Elizabeth was so unhappy that Darcy made a move as if to take her into his arms although it was impossible at such close proximity to the mansion.
“I am sorry! And I will repeat this until you believe me it was not a horrible plan to deprive your sister of the man she already loved but just to prevent my friend from falling into a trap.”
“A trap?” Elizabeth asked with tears in her eyes.
“Yes, it was exactly how it looked: a lady who wanted to marry but her sentiments were far away from what I expected for my friend.”
“I see,” Elizabeth said. “You thought my sister—supported by our family—was only in search of a rich husband to solve our problems.”
She had guessed right and embarrassment grew between them. She was so ashamed that she could cry. How could a stranger think such a nefariousness about them? But then she remembered her mother and her continuous talk about husbands and marriages. The way she reacted each time a young unmarried man appeared in Meryton. And later—like a final blow—she recalled how her father went to present his greetings at Netherfield just a few days after Mr Bingley arrived. She could not deny her mother’s eagerness to meet Mr Bingley and introduce him to her daughters. For Mrs Bennet, it did not matter at all which of them would end up married to the Netherfield tenant. Yes, from a distance, it looked like a trap.
“It was not a trap!” she said. “I agree my mother can be annoying with her worry that we will not marry but never Jane or I…”
“I know,” Darcy saw her torment which made him as sad as she was. “I came to know you very soon after our meeting, but unfortunately, I did not consider your family your equal. I am sorry I had that opinion of your family but what I felt then is in the past. Let us keep it there and make the future on these new solid and truthful premises.”
“It would have been simple, indeed, if Jane did not suffer. But your decision to take your friend away from Netherfield started a time of suffering and regrets. My sister is not strong enough to recover in haste from such a blow. Bingley is the love of her life, not just another love. Did Bingley’s sisters play any role in convincing him to quit Hertfordshire?”
“Yes, I am again sorry to recognise that I relied heavily on his sisters’ dislike of…your family. If you want to find the guilty ones, they are his sisters and I. Bingley is completely innocent, he just left Netherfield at my insistence. We decided to hide from him that Miss Jane was in London. I suppose she came to London to meet him.”
“Yes. And her grief is so profound—even after these months—that I cannot forget it. At least there is one innocent in this story and he is Mr Bingley and of course Jane.”
“Absolutely! Bingley is innocent, and Miss Jane genuinely in love!”
For the first time that morning, she was cold. She shivered, and Darcy looked at her, worried. “You are cold; let us go inside.”
“I could never go inside uninvited.”
“Uninvited? I am inviting you, and even my aunt invited you to play whenever you want, let us pretend you came to play, and we will have all the time we need to finish our discussion.”
Chapter 5
So engrossed were they in their discussion that the colonel almost took them by surprise. He was returning from a breakfast he had in town with his hunting party and was happy to see them together.
“Good morning, Miss Elizabeth,” he said, with a deep bow.
“Good morning colonel, are you also walking in the morning?” Elizabeth asked, but her smile was far from her usual nature. Darcy and Miss Elizabeth were having a difficult discussion and it would be best to let them continue.
“Not quite, I was in town to attend breakfast at Lord Marchival, a family friend.”
“I just asked Miss Bennet,” Darcy said, looking to his cousin for help, “to come inside and play the piano as Lady Catherine invited her to do.”
“A splendid idea,” the colonel uttered, determined to do all that was possible to let the two play the piano undisturbed.
And indeed in less than 10 minutes, Elizabeth was playing while Darcy stood near the piano— watched by the colonel who looked like a benevolent guardian.
“Lady Catherine will join you in a moment,” a maid said while the colonel made a gesture as to assure them that his aunt would not disturb them.
But it was difficult to speak. Not only because of the lack of intimacy but mostly because they did not know how to continue. Both had in mind the same question—was it possible for them to have a future?
“Just say ‘yes,’” Darcy said, “we can marry at Pemberley and stay there forever.”
“And leave my sister unhappy while I make my happiness with you, who…No, it would be a double betrayal.”
He was desperate. If Elizabeth denied his proposal because she did not love him, at least the matters between them would be clear. But, to know that she wanted to be with him, and they were kept apart by such a small thing was unbearable. People fell in love and got together, or they broke up after an unhappy relationship. It was seldom a tragedy like Elizabeth depicted her sister’s situation. Jane was a beautiful and sensitive young woman with all her future ahead, her reputation was intact, and she was from a respectable family. In truth, she had every opportunity to find a husband and be happy.
“Will you be happy if we do not get together?” Elizabeth asked when he tried to present Jane’s situation in that way.
“I will be tremendously disappointed and sad, but my life would not end. You present Jane like a forty years old inconsolable widow…”
“And you speak about her as it was an event that happens every day.”
“I present it as a sad but usual happening in our life. I cannot lose you because of your sister’s misfortune.”
Elizabeth stopped playing. She feared that Lady Catherine would come in and find them talking, but her fingers refused to listen to her. Darcy was barely leaning on the piano, so close to her that he could touch her. She could feel him breathing near her, and all her composure vanished away. The colonel was no longer in the room, but through the open door they heard him speaking, probably with Lady Catherine. It was a matter of seconds before his aunt arrived and they could not recover their calmness.
