by Terra Kelly
“Are you what?”
I winked, then unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans. Right as I was about to pull his jeans down Eddie wrapped his arms around my waist and had my back resting on the bed again.
“That’s not fair.”
“All is fair in love and war. Isn’t that how the saying goes?” He bent down and kissed me. Not just a simple kiss either. It was a mind-blowing kiss. The way our tongues tangled almost sent my body over the edge for the second time in less than an hour. Then he stood and pushed his jeans down.
He attempted to climb back on the bed. “Wait. Don’t move.” I needed to enjoy him for just a few seconds longer. “Okay, come here.” I held out my hands.”
“Are you sure it’s okay now.” He was on all fours as he crawled over to me. He stopped and rubbed his knee. “I may need to invest in a new bed upstairs.”
“This hideaway not cutting it?”
“You mock me but just wait until you need to crawl on this thing.”
“Me, mock? Never.”
He sat back on his knees and pulled me onto his lap. “Sarah.” He brushed back and forth against my lips. “Here.” He held his palm open and one single condom was resting in the center.
“You want me to put it on?” I didn’t mean to sound surprised but I never touched a condom before. I was worried I would mess something up.
“Oh, you don’t have to?” He closed his hand and pulled it back.
“No, I can–” I pulled his fingers open and grabbed the condom– “don’t let me mess this up though.” I inched back off his lap and had the condom in my hand. Why did I feel so nervous? “You have an extra one just in case I mess this up, right?”
“Yes, but you won’t mess anything up.”
The moment I wrapped my fingers around his cock he made a small sound. “Are you okay?”
“More than okay.” I sat there with my head down staring at his cock and the condom still in the palm of my other hand. “Sarah?”
“Huh?”
“I can do it if you want.”
“Eddie, can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
Yes, my hand was still holding him and honestly, it felt calming.
“All this. It means something to you, right?”
He set the condom on the bed. Then he grabbed both my hands and brought them up to his lips. “I can’t explain my emotions but I do know this all feels so right.”
“And you’ll want to be with me after we do this?” I moved my hand back and forth in between us.
“Sarah, what is it?”
“It’s silly.”
“Nothing about this moment is silly. Tell me what you want?”
I moved my hand up and down his cock. “You.”
“You can have all of me.”
I reached over to grab the condom and ripped open the foil package. “You have more, right?”
“A whole box in my bedroom.”
“That many?”
“Well, it’s better to be prepared.”
I rolled the condom down over his perfect erection and climbed back onto his lap. The moment he touched my core it almost took my breath away. I could feel his erection pulse under me. That alone awakened my senses. “Eddie.”
He didn’t say a word. Instead, he reached down in between us and pushed his cock perfectly inside me. We moved up and down but then our movements became deeper and faster.
“Sarah.”
“Eddie. Oh fuck, Eddie.” I needed more. I craved more. “Please don’t stop.”
“Come with me, Sarah.”
Then the most delicious feeling passed through every part of my body. I almost fell forward but Eddie needed to come still. I opened my eyes and we stared at each other with every single movement.
“Sarah.” He squeezed his eyes shut and I could feel him get harder inside me. He dropped his head onto my shoulder and wrapped his arms around my waist.
We didn’t move for several minutes. “Can we stay like this all night?” I left a trail of kisses up the side of his neck.
“If I could, I would not let you move an inch, but my legs are about to protest.”
“Oh shit.” I tried to lift my body. “Are you okay?”
“Wait, not yet.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“That’s not possible.” He pulled me close and kissed me. “Tell me something.”
“Now you want to discuss my past?”
“What? No.” He tightened his grip on my ass to push deeper inside me.
I closed my eyes. “Fuck, and you want me to think at the moment, too?”
“Not even a little bit.”
“Then tell me what’s on your mind?”
“How many times have you been able to come in one night?”
The question took me off guard. “What? Um…I don’t know.”
“Well, we need to find out.”
I guess we had reached a new point in our relationship status.
“Should we set a goal?” His facial expression was priceless at my question. “No?”
“Oh, we will be setting a lot of new goals.” He pushed my body back onto the bed. “The first one being, round two.”
Sleep was so overrated anyways.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Eddie
“We may need to discuss our sleeping arrangements.” Sarah threw the fleece blanket onto the sleigh bed.
“The hideaway bed not cutting it for you?” I stepped behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.
“Well, metal rods poking into my back are kind of a deal breaker.”
“Do you need me to give you a massage?” I peppered light kisses down the side of her neck.
“Maybe.” Her back was resting against my chest. She reached her arms up and wrapped them around the back of my head.
It was five-thirty in the morning and I knew Kelsey would wake up in about an hour. I wanted to make sure she didn’t find us in the basement.
“Hey, you up for bed shopping today?” I slid under the covers.
