by CORY CYR
“Jesus Christ, Reese, lower your voice. I like you, but as a friend. I can’t have sex with anyone. I left that all behind years ago. I thought you understood this. And you might be okay with who I am right now, but I’m not. I need this. A fresh start in life. Plus, you’re just too young. I’d never want to hurt you, and I would. You and I can’t happen. It would be disastrous for both of us.”
“You think I’m too nice, and to be honest, being nice wasn’t working with you because I think your attraction lies with bad boys. I just assumed you would take me up on my offer.”
I cringed, then got pissed. Evidently, Reese wasn’t as gracious as he pretended. “What? You thought I was an easy mark all this time because I’m overweight? I must appear extremely needy. You’re just like all the rest. You just want to bed the washed-up porn star,” I spit out.
I looked around, praying Ronnie hadn’t heard my outburst. Reese had made me believe he wanted to be my friend when all he really wanted was bragging rights. I had news for him. No one would slap him on the back for screwing me. I’d already been fucked by the best. On top of it, I highly doubted anyone would be impressed by an aged, fat, and retired porn star.
“Just go away. And here I was worried about hurting your feelings. I may be older, but I guess not wiser. I’ll admit you had me fooled. I never saw the real you. This had nothing to do with friendship. It was all about having sex with me.”
He stood, putting on his sunglasses. “I thought you’d be appreciative that I took an interest. I’m guessing no one like me has ever hit on you, at least not lately. I was honest when I told you I would take you the way you are. Let’s face it, Tegan. I want to be the one that puts a smile back on that gorgeous face, and I’m guessing one night with me would be enough.”
“Get away from me, you little shit,” I hissed as I stood, using my chair to balance myself. I felt my eyes begin to water, and I willed myself not to cry.
He boasted a devious grin. “Look, it’s not like you’ve never had sex with someone you barely know. You did it for a living. I would think you’d be more grateful, considering…”
My body began to shake. I couldn’t let Ronnie witness our confrontation. “Considering what? That I appear sexually impoverished and desperate? Or that I have more fat percentage than you’re used to? Just leave me alone. Jesus, I’m sure there are more than enough willing women on this island that would fuck you even though you’re a dick.”
He stood there with a pompous expression. “So I’m guessing it’s a no, then?” he asked snidely before my flat stare had him spinning and walking away.
I sat slowly, hoping to convince my body to stop trembling. How could I have been so wrong about someone? He went from sweet to asshole in three weeks. But if getting me to submit was his plan from the beginning, he had to know how this would end. I’d never given him any indication that I wanted him sexually. Disappointment overwhelmed my thoughts. He was another typical male. For years, I’d met one at least every few months. This man thought I was so sexually void that I would be easy to manage, or maybe his reasoning had to do with Tawny Temp. Yeah, he was no different. I would always be considered a whore because of my past.
“Hey, are you okay? Where did Mr. Hottie go?” Ronnie asked, startling me.
I lied. “He had things to do. You know, as one of the owners, his work is never done.”
“You want Nadia and me to join you? We were planning to watch a movie later. Wanna come?”
Ronnie knew something was up. She’d been with me for years, and she always had a sixth sense when it came to me.
I was sure my expression betrayed me. “No, you go on and have a full-fledged date night. I’m going to sit here for a bit, then take a long walk. Maybe I’ll work off the calories I just ate.”
“Are you sure? You would tell me if something’s up, right?”
“Of course. You’re my bestie. Everything’s fine.” And if I told you the truth, you would cut off his nuts and feed them to him with a spoon.
“All right. If you’re positive… Nadia and I will be around, so come find me and we’ll have a nice, long chat.”
Yeah, if I ever had that conversation with Ronnie, it would be short but heated and loud. I rarely told her anything that had to do with men because she would go into defense mode and hunt them down. We had another nine weeks here.
