by R. Linda
Walking in the back door, I called out to see if anyone was around. Indie’s voice travelled through the cottage from her studio. “In here.”
I found her sitting in a white wicker chair, a sketch pad and charcoal beside her and her phone pressed to her ear. She smiled when I walked in and held up her finger to tell me she’d only be a minute.
“I miss you too.”
I had no clue who she was talking to. Linc, maybe? Because he was nowhere around, but telling him she missed him was a bit much since they lived together.
“When are you getting here?”
I wandered around the studio, looking through all her art supplies and some of the paintings and drawings she’d already done. They were all of the beach and Linc. Of course.
“You’ve got a break for the next couple of months until the semester starts again. Stay for the summer. It’ll be fun.”
Paint drops already decorated the whitewashed floorboards. She’d well and truly settled in. Give it a few months, and I was sure the entire room would be coloured like a rainbow.
“Yes! Of course.” Indie bounced in her chair, a wide smile on her face.
I took a seat in the chair beside her and reached for her sketch pad. She slapped my hand away and narrowed her eyes, not wanting me to see what she was working on. I grabbed it anyway and flicked it open to the piece she was in the middle of before talking to whoever was on the phone. The beach, waves, and what looked like the beginning of a person out in the water. Looking out the large window at the ocean, I spotted Linc in the distance paddling back out over the break. She was sketching him while he surfed.
How romantic?
I gagged, and Indie slapped me.
“You can stay here or with Ryder and Bailey. There’s plenty of options.” She paused while the other person said something. “Really?” Her face lit up as she squealed with excitement. “Okay, I can’t wait. See you then.” She dropped her phone onto the table beside her and snatched the sketch pad from my hands.
“Don’t touch.”
“You’re drawing Linc?”
“He’s my muse.” She shrugged.
“Who was on the phone?”
“Jack!”
“He’s coming here?” I leaned forward and rested my elbows on my knees.
“Yeah. He’s bored and lonely. And he doesn’t go back to school for a month or two, so I figured why not invite him for the summer. He was coming for the engagement party anyway.”
“Fair enough.” I stared out the window and watched Linc surf.
Indie was quiet.
“What’s up?” she asked after a while.
“Nothing.”
“You look exhausted.”
“Didn’t sleep well, and work’s just…busting my balls. They want me to go to therapy after yesterday.”
“Yeah. Sorry. I heard about that. So, go.”
I took a deep breath. It wasn’t that simple. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings. I just wanted to forget it happened and move on. Why couldn’t people leave well enough alone? I was fine. “I don’t need to.”
“Why didn’t you sleep well?”
“I kept hearing the screams and seeing the girl curled in a ball on the floor waiting to die.”
“Uh-huh.” Indie had her arms crossed and her head tilted to the side and worry in her eyes.
“What?”
“You need therapy.”
“I don’t. I’m fine.” I ground my teeth.
“You’re not. If you were fine, you would have slept last night.”
“Whatever. Cap says I have to go or I’m suspended.”
“So, what’s the problem? You don’t have a choice. Go, get it over with.”
“I hate talking about that. Feelings and stuff.”
“It’s better than bottling it up.”
“Whatever. I’m going for a surf.” I stood and walked out of the room, leaving Indie there in silence.
I grabbed one of Linc’s boards from beside the back door and jogged down to the beach where I dumped my clothes, only keeping my shorts on, and paddled out to where Linc was sitting on his board, waiting. The water was freezing. It wasn’t near hot enough to be out in the water, but it was peaceful, and that was what I needed.
“Hey, man,” he greeted, narrowing his eyes at the hard expression on my face. “Ready?” was all he asked. He knew me well enough not to demand answers or tell me what to do. He’d surf with me until I calmed down.
I didn’t know how long we surfed, but I was still on edge. I was still thinking about the girl in hospital fighting for her life. I could still hear the screams of the family crashing over me with the waves.
My thoughts drifted to Harper. Sitting under that tree with her last night, having dinner, it was good. After telling her about the incident, I barely gave it a second thought. She made it easy to forget.
I needed Harper.
And that was only going to end in trouble.
But I didn’t care. I needed to see her. Talk to her. If only to silence the screams in my head.
I told Linc I was done and paddled back to shore, ignoring his calling me back. I grabbed my clothes off the sand and returned Linc’s surfboard as quietly as possible so Indie didn’t hear me and want to talk.
I didn’t bother getting dressed. I was still dripping wet, and there was nothing worse than wearing dry clothes when you were wet. Once in the car, I pulled out my phone to call Harper, only to notice three messages from her.
The first one was sent two hours ago.
Harper: Hi, friend. I have a favour to ask…
I smiled at her calling me “friend” and read the next one, sent only minutes after the first.
Harper: Any chance you could pick me up after class? Long story, but Kenzie left with Brody, and she’s my ride.
Dammit. What time did she finish class? And why the hell were Kenzie and Brody leaving together?
Harper: Okay, never mind. I guess you’re busy. I’ll just walk.
That one was sent fifteen minutes ago. She couldn’t walk. It was a thirty-minute drive, at least. It’d take all night to walk. I started the car and pulled out of the driveway while fumbling with my phone.
