by Laura Winter
The rumor mill was still active with wild theories, though, and that didn’t stop people from glaring at me. The three of us enjoyed listening to them from time to time. Glitch’s favorite rumor was that I was actually a spy for the East Hills volleyball team and was reporting back all of their weaknesses so West would lose.
“I’d have nothing to report to them since you guys aren’t any good,” I snapped at Emma who was eavesdropping on our conversation. I grinned when her thoughts turned into a fumbling mess, thinking I had eyes on the back of my head.
Nate squeezed my hand and laughed. “Nah, I think my favorite is that you made a deal with the devil and lost your soul so you could be good at volleyball.”
“That would only make sense if I was on the team. Why make that deal if I’m not going to use the skill?” I said, loud enough for the prying ears. “Although, it does sound like me to do that just to make a point and then let it go to waste…”
Glitch held in a laugh. “I’m pretty sure you sold your soul to get that sharp tongue. That’s why you’re cold blooded,” he said, poking my arm.
I couldn’t even fake a laugh on that one. What if I really didn’t have a soul? Maybe that’s really what the Blue Star did to me. It took my soul and memories and replaced it with this cold feeling.
Nate tensed up next to me, quickly changing the subject. “Anyway, we can finish up the project tonight and just roll into movie night. I’ll get the pizza. You in, C?”
“Sure. I can bring root beer floats. What movie are we watching?”
“Star Wars, duh,” Glitch gasped. He turned to Nate with a scowl and kicked him under the desk. “You didn’t tell her that Friday nights were Star Wars nights?”
“Ouch, it’s not my fault. I didn’t know if she’d be interested!” Nate carefully dodged another kick.
Previous me suddenly got excited as a stream of movie quotes ran through my head. This version of me had never seen the movie, but I already felt like I knew it. I groaned internally, frustrated that these types of memories would come back but served no purpose in giving me any real details about my life… except that I was a total nerd before now. Eh, if it helped me hang out with Nate and Glitch a little longer, I’d wear any title.
I narrowed my eyes and pretended to force choke Glitch as he and Nate burst out into laughter. Glitch started spouting more quotes as I glanced at Nate who couldn’t take his eyes off me.
Where did this crazy, amazing girl come from?
I just smiled back at him, giving my best brave face. If only I knew.
12
Nate
We finished up the history project even though it wasn’t due until the end of November. At least that reduced a significant amount of homework during the semester. That rolled into movie night, which I’d consider a huge success even though I could barely pay attention. I was too busy watching Clara watch the movie. Even though she knew all the lines, it almost looked like she was seeing it for the first time. I guess it could have been her favorite movie.
Glitch headed off at the end credits, but not before his famous line to me.
“I told you she’s your type,” he said, winking as he walked to the front door.
“Shut up and go home,” I groaned. I tried to shut the door before he could say anything else, but Glitch had a different idea.
He shouted back into the house before the door was closed. “Have her home by midnight, young man!”
I grimaced and pressed my forehead to the closed door, whispering to myself. “Glitch, you are the worst.”
I walked back to the kitchen where Clara was cleaning our plates in the sink. The girl must have had an endless supply of long sleeves because she had a new one on every time I saw her. That was a pretty good sign I liked her since I could remember all the outfits she wore. It was always black or blue jeans, Converse or boots, all paired with a long sleeve. Then there was the clunky key necklace and my old sweatshirt she either wore or had tied around her waist. Oh, and those beautiful blue eyes popping behind her violet-red hair, stealing the rest of the show.
She looked up from the sink and smiled, catching me staring. I thought for a second that I saw blue ink on her palm, but before I could know for sure, she had her hands in the sleeves of my old sweatshirt, pulling it over her arms.
“Ready for a new music album?” she asked, speaking in grunts as she struggled to fit her head through the collar without messing up her hair. Funny, because it always seemed like her hair was just a bit messy on purpose.
“I have a speaker upstairs. We can use that instead of headphones,” I offered, enjoying the fact that she was willing to share her music and looking for ways to stay a little longer.
“Even better!” she cheered. She skipped past me and ran up the stairs before I had a chance to tell her where to go.
By the time I made it to my room, Clara had already plugged in her iPod and was sitting on the floor against my bed. She drifted side to side, eyes closed as she listened to the music playing in the background. I sat down next to her and she leaned closer, twisting her arm around mine and grabbing my hand.
“Andrew Belle. Dive Deep. My favorite album,” she whispered.
Wow. One week of knowing her and she was finally letting me listen to her favorite album. I smiled and let the music float around the room. The melody was perfect for the moment as I focused on the coolness of her touch through her sleeve. I had gotten used to the feeling, even if it still gave me chills every once in a while. I could handle that as long as she stayed close like this.