I just wanted to forget about Reese, and I didn’t want his words to affect my progress or the program. For once, I had to be strong. I’d concluded that I had to come first. I barely even knew Reese. I couldn’t allow what he said to topple the confidence I was attempting to build. It had taken years for it to crumble, and I would be damned if I let some immature dirtbag detour me from what I was working so hard to redevelop.
There was no way I would permit another man to make me feel bad about my weight. Even without their opinion, I loathed my size. It gave them power and left me a little more fractured each time. I despised myself for giving them the ability to break down my self-worth. Who the hell was Reese Hunter, and why should I even care about what he said?
I got out of the chair and decided to walk along the beach. It was getting late, and I should go to bed because I’d had a physically and emotionally exhausting day. But I wanted to give Ronnie and Nadia some alone time.
Liar! I didn’t want to have “the” talk. I was tired of constantly rehashing it, just different people and places.
I kicked off my sandals and held them as I strolled along the shoreline. Sitting on the sand, I watched the white foam of the waves roll in.
You know what?
Fuck Reese.
Fuck me always worrying about my size.
Fuck this place.
Fuck the food.
Oh, and since I’m on a roll…
Fuck Kai.
Chapter Eleven
Kai
Man, I am fucked up.
As my feet hit the dock, I staggered, then leaned against a pier piling while I took another swig. Jesus, I hadn’t been this hammered since I’d left Alaska. Back then, being wasted was a common occurrence due to abandonment issues caused by my dad. Drinking was my way of coping. At one time, I was convinced that alcoholism was hereditary, and since my father was a drunk, that trait would be passed down to me. Once I moved back to the Virgin Islands and my dream became a reality, I’d gone to rehab and straightened out my ass, having only an occasional alcoholic beverage. But tonight, for some reason, something had set me off, and I decided to binge drink fine-aged whiskey.
I had no idea what caused me to do something that I knew would result in the hangover from hell.
This was Jasper’s fault. He’d made it clear I should go to the mainland to get my fix of women. And a few times, I’d gone without issues, but tonight I had snapped. Going alone had been a mistake. It was plainly more adventitious when two or all three of us went. I’d lost control tonight. I was shocked I hadn’t vomited on the way back to St. Willis, and I was sure the boat captain thought the same thing.
I needed to get back to my penthouse and sleep this off. Because I was too busy chugging that bottle, I hadn’t even banged a single woman.
I took another swig and recoiled from the taste. Seeing a trashcan nearby, I stumbled to it.
Okay, throwing up might still be a possibility.
“Are you all right?” I heard a voice ask.
I turned, seeing double, the bottle still in my hand. “Is that you, Tegan? I didn’t know you had a sister…”
“You’re drunk. What the hell, Kai? You’re always spouting shit about health, and you do this?”
I lifted my shoulders but didn’t have the energy to really shrug. “I’m dis… turbed.”
Tegan laughed. “Yeah, that’s it. You’re disturbed all right. Want me to help you to your room?”
I nodded. “Got to take the back elevator. No one can see me like this. You know I have an image to protect. It’s nice of you to do this. You know… you’re kind of beautiful.”
/> “Yes, and you’re really drunk, so let’s find that secret elevator. Can you give me a hint and maybe tell me where it is?” she asked. “And let’s get rid of the evidence.” She removed the bottle from my grasp and dumped it in the trash.
I fumbled about as I began reaching into the can. “That’s a five-hundred-dollar bottle of whiskey. I should at least finish it.”
She laughed again as she took the bottle from me and deposited it once more in the garbage. Then she put her arm through mine. “I’d say you got your money’s worth.”
* * *
“You have to help me, Kai. At least take off your shoes.”
I stumbled, losing my balance and tripping on the coffee table before collapsing on the sofa. “I’m not being a very good hostess… Or is it host? Oh, fuck it. Let’s have a drink. It’s the least I can do after you helped me home. I couldn’t have made it without you. I would’ve had to call Reese. You know, he’s the nice one.”
“No, Kai, he’s rather an asshole.” With that, the waterworks began.
Even as inebriated as I was, her sudden tears caught me off guard.
