by Aidan Wayne
At least he wouldn’t have to wait too long to see what happened next.
Chapter Five
Used to waking up around three-thirty, Jerrell wasn’t capable of sleeping in past six even on his off days. He and Rafi had agreed to meet at noon, which gave Jerrell altogether too much time to think about said meeting.
He decided to go to the gym to kill a couple hours and try to occupy his mind. Jerrell enjoyed working out. Much like baking, it was easy for him to slip into a focused zone when he was exercising. Besides, with how busy he’d been at the cafe, he’d sort of slacked in his routine for the last week and a half. It was time he got back into it.
His gym was about as full as would be expected on a Saturday morning. The treadmills were all taken but the free weights area wasn’t too bad, so he was able to get down to business no trouble after warming up in the matted area in the corner of the gym.
His mind kept drifting as he did his reps though. Thinking back to Rafi’s smile. The way he’d said how much he was looking forward to their date. The—yes, definitely flirty—looks.
“By all means, keep me in mind when you’re working, then.”
No issue with doing that, Jerrell thought with a sigh, setting the weight he was working with back into its slot. He grabbed a handful of shirt to wipe at his face, then bent to pick up his water bottle. When he stood again, it was just in time to make eye contact with a guy a few feet away, slim, white, who raised an eyebrow at him before giving him a very obvious once-over, coupled with a smirk.
Jerrell ducked his head and figured it was about time to call it anyway. He needed to head home, shower, and get ready.
He made his way over to the men’s lockers, only realizing once he was inside that the guy had followed him in, coming to stand next to him as Jerrell fiddled with his lock.
“I like your tattoo,” he said and then, before Jerrell could move away, dragged his fingers across Jerrell’s bicep and the stylized rainbow flag that wrapped around it.
“Thanks,” Jerrell said shortly, opening the locker and pulling out his bag. He’d gotten the flag once he was out of the army, as a promise to himself to be done hiding. A personal symbol of self-acceptance to carry with him. Being gay was a part of him and didn’t make him any less, nor did it change his interests or opinions. His tattoo was a reminder, ultimately, to work toward happiness. To work toward making a future for himself that fulfilled all he was and all he wanted.
He did still like it, and it was good work—he’d done a lot of searching to find an artist whose portfolio included color tattoos on darker skin—but he hadn’t realized, when he’d had it done, how much attention it would get. And not attention he wanted. Too many people treated him having it as an open invitation to touch.
He hadn’t been planning to shower at the gym. He never did, as he much preferred the privacy of his apartment, but with the guy so close and clearly paying attention, Jerrell didn’t feel comfortable pulling off his sweat-soaked tank to change it out for a clean T. Instead he slung his bag over his shoulder. “Have a nice day.”
The guy tilted his head in the direction of the showers and smirked at him again. “Sure I can’t tempt you into staying a little longer?”
Yeah, Jerrell thought dully. Because that’s what I’m good for. “No thanks,” he said before hurrying out of the locker room.
***
The guy’s expectant smirk followed him home, joining all the others Jerrell had stored away in his head. Jumping in and out of the shower was barely a distraction, and he stopped to stare at his reflection in the middle of toweling off.
He had no qualms with his body. Not really. It was solid and strong and he was proud of what it could do. If nothing else, it made hauling bags of flour and sugar around easy.
But sometimes he wished it wasn’t the only thing people cared around.
Jerrell tore his gaze away from the mirror and left the bathroom. He had to pick out what to wear. He had a date.
And...
Rafi hadn’t smirked at him. He’d teased, but the overtone had been friendly and careful, and he hadn’t done anything to make Jerrell feel like a piece of meat. His fleeting touch had been telegraphed, gentle, and had clearly been intended for comfort. It hadn’t felt entitled.
Jerrell shook his head and went back to rummaging through his closet.
***
Saffron, Rafi’s restaurant, was packed when Jerrell got there, the clientele vastly Indian. He looked around, feeling out of his depth, unsure of what to do. Was Rafi already here and seated? Should he try to find him? Jerrell had his number. Maybe he should text him?
