by Laura Winter
That’s why it was so easy to trick you into setting me free again. Nate’s only option to save poor, helpless Clara was leaving that prison without a defense. Now I get to be everything you were too afraid to become.” She licked her lips and winked at my Nate. “You’re just an added bonus. Two different powers to play with now.”
My mind was reeling. “There were two powers inside the source,” I whispered. The green-eyed me seemed interested that I was finally catching up. “It was two powers the whole time, a Blue and Cold Soul. Before the Trials, the Blue Soul was going to save me, but the poem and the dreams? It was always you, tricking me and drowning out the Blue Soul that was trying to protect me. You manipulated us into this moment.”
The Cold Souls grabbed hands and started to slide into the shadows. “Maybe you are smart after all. See you around, lovebirds.”
They were gone before either of us could react.
48
Clara
“What the hell happened?”
Angie’s voice stirred me out of my distraction. When had we gotten back to House? How did Angie and Tom get inside?
I readjusted my hands over my stomach as I zoned out again, feeling empty and overwhelmed at the same time. Their thoughts ran rampant through my head, bouncing around in empty space. The voices that once overpowered my head were gone, which gave every thought more volume. I couldn’t keep track of it as Nate explained what happened because the thoughts felt out of order. While Angie focused on one detail, Tom was focused on something else, and Nate was in a completely other part of the story.
Instead of following them, I tried to find my own thoughts in the mess. Why did I feel wrong? Why did my mind feel so empty… lonely? What did the Blue Star do to me?
Not one Blue Star. Two powers. A Blue Soul and a Cold Soul, split.
I died. It split because I died. Richard emptied my head when he used the Ruby, just like the Cold Soul stole my memory. My mind was as empty as it felt now, every noise reminding me of losing control. I had no power to stop Richard as he commanded every move I made. He lifted the knife, he drove it deep into my stomach.
I nearly yelped in surprise as Angie’s voice rang through my ears. “We need to go explain this to The Assembly.”
Tom shifted his nervous glance toward Nate and away from me. “You both need to clean up.” He turned to Angie. “Let’s call and give The Complex a heads up that we’re bringing them.”
I willed my legs to move, but I couldn’t make the commands work. Why couldn’t my legs move?
Nate slid his arm around my back and nudged me. I should have fallen, but his touch sent warmth through my body and my legs caught my weight. I let Nate guide me to the bedroom, instinctively stepping over the tub with my clothes still on.
For a minute, I stood there without moving, letting the warm water run over every nerve. At least now I could only hear Nate’s thoughts in my head. He focused in the mirror, studying the new blue eyes that had come from the Blue Soul. That’s how mine had changed; all because of the scar on my arm from taking in the energy.
I glanced down at my arm, trying to avoid looking at my stomach. As if blue blood wasn’t enough to make me sick… that was going to be a challenge. I moved my fingers around the lightning mark, watching the stained water swirl down the drain under my feet.
I sighed and moved my hands to my stomach, brushing over the raised bump as I cleaned around the wound. There was so much more around the scar, the slick feel only getting worse. No matter how much I scrubbed around it, the blood never stopped and the water only turned a darker blue. My chest tightened, constricting my throat as I finally gasped.
“Nate!”
My vision blurred between black and white spots. Just before my knees completely gave out, the shower curtain tore open and Nate dove underneath me, catching me before I hit the tub.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, I’ve got you,” Nate whispered as he pulled my body into his. He released one arm to shut off the water before curling it around my cheek. “Breathe with me. Count my heartbeats.”
I steadied my body on his, focusing all of my mind on the pounding of his heart on my cheek. With each breath, the tightness lifted until only the echo of his heart in my head was left.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“Don’t be sorry. I was here. Can you explain what happened or will that trigger you?” he asked, gently tracing his fingers over my skin.
“Blood. So much of it…”
“From your arm?”
I shoved my face harder into his chest as I shook my head. I didn’t want to think about my arm lifting the knife, my body trying so hard to fight the movement. It plunged, in slow motion, deeper and deeper… I breathed and found Nate’s heartbeat again.
His hand slid down my arm and found the hand that I didn’t know was still pressed against the wound. In slow movements, he lifted each finger before pulling my palm away. I squeezed my eyes shut as he sighed.
“I think you reopened it. Can I help you?” he asked.
I nodded, letting him steady me as we got out of the shower. Nate was deliberate with each move he made as he peeled my shirt away from the cut. As he worked to clean the wound, I tried to focus on his touch to keep my mind occupied. Each gentle brush of skin felt… better than it had before. Was that feeling returning to my body or something new?