“Hello?” she answered after a few rings.
“Where are you?”
“Nate?”
“No. It’s Santa Claus.”
“Very funny.”
“Where are you?”
“Waiting for the only cab in three towns to pick me up.” She sighed. That was the thing about small towns—transport options were limited.
“Where?”
“By the pier. I walked that far and gave up.”
“Wait for me. I’ll be there in fifteen.”
“Fifteen? Where are you?”
“Just left Linc and Indie’s.”
“I’m sure the cab will be here in a minute. It’s fine. Don’t worry. You’re at least half an hour away. I’ll just catch you later.”
She didn’t get it. I needed to see her.
“I’ll be there in fifteen,” I growled.
“Nate, don’t do anything stupid, okay? Relax, slow down. I’ll wait. But I want you here in one piece.”
“See you soon, friend.” I hung up and put my foot down a little harder.
True to my word, I pulled my car into a parking spot by the pier fifteen minutes later.
Harper was sitting on a bench facing the water when I approached and sat next to her.
“Hi,” I said.
She turned away from me, leaving me to stare at the small red poppy tattoo on the back of her neck.
“I don’t get a response?” I wondered what I had done wrong. I drove all the way out there to pick her up so she wouldn’t have to rely on a cab which would have cost a fortune, and she wasn’t talking to me all of a sudden. What could have changed in fifteen minutes?
“No,” she said, her voice cracking.
“Harper?” I touched her shoulder, b
ut she shook me off. “What’s wrong?”
She sniffed and brought her hand up to wipe her…nose, face, eyes? I couldn’t tell because she wouldn’t look at me. I stood, walked around, and crouched in front of her. She lowered her head.
“Talk to me, please?”
“You’re an idiot. A complete fool.” Her voice was hard as she pushed me away with such force that I fell backwards, catching myself with my hands and sending shooting pain through my wrists from the impact.
“What did I do?” I rose to my feet and dusted off my hands. Why was she so angry at me? A cab pulled up at the side of the road.
“Fifteen minutes, Nate!” She jumped off the bench and shoved me again. “Do you know how stupid that was? How irresponsible? Huh? Did you think about the consequences?” She grabbed her bag from the ground and stormed off toward the waiting cab.
I chased after her and pulled her away from the door she’d just opened. Leaning in, I told the driver to leave.
“Whatever, man.” The guy behind the wheel shrugged and drove off as I slammed the door shut.
“I can’t believe you,” she shouted. “Just go. I’ll find another way home.”
“No.” I grabbed her arm and pulled her to me. “Not until you tell me what I did.”
“You don’t get it, do you?” she cried and beat her fists against my chest.
Dammit.
I wrapped my arms around her and rubbed my hand up and down her back. She struggled against me, wriggling in my arms, attempting to free herself from my hold, but I wasn’t letting go.
“Not if you don’t tell me.”
I got here in the time I told her I would. It was a little faster than it should have been, but I only did that because I had to see her, needed to see her, and I didn’t want her waiting around by herself or getting into the car with someone she didn’t know. And then it hit me. She told me to take my time, and I didn’t.
“I’m sorry. Okay? I shouldn’t have sped here like that. I just wanted to see you. Make sure you were safe,” I whispered to her as calmed down.
“But that’s just it,” she said so softly I strained to hear her.
“What?”
“You were so worried about me that you didn’t care about yourself or anyone else.” Her hands gripped my shirt as her tears soaked through to my skin. “What if something happened?”
“But it didn’t. I’m okay. You’re okay. It’s all okay.”
“It’s not, and I’m not.”
We were still standing on the curb, so I walked her—still wrapped in my arms and against my chest—to the bench and sat, pulling her onto my lap.
“Something happened, didn’t it? To you or someone you care about.” I tilted her face up and brushed a strand of black hair from her eyes. It was the only thing that made sense. The only thing I could think of that would cause her to react that way.
She nodded.
“Want to tell me about it?”
She shook her head.
“I’m sorry,” I said again and wrapped my arms around her, holding her close.
Eventually her sobs stopped, her breathing evened out, and her tears dried. But neither of us moved. Neither of us spoke. We just sat with her curled in my lap and my hands rubbing soft circles on her waist.
“My brother,” she said after the longest time. Her voice was raw and scratchy, full of emotion. Full of sadness.
“What happened?”
“He killed someone.”
I flinched. I didn’t mean to but that was a huge bombshell to drop on someone. She noticed and tensed in my arms as though preparing to get up and walk away. So, I did the only thing I could think of and pulled her closer, letting her know I wasn’t going anywhere. I wasn’t judging. I was just listening.
Chapter Ten
Harper
I sighed. I hadn’t talked about what happened with my brother for eight years, since I stopped going to therapy, and I didn’t know how to talk about it now. But I wanted to. Something about Nate made me want to tell him everything. Kenzie didn’t even know, and Brody had no clue. For the most part, I blocked it out as much as possible, choosing to ignore the nagging in my head to dredge up old memories I’d rather forget. Memories that made my heart hurt.