The hostess waved a hand at him, getting his attention. “Are you here to meet Rafi?”
“Uh.” Jerrell blinked. “Yes?”
She grinned at him. “I’ll show you to his table.”
“Okay. Thank you.” Jerrell followed her through the restaurant until they got to where Rafi was sitting. He wasn’t wearing a suit today. Instead he was wearing a deep purple sweater. It looked soft and warm, and perfect for the weather. It also made him look incredible.
“I found your friend,” the hostess said brightly.
Rafi smiled at her. “Thank you, Ojal.” He turned to Jerrell, giving him his full attention. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Jerrell sat down across from him as the hostess left. “You really know everyone, huh?”
Rafi chuckled. “I might be a bit of a regular here, and they’re so busy at this time that I was worried you’d feel a little lost. So I just asked Ojal if she wouldn’t mind keeping an eye out for you.”
“Thanks.” Jerrell sort of wondered how Rafi had described him. Well whatever, it had worked. “I appreciate it.”
“Of course.” Rafi gestured at the table, where menus were already set. “They gave me the menus when they seated me. Do you want to look at it first?”
“Uh, yeah, sure.” Jerrell flipped it open, then glanced back up at Rafi. “You’re the regular. Anything you recommend?”
“You’re already so quick to trust my taste?” Rafi asked, smile playful.
“I mean.” Jerrell nervously licked his lips. “You’ve got pretty good taste in baked goods.”
Another grin. “And in bakers.” Before Jerrell could react to that Rafi continued, “The mango lassie is incredible here, so I definitely suggest that. As for food… are you vegetarian?” Jerrell shook his head. “Then they do a very good lamb. So any of those dishes.”
Jerrell made his decision just in time for the waiter to show up with a water for him, so he ordered the lamb biriyani and a mango lassie. Rafi got the lamb keema curry, a lassie as well, and an order of garlic naan. He greeted Arjun, the waiter, by name and spoke to him with familiarity, just as he’d done with Ojal, the hostess.
Jerrell kind of liked the fact that Rafi had brought him to one of his regular haunts.
After Arjun left, Jerrell decided to take the plunge in making conversation. He could do first date talk. And he wanted to learn more about Rafi. “So um, everyone at the cafe calls you ‘The Doc.’ What are you a doctor of?”
“Neurology,” Rafi said. “I’m a diagnostician. I specialize in interpreting brain wave data taken from QEEGs and other collection methods.”
“QEEGs?”
Rafi smiled ruefully. “It stands for quantitative electroencephalogram. QEEG is a lot simpler to say.”
It was an intimidating couple of words, but Jerrell tried picking them apart. “So um, you interpret pictures of brain waves?”
There was a flash in Rafi’s eyes of—surprise?—and then he was beaming. “Yes, exactly.”
Okay, great, he hadn’t been wrong. Cool. And what Rafi did sounded even cooler. Jerrell leaned forward, eager. He’d done a lot of research about the brain over the years, struggling to understand and deal with his own attention issues. “How?”
Rafi launched into an explanation of the alpha, theta, delta, and beta brainwaves and what each did depending on the pathways they traveled in
the brain and how strong the waves were. He was pretty good about using layman’s terms, though every so often Jerrell had to ask a clarifying question. Every time he did Rafi seemed more delighted, instead of annoyed at having to stop a train of thought to explain a previous one. It was nice. Even nicer to see Rafi lean forward in his chair, using his hands to talk, clearly enjoying himself. Jerrell was doing alright so far. He was also having a pretty good time.
They covered some of Rafi’s work and work environment, then moved on to how and why he decided to become a doctor and study the brain specifically, and it was all interesting, the conversation easy. They were only interrupted when Arjun brought their food.
“What do you think?” Rafi asked, after Jerrell had tried some of his lamb, as well as the naan.
“It’s great. Though the mango lassie is definitely my favorite thing.”
Rafi grinned at him. “You’ll be ruined for other places. Sorry about that.”
