by Raziel Reid
It’s going to be a long two-hour ride to the Ventura Ranch KOA campground. Fortune’s sitting next to a window near the back. Brandon’s driving and Bea is up front with him. Sean and Joel are sitting together on seats near the front, and Hailey and Lily are at a booth with a table. Hailey’s glued to her phone, like Lily isn’t even there. At least Lily doesn’t seem to be taking it too personally. She’s staring out the window.
Fortune gets a good look at their latest cast member. Lily’s pretty but she needs to stop eating dairy. Her hair looks flat next to Hailey’s. Hailey has a more platinum shade, and she always wears a piece to fill it out—but she’ll punish you for bringing it up by, say, filming a scene with you where you go shopping and she conveniently “forgets” her credit card and turns to you and says, “Do you mind getting it this time, darling?” and making you look totally uncool because you never pay for it because you can’t afford to pay for it and she knows it! Fortune had to admit on camera that he didn’t have the money to foot the bill they racked up at Kitson. Hailey ended up charging it to her mother’s account, like Fortune knew she was planning to from the start. She just wanted to humiliate Fortune first.
Fortune doesn’t envy Lily’s position. If Hailey wants her taken out, then Lily doesn’t stand a chance. Fortune has nothing against the girl personally, but she’s standing in the way of his contract to become a full-time cast member on the show.
“Hey, Lily, I brought you something.” Sean leans over from where he’s sitting and passes Lily a multicolored stone—different shades of gray, red, and beige swirled together.
“Wow,” Lily says, turning it around between her fingers. “So pretty. What kind of stone is this?”
“Agate. It’s supposed to be a stabilizing and strengthening influence. It harmonizes the yin and yang of things…the negative and positive. I carry one in my pocket.” Sean shrugs. “Just thought maybe you could use some positive vibes joining this group.”
Fortune notices Sean’s eyes flicker on Hailey for a second. Oh, the subtle shade of it all!
Joel laughs. “I’m not sure if a stone is going to cut it.”
“This is really sweet of you, Sean.” Lily closes the stone in the palm of her hand. “Thank you.”
For some reason Sean thinks it’s a good idea to pull out his phone and start playing some of his and Joel’s old YouTube videos for everyone to watch. They had a channel in junior high.
“I totally remember that one!” Hailey laughs. Joel is cringing and pulls his HUF hat over his face.
In the video, filmed with a handheld camera, Joel and Sean douse a mattress with gasoline, light it on fire, and roast marshmallows in the flames. They throw it into Sean’s pool to douse it and then take turns jumping on the seared mattress. It kind of put them on the map because Sean’s dad Shared it.
“We’ve had some good times with that pool, man,” Sean says, exiting out of the video. “Remember when we filled it with a million Lucky Charms?”
Joel does his best Irish accent. “They’re magically lit!”
“We should make another vlog,” Sean says. “How long has it been? You OOC?”
“OOC?” Lily asks.
“Out of content,” Hailey answers.
“That’s it! Either this hatbox gets chucked out the window or Idris does!” Greta comes storming out of the back room interrupting everyone and holding a piece of hatbox luggage threateningly. “I can’t breathe in this RV!”
“Maybe you just need to get into the spirit of it,” Hailey says. “Do you have a selfie stick? We should do a group photo.”
Fortune grabs the hatbox out of Greta’s hands before she can chuck it at Hailey. He holds it to his chest protectively. “Sorry, Idris,” Fortune says, “it was nice knowing you.”
Greta sits alone on a seat and puts in her AirPods, crossing her arms as she stares out the window at the passing highway.
Fortune squeezes past Idris into the room at the back to tuck away his luggage. Idris follows him, fuming as he flops onto the bed.
“She destroyed my Lambo, and you don’t see me holding it against her, do you?”
“Do you even like Greta?” Fortune asks. “I always thought you saw her as a stepping stone to Hailey.”
“What does Joel Strom have that I don’t?” Idris asks bitterly.
“Integrity. And a Disney prince jawline.”
Fortune sits next to Idris on the bed.
