by Terra Kelly
“Do think anyone else is skipping dinner tonight, too?” he purred beside my ear.
“I don’t know. Maybe.” I rested my head against his shoulder. “Right now I feel like everyone is judging me.”
“They’re just jealous.”
“So,” Eddie said and advanced on me the moment I pulled the chain across the door.
I glanced around and attempted to escape his advances. “So, what?” He had this look in his eyes that made my insides swirl with excitement. “Eddie?”
“Sarah?” He was now standing so close our bodies were touching.
Just as I was about to say something I backed into the dresser right at the middle of my thighs. “Shit,” I sat down on the edge of the dresser. “Eddie, wait.” I felt boxed in and immediately the fun turned to fear.
He stepped away. “Too much?”
I reached for his hand. “No.” I straightened and left only an inch in between us. “I don’t know. This all feels so intense.”
Eddie pulled me close to his body and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Sarah, I want you, I do. For tonight, let’s just hold each other, okay?”
The moment the words left his lips I felt a huge sigh of relief. As much as I thought I was in control of my emotions and prepared to have sex. I really wasn’t.
Memories of my last time ran through my mind and the thought made me flinch. I didn’t think I physically flinched, I thought it was just in my memory. Then Eddie bent to be eye level with me. “What really happened, Sarah?”
I stepped away from him. Leaving the warmth of his body made me want to cry. Rifling through my bag to find my pajamas. “It’s nothing. I swear.”
He bent down beside me and reached for my hand. “Sarah, I can see the look on your face. I know it’s something.”
“Let me get changed and then we can talk.” I needed air. Before he could protest I closed the bathroom door behind me and sat down on the edge of the tub. The memory continued to surface and I could feel myself get pissed. I laced my fingers together and realized at that moment it was time to let go. These memories were not welcome here anymore. I threw on my fleece pants with cats holding a heart scattered all over the legs. Then I contemplated keeping my bra on but squashed that thought immediately. When I opened the door Eddie was sitting on the edge of the bed. He stood the moment I emerged from the bathroom. “I’m sorry,” I said and stepped closer to him.
“No, please don’t apologize.” He reached for my hands.
“Eddie?”
“Yeah?”
“Let me say this, okay?”
He took his fingers and pretended to lock his lips and throw away the key.
“Will you hold me tonight? I’ll try to share my past but just be patient with me, okay?”
Eddie nodded and reached his hand out. “Come on, Baby.”
Did he call me baby?
Chapter Nineteen
Eddie
I grabbed Sarah’s hand and lead her toward the bed. “Should I stay fully clothed tonight?” I turned to face her and lightly brushed a strand of hair away from her face. It seemed like an odd question but I knew if I pulled my shirt off we both would be going through another awkward moment.
“Don’t you have pajamas?” I thought about the best way to say my answer. Probably because I paused, she quickly said, “Oh, I get it.”
“Get what?” I couldn’t hold back my laugh.
“You don’t wear pajamas.” I touched my finger to my nose and pointed at her with my other hand. “Yeah, clothes may be better for a moment.”
“A moment?” The words slipped out before I had a chance to take them back.
“Well…I mean…”
I wrapped my fingers around her waist and pulled her close. I kissed her before she could continue stammering. Then I walked over and adjusted the pillows so we could lay down. I patted the space next to me as her invitation. “I won’t bite, I promise.”
She climbed up next to me and snuggled into my body. “Thanks, Eddie.”
“For what?” I kissed the top of her head.
She rested her hand on my chest. “For being such a gentleman.”
“No other man has been a gentleman to you, Sarah?” The look on her face gave me the answer I was looking for. I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist. “I’m so sorry.”
We stayed silent for several minutes before she spoke. Her voice sounded raspy and far away. “I just let myself get mixed up with the wrong people. Too many bad decisions on my part.”
“It still doesn’t excuse how the men treated you. No one should treat a woman poorly.” I pulled her back away from me. “Especially someone so young.” Not that I was that old…but still.
“My father made me believe I wasn’t good enough. I know that’s wrong now but it doesn’t change the past.”
“It’s one hundred percent wrong. You’re an amazing, beautiful, strong woman.” She looked up at me with those stunning blue eyes and then placed her head back on my chest.
This was the first time we had really talked. I’m thankful I forced myself to make the trip up here. There was something about Sarah. She made me rethink my life and what I wanted. After my wife died I didn’t want to ever care for another woman. I didn’t think anyone could make me happy the way my Sara had made me happy for so many years.
The room was quiet. You could hear people in the hallway and it sounded like children fighting with the screams that reverberated through the walls. All that didn’t matter though. It was like we were in our own little bubble together.
I continued to run my hands through her hair. The movement calmed me. Several minutes passed and I let my body relax. I closed my eyes but right before I drifted off to sleep there was a light touch on my shoulder. I opened my eyes and jerked back away from the vision before me. How was this even possible? My wife was standing at the foot of the bed smiling.