“Sit, please, sit Darcy, before Lady Catherine comes in!” Elizabeth said, her voice sounding like a plea. Excited yet fearful at the same time, she wanted to say yes and then she was so ashamed that all the words froze in her heart. She could not imagine that someone’s presence so near her could have such an effect.
“What are you speaking of there?”
They both turned to see Lady Catherine entering the room. Fortunately, Darcy was the first to regain his composure. He approached his aunt and kissed her hand, then led her to the most distant armchair in the room.
“I was telling Miss Bennet some secrets I have overheard while Georgiana was taking her piano lessons in London from Mr Frederique.”
“Splendid,” the old lady said. “You know Miss Bennet that my niece studies the piano with the best professor in London! But, continue…I will not be able to stay longer, but we will hear from you after dinner this evening. We will send a note to Mr Collins as they are all expected this evening at Rosings.”
Darcy approved, and he took a chair to stay near Elizabeth. She continued to play in spite of her agitation, and finally, Lady Catherine retired. Not long after his aunt’s departure, the colonel also left the room.
“The colonel might be soon back; we need to speak now,” Darcy said. “But play, as long as the piano can be heard, we will be safe.”
She closed her eyes and thought she could finally control her excitement when she heard him say, “Just tell me what I can do to mend your sister’s situation.” And again, she was lost. All it took was his presence and his voice that did not sound like any other man’s voice she had heard in the past. It was meant for her. To convince her, and trouble her, and make her want just one thing—to be close to him.
She put her hands in her lap an
d spoke not looking at him, “I want to see Jane and Mr Bingley happy!”
“And the moment they are happy, you will accept my proposal?”
“Yes!” she said.
“Is it a promise?” he said and he turned her chair to face him.
“No, a promise is not suitable in this situation. It is too simple!” she answered.
“Then what? What do you want from me?”
“From us,” Elizabeth said. “I am as guilty as you are because I did not write her the truth and I still hesitate to tell her soon.”
“Then what?” he asked again frantically looking into her eyes.
“A covenant!” she said and hid her eyes from his devouring gaze.
“What is a covenant, Elizabeth?”
She hesitated for an instant as it was so painful to tell him the truth. “We will marry if Jane and Bingley are together again.”
“No!” he cried, but she was already up, almost running to the door.
Chapter 6
It was the most bizarre dinner Elizabeth had taken part in lately. On one side was Mr Collins, who acted like Elizabeth had taken his place from near Lady Catherine; Charlotte and Mary who tried to be friendly with everybody while the colonel made all the efforts to draw the attention on him. And then there were them—Darcy who wanted just to be near her and her own turmoil that had continued to amplify all afternoon.
Darcy and the colonel walked her to the Parsonage, but little was said. Alone in her room, she stood for long minutes just wondering what had happened. How was it possible to be so in love with Darcy—who loved her too and still so far away from marriage? She had imagined the moment a man would propose to her, even the emotion and torment but never a state of incertitude and regrets…and happiness. She was full of worries regarding the future while her heart sang. She never imagined the thrill she felt near him, her body’s mysterious response to his nearness, a whole sea of feelings that assaulted her because of him.
And to think that only two days ago she thought he was a horrible person whose arrogance had destroyed Jane’s future. She was still angry with him but tried to find all excuses in the world for him.
Elizabeth had such a wish to talk that when Charlotte came into her room, she almost decided to confess the truth about her love. But her friend came with another problem, “My dear, I do not know how to tell you this, but Mr Collins is a little angry you went to visit Lady Catherine without him knowing.”
Charlotte—not being embarrassed by her husband’s stupid reaction—made Elizabeth regained her spirit and, in a voice of forced calmness, she said, “I did not visit Lady Catherine. Her nephews—whom I met while on my morning walk—invited me to practise the piano, as her ladyship has encouraged me to do.”
Obviously troubled, Charlotte nodded. “I understand, but he is rather upset and he made all kinds of accusations. I am telling you this to prepare you for the meeting with him. I fear he might express his feelings in a rather unpleasant way.”
They sat in silence for a long time, Charlotte looking at her lap while Elizabeth wondered what her friend’s life with Mr Collins could really be like. A wave of happiness came over her that she did not accept his proposal and become miserable for life. As it was so evident that any woman would have been miserable in that Parsonage.
“Do not worry, my dear,” Elizabeth said, “I had a message from my uncle and he will send a carriage for me the day after tomorrow.”
To her surprise, Charlotte far—from sad—seemed relieved by the news. Her friend had accepted her life and did not want any cloud to spoil their days. She did not leave Elizabeth alone but stayed and repeated platitudes about her husband and the Parsonage and Lady Catherine—in words and attitude that recalled her husband.
Pleased that trouble prevented her from telling Charlotte about Darcy, Charlotte’s lamentations occupied her afternoon until sunset. She did not have time to think of her own problems, and she preferred, for the time being, not to allow her thoughts to invade and torment her more. In London, she would have a long discussion with her aunt and try to restore a little order in that chaos.