Jerrell shrugged. “Hey, I can always come back here.”
“True. Now, I’ve realized that I’ve been talking for ages. What about you?”
“That’s a pretty broad question. Narrow it down?”
Rafi tilted his head. “It’s obvious you enjoy your job. What got you into the profession?”
“Oh. Uh, well, I was always kind of drawn to making food, even growing up. My mom would make a pudding and let me stir the pot and it was like, the one way she could get me to stay still. Savory is fun enough, but I like what desserts do for people. How they get enjoyed.” He shifted in his seat. “So when I had to sit down and decide what I wanted to do with my life–” after the army, two tours, and holding a lot of sadness “–I figured that it, um. It couldn’t hurt to try to go after something that kept me focused and made me happy. And made other people happy too.”
“That’s wonderful,” Rafi said. “I’m so glad you were able to find something that fulfills you like that.”
“Yeah, I like it pretty well. And kitchens are calming.” Jerrell gave him a shy smile. “But I guess I don’t mind being asked to leave mine once in a while, for compliments.”
“You deserve every one,” Rafi said matter-of-factly. “More than the few I’ve given you so far. I’ve been holding back because I didn’t want to come on too strong.”
“Oh.” Jerrell’s throat went dry. He took a sip of his mango lassie, the sharp sweetness bursting on his tongue. “I…”
Rafi’s smile turned rueful. “Which I just did anyway. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. I mean, you don’t have to apologize. I mean, it’s not bad. I mean, I just–” Jerrell glanced at the table. “I’m sorry. I’m not used to this kind of attention. But I’ve been having a really good time.”
“I’m glad. So have I.”
A silence settled, the why me? What was it? beating a rhythm in Jerrell’s head until he had to open his mouth. “It’s not–um–can I, uh, ask–” he bit his lip. “Why you…”
“Why I’m in the chair?” Rafi finished, gently.
What? Jerrell reared back. “Of course not,” he said with probably too much feeling. At Rafi’s obvious surprise he amended, “I mean, no, I wasn’t–that’s not any of my business.” He frowned at his plate. “It’s not a first date question, anyway.”
“I apologize for presuming,” Rafi said after a pause. “I get asked it a lot. Sometimes when a person gets nervous, that’s a sign they want to know. And people I go out with often feel entitled to the question. I… thought you had chosen your moment.”
No, nervous was just his default state. But now he was more upset on Rafi’s behalf than anything else. “It’s not my business,” he said again. “And whatever, it’s not a big deal. I know a lot of people who use mobility aids or have other stuff going on. It’s just what some people need.” When Rafi’s expression turned curious, Jerrell added, “I’m, uh, ex-army.” And couldn’t bring himself to say anything else. “So. Uh. Yeah.”
Rafi nodded. “I understand,” he said simply. “My story is nothing as dramatic. I have osteoarthritis in my hips and knees. I can walk, but with difficulty and pain, so I use my chair when I leave my home.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“I know you didn’t ask, but let’s call it information for information. And I’m so sorry for presuming.” Rafi smiled at him. “What was it you really wanted to ask me?”
“I just…” Jerrell pushed past the embarrassment. Lunch had been going well, and he… he felt a real connection with Rafi, forget that he found him blindingly attractive. But it was going to drive him crazy until he asked and got it off his chest. If nothing else, he figured Rafi would be honest. “I really have been having a good time,” he said in a rush. “I-I like you a lot. I was just wondering why you decided to ask me out in the first place.”
“Oh.” Rafi went silent just long enough Jerrell started to sweat, but then he started to talk, words sounding like they were carefully chosen. “I was drawn to you. You’re very handsome of course–the attraction was immediate. But it was after talking to you...” he shook his head, smile just a touch embarrassed. “I found you very sweet.”
How was this Jerrell’s life?
He stumbled through a thank you, and then Arjun popped in to refill waters. The interruption helped dispel some of the awkwardness, and Jerrell made the decision to try to keep it that way. Rafi had seen something in him and wanted to explore it. Jerrell felt the same way about him. They were attracted to each other. And they got along well so far, even with self-consciousness tripping Jerrell up.
