by Laura Winter
“Shit, C. I didn’t even think about this. All those people’s thoughts.”
“Nate, it’s okay,” she said, trying to reassure me. “I feel fine right now. Plus, I’ve been practicing something.” Clara picked up my right hand and turned it over. The blue scar was gone.
“How did you do that?” I asked, poking my palm with my left hand.
“Well, Aidan gave me the idea.” I grumbled as she shook my hand. “No, listen. It’s like how he messes with my mind, but I’m doing it in a nicer way. I’m just making your brain think it’s not there.”
“Rude. Stop messing with my brain,” I replied. She smiled at my comment but as she reached up to rub the back of her neck, the mark popped back up on my hand. I looked at her nervously. “Are you sure you can do this?”
She nodded. “Yeah, just not for too long. Hold my hand if you can’t hide it easily?”
I picked up her left hand and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “I don’t think I could ever let go.”
“Ugh, you’re so cheesy,” she giggled, turning to duck out of the car.
The doorman took our invitation, observing the minimal space between us. I wasn’t going to let Clara out of my grip so I didn’t really care what the guy thought. He let us pas, condescendingly looking us over as we walked by.
I stood in front of the door to the ballroom, listening to the bustle happening inside. Maybe this was a bad idea; Clara with her headaches and both of us with our powers in a room full of government people. It hit me that I had completely forgotten what branch my dad even worked for, what they did, or who any of these people would be. Suddenly, I was nervous about everything.
Clara squeezed my hand and bumped me forward through the door and into the room. The tables were arranged carefully to allow more people to sit, but a cleared aisle stretched up the middle and led to a stage. Three men stood behind the podium, chatting and drinking happily. Cocktail tables were spread out around the sides of the room with people chatting mindlessly around them. This was not what I expected government employees to look like.
My dad spotted us and left some people behind to greet us. “I’m so thrilled you could make it, Clara. You look lovely,” he said with a smile.
Clara nodded. “Thank you for the invite. A little fresh air is probably good for me.” She shifted closer to me, locking her arm into mine a little tighter. My dad paused for a second, looking back and forth between us before he continued.
“I’m glad you’re feeling better. Our table is up front to the left. You wouldn’t mind if I had a quick moment with Nathaniel? I’ve hardly seen him this week.”
Now that was adding more anxiety on top of my nervousness. Why did he want to talk to me? Could Clara really keep my hand hidden if needed? From far away?
Stop spiraling, I’ve got it handled. You’ll be fine. “Not a problem, sir,” she replied, squeezing my hand as she nodded to my dad.
I gave her a kiss on the cheek as her fingers slid out of mine. I shoved my hand in my pocket while I watched her silky dress flow around her. And I wasn’t the only one staring at her either. Several eyes were locked on my blue-eyed, purple haired girlfriend. It added to her demeanor that even with Converse on, she was still a giant teenager in an event of older government employees.
“You’ve done it, haven’t you?”
My heart jumped into my throat and plummeted to my feet as I looked back at my dad. Were we really going to have this talk in public? Holy shit, I had every reason to be nervous. Clara, please come back.
“Sir?” I asked, my voice squeaking.
“You’ve told her you love her, yes? I can see the way you look at each other,” he replied, nodding in Clara’s direction.
Holy… the pounding in my ears started to die down as I released my breath as quietly as I could.
“Uh, yeah, we both said it,” I said. I was trying so hard to keep my face from getting red but he kept staring at me. There was no way he didn’t see right through me.
“Mhmm.” He raised his eyebrow. “Do I need to remind you to be safe?”
“Dad!” Too late. My face was a bright red now.
“Just making sure,” he said through laughter. Why did everyone think this was funny? He sighed and set his hand on my shoulder. “Will you at least tell me the truth about where you’re staying tonight?”
“If I ask to stay at Clara’s, will you be mad?” The truth was that I was mad, as in crazy, for asking him that, but he seemed to be in good spirits tonight.
He shrugged. “I’m not entirely happy about it, but I trust you. Is her uncle really okay with having you stay over?”
“I think he likes me, and he trusts Clara.”
My dad patted me on the shoulder and chuckled as he turned to go back to his coworkers. With the invisible weight lifted form my chest, I found myself suddenly out of breath. I hurried over to the table and sat down next to Clara who was tugging at the sleeves of her dress.
“Hey,” I said, poking her to get her attention. “You okay?”
She looked at me, temporarily shaking off the distraction of her sleeve. “Yeah, the fabric keeps sticking to my arm. Did you have a nice chat with your dad?”
“Uh, I guess you could call it that,” I replied with a shrug.
She looked at me with a calm, straight face. “Did you learn all about safe sex?”
“Clara!”
