by Peg Streep
Finally, last but not least, a merci beaucoup to the best daughter in the world. You know who you are. Thank you for changing my life.
REFERENCES
Introduction
Kross, Ethan, Ozlem Ayduk, and Walter Mischel. When Asking “Why” Does Not Hurt: Distinguishing Rumination from Reflective Processing of Negative Emotions. Psychological Science , 2005, vol. 16(9), pp. 709-715.
Pennebaker, James W., and Janel D. Segal. Forming a Story: The Health Benefits of Narrative. Journal of Clinical Psychology , 1999, vol. 55(10), pp. 1243-1254.
1. The Truth About Maternal Power
Adamson, Lauren B., and Janet E. Frick. The Still Face: A History of a Shared Experimental Paradigm. Infancy , 2003, vol. 4(4), pp. 451-473.
Adolph, Karen E., and Kari S. Kretch. Infants on the Edge: Beyond the Visual Cliff, in Developmental Psychology , edited by Alan M. Slater and Paul C. Quinn, pp. 36-55. London: SAGE Publications, 2012.
Ainsworth, Mary D. Salter, Mary C. Blehar, Everett Walters, and Sally N. Wall. Patterns of Attachment: A Psychological Study of the Strange Situation . Hillsdale, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1978.
Bartholomew, Kim, and Leonard M. Horowitz. Attachment Styles Among Young Adults: A Test of a Four-Category Model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 1991, vol. 61(2), pp. 226-244.
Baumeister, Roy F., Ellen Bratslavsky, Catrin Finkenauer, and Kathleen D. Vohs. Bad Is Stronger Than Good. Review of General Psychology , 2001, vol. 5(4), pp. 323-370.
Bowlby, John. Attachment and Loss: Volume 1: Attachment . New York: Basic Books, 1969.
Bowlby, John. Attachment and Loss: Volume 2: Separation, Anxiety and Anger . New York: Basic Books, 1973.
Cassidy, Julie, and Phillip R. Shaver, eds. Handbook of Attachment: Theory, Research, and Clinical Applications , (second edition). New York: Guilford Press, 2008.
Chang, Rosemarie Sokol, and Nicholas Thompson. Whines, Cries, and Motherese: Their Relative Power to Distract. Journal of Social, Evolutionary, and Cultural Psychology , 2011, vol. 5(2), pp. 10-20 .
De Haan, Michelle, Jay Belsky, Vincent Reid, Agnes Volern, and Mark. H. Johnson. Maternal Personality and Infants’ Neural and Visual Responsivity to Facial Expressions of Emotion. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry , 2004, vol. 45(7), pp. 1209-1218.
Elliott, Andrew J., and Todd M. Thrash. Approach and Avoidance Temperament as Basic Dimensions of Personality. Journal of Personality , 2010, vol. 78(3), pp. 865-906.
Elliott, Andrew J., and Todd M. Thrash. The Intergenerational Transmission of Fear of Failure. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , 2004, vol. 30(8), pp. 957-971.
Gibson, E. J., and Walk, R. D. The “Visual Cliff.” Scientific American , 1960, vol. 202, pp. 67-71.
Hazan, Cindy, and Phillip Shaver. Romantic Love Conceptualized as an Attachment Process. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 1987, vol. 42(3), pp. 511-524.
Holmes, Bjarne M., and Kimberly R. Johnson. Adult Attachment and Romantic Partner Preference: A Review. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , 2009, vol. 26(6-7), pp. 833-852.
Kisilevsky, Barbara S., et al. Effects of Experience on Fetal Voice Recognition. Psychological Science , 2003, vol. 14(3), pp. 220-224.
Lench, Heather C., and Linda J. Levin. Goals and Responses to Failure: Knowing When to Hold Them and When to Fold Them. Motivation and Emotion , 2008, vol. 32(2), pp. 127-140.
Mesman, Judi, Marinus H. van IJzendoorn, and Marian J. Bakermans-Kranenburg. The Many Faces of the Still-Face Paradigm: A Review and Meta-Analysis. Developmental Review , 2009, vol. 29(2), pp. 120-162.