I wobbled to retrieve some paper towels because I was too loaded to find a box of tissue. After handing them to her, I teetered back to the sofa. Butt in place, I toed off the shoe Tegan hadn’t gotten to. “Why is Reese boy an A-hole? Inquiring minds want to know. Actually, that’s not true. I want to know. That kid’s so damn perfect. I’d love to know what he did to make you cry.”
Tegan sat on the loveseat and blew her nose. Even tearstained, she was stunning, and I was higher than a kite.
“He’s the typical man. Everything he said was a lie. He only wanted to get in my pants because of my past. He just pretended to want friendship.”
“Men like us don’t have friends—at least of the female persuasion. Women get too clingy. That’s why Jasper, Reese, and I have sexual partners, but that’s it. I’ve seen men try to have girls as a friend, and it never works. Women will always want more.”
“You’re sounding more like yourself. Maybe you’re sobering up.”
I shook my head once, instantly regretting the motion. “No, I’m still pretty wasted, but I feel bad that he hurt you. Especially now, after you came to my aid. You didn’t have to do that.”
She sniffled, drying her eyes. “Well, what kind of a person would I be if I left you drunk and reeling on the dock? I couldn’t have my trainer accidently fall in the ocean and drown.”
“And that’s why you and I will never be friends. You have a kind heart, and I’m not a very nice person.” A smirk tilted my features. “I suppose I should tell you I’m a huge fan of your films. I truly admire your work.”
“So what you’re saying is you’re no different than Reese, who just wanted to have sex with me.”
I pulled my shirt over my head. “Is it hot in here? And no, I never wanted to have sex with you. But I did fantasize about you sucking my dick.”
If she seemed shocked or angry, she didn’t reveal it. “Well, whip it out.”
I was so inebriated I thought I was hearing things, until she repeated it. Then I felt my erection grow and press against the front of my khakis. I was confused, embarrassed, and words were just spewing from my mouth.
This woman didn’t have to help me. She could have walked away and let me pass out. But because she was a better person than me, she offered to help me to my penthouse, even after what Reese had done. I was pissed as hell at him. I had told him to walk away, that she would never succumb to him. Tegan was right. He was an asshole. He could do and say whatever he wanted as long as it was within the confines of the bedroom and he was banging some girl, but no, he had said this bullshit to a client. Reese had better be prepared to tell me the entire story.
“Look, I’m sorry. When I’m this fucked up, my mouth has a mind of its own, and right now, it wants to kiss you.” What? I’ll be lucky if she doesn’t come over here and slap me in the face or, worse, punch me in the ball sack.
I watched through sleep-deprived eyes as she padded over to me, separated my legs, and slid in between. Her tongue softly licked across my V, onto my abs, then up to my nipples. A loud moan permeated the room as she continued the path to my shoulders. My hard-on was so extreme I knew she felt it. When she got to my neck, she lightly nibbled her way to my mouth. I hadn’t been this turned on in a long time. My cock was insistently begging to come out and play.
“Have I told you how beautiful you are?” I whispered as she ghosted my lips.
“I think you might have mentioned it. But truly, you are the beautiful one. Everything I’ve seen so far is magnificent,” she murmured as her hand swept my chest. Her one knee gently pressed into my hardened shaft, which elicited a groan from me. “Is the bottom half as built as the rest of your body? Your arousal is quite a temptation.”
Tawny Temp… Was that a line from one of her movies?
When our lips finally touched, a magnetic current coursed throughout my body. I wanted to explore every inch of her mouth. Teasing the entryway, I delved into a kiss unlike any I’d ever experienced. My hand cradled Tegan’s head as her mane of red hair tickled my chest. I’d kissed hundreds of women, but this was definitely different—intimate and possessive. But then everything I was feeling right now could be attributed to that fifth of whiskey.
You’ve been tanked before and kissed many girls and never once felt anything equal to these emotions.
Yeah, but that was years ago. I haven’t drunk like this in three years. It has to be the booze.