As he finished securing the wrap, his hands shifted to my arm, tracing around the lightning scar. Was this finally the last time it would cut open? Without the Cold Soul fighting me and digging through my head, I might never deal with an outburst again.
Nate lifted my chin. “I’m going to shower. Will you be okay?”
I blinked, glancing to my arm to see I had completely missed him finishing the bandage. I looked back to Nate, locking my gaze onto his new blue eyes as my muscles relaxed. Energy seemed to buzz to life inside my body, circulating through every inch that had felt so empty just moments ago. I leaned forward and kissed him, feeling a surprised smile grow on his lips.
I stepped back. “Do you feel okay?”
His smile turned to contemplation. “What do you mean?”
“You took in half of the Blue Soul,” I replied.
“If you’re asking if I have new powers or something, none that I know of or can feel. But if it’s possible, I think I feel a stronger connection with you,” he said with a smile, kissing me again. I let him pull me in tighter, trying to press our entire bodies together. He dropped his chin, pressing his forehead into mine. “I thought I lost you.”
As he kissed me again, I finally understood what he meant about a stronger connection. That energy was running through our touch, like electricity. It was beautiful; a pull together that sent goosebumps over my skin. My muscles eased even more, so much that for a moment I felt my pain release. I wasn’t cold, I wasn’t empty… I was whole.
All those feelings crashed back over me as we separated. It was like my insides had been violently thrashed around, shredded, and put back in the wrong places. I hid my reaction by leaning into the sink, brushing off my discomfort with a forced smile.
“I love you, always forever.” That was still the truth.
It took an unnaturally long time to change but I finally peeled my clothes off, all while avoiding looking at my stomach. If taking off loose clothes was a challenge, there was no way I could pull on jeans. I found some leggings and a loose shirt and sports bra to put on instead.
Tom and Angie weren’t in the kitchen when I walked in, but House had prepared a feast of junk food. I should have been hungry, but something about the smell and idea of eating made me nauseous. Even the coffee was overpowering my senses.
I gripped the back of a chair and convinced myself to at least get some coffee to settle the feelings. I picked up the cup and dumped my normal mound of sugar in before taking a half-hearted sip. I spit it out. It was like drinking mud or tar straight from a mug. I swirled the liquid around, wondering how something so smooth could feel
like I was drinking paste. One more sip and I just dumped it into the sink. Staring at the table, nothing looked appetizing. I tried the toast, plain, forcing myself to swallow a single, scratchy bite before tossing it. That was enough food for today.
Nate’s parents had somehow convinced House to let them into the library. I don’t know why it made me uncomfortable to see them walking around like they owned the place. Tom moved around upstairs, pacing between bookshelves while Angie read over my notes at the desk. I guess at one point in my life I had trusted Angie, but did she have to go through my stuff?
She gestured around after seeing me walk in. “You’ve replicated The Complex library. I’d ask how you did it, but I’m guessing you don’t remember.”
I shook my head. It made sense, though. If I replicated the library, I could study the Blue Star-Soul without drawing suspicion.
“Did you ever find anything?” Tom asked, coming downstairs to join us.
“Nothing that helped,” I answered. “Just general and vague stuff about The Complex and Trials.”
Angie gave a small shrug. “We keep a low profile.” She narrowed her eyes. “So you really don’t remember anything?”
The way she said it and her suspicious thoughts of me boiled anger inside me. I was already on a short fuse.
“No, we already established that. You know, I really don’t appreciate you digging through my stuff,” I growled.
“You were busy,” Angie replied, brushing off my snap response. “Still sharp-tongued, I see. Some things don’t change. Your mother always loved that about you.”
My emotions flipped in an instant, my heart sinking. Angie was one of the only people who could tell me about my past, all my lost memories including my mother, and I was treating her like garbage. After the Blue Star-Soul this morning, my last chance at knowing my past escaped in the form of Cold Soul Finnley. Now I felt guilty.
“I don’t even remember what she was like,” I whispered, taking a ragged breath to keep from crying. That only sent sharp pains running through my body.
“Brilliant, strong, and kind,” Angie replied softly. “You were the light of her life, and she helped instill those same traits in you. You were definitely more fiery. In fact, much of your personality now is similar to who you were before.”
I frowned. “Some of it is different?”
She shrugged. “Let’s just say you didn’t socialize well with others, except your mother. You were quite the troublemaker, but I guess I can see how the Cold Soul might have affected that behavior. Actually, a lot of things make more sense now, including your interactions with Richard. Even as a baby, you would fuss when he was near. Oh, and it explains your relationship with Aidan.”
“I hated that guy,” Nate groaned from behind me.
Angie chuckled. “Everyone did, but two troublemakers together didn’t seem all that surprising to us.”