∞∞∞
The way to Rosings was tense. Mr Collins made no verbal reproaches, but his manner showed his anger. In his narrow mind, he thought Lady Catherine was his domain and nobody from his household had the right to have a personal relationship with her ladyship. His position was so immature and selfish that Elizabeth preferred not to say a word. She enjoyed seeing Darcy again and most of all, knowing she would be leaving the Collinses’ house soon.
For that night, she enjoyed Darcy’s eyes fixed on her with love and surprise. She felt beautiful and she knew the man who bowed in front of her felt the same. She let herself be happy for a night. Far away from worries and just enjoying his presence and his stolen glances which were so often directed her way that she was afraid someone might see the truth. But nobody was interested in them as the colonel, with his natural charm, captured the audience’s attention and even Anne timidly laughed at his stories.
That gave Elizabeth and Darcy time to breathe. Their hands touched when they took the cutlery and both felt the happiness invade their souls and bodies.
“You look divine,” Darcy whispered while Elizabeth tried to gaze only at her plate. She was sure that anybody around could see her eyes glowing from happiness and her blush every time Darcy came closer. And he did come closer at every occasion he had.
“Did you receive an answer from your uncle?” he asked, eager to know that Elizabeth would also depart for London.
“Yes,” she whispered, “he will send a carriage the day after tomorrow.
“Splendid, we will accompany you on horseback…the colonel and I,” he said, and she blushed, imagining the splendid trip.
“What are you talking about with Miss Bennet, Darcy?” Lady Catherine looked at them with interest and Elizabeth saw the vicious eyes of Mr Collins staring at her with anger. While Darcy answered, she returned her cousin’s eyes with a serene gaze, ready to confront him and not let him win this dispute. She was not his child or his wife to be scolded whenever he felt the need. Just looking at Mr Collins, she realised that not only Lady Catherine or his family would eventually oppose her marriage to Darcy but also that pathetic little man who thought Rosings was his realm.
Once married to Darcy, the horrible problem that Mr Collins represent for your family will forever disappear. You will be able to take care of the family when your dear father is gone. Mrs Gardiner’s words were full of wisdom. They obliged her to overpass a particular inclination she had for ideal and flawless love. The reality was so different—sometimes cruel or unfair.
She finally dared to look at Darcy while he was talking. Full of her own thoughts, she did not fully comprehend his words. He might have faults, but she had no doubts Darcy was a generous and attentive man. Only their future was still so unsure.
The dinner, despite her expectations and fears, ended pleasantly. Lady Catherine, combining some pleasant words with a grin, seemed quite pleased at the news of her departure. Even Mr Collins smiled with satisfaction sure that their life would resume to what it had always been as soon as she was gone.
“You should be grateful to my nephews that they accompany you, Miss Bennet,” Lady Catherine ultimately said in her usual tone. “The roads in our days are not very safe.”
“I am, your ladyship, very grateful for their trouble,” Elizabeth replied.
“Besides, they have to make a big detour as your uncle resides rather far from them.”
Elizabeth looked at her blankly. The old lady’s eyes were telling the whole story—' do not forget where your place is,’ was her message and it was far from subtle.
The reality struck her again. They would have to solve not only the problems related to Jane but also fight his family.
“Do not worry about that!” Darcy whispered in her ear, showing again—as if it was necessary—that he understood almost all her thoughts and concerns.
It was easier to say than to do. Later in her bed, she could not sleep. If she looked toward the windows, in the distance, she could see some pale lights coming from Rosings. She imagined Darcy without his coat, just in his linen shirt smoking in front of his window, looking—in her imagination—directly at the Parsonage. She had never imagined a man in a shirt and now she could see him undressing, half-naked, preparing for sleep. She knew what happened between a man and a woman on the wedding night. She was an intelligent woman and she had also heard many discussions between women of all ages.
Until she met Darcy being with a man was like an image in a book. Yet the torment she felt made her catch a fleeting glimpse of the real act that occurred between a man and a woman. Between her and Darcy. In the darkness, she blushed as she was sure that Darcy had the same thoughts about her. This was the mystery that a person not in love could not discern. The shiver in her body, the unstoppable desire to be close to him, the way they stared at each other. It took less than a day to unveil their feelings and to arrive at that intimacy. But her happiness was again cut down by Jane’s face. She imagined how painful it would be to lose Darcy now. She realised that until that day, she just pictured Jane’s suffering, not knowing what feelings were involved. Love had been just a word while that night, in her bed, thinking she could lose Darcy she understood Jane’s agony. She did not know what really happened between Jane and Mr Bingley when she slept at Netherfield. But, surely their relationship was as advanced as hers with Darcy, maybe even more.
If for a moment she was tempted to forget Darcy’s role in Jane’s unhappiness, she knew that it was impossible to live with such a secret. She was too honest to begin her married life with such disloyalty.
But then she thought even further. Her marriage to Darcy would inevitably make her some female enemies. One was Caroline Bingley who would be happy to discredit her and Darcy in London or Hertfordshire, and surely in front of Jane. Caroline’s resentments would be strong enough to unveil all secrets.
Elizabeth's Covenant Page 4