“If you want Hailey to notice you,” Fortune says, “you have to get her the one thing she can’t get for herself.” Fortune motions with his head to the front of the bus. Idris looks in that direction.
“Joel?” Idris asks. “How will pushing Joel and Hailey together help me rebound with Hailey?”
“She wants Joel to take her to the season 2 premiere at the Sofitel and walk the red carpet with her. If you can help me make that happen, then I bet I can convince Hailey to let you in on the virginity storyline. Think about it—after Patrick Paley and Hailey took that vow of abstinence at Hillsborough? You’d be a legend!”
“No way will Joel go along with it,” Idris says. “Hailey’s gone against Greta too many times. Joel doesn’t forgive you when you mess with his sister, believe me.”
“Maybe it’ll never be real love between Hailey and Joel,” Fortune says. “But it doesn’t matter what’s real.”
He nudges Idris’s shoulder.
“It only matters what people think is real.”
Idris smirks. “What do you have in mind?”
“Here’s the deal,” Fortune says, keeping his voice low enough so no one else in the RV can hear them. “You help me get Joel to take Hailey to the premiere and you get to be Hailey’s official first. Think of the coverage. You’ll have more screen time than Joel come season 3.”
“What are you getting out of it?”
“Hailey’s going to help me make permanent cast member status on Platinum Triangle.”
Idris laughs. “And how exactly are you going to convince Joel?”
“Oh, I’ll just blackmail him.”
“Squeaky-clean ad-friendly YouTube star Joel Strom?” Idris asks.
“Everyone has a secret, even Prince Charming. I’ll find a way to get it out of him.” Fortune drags a nail down Idris’s cheek. “Leave it to me.”
Fortune turns and looks across the RV. Hailey’s up at the very front with Brandon and Bea now, and Lily and Joel are sitting on the same side of the table, close enough that their arms are touching.
“The real challenge is keeping Lily away from Joel,” Fortune says. He sizes Idris up. “But I’m sure you’re up to it.”
“Me?” Idris asks.
“Distract her. Think about how epic it will be if the virginity storyline ends with a screen grab of Idris Morcos ‘checking in’ to Hailey Paley.”
Fortune knows it’s sick enough to pique Idris’s interest. And it’s just the kind of scandal Sam and the network heads drool over. It’ll be an Idris versus Patrick showdown over Hailey’s purity. Hailey can turn on the waterworks and pull off her ring, like, legit “Daddy, I’m in love with danger!” How can Idris resist? He’s always wanted to be a Marvel villain.
The bus comes to a sudden, lurching stop. Fortune peers out the window. They’re in the parking lot of a supermarket. Brandon wants to do a beer run. Thank God. Even if he’s just shopping for cheese puffs and hot dogs, Fortune needs some retail therapy if he’s going to make it through this trip!
lillianrhode
44k followers
camillanicolamarie BEAUTIFUL QUEEN U DESERVE EVERYTHING
pilettacarozina_ @lillianrhode I love Jailey not you
pwnimma You look like a little boy who got into his mom s makeup
bartakatiz Ölürüm öldürürüm
akirailyas Fake
officialcatriana You can never outshine hailey and stop being a stalkery
carolcaldner Keep that pretty head in tune with your heart
They pull up to the Ventura Ranch KOA campsite
on the top of the Topa Topa mountains, with breathtaking canyon views. There are seating areas, a firepit, a grill, and trails leading to the safari tents and teepees where they’ll be sleeping.
Brandon steps off the RV carrying a case of beer. They spent $1,500 on junk food at the supermarket. Lily noted Hailey’s enthusiasm. She loaded a cart full of cinnamon buns and pie and cookies from the bakery.
“There are three safari tents and two teepees,” Brandon says. “We all have to double up.”
The pairings happen automatically. Brandon and Bea want one of the teepees, Sean and Joel take the other, Hailey and Fortune claim one of the tents, which leaves one for Idris and Greta and one for Lily and Valeria when she shows up. Valeria sent Sean a text saying she got backed up and is going to drive straight to the campground.
“No way,” Greta says. “I am not sharing a tent with Idris. I’d rather sleep out in the open and let the wildlife get me.”