I grumbled at her comment. I never wanted to think about that again. But the more he manipulated me, the more my dad got involved, the more I fought back. What if they had done the same to my mom?
“Did my mom know?” I asked. Everyone in the room stilled as I gestured toward myself and the room. “Did she know about me? About my dad? About any of it?”
Angie pinched her lips together. “I don’t know. She went after you when you ran… I’m sorry.”
Nate moved next to me, sliding his fingers through mine. I wanted the buzzing energy to swallow my sadness, but it wasn’t enough. At least now I could find answers to my past, and maybe that would help all of this get easier. All it required was facing everything I had run away from four months ago.
It was time to go back to The Complex.
49
Nate
Besides my mom furiously typing away on her phone, it was quiet in the car. I couldn’t help but feel annoyed that she was clearly staying in contact with people, just not me. What sort of place made her think that cutting me off completely would keep me safe? Was The Complex really good in all this?
After thirty minutes, we drove past the the exit for Richard’s house. I could feel Clara’s grip tighten in mine, and even my parents glanced back at her. Just another half a mile down the road, my dad turned off on a deserted exit and drove several miles on an unpaved road.
Holy shit, did I run this far that night? Clara kept her eyes glued out the window, studying the surroundings. Dense trees lined the path and clipped the car every once in a while until we finally pulled into a wide space that came out of nowhere. At least twenty parked cars lined the edges of the lot.
Just in front of a large incline sat a plaza-looking space, with buildings that looked like they belonged in a small town setting. Situated neatly between the aisle of buildings was a city-hall-like structure. For such a secretive place, all of this felt bright and open. How many people were actually involved here? And how did no one notice this place?
Mom turned around in the front seat and looked between us. “It’s best if you don’t draw any more attention to yourselves than you already will. People were already on edge after Finnley stole the Blue Star. Now we’re bringing both of you back into The Complex.”
I nodded and slid my key under my sweatshirt before getting out of the car, but Clara stayed planted in her seat, fiddling with the caffeine charm I had given her for Christmas. My parents waited patiently at the front of the car, talking quietly between themselves while I moved around the car to help her out. It took a lot of my strength to get her out of the seat, partly because she was injured but more because she was reluctant to face the community she ran away from.
My feelings were significantly different. The Complex felt like a life I had been denied from living. What would I have been like if I had grown up here and known about powers? I could have learned so much about myself and the powers I was born with. Would any of the Richard and Blue Soul drama have happened?
Then I thought about what it would have been like to grow up with Clara. Our moms were best friends so we would have known each other… but we also wouldn’t know Glitch. I’m not sure I’d ever have the courage to ask her out if it weren’t for him.
Even with my parents leading the way, Clara kept trying to pressure them to walk faster, her hands clutched around her stomach. She curled into herself to appear smaller, holding her head low and avoiding every glance from strangers. But people were noticing us, pointing fingers and speaking in hushed tones. Anyone in our path moved aside and stared; no, glared. I couldn’t imagine what awful things they were thinking.
They don’t like me, but at least their thoughts are uncensored. I need answers. Clara bumped into me as she shuffled her steps to avoid stepping on my dad’s heels.
Are you learning anything?
I’m not popular, and even more hated after stealing the Blue Soul. They think your parents caught me and are bringing me in for punishment.
I frowned. They won’t actually punish you once they know the truth, right? You were protecting the power source from Richard. You had to run away.
They don’t see it that way. I stole a powerful source and disappeared for four months. Psycho dad or not, I broke their rules and I should have spoken up sooner. Besides, from what I gather, this was not the first time I got in trouble here.
Now I understood why Clara was trying to walk so quickly. We walked past a small group and pushed through the doors. The city hall building had the same capabilities as House. Inside the doors, two long hallways wrapped around the outside of a large, guarded room. The oak doors were at least ten feet tall with intricate carvings that made the guard outside look tiny, but as we got closer, he came into perspective. He was at least my height and age, but twice my dad’s build. He eyed us suspiciously before focusing on my parents.
“The Assembly is waiting for you. These two,” he said, gesturing to Clara and I as his voice switched tones, “will have to wait outside.”
“Understood,” my mom replied, nodding. She turned and put her hand on my shoulder. “Nat
e, stay inside the building and avoid others. Except maybe you can take Clara to the library. I think at least one person will be happy to see her.” She pointed down the hallway to our left but I was too busy watching the guard react to her calling Finnley ‘Clara’.
As my mom spun back around, the guard snapped to attention and opened the door just wide enough for my parents to slide through. He pulled the door closed before I could see anything inside and crossed his arms, staring at Clara.
“Finnley,” he growled, unable to keep his composure as he glared at her.
