by Terra Kelly
I watched as the woman made her way toward the front door. “Was Harriet telling one of her stories again?” Jackie walked over to my lane and leaned against the bagging area counter.
“No, she was praising my actions with all that happened the other day with my dad.”
“Well, we all should. I’m glad you stood up to him. Your father’s an ass.”
I tried to swallow but choked and immediately had a coughing fit.
Jackie patted me on the back. “You okay?”
“Totally. I just swallowed wrong.” I slapped my hand against my chest and raised my arms above my head in hopes that would work. When I felt I was able to speak again. “I thought I would need to look for another job after what happened.”
Jackie’s eyes went wide. “Oh honey, no. You definitely don’t need to go anywhere.”
For so long I ran from my past and hid the truth about who I really was. Now my life was like an open book and only because my dad hated that I wasn’t his punching bag anymore. To hear Jackie say out loud how I had always felt about my father…well, a sense of calm washed over me.
A part of me was ready to stop running from my past, but a small amount of fear still held me back.
It was too cold to ride my bike to work, so I took my car instead. Eddie made sure my car had a full tank of gas. The perfect gentleman.
As I pulled into the driveway, I noticed several lights on in the house. Then Kelsey pushed the front door open and came barreling down the steps. At that moment I let go of all my thoughts clouding my vision and opened the car door.
“Hi, Sweet Pea.”
“Sarah,” she yelled and threw herself against my leg.
“Well, a girl could get used to a greeting like this.” I rubbed my hand up and down her back.
“I missed you.”
“You did? But I was only gone for a few hours.”
She grabbed my hand and tugged at my arm. “Come see what I did today.”
The front door was still wide open and Eddie was leaning against the frame. He usually had a smile on his face but right now he was stoic. There was a vibe he was sending my way that felt odd.
“Hi.” I was out of breath because Kelsey forced me to run all the way up the steps.
“Hi. Are you hungry?”
“Yeah, but I can get something later. I don’t want to bother you both.”
Eddie scowled and pushed off the doorframe. “Why do you think you would be a bother?”
What I wanted to say was, by the look on your face just a few seconds ago. Instead, I left my response neutral. “Oh, I was thinking you may want alone time with Kelsey.”
Why was he acting so weird?
Kelsey started to jump up and down. “Daddy, can she have dinner with us? Please.”
“Of course.” Eddie placed his hand on top of Kelsey’s head to stop her from jumping. Then he turned and headed down the hallway to the kitchen.
I bent down to be eye level with Kelsey. “Hey Cutie, I need to go upstairs. I’ll meet you in the kitchen in a few minutes. Deal?”
She bobbed her head up and down. “Deal.”
For most of my life I didn’t have anyone to vent to or let out my frustrations. My mom was there for me when it worked with her schedule or she needed a yoga buddy. So my thoughts were always my own. When I had the ability to write, I used a journal and let my emotions pour out on every page.
Coming home to Eddie acting completely different caused me to have the desire to write down my feelings.
I looked down the stairs and then closed my bedroom door. My journal was tucked down into my purse. I pulled it out and slid the pen out from the little holder on the side of the pages and let my fingers do the talking. There were so many things I wanted to share, I feared I would run out of paper. Something about this moment made me want to share everything that happened since arriving in Crystal Shores. As I reached the end of a page I flipped to a clean page and started to share about my encounter with the woman at the store today. I also shared the conversation I had with Jackie about my dad because it felt right to let all that go. My fingers tended to always add in a few extra words about my extreme loathing for my father. He deserved all the words that ran across the pages.
I stopped writing for a moment and looked around the room. Then I started writing again as I thought about Eddie and what had just happened moments ago.
Since the journal was mine and no one would see what I wrote, I shared about the feelings he stirred inside me and how they actually scared me. The moment I wrote the words I felt better.
I set my pen down and realized I needed a moment to myself. I crossed my legs and rested my hands on my thighs. Then I closed my eyes and let myself take a few deep breaths before finally enjoying a moment to meditate.
I’m not sure how much time passed but suddenly I was startled from my place of calm by a loud knock on my door followed by Kelsey yelling my name, “Sarah?”
“Hold on.” I positioned my hands in the prayer position in front of my chest and whispered, “Namaste.” About four years ago I discovered yoga and meditation was the only thing that helped me get through the pain of my past.
There was another knock and this time a soft voice. “Sarah, are you okay?”
I hopped up and opened the door. “Yup, I just needed a few minutes.”
“You’ve been in here for over thirty minutes. Kelsey got worried and begged me to check on you.” Eddie had no emotion on his face.
“I’m so sorry.” I closed my journal and followed behind him down the stairs.
“Dinner’s ready.” He didn’t smile. He didn’t sound happy. Nothing.
Everything about this moment felt wrong.
Maybe I’d overstayed my welcome and it was time to leave.
Chapter Fifteen
Eddie
One month later…
“I’ll see you later, cutie pie.” I bent down to kiss the top of my daughter’s head.