Nishitani, S., et al. The Calming Effect of a Maternal Breast Milk Odor on the Human Newborn Infant. Neuroscience Research , 2009, vol. 63(1), pp. 66-71.
Ochsner, Kevin N., and James J. Gross. The Cognitive Control of Emotion. Trends in Cognitive Science , 2005, vol. 9(5), pp. 242-249.
Parsons, C. E., K. S. Young, L. Murray, A. Stein, and M. L. Kringelbach. The Functional Neuroanatomy of the Parent-Infant Relationship. Progress in Neurobiology , 2010, vol. 91(3), pp. 220-241 .
Parsons, Christine E., et al. Ready for Action: A Role for the Human Midbrain in Responding to Infant Vocalizations. Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience , 2014, vol. 9(7), pp. 977–984.
Polcari, Ann, Karen Rabi, Elizabeth Bolger, and Martin H. Teicher. Parental Verbal Affection and Verbal Aggression in Childhood Differentially Influence Psychiatric Symptoms and Wellbeing in Young Adulthood. Child Abuse and Neglect , 2014, vol. 38(1), pp. 91-102.
Schore, Allan N. Attachment and the Regulation of the Right Brain. Attachment and Human Development , 2002, vol. 2(1), pp. 23-47.
Schore, Allan N. Effects of a Secure Attachment Relationship on Right Brain Development, Affect Regulation, and Infant Mental Health. Infant Mental Health , 2001, vol. 22(1-2), pp. 7-66.
Sorce, James F., Robert Ende, Joseph J. Campos, and Mary D. Klinnert. Maternal Emotional Signaling: Its Effects on the Visual Cliff Behavior of One-Year-Olds. Developmental Psychology , 1985, vol. 21(1), pp. 195-200.
Striano, Tricia, Amrisha Vaish, and Joann P. Benigno. The Meaning of Infants’ Looks: Information Seeking and Comfort Seeking. British Journal of Developmental Psychology , 2006, vol. 24, pp. 615-630.
Teicher, Martin H., et al. The Neurobiological Consequences of Early Stress and Childhood Maltreatment. Neuroscience and Biobehavioral Reviews , 2003, vol. 27, pp. 33-44.
Tomoda, Akemi, et al. Exposure to Parental Verbal Abuse Is Associated with Increased Gray Matter Volume in Superior Temporal Gyrus. NeuroImage , 2011, vol. 54, pp. 5280-5286.
Tronick, Edward Z. Emotions and Emotional Communication in Infants. American Psychologist , 1989, vol. 44(2), pp. 112-119.
Tronick, Edward, Heidelise Als, Lauren Adamson, Susan Wise, and T. Berry Brazelton. The Infant’s Response to Entrapment Between Contradictory Messages in Face-to-Face Interaction. Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry , 1978, vol. 17(1), pp. 1-13.
Weinberger, M. Katherine, and Edward Z. Tronick. Infant Affective Reactions to the Resumption of Maternal Interaction After the Still-Face. Child Development , 1996, vol. 67(3), pp. 905-914 .
2. The Power She Had over You
Bassoff, Evelyn S. Mothering Ourselves: Help and Healing for Adult Daughters . New York: Dutton, 1991.
Bureau, Jean-François, et al. Perceived Dimensions of Parenting and Non-Suicidal Self-Injury in Young Adults. Journal of Youth and Adolescence , 2010, vol. 39(5), pp. 484-494.
Chernin, Kim. The Hungry Self: Women, Eating, and Identity . New York: Harper & Row, 1985.
Conterio, Karen, and Wendy Lader. Bodily Harm: The Breakthrough Healing Program for Self-Injurers . New York: Hyperion Books, 1998.
Edelman, Hope. Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss . New York: Delta, 1994.
Elgin, Jenna, and Mary Pritchard. Adult Attachment and Disordered Eating in Undergraduate Men and Women. Journal of College Student Psychotherapy , 2006, vol. 21(2), pp. 25-40.
Finzi-Dottan, Ricky, and Toby Karu. From Emotional Abuse in Childhood to Psychopathology in Adulthood. The Journal of Nervous and Mental Disease , 2006, vol. 94(8), pp. 616-622.
