by Liz Isaacson
At the lodge, she found baby Charlie sitting up in a saucer, toys stuck to the outside as he flapped his hands at them. She giggled at him and crouched down when he grinned and waved both arms in excitement to see her.
“I know,” she said. “I haven’t seen you in so long. Look how big you’re getting.” She knew from the family text that he wasn’t even on the charts for a baby his same age, but that the doctors were pleased with his growth for a preemie. “When’s Grandpa coming, huh? And where’s Mommy?”
“Right here,” Lily said, and Rose glanced up to find her wiping her hands on a kitchen towel. “And Dad will be here in a couple of days. The house sold, and he packed it all up.”
Rose stood and embraced Lily, her tears coming instantly. “It’s so good to see you.”
“Oh, okay.” Lily clutched her and patted her back. “Rose, what’s wrong?”
She couldn’t answer, and thankfully Lily just held her tight, the way only the best big sister could.
“Is it Liam?”
Rose nodded, and Lily said, “Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s fine.” Rose stepped back as abruptly as she’d grabbed onto her sister. She wiped her face, knowing she’d ruined fifteen minutes of work on her makeup. “I mean, he can’t give up the clinic. But I guess he can give me up.”
“I’m sure—”
“Lily,” Vi called, appearing in the doorway that led out of the kitchen. “Where’s—oh. What’s going on?” She took another few tentative steps forward, her gaze solidly on Rose, who couldn’t stop wiping her blasted face. “Don’t tell me he broke up with you.” She stopped a couple of feet away and put her hand on her hip.
“No,” Rose said. “He didn’t. I broke up with him.” She sniffled, but she wouldn’t break down again. “I think I’ve wasted enough time waiting, hoping, praying that he’ll want to be with me.”
Foolishness had never tasted so bitter before, and Rose had had a few instances where she’d made some idiotic decisions.
Vi exchanged a glance with Lily as Charlie started to fuss. Rose bent to attend to the baby, because she didn’t want to deal with her sisters obvious friendship with each other. She knew they loved her. She did. She was friends with them too. But she couldn’t help feeling like a third wheel around them.
“Maybe I’ll just stay here with Charlie,” she said, balancing him on her hip. He grabbed a fistful of her hair, and she carefully extracted it from his fingers.
“You can’t do that,” Vi said at the same time Lily said, “Beau’s taking him down to his mother’s.”
Rose felt a sense of loss she didn’t understand. “Oh, all right.” She smiled at the baby, who didn’t seem to notice that she’d been crying.
“I need your opinion,” Vi said.
“You do not.” Rose sent her a glare. “You and Mom and Lily have already planned everything, and you just invited me to go on the gondola with you.” She never would’ve said such things under normal conditions. But she didn’t feel like being very nice today.
“I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I’m not in a good mood. I should just go back home.” But the thought of doing that made her throat close and her stomach twist. So maybe she could drive around a bit. Enjoy the fall leaves, as some of them had started to change already.
“No, you’re coming.” Vi stepped up to Rose and took Charlie from her. She handed the baby to Lily and then wrapped Rose in a hug. Rose didn’t want to cry again, but she had so many emotions inside that she couldn’t help it.
“I really miss you guys,” she said. “And us writing songs, and working together, and touring, and all of it.” She took a deep breath. “I mean, I get it. We’re in a different stage of life now, and it’s a good stage. I just feel….” Left out.
The truth was, Rose always felt left out. Left behind. Last.
“Less than,” she finally said, pulling away and ducking her head. “Lily has Charlie now, and you’re getting married, and what am I? Jobless, in a big house with nobody.”
“Maybe you should do a solo album,” Vi suggested. “People have always loved you more than me. I’m just the frumpy middle sister.”
Rose scoffed out half a laugh and half a sob. “Right. And you’re not frumpy. You’ve lost like, forty pounds, and have a handsome bull rider boyfriend—oh, sorry. Fiancé.” Rose shook her head, realizing that she really was not fit company today. “I’m just going to go.”