She let out a short laugh as she pulled my chair closer and rested her head on my shoulder. “Just asking.”
“You are the worst,” I grumbled sarcastically.
She shrugged. “Well, you’re stuck with me because apparently my uncle likes you enough to let you be my overnight guest.”
Now I could tell she wasn’t okay. She was trying to convince me but there were no smiles or hand squeezes to her comments.
“C, do we need to go?” I asked. I focused and felt the slight tingling in the back of my head. The Blue Star voices were picking up, mixing with the voices of all the people around us and their thoughts, only higher volume in her mind.
Clara shook her head. “I’m good on the people in the building. I can block them out. I’m not close to anything bad yet.”
“Keyword is ‘yet’. Come on, let’s go. My dad will understand.” I pushed my seat back and got ready to stand when a man tapped the microphone up front.
“If everyone would please find their seats, dinner will be served.”
We could have made it out through the crowd but two couples sat at our table before we could get up. Clara found my hand and squeezed.
It’s okay. I’ll be fine.
We ate and shared meaningless conversations with the people at our table. I made sure to finish my food as quickly as I could so Clara could stop using all her energy to hide my mark. When she slid ehr hand back into mine, it was freezing cold. We were going to need to get out of here soon, but she was surprisingly alert, participating and answering all the questions thrown our way.
“So, have you two been together since high school?” the younger lady who came with the man at least twice her age smiled at us. I probably should have listened when they introduced themselves, but I was too busy worrying about Clara.
“We’re actually still seniors at West, ma’am. We met this year on the first day of school. I was new,” Clara answered.
The older lady next to my dad smiled. “Only dating a few months and already so attached? Young love is so cute.”
Only a few months? Wow, it didn’t feel that short. I felt drawn to her the minute I saw her in history class. Maybe when you already love someone and then magically get connected even stronger than before, it messes with your sense of time.
I squeezed Clara’s hand. “We’ve had a few bumps but seem to find our way back to each other.”
“So, what’s the story of how you met?” the young lady asked, wrapping her arm through her older partner’s arm.
Clara jumped in. “Nate’s friend actually got the ball rolling for us. I didn’t get
a very warm welcome but Nate walked me to school the next day. I think I overwhelmed him with my music, but I was nervous.” She gave me a half grin as she sipped her water, but I saw the drops around her fingers turn to ice as she set it down. Luckily they were too small for anyone to notice.
“That’s nice,” the man with the older woman said in monotone. Apparently we were boring him with this conversation. “So, Nate, you must be proud of your dad.”
“Sir?”
“Your dad’s retirement? Today was his last day.”
34
Clara
I felt everyone around me tense. Why didn’t we know about this?
Oh, Tom didn’t tell his son. That was the man who had been bored with our previous conversation. He flinched as his wife kicked him under the table.
Idiot. That was a surprise recognition. The younger lady with the older man definitely looked about as embarrassed as the guy who realized he ruined the surprise.
Crap. That was Nate’s dad for sure. Clearly he wasn’t prepared to be recognized tonight.
I mustered the strength I had left and focused my energy to quiet the voices in my head. I needed to make it through just a little longer, and I needed to be here for Nate. The trick was doing that without bringing the museum crashing down around us.
“We’re honored to be here,” I replied with a smile, luckily spared from any more questions as the man at the podium called someone up to the stage.
I didn’t pay attention to any of the speeches. There were laughs and stories shared about Nate’s dad, but I couldn’t hear any of them. I was too concerned about my breathing and Nate’s hand in mine, still unable to move. I couldn’t even drink my water because my touch was turning the condensation into ice. I was breaking and I could feel it.
Nate, I can’t hold it much longer.
The fork that I had been playing with in my right hand now looked like a bent and tangled mess. The headache was getting stronger and the voices were growing.
Nate snapped out of his trance and looked around. I’m sorry. He focused on something before his eyes rested on me. There’s a side door behind you. As soon as there’s a break, we can get out. Just find my heartbeat and try to stay relaxed.
I put the fork down and slid my hand to his wrist, focusing on his pulse through my fingers and using it to pace my breathing.
In, out. In, out. Shut up, voices. In… in…
Nate’s dad finished speaking and everyone started to stand. Finally.
Nate jumped up in an instant, dragging me with him, but the closer we got to the door, the more people stopped him to chat about his dad. They blabbered on with the same fake conversation topics like “you must be so proud” and “you’re going to see a lot more of him”. Nate was clearly not in the mood as he mumbled his thanks and continued pulling me along.
He weaved us through multiple conversations until some short, old man stood directly in front of me, shaking his finger in my face while holding a full glass of wine.
“How dare you disrespect your husband with that hair, young lady. You should be ashamed.”