Goldsmith, Rachel E., and Jennifer J. Freyd. Effects of Emotional Abuse in Family and Work Environments: Awareness for Emotional Abuse. Journal of Emotional Abuse , 2005, vol. 5(1), pp. 95-123.
Gornick, Vivian. Fierce Attachments: A Memoir . New York: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 2005.
Mikulincer, Mario, and Phillip R. Shaver. Adult Attachment and Affect Regulation, in Handbook of Attachment: Theory, Research, and Clinical Applications (second edition), edited by Jude Cassidy and Phillip R. Shaver, pp. 503-531. New York and London: Guilford Press, 2008.
Roth, Geneen. When Food Is Love: Exploring the Relationship Between Eating and Intimacy . New York: Plume, 1992.
Sachs-Ericsson, Natalie, Edelyn Verona, Thomas Joiner, and Kristopher J. Preacher. Parental Verbal Abuse and the Mediating Role of Self-criticism in Adult Internalizing Disorders
. Journal of Affective Disorders , 2006, vol. 93(1-3), pp. 71-78 .
Schrodt, Paul, Paul L. Witt, and Jenna R. Shimkowski. A Meta-Analytical Review of the Demand/Withdraw Pattern of Interaction and its Associations with Individual, Relational, and Communicative Outcomes. Communication Monographs , 2014, vol. 81(1), pp. 28-58.
Tannen, Deborah. You’re Wearing That? Understanding Mothers and Daughters in Conversation . New York: Ballantine Books, 2006.
3. All in the Family: Understanding Ripple Effects
Bank, Stephen, and Michael Kahn. The Sibling Bond . New York: Basic Books, 1997.
Berntsen, Dorthe, David C. Rubin, and Ilene C. Siegler. Two Versions of Life: Emotionally Negative and Positive Events Have Different Roles in the Organization of Life Story and Identity. Emotion , 2011, vol. 11(5), pp. 1190-1201.
Boer, Frits, Arnold Goedhart, and Philip Treffers. Siblings and Their Parents, in Children’s Sibling Relationships: Developmental and Clinical Issues , edited by Frits Boer and Judy Dunn. Hillsdale, N.J.: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates, 1992, pp. 41-50.
Brys-Craven, Jennifer, Brandon J. Auer, Douglas A. Granger, and Amber R. Massey. The Father-Daughter Dance: The Relationship Between Father-Daughter Relationship Quality and Daughters’ Stress Response. Journal of Family Psychology , 2012, vol. 26(1), pp. 87-94.
DeLuccie, Mary. Mothers: Influential Agents in Father-Child Relations. Genetic, Social, and General Psychology Monographs , 1996, vol. 122(3), pp. 285-307.
Dunn, Judy, and Robert Plomin. Separate Lives: Why Siblings Are So Different . New York: Basic Books, 1990.
Jensen, Alexander, Shawn Whiteman, Karen Fingerman, and Kira Birditt. “Life Still Isn’t Fair”: Parental Differential Treatment of Young Adult Siblings. Journal of Marriage and Family , 2013, vol. 75(2), pp. 438-452.
Lamb. Michael E., ed. The Role of the Father in Child Development (fourth edition). Hoboken, N.J.: John Wiley & Sons, 2004.
Leve, Ariel. An Abbreviated Life: A Memoir . New York: Harper, 2016.
Richmond, Melissa K., Clare M. Stocker, and Shauna L. Rienks. Longitudinal Associations Between Sibling Relationship Quality, Parental Differential Treatment, and Children’s Adjustment. Journal of Family Psychology , 2005, vol. 19(4), pp. 550-559.
Schoppe-Sullivan, Sarah. J., Lauren E. Altenburger, Meghan A. Lee, Daniel J. Bower, and Claire M. Kamp Dush. Who Are the Gatekeepers? Predictors of Maternal Gatekeeping. Parenting: Science and Practice , 2015, vol. 15(3), pp. 166-186.