She turned, but Lily darted in front of her, which was saying something with how she carried Charlie. “You’re not going.”
“I’ve only lost twenty-nine pounds,” Vi said. “And for a few months there, when Todd was taking his sweet time to ask me to marry him, I gained fifteen of that back.”
“I finally did a German chocolate frosting intervention,” Lily said.
Rose managed to chuckle a little, but she still didn’t feel like hanging out with her sisters that day.
“The point is,” Lily said. “We’ve all been where you are, and it’s terrible. We understand. And you can’t be alone right now. You need to be with us.” Her voice broke on the last word, and Rose lifted her gaze to her oldest sister’s.
“You need us, and we need you.” Lily wiped her eyes quickly. “Right, Vi?”
“Right.” Vi stepped to Lily’s side, and they made a triangular huddle. “We love you, Rose. Things will work out with Liam.”
Rose really didn’t think they would, but she just nodded and said, “I’ve got to wash my face.” Her eyes felt itchy and hot, and she really needed to blow her nose. Footsteps started down the steps, and she practically darted away from Lily and Vi so their mother wouldn’t see her bawling her eyes out.
“Morning, girls,” her mother’s voice said behind her. “Is Rose here yet?”
“In the bathroom,” Vi said a little too loudly. “She’s not feeling well. Something about some bad Chinese.”
Rose smiled as she ducked around the corner and went into the bathroom that sat between two of the bedrooms down there.
“Help me,” she said to her reflection, the only prayer she could offer at the moment.
A couple of hours later, she stood on the top of the world, and it was glorious. She could see for miles in every direction, and the view was stunning, breath-taking, and spectacular.
The Grand Teton mountains towered above the valleys below, and the ride up on the gondola had shown them a few deer, as well as some beautiful countryside that couldn’t be seen any other way.
She faced east, the wind whipping into her face, and imagined she could see Coral Canyon from the top of this mountain. She wondered if God felt like this, looking down on the people of Earth, wishing He could reach them all. Help them. Let them know He loved them.
In that moment, Rose felt the peace and love of God, and she took a long breath to hold onto the feeling.
“What do you think?” Vi asked, and Rose looked at her.
“I think it’ll be freezing by December twenty-ninth. Covered in snow. And kind of ridiculous to make us all come up here for a five-minute ceremony.” Beside her, Vi had her hood over her head, the strings drawn tight, and both hands in her jacket pockets.
“Because that’s all you’ll get,” Rose said. “You’ll be so cold.”
“Yeah,” Vi said. “It is beautiful, though.”
“It is.” Rose looked out across the world again. “But Vi, you just need somewhere we can all gather. There’s no many of us, and Todd only has a few family members. You could have the wedding at the lodge.”
“No.” Vi shook her head. “Lily got married at the lodge.”
“So? It doesn’t have to be bigger and better.”
“Is that so?” Vi shot her a venomous look that softened quickly. “And what would your wedding be like, Rose?”
She heard the hint of sarcasm in her name, and she took a few minutes to think about what she wanted in a wedding. “I’d find a nice reception center,” she said. “Especially if I’d chosen a winter w
edding date. I’d serve simple food that people would like. Salmon and rice pilaf, as well as short ribs and mashed potatoes.” A smile touched her lips.
“There wouldn’t be huge centerpieces, but just photos of me and—” She cut herself off before she could say Liam’s name. “My husband,” she said instead, her voice somewhat choked now. “And we’d have the ceremony, and eat dinner, and then I’d dance with Dad, and it would be done.”
Vi looped her hand through Rose’s elbow. “Sounds nice, Rose.”
Rose leaned into her sister and watched the clouds fly through the sky, imagining walking toward Liam in his best, black tux, kissing him when she arrived at the altar, and then kissing him for the first time as his wife.