Putting some distance between us, I tried to get a handle on what was happening. The fact was I was hard as hell and needed relief. Was she offering sex, or was a kiss all I got?
“Take off your dress,” I uttered, attempting not to sound demanding. I might be still under the influence, but I knew Tegan had to be handled with kid gloves, especially after Reese.
Hesitance froze her fingers at the top of the dress. “Can you dim the lights?” she suggested.
I reached behind me and dimmed all the lighting. If she wanted ambiance, who was I to deny her? Carefully, I touched the hand that was paralyzed. “Let me. I insist.”
Pushing her back until she sat on her hunches, I began slowly untying her outfit. Tegan bowed her head as it came undone, revealing yellow lace panties with a matching strapless bra. I licked my lips in anticipation of nuzzling between those luscious breasts. I stood, my body faltering slightly as I pulled her up. Her posture was stiff, and even through my haze, I could see she was uncomfortable.
“I don’t want you to put me in the same category as Reese. And yes, I am intoxicated, and you should probably go before we do something you’ll regret. For myself, I won’t have any remorse about tonight. Well, maybe the drinking part, but not you. If you don’t want this, tell me no. You can get dressed, and I’ll go to bed. But… I’d rather bury myself inside you.”
Her voice shook. “I’m sure I’ll be a disappointment in more than just sex. My body isn’t what you’re used to. I wish I’d been drinking, too, because then I’d have an excuse for allowing myself to go this far.” She paused a moment. “Kai, you’ll be the one feeling self-disgust when you remembered you screwed the fat chick.”
I squeezed her hand tight. I’d made her loathe herself. My words did not uplift, but tore her down. It had only been several weeks, but I knew Tegan had probably felt this way for years—afraid and full of anxiety because of the way she once looked. Now there were two men here that had made her feel insecure.
It might not have been intentional, but I’d always felt superior because I was the reason my clients ended up with renewed self-worth. It was my words and drive that instilled in them the desire to transform. I wasn’t God, yet I’d pretended I was and wielded the power given to me by the people that paid me to exorcise their demons. That was too much responsibility. I could cause irreparable damage. And it took expensive whiskey to see what I was doing.
I let go of her hand and reached for the dress
pooled at her feet. “This is a mistake. You made sure I got home, and now I’m taking advantage of the situation. Any other time, I wouldn’t care and I’d do it, but I can’t, not with you.” I handed her the garment.
She looked at me, confused. “You don’t want me because I’m fat,” she croaked, using her dress as a shield.
I winced at her words. “You’re not fat.”
You can’t change who you are. Jasper’s words reverberated in my head.
“I don’t want to use you just because you’re here. If I were repelled by your size, I wouldn’t have this.” I pulled the zipper tight across my crotch to accentuate my erection.
“I haven’t wanted anyone or even sex in a long time. But, Kai, I want to be with you. I hadn’t realized how dependent I was on my toys until we kissed. I’ve designed some of the best in the world, but they’ll never replace actual intimacy. You’ve stirred something inside me. Breathed new life into a body I thought was long expired.”
Taking the dress from her hand, I led her to my bedroom. My khakis were ready to explode, so I undid them and kicked them aside. Guiding her hand to my cock, looking up at the ceiling, I hissed as she navigated her fingers around the girth. She fell to her knees, continuing her probe of my length.
I quickly pulled her up. “As much as I daydreamed of you blowing me, I’d come right away. Normally, when I’ve had this much to drink, my libido takes a hiatus. It’s been three years since I got this shit-faced. I honestly thought my hard-on was a fluke. But I want to fuck you before my dick fails to meet my standards.”
Her laugh sounded strained. “Can we turn off the light? It’s been so long for me, and I feel awkward, but I’m sure you’ve had a lot of practice finding your way in the dark. It’s probably amusing that a retired porn star has to have sex with the lights off.”
I turned the overhead lights completely off, leaving only a small bedside lamp dimly lit. “Not at all. You tell me what’s comfortable,” I said, placing a kiss on her shoulder as I reached around, unsnapping the bra.