“Then Idris can bunk with Lily, and Greta and Valeria can share,” Brandon says.
Lily sees Joel open his mouth to object, but before he can, Bea speaks up. “I’ll sleep with Greta,” she tells Brandon. “And you and Idris can share a teepee. You boys deserve each other.”
Lily gives Bea a smile of gratitude, but Bea just looks away. Lily doesn’t know what she did to offend her but it’s obvious the Getty heiress is #TeamHailey, like so many of Lily’s followers, who keep trolling her. Does it have to be a competition? Lily doesn’t know if she can survive in the wilderness with these girls. She can’t wait for Valeria to show up.
“Then it’s settled,” Joel says quickly, before Brandon can complain.
“Fine.” Brandon sighs. He nuzzles Bea’s neck. “I’ll just have to take you out into the woods…”
“Let’s go see if the tent has WiFi,” Hailey tells Fortune. She leaves him to deal with their mountain of bags.
They all disperse to check out where they’ll be sleeping and to unpack. Lily doesn’t know if you can call her accommodation a “tent.” It has a queen-size bed, two chairs, a couch, and a table. The furniture is in earthy tones, with a zebra-skin rug on the floor. It’s bigger than the trailer where Lily grew up!
As Lily is putting away the few pieces of clothing she brought in one of the dresser drawers, there’s a tap on the screen door.
“So, what do you think?” Joel asks, stepping inside.
“Not exactly what I was expecting.” Lily fluffs her pillow. “But I think I’ll survive.”
“The teepee where Sean and I are sleeping is sick,” Joel says. “And there’s a bunch of trails, apparently.” He passes her a pamphlet with a map. “You wanna meet up tonight? The views are supposed to be insane.”
“I’m in.” Lily smiles. “But I don’t want everyone to know about it. Things are still kind of tense between me and Hailey…I just want to avoid drama this trip. If it manages to stay out of the press, I’ll consider it a success.”
“We’ll go separately, then.” Joel points to a spot on the map, just off a trail and next to a stream. “Meet you there at midnight?”
“I can’t wait,” Lily says, leaning in for a kiss.
paleyhailey
1m followers
leodragon1313 Lily and Joel look cute but not similar as hailey n Joel they’d be perfect together
alesxisandrorocchi @missemmyy Still no JAILEY
rose.pellegrino @mariataff9 Haileu is obsessed with him but he’s was seen with @lillianrhode her COUSIN
mariataff9 @rose.pellegrino TF?? Where?
rose.pellegrino @mariataff9 The beach……They’re filmingg together
mariataff9 @rose.pellegrino NO!!!! I’ve been waiting for Jailey to get together literally my whole life
Hailey steps away from the door to Lily’s safari tent when she sees Lily and Joel kissing through the screen. She saw Joel sneaking up the path to Lily’s tent and followed him. She wanted to see for herself if her followers are right and Joel and Lily are together…. Hailey almost trips on a tree root sticking out of the ground as she turns and runs back down the trail toward where the RV is parked.
Hailey screams when a peacock comes out of nowhere and crosses the path she’s on. Random peacocks roam all over the campground. She almost crashes into Idris at the end of the path.
“Woah!” He holds out his arms to stop her. “Sasquatch after you or something? Brando says you can take guided tours to try and spot one. You up for it?”
“Why don’t you take Lily?” Hailey asks, pulling away from him. “Hopefully the monster is hungry.”
While they were unpacking, Fortune had filled Hailey in on his conversation with Idris on the RV. Hailey isn’t exactly thrilled about giving Idris bragging rights over her highly coveted virginity, but it’s not like she’ll actually have to go through with it. And it would certainly be ratings gold if Hailey and Idris had a storyline for season 3. Hailey can’t cling to Joel for too long. It’s starting to look pathetic. The key to longevity on a platform like reality TV is to keep evolving. Hailey’s always known she’d have to orbit around Idris eventually.