I just stared at him… at three of him. I blinked, trying to figure out which one to look at. Nate panicked and grabbed my shoulders, pushing me toward the door while I tried to figure out which old man was the real one. I’m not sure if I meant to do it or if the headache was finally escaping me, but I watched his wine glass tip over onto a woman’s skirt. Two of her now shouted at five of him as he fumbled for napkins.
Nate pushed me out the door as cold air rushed over me. Finally outside, I threw my fists into my temples and tried to press as hard as I could to stop the pain. The tears were forming in my eyes and I could feel every part of my body shaking. The headache roared to life inside me, the Blue Star voices hitting me full force as they screamed and pressed on the inside of my skull, begging to be released.
Nate wrapped his arms around me and guided me down against the wall of the building.
“Clara, you need to focus. You can fight it.”
His sentence came through in seven different echoes, mixed with the hiss of the Blue Star. The voices were cackling, screaming, and scratching in my head. A loud crack drowned them out for a moment as the dumpster next to me began to crumple from my power. I was going to lose control.
“Nate, get away,” I forced out, my teeth clenching as if I could grind away the pain that shot down my spine. “You have to get away from me.”
“Clara, I’m not leaving. Focus on my voice, focus on me.”
I couldn’t fight the splitting pain in my head as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Pressure was building and thrashing at my insides but I had to hold it in. I couldn’t do this here, not now, not with Nate in my line of fire.
Suddenly, Nate dropped down on his knees, wrapped his hands around my face, and kissed me hard. The surprise made me catch my breath and he pulled back just slightly to speak.
“Calm down, C. I’m here,” he whispered. He pulled my hands away from my head, squeezed them in his, and kissed me again as he gently pressed my head against the wall. I could feel the voices ease up on their attack, but their echoes were still voilent as they tried to hold onto me. Somehow, the pressure was releasing. I took my hands out of Nate’s and wrapped them around his neck, pushing my forehead into his as if I could get closer to his voice and thoughts.
C, I need you to fight back.
I focused on his voice in my head instead of the Blue Star. The more we pressed into each other, the lighter I felt. The scratching was still there, but it dulled with each passing second until only my heartbeat throbbed through my body.
Had I really just stopped an outburst? Nate finally broke away from me, his body lifting off of mine as he turned around. I looked up, confused as to why he was trying to get away, and snagged his sleeve.
“Nate?”
I yanked harder to spin him toward me just as he was wiping blood away from his nose. I gasped and threw my hand over my mouth.
He pulled his hand out of mine. “I’m fine, C. It’s fine,” he said, shaking his head.
I used the wall to help me stand as Nate balanced me on the other side. “I did that to you, nate. I hurt you. How is that fine? I can’t control this and I hurt you. Again. And worse this time.”
Nate reached over and grabbed my hands to keep them from shaking. “C, this wasn’t you. The Blue Star voices… I can’t explain it, but I think I was pulling them away from you. I don’t know how, but they weren’t happy about it. Clearly I’m not as strong as you.”
I weakly threw my hand into his chest in frustration. “Why would you do that? Why would you let them in?”
“Why wouldn’t I do that for you?” he asked. “I told you I’d find a way to help you, C. I love you. Why would I ever let you go through that alone?”
Now I really was crying. Still off balance, I stumbled into Nate, pressing my entire body into his as I kissed him with the rest of the energy I had. He walked us backward and pushed me against the wall, kissing my neck and collarbone as I hung onto him, afraid to let go. He paused as he pressed his forehead into mine, running his finger over my cheek.
I shook my head. “How did you even know what to do?”
He took a breath as he frowned. “I used to get panic attacks when I was little. I always needed something to ground me, and counting heartbeats was one of my tricks. After that, I really just wanted to get your mind focused on something else and I only thought to kiss you.”
I sighed in relief. “I love you, always forever.” I leaned forward and kissed him again, feeling both of our bodies grow heavier. Still, he helped me off the wall and I clung to his shoulders as he carried most of my weight with his arm around my waist. We made it halfway to the car before we both gave up and collapsed on a bench.
“I’m sorry about tonight,” Nate said, his head leaned on my shoulder.
“You didn’t know, and neither did your dad. I’m not sure why he didn’t tell you about retiring, though.”
Nate twitched his fingers in mine as his warm chest pressed into my arm. Weird, I could feel it buzzing against my skin, faster than his heart could have been beating. I reached around his neck and pulled out the key from under his shirt, sliding it off his head. The key glowed and vibrated but almost immediately faded back to stillness.
“Neat trick, kiddo.”
My heart sank as I watched Richard about twenty yards in front of us. We both straightened, still unable to stand.
“What the hell do you want?” I growled.