“You work too much, Daddy.” My daughter was four, but that sentence took me by surprise.
“I’m sorry. Daddy has a busy schedule lately.” I squatted down beside her and wrapped a strand of her hair around my index finger.
“I miss you.” The three little words were like a punch to the gut.
“I miss you, too.” I kissed her cheek. “See you soon, raccoon.”
She giggled and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Bye bye, butterfly.” Then she brushed her nose back and forth over mine. It took all my strength to leave.
My daughter’s words were still ringing in my ears as I walked into the station. She was right though, I had been working overtime for the last month. Part of the reason was to avoid Sarah, but the other reason was bigger. I figured if I avoided Sarah it would keep my wife from popping up in the shower again.
“There’s Mr. Sourpuss,” Jackson said and handed me an envelope the moment I stepped into our office.
“Sourpuss. What the fuck?” I yanked the envelope from his hand.
“Don’t shit on the truth.” He put his hands up in surrender. “You know you’ve been grumpy for several weeks now.”
We had a communal desk that was the station dumping ground for all things mail related, paper, and empty wrappers. I walked by the desk and threw the envelope he had just given me on top of the pile. Any mail that arrived for me at the station was usually junk mail.
“I’d read that now if I were you.” Jackson picked it back up and handed it to me again.
“Why am I getting important mail here?” I ripped open the envelope and pulled out the single sheet of paper. I noticed beautiful handwriting and Sarah’s name at the bottom. “What the?” I sat down on the nearest chair to read it.
Dear Eddie,
By the time you read this, I will be gone. It means the world to me that you let me stay in your home. I was a complete stranger and you felt comfortable enough to let me use your wife’s special room. Thank you. Over the last several weeks I have noticed that I am in y
our way. So, I let Jan know I was leaving and I‘ve said goodbye to Kelsey already.
Thank you again for your kindness, Eddie.
Take care, Sarah
I stood up a little too quickly and knocked over the chair. “Wait, how did you get this?”
Jackson shrugged his shoulders. “Some lady dropped it off this morning.”
“Not Sarah?”
“Nope.”
Now I was confused. I said goodbye to her this morning and she seemed fine. Then I let my mind replay the morning over a few more times. I could remember Sarah staying in her room longer than normal. Usually she sat with Kelsey and they talked about silly stuff over breakfast. Today, she didn’t do that. How could I be so stupid to not notice? I knew why. Instead of paying attention to my daughter or Sarah, I’d retracted and let my wife’s memory shake me to my core.
“I need to go.” I grabbed my keys and practically ran out the door.
“I figured.” Jackson quickly stepped aside the moment I almost ran into him.
I pulled back into my driveway in record time. Taking two steps at a time up the porch steps, I threw open the front door and found Jan with Kelsey in the living room.
“Where’s Sarah?” I looked around hoping I wasn’t too late.
Jan’s smile fell at the mention of her name. “She’s gone, Eddie.”
“To work?” I couldn’t be too late. She had to be in town still.
“No, she had her bag when she left this morning. She’s gone.”
I sat down on the edge of the chair. What was happening right now? My wife’s memory messed with my head. Now I pushed away Sarah. I had gotten used to her being in my house. I needed her to come back because I wasn’t ready for her to leave yet.
“Did she say why she left?” I glanced out the window and ran my hands through my hair. This was a mess.
Jan sat on the arm of the chair next to me. “All she said was, it was time to go. Oh, she did say something about overstaying her welcome.”
“Shit.” I dropped my forearms onto my thighs.
Kelsey gasped. “Daddy, you said a bad word.”
“I did.” I straightened and smiled at my daughter. “That was bad of Daddy. I’m sorry.”
My wife used to make me put a dollar in a jar every time I swore. The jar was packed full of dollars the first year. Then the next year it was only half full. With my wife gone, my old habits had slowly reemerged. Thank goodness my daughter had a stellar memory. Soon she would be in charge of the swear jar and I would have to pay up.
I glanced at Jan. “I tried her cell phone on the way here but it was disconnected. Did she leave a number or address of where she’ll be?”
“No, nothing.”
“I need to go.”
“Where are you going?”
“I need to see if anyone at Marv’s has her contact information.”
Jan almost pushed me out the door. “I didn’t think of that. Let me know what you find out.”
Thankfully there were no cops around because I had a lead foot today. The moment I parked at the grocery store, something in me told me she wasn’t there. There was one woman working the register and her line was empty at the moment. “Excuse me.” I stepped up beside her.
“Oh, Eddie.” The woman seemed surprised by my presence.
“Do I know you?” I felt bad I didn’t know her name.
“Sarah told us all about you.”
“She did? Well, that’s who I’m looking for. Do you know where she’s at?”
“She left this morning. She said something about needing to find herself. Whatever that means.”
“Find herself?” I knew I scowled at her words but this didn’t make sense.
“Yup, then she went on and on about how she needed to stop bothering people and just do this shit on her own.” The woman shrugged.