“I don’t see why you want Joel to take you to the premiere anyway,” Idris says. “If you ask me, we look much better together…”
Hailey starts walking away. “Tell that to your girlfriend,” she calls over her shoulder.
greta.strom
725k followers
magarsabnan So disgusting ew
itsmehillary99 U have a mental issue.
itsmehillary99 Psycho
laura.gough1 Get help
meg_baked1217 @itsnotbritneybitchitsmimi yeah ikr she has ‘human feeling’ nah man people hate each other it’s just human nature get over it
They need wood for the firepit. Brandon bought an ax because he’s basically Patrick Bateman from American Psycho and Idris is being a misogynistic jerk saying the guys will go get it and so Greta grabs the ax and starts a revolution.
“Um, Greta…,” Joel calls after her but Greta is already walking toward the woods. She lifts her hand in the air and gives the boys the middle finger.
“Come on, girls!” she yells.
Lily is right behind her, and Hailey and Bea follow them into the woods. Greta wishes Hailey wouldn’t. It’s not like it’s the first time they’ve played dirty in the press. That was basically them all season 1. But Greta’s sick of it. She wants only real relationships from now on.
Greta leads them deeper into the woods, gaining some satisfaction from Hailey screaming at every bug she sees and crying about “furry spiders.” Greta knows this is torture for her. Hailey is afraid of everything. She has to take Xanax before she’ll fly anywhere. On the cast trip to the Bahamas, Hailey had to hold Greta’s hand as the private jet took off.
“Does anyone know how to chop wood?” Bea asks. They all stop walking and look at each other.
“How hard can it be?” Greta asks.
“I think we’re lost,” Hailey says. She holds up her phone. “I’m not getting a connection.”
“I am,” Lily says. She’s looking up how to split firewood on Google. “There’s a website called ‘The Art of Manliness’ with a step-by-step guide. We might need a chopping block…”
“The Art of Manliness?” Greta shakes her head. “The fucking patriarchy. I’d like to chop off its dick!” She lets out her rage by bringing the ax down on the stump of a tree that has fallen over. It doesn’t exactly split it but she keeps hacking at it until chunks of wood break off. Who says they have to be logs?
“Or you could just do that,” Lily says, putting away her phone.
“Watch it!” Hailey gasps. “You’re swinging that thing like a maniac!”
Greta stops hacking at the tree stump and spins around to face Hailey. It’s like the forest becomes still as Lily and Bea and the animals in the woods wait to see what Greta will do next. Greta backs Hailey against a tree and lifts the ax, holding it to Hailey’s neck. Hailey swallows nervously.
“I’d chop off your head if I didn�
��t think two more would pop up in its place,” Greta says.
“Back off, creep!” Hailey pushes Greta. Greta throws the ax into the woods. She doesn’t need it. She pushes Hailey back and Hailey goes flying into the tree.
“You bitch!”
Hailey lunges at Greta.
“Stop!” Lily tries to take a step forward but Bea holds her.
The revolution has gone a bit sideways. There’s hair-pulling and they’re rolling around in the mud. Greta has Hailey pinned.
“What kind of a friend are you?” she asks.
“You’re the one who tried to make me look bad by planting the story on Radar about Joel and Lily!” Hailey says through gritted teeth. She uses all her strength to get free from Greta’s restraint, then pushes her off. They stand and face each other.
“You’re right,” Greta says. “I did plant that story. I know how to get you where it hurts.”
“Why would that hurt?” Lily asks. She looks at Hailey. “I thought you told me you weren’t interested in Joel?”
“Are you kidding?” Greta laughs. “She’d kill for him.”
thejoelstrom
1.8m followers
annadudley HOW DO WE BECOME FRIENDS?!?!
“You want to fight me?” Brandon tosses his ping pong paddle on the table set up outside. “I’ll fight you right now, you little bitch!”
Joel stands his ground. He’s not scared of Brandon Cadogan or his infamous temper tantrums. Brandon’s brother, Conrad, got all the good genes. Brandon’s the black sheep of the Cadogan family, especially when he starts drinking.
“What happened?” Sean asks. “It was going so well!”
It was, too. After they started a fire (by “We’ll go get firewood” Idris meant they’d go to the office and check in and pick up a stack there, one of the amenities of the campground) and cracked a few beers, Brandon and Idris started playing a game of ping pong. Joel called winner.