“Nine years ago, my brother killed someone. A kid. Same age as me. Thirteen.” My voice trembled as I spoke. Nate stiffened and inhaled sharply but didn’t speak. Hearing someone killed anyone was a shock, but hearing someone killed a kid was hard to understand. “My parents were the lowest of low. They were addicted to everything. Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, gambling. You name it, they did it. Life sucked growing up, and my brother was my guardian angel.” I smiled sadly at the thought of my brother, who I’d not seen or spoken to for two years. The one who told me to go and not come back. The one who abandoned me for my own good. I missed his smiling face, and the way he used to take care of me.
“One night, I-I can’t really remember the details. I’ve blocked a lot out, but my parents used to drag me around everywhere with them. I was young, innocent looking, so they’d send me into their various dealers’ houses or drop me off on street corners to buy their drugs while they circled the block and came back. No one was going to suspect me of doing anything like that. I was the perfect cover.”
Nate growled and tightened his arms even more around my waist, pulling me into the safety of his embrace. The beat of his heart echoed mine, erratic and unstable.
“Anyway, this night they took me to a…I guess you could call it a party. I’d left my brother a note in our secret spot. We didn’t have phones then, so we left messages to each other under a loose floorboard in my room. He was working, but he would be finished soon. He was always working. Trying get enough money together so when he turned eighteen, he could get me away from them. I followed my parents into this house. It was putrid. The walls were stained yellow from cigarette smoke, there were bloodstains on the carpets, and everything else was black from dirt and grime, used needles littered the floor and countertops and everywhere.”
I took a deep breath, needing a minute compose myself. Nate’s head was buried in the crook of my neck, and he still didn’t say a word. His hot breath drifting over my skin was comforting, and in that moment, I felt cherished, calm.
“They were high. Like always, but it was wearing off. They were always looking for their next hit, chasing that high. As terrible as it sounds, I liked them better when they were high. They were always too out of it to pay attention to me when they were smashed. It was when they were coming down that life got…hard.” I swallowed the lump in my throat, forcing the tears back. “So, they were coming down, but you know, their dealer was right there. The goods were on the table. Only they didn’t have the cash to pay. They were begging, pleading, offering anything for just one more hit, but h-he…he wasn’t interested. He didn’t want their car. He didn’t want my mother.” I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, she offered herself, and he turned her down. He wanted one thing, and one thing only.”
Nate’s fingers dug into my skin, pinching, hurting, but I welcomed the pain. It took away from the pain in my chest, gave me something else to focus on.
“Don’t. Say. It.” His voice was rough, broken, his lips brushing against the top of my shoulder and sending a shiver up my spine. Such a sweet yet innocent action had the power to break me and put me back together at the same time.
I nodded and bit back a sob.
“Me. He wanted me. I was thirteen. As messed up as they were, I was their daughter. They loved me in their own way. They wouldn’t allow that. They wouldn’t do that to me. But they did.”
“Harper?”
Tears were rolling down my cheeks, but I didn’t stop them. I needed to finish the story. He needed to know everything. “I don’t remember what happened next. I blocked it all out. I only know what the police told me after. Someone in that house, I don’t know who. I never asked. Someone dragged me out of the house be-before things got too far. My clothes were torn to s
hreds, but I wasn’t harmed. Whoever it was saved me.”
Nate breathed a small sigh of relief and pressed his lips to the side of my neck, soft and warm. I settled into his arms, trying to lose myself in him.
“I was taken from my parents and put into foster care the next day. But my brother, when he got my note about where my parents were taking me that night, he jumped into his car and came to find me. Only he didn’t make it. He was so out of his mind with worry, all he wanted to do was get to me. It was dark, and the road was wet. A kid from my school crossed the road, came out of nowhere, and Jeremy…my brother was driving too fast. He didn’t see him until it was too late. He couldn’t stop in time. In one night, I lost everything. I lost myself and my brother. He was jailed for involuntary manslaughter and reckless driving.”
“Shit.” Nate took my face in his hands and turned me to look at him. The pain, the sadness, and the worry were all there in his eyes. “Harper, I—” He pressed his forehead to mine.
He was at a loss for words. Understandable, given all the information I dumped on him. I didn’t need him to speak. I just needed him to understand my reaction earlier. I needed his warmth and safety.
“He was given ten years and was eligible for parole after eight.”
He pulled back slightly with wide eyes. “So, he’s out?”
“I don’t know. It’s been two years since I last spoke to him. He ordered me away. Told me to make something of my life, not spend every other moment speaking to him behind a glass wall. He didn’t want me to wait. He didn’t want me to see the way prison changed him, hardened him. He-he…” I was losing it. My brother was my whole life, and he refused to see me again. I tried for weeks after he sent me away, but each time was told the same thing, “Jeremy Donovan is not taking visitors,” so in the end, I gave up. I tracked down an uncle I’d never met and packed my bags. That was how I came to live in Blackhill with Johnny and Julie.
“Shhh,” Nate whispered, staring into my eyes. Wiping the tears from my lashes and running his hands through my hair, he brought my face impossibly closer to his. I reached up and placed my palms over his, weaving our fingers together, not wanting to let him go.
