about it representing the two halves of a person. What you said was the inspiration for a marketing campaign I did two years ago.” I can see the wheels turning in his mind as he tries to remember where he’s seen her.
Nicole looks around, then lands back at Liam. “Liam, I wanted to talk to you, but I can see you’re busy. I’ll try to find you later.” She takes a step backward before she fully finishes her sentence.
“James,” Nick says.
My eyes race between Nick and Nicole. What the hell does James have to do with any of this? Nicole stops in her tracks.
“Danny, I know you believe that I never saw James. That’s how he wanted it. He didn’t want Dad to find out, but we did see each other. He asked me to look after you when I could. Not that I did a good job at the end of the day, but I did try.” To Nicole, he says, “I saw you on the night of Dad’s party. The night James died. You were coming out of his room—you’d been visiting him.”
Nicole steps forward, hands clenched at her sides as she hisses at Nick, “Shut up! You don’t know what you’re talking about!”
“What’s going on?” Liam asks, glancing between them. “Nicole, what’s he talking about? Why would you be visiting Danny’s brother? How would you even know him?”
Click. My brain fires at once as the pieces fall. “You were there to get treatment as well, weren’t you?” I say, though I already know the answer.
Nicole’s head begins to move back and forth in a no motion. But I can see that I’m close to the truth.
“Nicole…” Liam’s voice rumbles.
“You don’t understand. None of you have ever understood. The pressure from Dad and Mom. From everyone. Every day it pounded me. Constantly there. I was only going to try it one time. I swear.”
“But you can’t do it only one time, can you, Nicole?” I ask her.
Her heated eyes only see me now. “Yes. At first, it was just pot here and there, but then I needed more. I craved more. Something that would numb everything. And I found it. But by the time I realized I had a problem, it was too late. Then Mom found me one night, and they forced me into rehab. But not the one in town because what would people think? They shipped me off. That’s where I met James. He was back in for I don’t know what time. He was kind to me.”
Tears cascade down her face while her hands still fist in anger.
“He would tell me stories about his son-of-a-bitch crazy father and about you. How you cared for him and put up with more than you should for him. He showed me the newspaper article that the journalist had written. At first, I didn’t recognize you. I know you didn’t know me. I’d seen you come out of his room once. Honestly, I probably wouldn’t have remembered if it wasn’t for your eyes. You and James have the same eyes.”
“You invited them here.” Liam’s voice is so quiet I almo
st didn’t hear him. I’ve never heard him speak so quietly. Nicole flinches.
“Liam. You don’t understand.” For the next twenty seconds at least, no one says a word. You could hear a pin drop.
“Why?” Liam asks. “How?”
Her eyes meet his and don’t waiver. “Once I realized who she was, I googled their last name and found the article and the other things that had been written about them over the years. There were several pictures of the family. I didn’t realize James had died until I dug deeper. I wouldn’t have left him had I known what would happen. I know what you must all think of me, but I wouldn’t have done that. I contacted Chris and said that if he could get into the party tonight, that she would be here. I just wanted her gone. I wanted things to go back to how they were before.”
For the first time, Holly speaks. “That’s why you insisted on us coming tonight. I knew there had to be a reason. This was it.” Holly looks at me as she continues, “He knows one of Jackson’s brothers-in-law. They play poker together—that’s how he got the invite. He pulled strings.”
Closing my eyes. I can see her clearly behind my lids. Her voice drifts.
❖
He wasn’t always this way, but he chose to be this person. Pity him—do not fear him. You’ve found the one thing he will never be able to. Love. Love that you receive from someone that matters to you and the feeling of giving love back. Let this be your legacy. Yours will live on while his will die out. You don’t have to forgive, but it’s time to move forward. You’re almost entirely there, my love. Just a little more.
❖
Slowly I open my eyes once more and see my father in a new way. After all these years he’s still the same person. Still angry. Still hanging on to the past. Still what he’s always been. But I’m not. I can’t entirely pinpoint when the shift in me happened, but somewhere along the way, I changed. I let myself grow and love and be myself, and that’s something he can never take away from me. He could live the rest of his life thinking about what happened and what people think of him, but I’m going to live my life to the fullest. With all the love, sadness, anger, and humor that comes with it.
At this moment I could yell at him, I could hit him again, I could do any number of things, but instead, I do the one thing I know will stay with him. The one thing that many people never have the guts to do.
I turn my back and walk away.
❖
Liam
Watching Danny walk away from a person that she hated and who terrified her gives me a feeling of pride. She knew he was here the moment she saw Holly and Nick. I hadn’t noticed them until after she’d been gone longer than necessary to find the restroom. Once I found them and we talked, I knew their father was here. Terror filled me then because my first thought was that she would run.
Finding them both outside brought out a mix of emotions. I was angry about what he could say to her while they were alone, but I was also happy and proud that she hadn’t run. A small part of me still feared waking up one day and her being gone because someone from her past had showed up. But if she can face her father, then she can face anything. I just hope she allows me to meet all her problems with her.