As the first song started to pick up, Clara pressed her head into my shoulder and I rested my cheek gently on top. I wanted to stay here forever. The deeper we got into the album, the more I felt her face press harder into my shoulder as she drifted to sleep.
I listened to the entire album, trying not to move a muscle as she slept on me. I could understand why she loved this album so much. It was smooth and soothing and vulnerable, perfect for Clara. She seemed to always have something new to listen to, and when she wasn’t having a conversation with us, her headphones were stuck in her ears. But if that made her happy, it made me happy too.
The alarm on her phone rang just after the last song started to play, causing her to twitch. I hated that damn alarm, signaling it was time for her to leave. Plus, it always seemed to go off right when I was building the courage to think about kissing her. Groaning into my shoulder, she pushed off and blinked a few times before reaching over to turn it off.
“What did you think?” Clara asked. “My favorite song is Honey and Milk.”
“I loved it,” I replied with a smile. If that was her favorite, it would be mine too. Hell, the whole album was my favorite because I could see how much she loved it.
A brief thought passed that if I just leaned in to kiss her, I could bypass my nervous brain, but it was gone before I had the courage. Maybe I had to follow some dating rules or wait a certain amount of time before that happened.
“You’re going to have to make me a playlist one of these days,” she said. She sat back on her heels and tossed her phone and iPod into the mess of papers and books in her bag. For a girl who had such clean handwriting and followed strict curfews, I kind of expected her bag to be completely organized.
“You’re the one with the new music all the time,” I replied. “I don’t think I’ll have anything you haven’t already heard.”
“That’s not the point, though. It’s about making something that you enjoy; something that speaks to you and makes you feel whatever emotion you want it to make you feel.” She shifted onto her knees and back to her heels but didn’t stand up, fumbling with the sleeves of her sweatshirt. It kind of felt like she was stalling. Did she not want to leave? Was she waiting for something?
“Okay, I’ll make you one for Monday.” Do it. Kiss her. Come on, you nervous wreck. My muscles didn’t respond to my brain’s commands so I just sat there, probably looking like an idiot.
Just before a
ll hope was lost, Clara slid forward and wrapped her hands around my neck. She lifted off her knees to lean across the space between us and pulled me into her kiss. My heart jumped through my chest with happiness and surprise. Her lips were cold, but I think the shiver I felt was just my heart pounding wildly against my chest.
As I was about to reach around her to keep her in that kiss forever, she broke away and stood up, dragging her bag on the ground behind her. I, however, remained stuck… in fact, I might have actually been frozen to the ground.
“See you Monday!” she cheered with a smile. She winked at me before skipping out the door and hurrying down the hallway.
My head was spinning and my heart was pounding so hard, I don’t remember if I said goodnight or not.
13
Clara
I think I fell asleep just after the third song played because the next thing I knew, the last song was playing and my alarm was ruining it. I groaned and realized I had my face pressed hard into Nate’s shoulder. He must have stayed completely still for a long time just to hold me up. Add Queen of Embarrassment to my list of titles.
I turned off the ringing and blinked to wake myself up.
“What did you think? My favorite song is Honey and Milk.”
It would have been so easy to read his mind and figure out what he was really thinking, but I should probably start practicing some restraint.
“I loved it,” he replied.
I didn’t need to read his thoughts. His smile was too genuine for a lie just to impress me.
Glitch had warned me that Nate was a little slow when it came to social cues, but thought he’d eventually get the courage to kiss me. I wondered if he would try tonight, so I stalled to give him more time in case he was nervous about it.
Alright, who was I kidding? Of course he was nervous.
“You’re going to have to make me a playlist one of these days.”
I delayed longer, pressing back into my heels as I shuffled the papers into my bag so I could throw my iPod and phone inside. Hm, I should probably clean this out over the weekend.
“You’re the one with the new music all the time. I don’t think I’ll have anything you haven’t already heard,” he said with a shrug.
“That’s not the point, though. It’s about making something that you enjoy; something that speaks to you and makes you feel whatever emotion you want it to make you feel.”
I guess to me, music was how I could figure out who I was. It was all I had, and I wanted to share that with Nate. Wow, I really liked him.
He still didn’t move despite my stalling tactics.
Holy shit, Nate. How long do I have to delay before you finally get the hint? I rocked a little bit while I played with the sleeves of his jacket that were just a bit too long for my arms. If he didn’t make a move soon, I was going to have to break my rules and listen in on his thoughts.
“Okay,” he said, finally breaking the silence. “I’ll make you one for Monday.”
For a brief moment, I thought that would be the moment, but he still sat there. Alright, screw it. I’m listening in.
Nate’s thought came through as I let my walls down.
Do it. Kiss her. Come on, you nervous wreck.