Sarah sat up and moved away from me. “Eddie, are you okay?”
I continued to stare at my dead wife. “Can you see her?”
“Who? Eddie, no one is here.”
Pointing in my wife’s direction. “She’s right there.”
Sarah climbed onto my lap and straddled my body. “Eddie, she’s not really here. I promise.”
I could still see my wife’s smile just over Sarah’s shoulder. “Then why am I looking at her right now?”
Sarah leaned to the side. “Ask her why.”
Could I though? That seemed crazy in my mind, but then again I was sitting here looking at a ghost of my dead wife in a hotel room. It felt odd talking to my wife with Sarah straddling me. “Sara,” I whispered.
The figure didn’t move. She continued smiling and nodded.
“Are you really here?”
She winked.
“How am I supposed to move on if you keep popping up like this?”
Sarah grabbed my hand. “Maybe that’s the point.”
I turned toward Sarah with an h. “What do you mean?” My head was spinning. Was this all a dream? But then what happened in the shower, what was that all about?
“Eddie,” Sarah grabbed my hand.
“Sarah, I’m not sure how to process all of this.” I looked back at the foot of the bed and noticed my wife was gone.
“What about letting go? Are you ready to let go?”
That was a loaded question. Then I looked down at Sarah’s hand over mine and suddenly I knew the answer.
It was time to let the past go.
Chapter Twenty
Sarah
“Good morning, Sunshine.” I sat down on the edge of the bed.
When I woke up this morning my body was pressed up against Eddie and our heads were touching. I didn’t want to move but I also needed coffee and a few moments to myself. Eddie was still asleep when I snuck out. He was obviously a hard sleeper because I tripped at one point and yelped. The man never stirred.
“Is it morning already?” He squinted and threw his arms above his head to stretch.
I moved the cup of coffee back and forth under his nose. “It is. We have a big day ahead of us.”
He grabbed my hand to stop the movements. “Did you get up before me to do your hair and makeup?”
“Maybe.”
He sat the coffee on the nightstand and wrapped his arms around my waist to bring me down beside him. “Maybe, huh?” Then he tickled my side.
“And brush my teeth.” He tickled me some more. “Eddie.” I pretended I wanted to escape his hold but really I was perfectly fine right in his arms. He lightly poked my side and made me laugh even harder.
His hands stilled and he kissed my cheeks, nose, and lips. “No, really, I would rather have you in my arms when I first wake up. Morning breath and all.”
“That’s not a pretty sight, you may regret saying that later.”
“I promise I won’t.” He kissed my neck and left a path all the way behind my ear. “So we have a big day planned? What are we going to be doing?”
He was making it hard for me to think. Every time his lips touched my skin I lost my train of thought. Then he kissed that sweet spot behind my ear and I gave up. He had me hook, line, and sinker.
“You taste so delicious.”
“It’s the taffy and fudge.”
“What?” He stopped and lifted up to get a better look at me.
I shrugged. “Hey, I needed to stock up on treats before we leave. Plus, they were passing out freebies. I never pass up freebies.”
He pulled my body over so my back was now on the mattress. Then he straddled my legs. “Tell me you brought back extra?”
“What if I didn’t?” I slid my hand into the pocket of my jacket.
“There are consequences for not sharing taffy.”
“Oh yeah, what kind of consequence?”
He sat up and stared at me for several seconds. “You really didn’t bring any extra?”
I pulled out two pieces. “Well, I may have these but that’s it.”
He brought his leg over to lay down next to me. “Two pieces?” He groaned and dropped his head onto the pillow.
I leaned over and kissed him. “We’ll get more and even extra for Kelsey.”
“She would love that.”
“We should bring her next time, I bet she would love watching them make fudge.” I shook my head and attempted to get up but he grabbed my hand. It felt weird. We were still getting to know each other and I mention a trip with his daughter like we were a family.
“I love that idea.” He squeezed my hand.
The look on his face calmed me.
Somehow forever didn’t feel so scary anymore.
“I don’t think Kelsey’s dentist will be very happy with you.” Eddie snatched a piece of taffy from the small bag I had just filled up.
“We’ll have her brush more often. They’ll never know.”
We had requested late check-out and stayed in the hotel room for as long as we could. It was nice, we just talked. Something I discovered: men weren’t so scary. Oh, and another thing, I was falling for the sexy firefighter.
Before leaving the island we spent some time stocking up on taffy.
He grabbed my hand as I attempted to grab a third bag. “Are you trying to hoard taffy?”
“Who me?” I stuffed the third bag full of my favorite flavors.
“We still need to make room for that bear over there.” He pointed to the window where a gigantic stuffed bear was holding a box of chocolates.
“Seriously?”
“Too much?”
“Are you kidding me? Hell no, she’ll love it!”
He pulled me close and kissed my temple. “Good. So stop adding to the load, we’ll come back.”