She wanted that fantasy to become reality so badly. So, so badly. But she couldn’t make him choose her. He had to come to that decision on his own, and Rose couldn’t even bring herself to pray for such a thing.
Liam was Liam, and she couldn’t change him.
She felt like a completely different woman than the one who’d met him on that airplane all those months ago. A better person. One who finally knew who she was and what she wanted. So maybe there was still hope for Liam, but Rose wasn’t going to wait around for him anymore.
“Rose, we’re leaving,” Lily called. “The gondola is going in ten minutes.”
She took one long, last look at the view, and then she turned to go, hoping she could hold on to the peace she’d felt here, even for an extra moment.
And when she got back to the bottom of the mountain, and back to her house in Coral Canyon, she’d start looking for a man who wanted a family as much as she did.
Chapter Twenty
Liam rolled over when his alarm went off, slapping the nightstand to find his phone. He couldn’t feel it, and his pounding headache and tight sinuses protested when he tried to sit up. He collapsed back to his pillows and let the alarm ring.
It didn’t matter. He couldn’t go into the clinic today anyway. Not with the infection raging through his system and making everything from breathing to eating painful. He’d been on an antibiotic for a couple of days now, but he honestly didn’t feel that much better.
Maybe the kind of sickness he had couldn't be cured by modern medicine.
And the worst part? He didn’t have a single person to call for help, and that only added to his misery. He finally got his fingers around his phone and cracked his eyelids enough to get the alarm off. The screen was so bright, and Liam just wanted to go back to sleep.
But he managed to send a text to both Arthur and Susan, read their responses that they’d call in Theo, and then he tossed his phone somewhere on the other side of the bed and rolled back over.
He couldn’t breathe, and he ended up getting out of bed to build up a fortress of pillows he could sort of sit and lean into, hoping to sleep without lying all the way flat.
What he really wanted was to call Rose and ask her to bring some chicken soup. Sit by him while he slept. Kiss him when he woke up.
He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen her in a week, although he had to admit the anger over what she’d said had sustained him through the first seventy-two hours. After that, the sinus infection and double ear infections had taken over, and he hadn’t been out of bed much since.
Plenty of time to obsess over what she’d said, really give it some good thought.
As your friend, I’m telling you that you need to quit at the clinic.
Every time he thought it, he rebelled at the idea of quitting. Maybe he didn’t need to work so much. A day or two a week. He had three full-time doctors besides himself, and while the clinic was open sixteen hours a day, the three of them could cover it if he picked up a few shifts. Or hired someone else.
Now that the clinic had been deemed a big success, Liam had no doubt he could get more people to come to Coral Canyon. Maybe no one he’d worked with overseas, as they’d all ignored or avoided his phone calls.
Some of the most hurtful ones had been his colleagues he’d once shared every aspect of his life with. He pushed them away, the way he’d been doing for months now. He couldn’t go back and change the past. He couldn’t make Geoffrey tell the truth. Couldn’t make the committee reverse their decision to let him go.
And honestly, he’d come out on top. Landed on his feet. Had somewhere to crash when everything had gone downhill. Not many other people could probably do that.
But other people probably had a family to find rest with. Liam’s anger returned. He couldn’t change who his family was, or why he’d felt like he couldn’t tell them about his experiences in Nigeria.
He drifted in and out of consciousness, finally getting up close to noon and dragging himself into the shower. The hot water helped to clear his sinuses, and when he went into the kitchen, he realized someone had been there.
A pot of soup sat on the counter with a note, and he glanced around before picking it up to read it. Hope you feel better soon. Kami and Arthur.
“See?” he said aloud to his big, empty house—and not even his house, but his parent’s. “I have friends.”
He heated up a bowl of soup and ate it alone in his kitchen. The silence allowed his mind to wander, and he let it go down forbidden paths—namely toward Rose.
In these quiet moments, some of what she’d said made sense. He’d been relying on his identity of a doctor for so long, that he didn’t know how to be anything else.