Yeah, I should have known I was going to have to do this myself.
I pushed myself across the floor and lifted off my knees, wrapping my hands around his neck as I pulled him into my kiss. I could feel his heart pick up at the same time mine did, shifting my focus to his soft lips and warm touch. It felt incredible and I wanted to stay in this moment forever.
But I had already given him everything I was. He knew basically everything about me that I knew about myself, minus my powers. Music was all I had about my past, and I had just shared my favorite. I was still empty, missing the truth about who I really was… who I used to be. But this was who I wanted to be, because this me was completely melting in Nate’s kiss.
I pulled away just before I got stuck forever, standing up to keep myself from getting sucked back in. “See you Monday!”
Ugh, what? That was the absolute worst thing to say after your first kiss. Oh, shit. Was that my first kiss? I hope so, unless previous me had boyfriends. Wait, were Nate and I dating? Was he my boyfriend now?
Oh, geez. I hope previous me didn’t have this anxiety. I wouldn’t wish this feeling on anyone. I turned and skipped down the hallway to avoid any more awkwardness. I think Nate said goodnight behind me just as I made it to the stairs.
14
Nate
By the seventh day in a row, it was clear the nightmare wasn’t going away. It was always the same; fire, lighting, Clara. Each time I would get closer to her, but she still died. I’d watch, almost in slow motion, as she covered her stomach, blue blood spilling between her fingers. Before I could catch her, I would wake up somewhere in my room. Sometimes I dove into the wall, other times I fell to the floor. Thankfully my parents were never home to hear any of it.
Mom was off chasing her research project somewhere in South Africa. No, was it in Argentina? Wherever she was, she never had enough phone service to get in contact with me. Usually I’d get a short email when she was moving to a new location, but it was never anything special. Dad, on the other hand, was always busy with his work. I’m not even sure what he did, or what branch of the government he worked for, but it always kept him on assignment for a few months before he switched tasks.
Normal teenagers would probably enjoy the absence of parents. I knew a lot of kids at school threw house parties or got in trouble with the police. I was just forced to grow up faster than I wanted or else I’d starve.
I hadn’t told anyone about the dreams I was having, not even Glitch. They were frighteningly real and painful, and for the time being, they were my burden. I mean, how do you tell your girlfriend that you’ve had dreams about her dying since you met the first day of school? Wait, was she my girlfriend? Should there be a time frame longer than a week before you ask that? Am I supposed to ask her on a date first?
My head spun with stupid anxiety, but there was one thing I knew for certain. That kiss. Clara had kissed me when I was too nervous to make a move, and when she did, everything made perfect sense. It was so much easier to be around her, and that kiss was proof.
I stuck my hand up on the bookshelf and picked up the half marble I had found that first day, turning it over in my hand to feel the cool surface slide across my palm. It reminded me of Clara’s touch, cool and smooth, and helped me settle down after the most recent nightmare. It wasn’t often that I could fall back to sleep after them, but luckily I woke up only thirty minutes before my alarm.
Glitch walked with us to school so I could only show Clara the playlist I had made for her over the weekend. It was a lot more fun than I thought it would be, featuring some of my favorite bands and songs that she might not have heard, at least more than a few times. Maybe I’d get lucky and have one she hadn’t listened to before.
Clara had her arm around my elbow as we walked, bumping into me with every step. Every tap of her hip against mine sent a chill down my skin, though she didn’t seem to notice her distraction as she scrolled through the list of songs. Even though she was wearing my sweatshirt, she still felt cold to me through the sleeves, though I was thankful for that chill. It was still boiling hot outside, but I never understood how she could still be in a sweatshirt.
Glitch drowned on about something in the background, but I was too busy wondering what Clara thought about my music to pay attention. I was also curious about what she thought about our kiss. If only glitch hadn't walked with us. Did she and I need to talk about it? Isn't that what you were supposed to do? Maybe I shouldn't have waited all weekend before talking to her…
"Alright, what's up with you two?” Glitch asked as he stopped in our path, nearly causing us to crash into him. I guess neither of us had been paying attention to where we were walking.
“What are you talking about?" I asked. Crap, I had been so focused on
this playlist and my nightmares to tell Glitch about Friday night.
“You know damn well what I’m talking about,” he replied, folding his arms as he looked directly at me. “I’m your best friend and I can tell when something weird is up with you.”
While I was fumbling in nervousness, Clara spoke up. “Nate finally kissed me,” she said, not looking up from the phone.
“I knew it!” Glitch cheered. “I told you he would get the courage eventually.”
Wait, when had they been talking about me?
Clara locked the phone and handed it back to me, a smile growing on her face. She winked and squeezed my arm tighter, sending that familiar chill through my body.