My dad and I nod to each other as he escorts Chris back into the house and hopefully out of Danny’s life. Seeing my dad stand up for Danny is the first time in a long time that I’ve seen my old dad—the one from before Mom died. Maybe he was coming along. Perhaps I needed to give him a small break. Not for the things with Lex—never that—but I know I wasn’t the easiest to deal with after Mom died. It’s time I owned up to my own mistakes.
Glancing at Holly and Nick, I see they still look shell-shocked. “What are you going to do now?” I ask.
The siblings look at each as if trying to read the other’s mind.
“I don’t know about Nick, but I’m moving out. No one knows because it would shame the family name, but Mom moved out a few months ago. She’s had enough of Father as well so they’re separating. I think I’m going to move in with her,” Holly says.
Nick looks at his sister, then back at me. “I need to stay for a little while. Workwise, it’s in my best interests to stay.”
Holly gives him a look of disgust before walking back into the house.
Nick continues after she leaves. “I know she doesn’t get it, but I’m doing it for all of us. Soon I’ll be in charge and can make everything different. I can make everything better.”
I nod my understanding. I just hope it works out. Nick follows his sister back into the house, leaving Nicole and me alone.
She opens her mouth to speak, but I lift my hand to silence her. “Honestly I can’t believe you did this. Before we dated, we were friends. Even after everything between us, I still counted you as a friend. You have to understand that I love Danny. One day I want to marry her. I care for you but not in the same way. I hope someday you find something like what I have with Danny because I’ve never felt this way about anyone and it’s a crazy, intense, amazing feeling. You need to get help with the drugs. You need to get better. Right now, I’m pissed, but that doesn’t mean I want anything to happen to you. You’ve seen what James’s death did to Danny and her family, and you can’t want your own family and the rest of us to go through that.”
A single small tear escapes her eye as she takes in what I’m saying. A second later, she wipes it away and walks past me.
I grab her arm before she can make it through the door. “Promise?” I demand.
She nods but doesn’t say a word. That’s good for now, but I’ll talk to her again tomorrow.
A moment later, I return to the event to find Danny in deep conversation with the manager of Horse Today. If she has her way, the contract will be signed before we all leave.
❖
A few hours and one contract later, we make our way to the car. Grasping her hand as we walk, I give it a light kiss. Our arms swing together as we move.
“I’ve been giving something some thought,” I start. Danny gives me a questioning look. “I know you love working at Wild Horse Ranch and enjoy living with Ben and his family, but I’d really like it if you would move in with me.”
She stops in her tracks, and I look back at her.
“When you think about it, you’re there all the time as it is. What’s some more closet space?” I try to defend my request.
Instead of saying no, as I feared, she throws herself into my arms and kisses me deeply. I break the kiss for a moment to ask if that was a yes. The second kiss I take as a definite agreement.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Danny
Looking at what has been my room for the year, empty of my possessions, gives me the sense of both happiness and sadness, rolled into one. I try not to think about what would have happened if I hadn’t taken that bus or if I’d sat next to someone else. I would never have met the people that have become my family. I would never have met Liam.
With one last look at the almost-bare room, I head back downstairs where Ben and the family are waiting to finish packing everything in the ar. Sarah catches me halfway down the stairs. In her hands is a white envelope. She looks from the piece of mail to me, at a loss for words.
“This came for you this morning,” she says, holding it out to me. I instantly recognize the handwriting, Holly’s perfect penmanship staring back at me. I sit my bag on the step and turn to go back upstairs. I need to know what she says, but I know I don’t want to read this in front of anyone.
I quietly close the door and move to sit on the bed once more. Tearing open the envelope that stands in my way, I discover that there are two letters. The first is from Holly and the second… the second is from a ghost.
I open Holly’s first.
Danny,
I found this letter buried in Dad’s desk. I don’t know how long he had it for—knowing him it was a while. I thought you should have it. For whatever it’s worth, I’m sorry. For everything.
Holly
Folding it up again,
I bide my time for a few much-needed seconds. Gently placing Holly’s note on the bedside table, I run my fingers over James’s handwriting. I want to know what’s in the letter, but right now, I don’t think I can read it.
I never knew he left a note. If his death was an accident, why is there a note? But now that there is one, it’s as if once I read it, he’ll truly be gone. As if all the dreams I have about him will disappear.
The need to know wins out, as James no doubt knew it would. I quickly tear open the envelope and take a slow breath as I unfold the letter.
Little sister, if you’re reading this then I finally did what you warned me about. Hell, what everyone warned me about. I want you to know that if the worst’s happened, it was an accident that was entirely my fault.
There was nothing more you could have done for me.
I want to be able to burn this letter years from now when I get better, when I change, but I know that it’s going to be an uphill battle. I need you to know that my choices are mine alone. I need you to know that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you gave up most of your life for me. Even now I know that’s something you’ll do, and it hasn’t even happened yet. It’s who you are.
I want to think that I will get better, but I know that I’m already craving the feeling. I would never leave you alone, but I know that things go wrong. If it does happen, I want you to live your life. Have fun. Meet people you want to spend your life with. Travel. Do everything that Mom wanted you to do. Let the world see you.
Love you,
James