He could stand to cut himself some slack. Sit back, enjoy the rest of his time with Rafi, and stop second-guessing everything.
He took a breath. “So hey. You said before that you might be interesting in hearing me talk a little about my recipes and experiments and stuff, right?”
“Of course,” Rafi said. “I love hearing people talk about their passions and interests. It’s sharing joy.”
God, Rafi made it easy to like him. “Well uh, I can talk about that sort of thing forever so please feel free to tell me to shut up at any time, but do you want to hear a story?”
Rafi’s smile was bright and enthusiastic and made Jerrell go warm. “Please.”
***
Arjun came by to drop off the check a while later, telling them to take their time, but when Jerrell glanced at his watch purely out of habit, he was shocked to find that it was after two. They’d been talking for over two hours. He said as much to Rafi, who seemed just as surprised.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize–do you have somewhere you need to be?”
Jerrell shook his head. “No.” Just the opposite. There was sort of nowhere he’d rather be right now. “But we probably shouldn’t take up a table any longer.”
“You’re right,” Rafi said with a sigh as he pulled out his wallet, tucking a credit card into the bill presenter. He looked as loath to say goodbye as Jerrell felt.
“It’s–it’s a nice afternoon,” Jerrell said. Pleasantly cool, exactly the right temperature for wearing a cozy hoodie. “Do you maybe want to go for a walk?”
There was a pause.
“If you’re not sick of me yet,” he hurried to add, trying to lighten his disappointment with a smile. “And I also get if you’ve got to head out.” He didn’t want to guilt Rafi into saying yes, so better to give him an easy escape route.
“Not at all.” Rafi shook his head. “I’d love to go on a walk.” And there was that playful smile again. “I’ll happily take more time to spend with you.”
Jerrell grinned, warmth back to blooming in his chest. “Great.”
They made their way out of the restaurant and picked a direction. Saffron was on a fairly built-up street that was full of other eateries and shops and two-thirty on a Saturday had the area bustling, but people were pretty good at parting for Rafi. Jerrell just made sure to adjust his stride to Rafi’s pace.
It wasn’t hard to meander back into conversation. They’d been talking abou
t the cafe, and how Rafi discovered it, how Jerrell had gotten into working there, and there was a lot of laughing and joking and, yeah, flirting, going on. Jerrell already knew that he really wanted to see Rafi again. And Rafi was making it pretty clear that he felt the same way.
The more time they spent together, the less doubt Jerrell felt about the whole thing. Rafi liked him. And had no issue with making that obvious.
It was a good feeling.
They turned down the main street onto a side street and followed that a couple blocks, which took them right to a small courtyard, complete with fountain and benches. The fountain was off for the season, but it was still a nice area.
“Do you want to sit down?” Rafi asked, gesturing at one of the benches.
“Sure.” Jerrell took a seat and Rafi parked his chair next to him. The bench was plain curved metal and wasn’t the kind with armrests, so Rafi was able to get pretty close. Jerrell was struck with the urge to hold his hand, and utterly unsure how to bring it up.
Rafi leaned back in his chair and looked up at the sky. He seemed to be thinking something over, and Jerrell let the silence settle. It was comfortable now, both of them just being happy to be around each other. He liked it a lot.
“I know I’ve already said so, but it bears repeating,” Rafi said glancing over at him, “I’ve been having a really nice time. It’s been an incredibly enjoyable afternoon, getting to know you. I’d like to see you again.”
“Same here,” Jerrell said, heart leaping. “I mean yeah, I–I’d love to do this again.”
Rafi smiled at him. “I’m so glad.” He licked his lips and then added, “There is something I want to tell you first.”
“Okay, shoot.”
Rafi tapped his index fingers together. “You’re the first man I’ve ever gone a date with. I want to be honest with you about that, especially since I’d like to continue seeing you.”
Jerrell went cold.
Oh.
He was Rafi’s experiment.