“Shit.” There I was swearing again. Now I was at a whopping two bucks I owed the swear jar. “Did she leave a number or address where you can reach her?”
“No, I’m sorry,” she said and then paused. “Well, she may have left something since she has a check coming soon.”
Suddenly I felt hopeful. “Could you share it with me?”
“No.”
“No?”
“Yeah, it’s personal information. We can’t give it out without her permission.”
Now what was I supposed to do? I needed that number. “If she contacts you can you give her a message? Do you have a piece of paper?”
She grabbed a small piece of paper and a pen resting on the register. “Sure, but I don’t think she’ll call.”
I cursed one more time, three dollars now. Then made my way out to my truck. As I opened the door I heard someone yell my name from behind me. I turned to find the same woman I was just talking to in the store running toward me.
She was out of breath when she stopped in front of me. “Here.”
I looked down at the small piece of paper. “What’s this?”
“Sarah did give me her number before she left but she made me promise to not give it to anyone…even you.”
“Even me?”
“Yeah, but I know she needs you. I could tell something was wrong when she left.”
“What do you mean?” I folded the piece of paper and tucked it in my pants pocket.
“Sarah has been running away from everyone because of the pain her father caused growing up. I didn’t know her that long, but she changed after she met you. It was beautiful honestly. She smiled more and was willing to talk to people more.”
“I still don’t understand why she left today.”
“Because of you.”
“Me?”
“She mentioned how you seemed distant lately. She figured it was something she had done and she felt it was just best to leave.”
I wanted to scream, punch myself. “Thank you for telling me that, Jackie.” I glanced at her name tag. “I’ll find her.”
“And bring her back here?” She reached for my hand.
“I’m going to try.” I squeezed her hand.
There was no way I was ready to lose another Sarah in my life.
Not now. Not ever.
Chapter Sixteen
Sarah
For about a month now, Eddie had become the master at avoiding conversation with me. Plus, after my dad made his grand entrance at the grocery store I knew my time in Crystal Shores had come to an end. It was time to head out. Mackinac Island had been on my radar since the day I arrived in Michigan. For the last week I spent some time researching the island. I discovered it was only a three-hour drive from Crystal Shores.
I hated leaving but I knew it was for the best. The hardest part of leaving was Kelsey. She had managed to wiggle herself around the perfectly placed wall I set up around my heart. I cared about the sweet little girl and that thought alone freaked me out.
When I let Jan know I was leaving, she tried to sway my decision. We discussed the pros and cons of staying in Crystal Shores. Somehow, I had more cons and she had way more pros. In the end, it was hard to look past the way Eddie had avoided me over the last month. That con was top on my list.
I wasn’t able to give two-week notice with my job, I couldn’t wait that long. My co-worker, Jackie went to lunch with me the same day I turned in my notice. I knew she would try to convince me to stay but my mind had been made up.
I disconnected my cell number and asked the store to start a new line. It was the best option if I wanted to have a fresh start. I did have to share my new number with my boss since I had one more check coming in one week. Something inside me told me I should share my number with Jackie. She was one person I knew I could trust: hopefully.
Now, as I drove down the quiet two-lane road that would take me to Mackinac Island, my mind replayed the last couple months. I thought about the time I spent with Kelsey and Eddie. For the first time in a very long time I felt a part of something. There was a pull to stay but just like always the fear of my past overshadowed al
l those emotions.
I glanced up and noticed the sky had a reddish hue but it was fading to dark fast. After just a few short hours I arrived in Mackinac City. My money was tight so lodging would be simple. I just needed a bed and shower. Cable wasn’t even a need at the moment.
I was sitting in my car staring at the row of hotel rooms in front of me. There was graffiti on one wall and two men standing by the steps to go to the second level smoking a cigarette. Maybe simple was a mistake. I should probably move safety to the top of my list in the future.
Right as I was about to step out of my car and head to my room the phone rang. Since I had a new phone I didn’t recognize the number. A little voice in the back of my mind told me to answer the call.
“Hello.”
“Sarah.”
I pulled the phone away from ear and looked at the screen. “Eddie. How…I don’t understand?”
“Jackie.”
I thought I could trust Jackie, but maybe I was wrong.
My silence must’ve spoke volumes at the moment. “Sarah, don’t be upset at Jackie. I let her know how much I needed to talk to you.”
“Why? You made it clear it was time for me to leave.”
“How though, I never told you to leave?”
“You didn’t have to. Your silence told me everything.”
“Sarah, can I see you? Please let me explain.”
“I don’t know.” I rested my head back against the seat and closed my eyes. My woman’s intuition was working its magic again and telling me to say yes to him.
“Please. I promise I’ll leave you alone after we talk.”
I opened my eyes and glanced out the front window. There was a man walking in front of my car. The look on the guy’s face made my skin crawl.
The creepy guy, my emotions, everything I was feeling at the moment told me I didn’t want to be here. Yet, here I was.
“Okay.” I didn’t think through my answer because I knew what I wanted.
“Where are you? I’ll leave now.”