Sroufe, Alan, and Daniel Siegel. The Verdict Is In: The Case for Attachment Theory. drdansiegel.com/uploads/1271-the-verdict-is-in.pdf .
Trent, Katherine, and Glenna D. Spitze. Growing Up Without Siblings and Adult Sociability Behaviors. Journal of Family Issues , 2011, vol. 32(9), pp. 1178-1204.
Whiteman, Shawn D., Susan M. McHale, and Anna Soli. Theoretical Perspectives on Sibling Relationships. Journal of Family Theory and Review , 2011, vol. 3(2), pp. 124-139.
4. Adaptation: How Her Behaviors Shaped Yours
Barrett, Lisa Feldman, James Gross, Tamlin Conner Christensen, and Michael Benvenuto. Knowing What You’re Feeling and Knowing What to Do About It: Mapping the Relation Between Emotion Differentiation and Emotion Regulation. Cognition and Emotion , 2001, vol. 15(6), pp. 713-724.
Bartholomew, Kim, and Leonard M. Horowitz. Attachment Styles Among Young Adults: A Test of a Four-Category Model. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 1991, vol. 61(2), pp. 226-244.
Baumeister, Roy E., Ellen Bratslavsky, Mark Muraven, and Dianne M. Tice. Ego Depletion: Is the Active Self a Limited Resource? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 1998, vol. 74(5), pp. 1252-1265.
Bernier, Annie, Stephanie M. Carlson, Marie Deschênes, and Célia Matte-Gagné. Social Factors in the Development of Early Executive Functioning: A Closer Look at the Caregiving Environment. Developmental Science , 2012, vol. 15(1), pp. 12–24.
Bernier, Annie, Stephanie M. Carlson, and Natasha Whipple. From External Regulation to Self-Regulation: Early Parenting Precursors of Young Children’s Executive Functioning. Child Development , 2010, vol. 81(1), pp. 326-339 .
Birnbaum, Gurit E., Harry T. Reis, Mario Mikulincer, Omri Gillath, and Ayala Orpaz. When Sex Is More than Just Sex: Attachment Orientations, Sexual Experience, and Relationship Quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 2006, vol. 91(5), pp. 929-943.
Brackett, Marc A., Nicole Lerner, Susan E. Rivers, Peter Salovey, and Sara Schiffman. Relating Emotional Abilities to Social Functioning: A Comparison of Self-Report and Performance Measures of Emotional Intelligence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 2006, vol. 91(4), pp. 780-795.
DeWall, C. Nathan, et al. So Far Away from One’s Partner, Yet So Close to Romantic Alternatives: Avoidant Attachment, Interest in Alternatives, and Infidelity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 2011, vol. 101(6), pp. 1302-1316.
Ein-Dor, Tsachi, Mario Mikulincer, Guy Doron, and Phillip R. Shaver. The Attachment Paradox: How Can So Many of Us (the Insecure Ones) Have No Adaptive Advantages? Perspectives on Psychological Science , 2010, vol. 5(2), pp. 123-141.
Gyurak, Anett, James J. Gross, and Amit Etkin. Explicit and Implicit Emotion Regulation: A Dual-Process Framework. Cognition and Emotion , 2011, vol. 25(3), pp. 400-412.
Kidd, Celeste, Holly Palmeri, and Richard N. Aslin. Rational Snacking: Young Children’s Decision-Making on the Marshmallow Task Is Moderated by Beliefs About Environmental Reliability. Cognition , 2013, vol. 126(1), pp. 109-114.
Lewis, Thomas, Fari Amini, and Richard Lannon. A General Theory of Love . New York: Vintage Books, 2001.
Lyubomirsky, Sonja, Kennon M. Sheldon, and David Schkade. Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change. Review of General Psychology , 2005, vol. 9(2), pp. 111-131.
Mayer, John D., and Peter Salovey, What is Emotional Intelligence?, in Emotional Development and Emotional Intelligence: Educational Implications , edited by Peter Salovey and David J. Sluyter. New York: Basic Books, 1997.
Mischel, Walter. The Marshmallow Test: Why Self-Control Is the Engine of Success . New York: Little, Brown and Company, 2015.