“Bed shopping?” Sarah nuzzled up against my side.
“Yeah, we could look for a whole new bedroom set.”
“Eddie, don’t change things because of me.”
She was the very reason I was ready to make the change. “What do you mean?”
Sarah kissed my chest and sat up. “Listen, you have known me what, close to three months?”
“Yeah, what does that have to do with getting a new bedroom set?”
“Everything.”
If was like a light bulb had just gone off in my brain. “Sarah, talk to me. This thing between us, are you okay with it?”
“What? Yeah, of course.”
“But?”
“But nothing.”
I knew there was more. Her body language spoke volumes.
“Hey, look at me.”
“Eddie.” She avoided eye contact.
I Lifted her chin. “I’m not like the men from your past, Sarah.”
“It’s just…”
“I’m not your dad either.”
“I know.” She hopped off the bed.
“Hey.” I reached for her hand “How can I prove to you I’m different?”
She sat down on the edge of the bed. “Eddie, you don’t have to prove anything.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s me. I just need to believe.”
Her words caught me off guard.
I reached for her hand and tugged her back onto the bed. “Believe me when I say, I’m so thankful you came into my life.”
She kissed me and snuggled next to me. “Will you hold me?”
“Always.” I kissed the top of her head.
She deserved to be happy.
“How’s this one, Goldilocks?” I pushed my hand up and down on the mattress.
“Just right.” Kelsey snuggled into a ball in the center of the bed.
“We have a winner.” Sarah held her arms up.
When Kelsey woke up at the exact time I thought she would this morning, I suggested bed shopping. She seemed confused about why I would get rid of my bed. When I told her papa bear needed a new bed, she said, Goldilocks to the rescue. For a four-year-old, the girl knew her story books.
“You sure this is the one?” I sat down on the edge of the bed.
“You try it, Daddy.” Kelsey patted the bed beside her.
“Yeah, you try it, Daddy.” Sarah sighed the moment her back hit the mattress.
“That good, eh?” Since the girls were occupying the whole top of the bed. I tested out the small space next to their feet. “Oh yeah.” I moved my body back and forth. “You both are onto something here.”
“Do you have any questions?” The salesperson who talked to us when we arrived an hour ago asked.
“I think we’ll take this one.”
“You found the perfect match?” The guy stepped up beside the mattress.
Kelsey hopped up. “We did.” Then she collapsed onto my lap.
“The child has spoken.” I pulled my daughter close and kissed the top of her head.
We discovered the place didn’t have extra mattresses in the back to just take home, so we had to set up a delivery date. That meant Sarah and I had the sleigh bed for two more nights.
“Let’s look at the dressers.” I pointed to the front of the store.
After about thirty minutes, I think we made the sales guy happy with everything we needed to buy. “Okay, now we need to talk about the craft room.” I pushed open the front door and let the girls exit first.
“What is there to discuss?” Sarah sounded concerned.
“I think the sewing room needs a facelift.” I started the engine and put the truck in reverse.
“No.” Sarah turned her head to face the window.
Just as I was about to say something, Kelsey asked me a question. Sarah kept her head turned and stayed silent. After last night, I had this desire to make my home less about my dead wife and more about my future with Sarah. The attic would be crammed full of boxes soon, but I had no plans to dispose of anything. Kelsey would want to know all about her mother someday.
“Hey,” I rested my hand on Sarah’s leg. “Talk to me.”
“It’s okay.” She turned toward me.
“Sarah, you say everything is okay when it’s not really okay.” I was worried she was mad, then a single tear fell down her cheek. “Tell me.”
“Thank you.” That’s all she could get out. Her face turned back to the window and I noticed more tears falling.
I reached for her hand not expecting her to pull my own closer to her chest. She was holding my hand so tight I could feel tingling from lack of circulation.
Somehow I needed to prove to her that this thing between us was real.
The light in my heart was shining bright again because of her.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Sarah
One month later…
“One, two, three, four.” I was counting each puzzle piece with Kelsey. I continued to nine and then stopped. “Your turn.”
Kelsey picked each one up. “One,” she said slowly. “Two…three…four.” She counted to eight, then paused and looked up at me. I waited in hopes she would remember on her own.
Holding my hands up, I counted each finger. “Five, six, seven, eight.” I wiggled my index finger waiting for her to answer.
“Nine, ten,” she yelled.
“Yes! Good job, Sweet Pea.”
“I got it.”
“You did. You counted to ten.” I picked her up and spun her in a circle.
A week after Eddie and I got home from Mackinac Island, I mentioned getting my job back at Marv’s grocery store. Eddie didn’t respond which I thought was weird. Then he confided in me that Jan was pregnant but she had not shared it with anyone yet. She experienced a miscarriage and didn’t know what would happen with this pregnancy. So far the only thing she was experiencing was horrible morning sickness, well, more like all day sickness.