Over the last twenty-four hours, my life had shifted from shitty to hopeful. Eddie made me feel like a woman. Something most men failed to do. His kisses were making me regret stopping him last night. We both wanted to have sex but my past was determined to crash the party.
“Hey, we need to enjoy a yoga practice soon.” I laced my fingers with his.
“Yeah, you’re needing some zen in your life?”
“Um…”
He stopped walking and turned toward me. “What is it?”
“Nothing. I mean, yoga just helps me see the good and wash away the negative.”
Eddie tugged me closer to his body. “Are you having negative thoughts today?”
“No. I mean, yes and no.” I didn’t want him to think my negative thoughts were because of him. “Okay, what I mean is, there are moments like what happened last night when the negative thoughts appear.” I set the three bags of taffy on the table next to me and reached for his other hand. “Listen, you are the first person in my life who makes me feel the way I do.”
“And how do you feel?”
“Like a lady. Excited. Butterflies. Happy.”
He bent to kiss my nose, then my cheek, and finally my lips. “Butterflies?”
“All the time.” I dropped my head and closed my eyes.
He lifted my chin and kissed me lightly. “I feel it, too.” He reached behind me and picked up the bags of taffy. “I think that’s why I saw my wife. Maybe we both need a hot yoga session to get all the past stuff out?”
“Yeah, you think?”
“Either that or–” he bent down closer to my ear– “some hot sex.”
I know I turned red, I could feel my face was on fire. “Oh…”
“Yup, sounds like the latter is the winner from your reaction.”
“My reaction? But I didn’t say anything.”
“You didn’t have to.” He walked to the cashier. “Let’s get extra chocolate for the occasion.”
I didn’t know what to think.
Well, yes I did.
I wanted him, all of him.
Chapter Twenty-One
Eddie
“About your car.” I handed Sarah her keys.
“What about it?”
“We need to get a car hauler.”
“Wait. A car hauler. Why?”
We walked up the steps to the second floor of the ferry. I set our bags under the bench. “I don’t plan on riding solo.”
“So you plan on renting a car hauler, so we don’t have to drive home in two cars?”
“Yeah, is that okay?”
It was already four in the afternoon. Jan had called earlier to let me know Kelsey said she missed me. I checked the schedule and found there was a four-thirty ferry leaving the island.
It was obvious we both needed the last twenty-four hours. Now, the next time I saw my late wife, if there was even a next time, I planned to tell her I was okay. I knew there was something special about Sarah with an h and it wasn’t the fact that she had the same name as my late wife.
The woman clouding my every thought pulled my face down. “It’s more than okay.”
“Yeah?” I brushed my nose back and forth over hers.
“On one condition?”
I stepped back. “I’m afraid to ask?”
“No country music allowed.”
“That’s not a problem, my phone only plays classic rock.”
I kissed her temple and wrapped my arm around her waist. “You okay with leaving the island?”
She didn’t answer right away. When she looked up, there was a tear threatening to fall. “Yeah, I am.”
I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out my phone. After unlocking the screen, I went to the music app and pulled up Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel. The ferry blew its horn for the last time before pulling away from the dock. There were only a few people on the upper deck. The sound of the ferry was just loud enough that if I played a song for Sarah, it would be for her ears only.
I hit play. “Look back at the island.” Then the song started. Peter talks about climbing up a hill and looking back at the city lights. Then, the moment he says, pack your things I’ve come to take you home–I looked in her direction–“It’s time to go home, Sarah.”
That tear that
threatened to fall, slid down her cheek. “Eddie,” she said in a whisper and rested her head on my chest.
“I know what I want, Sarah.”
She wrapped her arms around my waist. “Me, too.”
I let the song continue to play. When it ended, she reached over and hit replay. I leaned my body against the railing and rested my head against her own. Closing my eyes for a brief moment, I felt my wife near me. This time, I didn’t open my eyes. I wanted to take this beautiful woman in my arms home.
“We may only have a three-hour drive, but we still need road trip food,” I connected the last of the wiring for the hitch onto the trailer.
“Oh, like Cheetos, Sour Patch Kids and a slushy?”
I stood up and brushed my hands off on my pants. “You forgot the hot dog and Pringles.”
Sarah moaned. “I’m full just talking about it.”
We took about ten minutes to spend thirty-five dollars on pop and candy. I started up the SUV. “Are you finally ready?”
She glanced my way and popped a sour patch kid in her mouth. “So ready.”
The drive was easy, somehow we missed the rush hour traffic. I was ready to get back home. Kelsey had already sent a text to my phone asking, “How far?” I knew Jan wrote it for her, but it was still too cute.
“So,” I said when Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones ended.
“So…what?” she said and leaned up.
“I was thinking about our sleeping arrangements.”
“Yeah, you want me to stay in a different room?”
At the stoplight, I looked her way. “Yeah.”
“Do you have another…” Then she stopped. “Wait, what are you saying?”
“I do have a cal-king.”