He didn’t know how to be Liam Murphy.
Because no one liked Liam Murphy. Liam Murphy didn’t help people. He didn’t know how to react to dangerous situations. He didn’t know how to sleep beneath mosquito nets and decide who would get the last of the available medicine.
Doctor Murphy knew those things. Doctor Murphy commanded respect. Doctor Murphy had all the answers, to every question.
He couldn’t stay in the summer cabin now that he was awake and up, so he left his soup bowl on the counter and got in his SUV. The LandRover sort of navigated itself down into town and toward the church where he’d been going each week.
After pulling into the parking lot, he sat in the truck with the engine running. The weather had started to turn toward winter, and he wasn’t ready for that again. It seemed like summer had passed in the blink of an eye. There, then gone. He hadn’t had time to go out on the lake as much as he would’ve liked. He hadn’t taken Rose on any of the hikes he’d wanted to.
“Too busy at the clinic,” he whispered to the windshield, regretting some of his decisions over the past few months.
But that didn’t mean he had to quit completely. He could cut back.
Even as he thought it, Liam knew that wasn’t true. He didn’t do something halfway or part-time. If he did something, it consumed him, which was why he’d never had a successful relationship while also being a doctor.
Did he really have to choose his career or Rose?
Maybe another man wouldn’t have to, but Liam felt way down deep in his gut that he would.
He sighed and flipped on his windshield wipers as it began to rain. His phone buzzed, and it wasn’t Rose, so he almost didn’t look at it. But he couldn’t help himself. It could be someone from the clinic who needed him.
By some strange twist of fate or intervention from the Lord, it was his mother, asking how he was doing and that she hadn’t heard from him in a while.
He’d get texts like this from her from time to time while he worked overseas too, and he wasn’t sure if the line about not hearing from him was supposed to make him feel guilty, or if it was just an explanation for why she’d messaged.
His head hurt despite the medicine he’d taken, and he decided to be honest with her. I’m really sick, he sent back.
Oh, no, she responded. What do you need?
What did he need? He wasn’t even sure himself, but he put the SUV in gear and started driving. An hour later, he pulled into his childhood driveway and faced the house he’d dreaded returning to.
He hadn’t answered his
mother, and she probably thought he’d either fallen asleep or was busy at work. Because Liam always worked, didn’t he? Rain, shine, snow, mosquitoes, or floods, and Liam was at work.
And he was so, so tired. He just wanted to start enjoying his life, and for the first time since Rose had told him he needed to quit, he allowed himself to think she might be right.
He got out of his car and went up the imposing steps to the front door. He didn’t knock or ring the bell but went straight in.
The scent of bacon and curry met his nose, and he knew immediately that his mother had started her chicken curry soup, probably for him. His heart started pounding in his chest as everything swirled inside him.
Sure enough, he found her in the kitchen, stirring a pot on the stove. “Hey, Mom,” he said, his voice barely human. He’d never felt worse in his life, even after he’d learned that the committee in Geneva had decided to dismiss him.
“Liam.” She left the spoon in the pot and came over to him. “You look awful, dear.” She gathered him into a hug and held on tight. He hugged her back, using that force to keep himself from breaking down.
“Come on, now,” she said after several moments. “Come sit down. The soup is almost ready. I was going to bring it to you.”
Kami and Arthur had brought him soup too, but somehow his mother’s was better. Different. Meant more.
As she walked back over to the stove, he noticed that she wore a pair of red-and-navy striped leggings with an overly large T-shirt. He’d never seen his mother wear anything like that. Anything that wasn’t pressed and polished and perfectly tailored.
He stared for a moment, the sight before him so out of character, he didn’t know what to make of it.
“Why did you come?” she asked. “You never answered my text.”
“I don’t know,” he said, cradling his head in his hands and closing his eyes. If he could just get this pressure out of his head, everything would be fine. “Mom, I have to tell you something about my job with Doctors Without Borders.”