He asked me if I would like to care for Kelsey while he was at work. At first, the thought of staying home with Kelsey scared the shit out of me. It wasn’t that I was nervous to be with Kelsey. It was more like, I was afraid of being alone with her all day. Then we spent the day together and something shifted. A part of me wondered if I would end up like my father some day. Yet, I knew I was nothing like my father, thankfully.
The sewing room where I slept for several weeks was now Kelsey’s craft and school room. Eddie announced during dinner one night we had a new project to do together. For about a week we loaded everything in boxes and hauled the stuff to the attic. Then we spent some time painting the room. Actually, Eddie painted while Kelsey and I chased each other around the room with our paint brushes.
“What should we do now?” I sat back in my chair. I loved how this little girl’s smile managed to take all my negative thoughts from my mind.
“Paint,” she said and ran over to the drawer with all the different colors.
Kelsey picked out the paint for the walls which was why there were four different colors that made the room feel bright and alive. “Painting? You should paint a picture for daddy.”
“Who’s painting a picture for me?” Eddie said from behind me.
The moment I heard his voice it sent a jolt up my spine. “Look who’s home early.” I turned to find Eddie leaning up against the door frame. He seriously took my breath away.
“Daddy.” Kelsey ran into his outstretched arms. Then she wiggled out of his arms and ran down the hallway to her room.
“Hey.” I made my way toward him.
“Hey yourself.” He cleared the space in between us. “I like this look.” He looped his finger around the edge of my apron.
“Oh, this old thing.” I brushed my hand down my apron and noticed how it was covered in paint.
“Did you have fun today?” He wrapped his fingers around the back of my neck.
I loved the way it felt when he came home from work. It took me a few weeks to get used to this new life. I still had a little part of me wondering when the happy bubble would burst. “We did. You should ask her what she learned today.”
He wrapped his arms around my waist. “I will later. I need this right now.” Then he leaned forward and kissed me. Every time my lips made contact with his, my body reacted. “And a little of this.” He pushed his body firmly up against me.
I could feel the outline of his erection against my belly. “Oh, you do, huh?” I fisted my hands in his hair. “What are we going to do about that?”
Right as Eddie was about to answer my question a little voice appeared behind us. “Ewwww.”
I stepped away and burst out laughing. “Oh you silly girl, come here.” As I bent to pick her up, I knew Eddie was still close, so I made sure my behind pushed back against his body. He inhaled sharply.
“You’re evil.” He lightly poked Kelsey’s belly. “I heard you learned something today?”
“I counted to ten.”
“You did? Will you share with me?”
I passed her to Eddie and tucked my hands in my pants pockets. For the first time in my life, I felt the desire to have a baby. The thought took me by surprise. Then as fast as the image appeared it disappeared. I knew with my past, there was no way I could ever be a good mother.
Me, a mother?
Never.
“How are you feeling?” I sat down beside Jan on the couch.
“Excited that I kept my lunch down for two hours so far.” She reached for her water. “How are you doing?” She patted her hand on my thigh.
“Okay, I think.”
“You think?”
I felt comfortable talking to her about almost anything, well, not everything. I didn’t know how to tell her that I was searching pregnancy sites and had How to be a Better Mother book hidden under my bed. The more my mind thought about a baby, the more I wanted to know if I could really do it.
Tw
o nights ago Eddie and Kelsey were sitting at the kitchen table, he was helping her put a puzzle together. I watched them laugh and tease each other. There was never a time in my life where I sat with my father and laughed about anything.
“Hey.” Jan moved closer and looped her arm into mine. “Remember when I said you can talk to me about anything? I meant it.”
“This one is big.”
“Big, as in you haven’t even talked to Eddie yet, big?”
“Exactly.”
“But big in a way that you don’t know how to talk to him?”
“Pretty much.”
“Do you think he will ask you to leave if he finds out?”
That question took me a moment to answer because I didn’t know that answer. “No, not that big.”
“Sarah, Eddie and I grew up in a household where we did everything together and shared all of our stories good or bad.”
“So your family was close?”
“Very.” She turned her head to the side. “Is this about your parents?”
“Kind of, it’s–” I stood up and walked over to the big bay window– “I guess…” I turned back toward Jan. “I’ve really enjoyed my time at home with Kelsey.”
“That’s wonderful.”
“It is but those feelings worry me.”
“Worry? Does this have to do with how your father treated you growing up?” She stepped up beside me and reached for my hand. “I know how he treated you at the grocery store that day, so my guess is that was normal.”
“Yeah. I want you to know I would never hurt Kelsey the way my father hurt me.” I bent my head feeling scared to continue. “Being home with Kelsey made me think about having a baby.” I struggled to say the words. “But that frightens me.”
“You know you’re nothing like your father, right?”
“I don’t know.”