Shoda, Yuichi, Walter Mischel, and Philip K. Peake. Predicting Adolescent Cognitive and Self-Regulatory Competencies from Preschool Delay of Gratification: Identifying Diagnostic Conditions. Developmental Psychology , 1990, vol. 26(6), pp. 978-986.
5. Flashes of Recognition: Patterns and Partners
Amato, Paul R., and Denise Previti. People’s Reasons for Divorcing. Journal of Family Issues , 2003, vol. 24(5), pp. 602-626.
Barry, Robin A., and Erika Lawrence. “Don’t Stand So Close to Me”: An Attachment Perspective of Disengagement and Avoidance in Marriage. Journal of Family Psychology , 2013, vol. 27(3), pp. 484-494.
Birnbaum, Gurit E., Harry T. Reis, Mario Mikulincer, Omri Gillath, and Agala Orpaz. When Sex Is More than Just Sex: Attachment Orientations, Sexual Experience, and Relationship Quality. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 2006, vol. 91(5), pp. 929-943.
Bradbury, Thomas N., Frank D. Fincham, and Steven R. H. Beach. Research on the Nature and Determinants of Marital Satisfaction: A Decade in Review. Journal of Marriage and Family , 2000, vol. 62(4), pp. 964-680.
Brumbaugh, C. C., and R. C. Fraley. Adult Attachment and Dating Strategies: How Do Insecure People Attract Mates? Personal Relationships , 2010, vol. 17, pp. 599–614.
Buote, Vanessa M., et al. The Importance of Friends: Friendship and Adjustment Among 1st-Year University Students. Journal of Adolescent Research , 2007, vol. 22(6), pp. 665-689.
Burgo, Joseph. The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissism in an All-About-Me Age . New York: Touchstone, 2016.
Campbell, Lorne, Jeffry A. Simpson, Jennifer Boldry, and Deborah A. Kashy. Perceptions of Conflict and Support in Romantic Relationships: The Role of Attachment Anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 2005, vol. 88(3), pp. 510-531.
Downey, Geraldine, and Scott I. Feldman. Implications of Rejection Sensitivity for
Intimate Relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 1996, vol. 70(6), pp. 1327-1343.
Downey, Geraldine, Antonio L. Freitas, Benjamin Michaelis, and Hala Khouri. The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy in Close Relationships: Rejection Sensitivity and Rejection by Romantic Partners. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 1998, vol. 75(2), pp. 545-560.
Ein-dor, Tsachi, Mario Mikulincer, Guy Duron, and Phillip R. Shaver. The Attachment Paradox: How Can So Many of Us (the Insecure Ones) Have No Adaptive Advantages? Perspectives on Psychological Science , vol. 5(2), pp. 123-141.
Feeney, Brooke C. The Dependency Paradox in Close Relationships: Accepting Dependence Promotes Independence. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , 2007, vol. 92(2), pp. 268-285.
Geher, Glenn. Perceived and Actual Characteristics of Parents and Partners: A Test of a Freudian Model of Mate Selection. Current Psychology , 2000, vol. 19(3), pp. 194-214.
Gottman, John. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: And How You Can Make Yours Last . New York: Fireside, 1994.
Jang, Su Ahn, Sandi W. Smith, and Timothy R. Levine. To Stay or to Leave? The Role of Attachment Styles in Communication Patterns and Potential Termination of Romantic Relationships Following Discovery of Deception, Communication Monographs , 2002, vol. 69(3), pp. 236-252.
Luke, Michelle Anne, Constantine Sedikides, and Kathy Carnelley. Your Love Lifts Me Higher!: The Energizing Quality of Secure Relationships. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin , 2012, vol. 38(6), pp. 721-733.
Malkin, Craig. Rethinking Narcissism: The Secret to Recognizing and Coping with Narcissists . New York: Harper Perennial, 2016.
Noftle, Erik E., and Phillip R. Shaver. Attachment Dimensions and the Big Five Personality Traits: Associations and Comparative Ability to Predict Relationship Quality. Journal of Research in Personality , 2006, vol. 40, pp. 179-208.
