Sam had been the man who had given her the confidence to accept her curves. He had loved her because of them and not despite them. He had loved her unconditionally, and losing him on the day they were supposed to start their new life together in the Highlands had broken her heart almost beyond repair. But Greg had helped her to mend and had filled her heart and her life with such love and the same acceptance that Sam had. She could regret losing Sam, but she could never regret the life he’d led her to.
Her guardian angel.
Walking into the living room, she smiled as she looked at the Christmas tree standing exactly where she had pictured it on that fateful day. The white lights twinkled and the smell of fresh pine infiltrated her senses. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. An arm came about her as a melancholy mix of emotions washed over her.
“Hey… are you okay, sweetheart?” Greg asked, a concerned edge to his voice.
“Yes… yes, I’m fine. Just a little reminiscent, I think. This time of year always makes me look back when I should be looking forward.”
He leaned and kissed her head. “Nothing wrong with remembering. Sam would’ve loved this place.”
She opened her eyes and gazed up at him. “Don’t you ever feel like you’re living with his ghost?”
He frowned for a moment and then smiled warmly. “Well if his ghost is here, he’s not unhappy. I never feel uneasy or like he’s angry with us for being in love. Do you?”
She pondered the question for a few seconds. “Not at all. He would’ve been happy that I found you. That we found each other.”
“Well, there you go. Now stop with the worrying, Mrs McBradden, and let me make you some breakfast.”
“Oh, thanks, but I’m not hungry yet. I’ll grab something on the train.”
The doorbell chimed and Greg huffed. “Make sure you do. The last thing I need is you starving yourself through worry. It won’t do you any good.”
She rolled her eyes as he made his way to the door. “Yes, boss,” she chuntered.
“Heard that,” he called from the small hallway. He greeted their friend Christine, who owned the shop in the village with her husband, Colin. An ice-cold breeze followed them back into the room.
“Goodness me, Mallory, you need to wrap up warm, dear. It’s freezing out there.” She hugged Mallory and held her at arm’s length. “You go and don’t worry about a thing here. Colin and I will be around for the girls when Greg goes to work. We’ll all be fine. Just hurry back and stay safe, okay?”
“I’ll do my best, Chrissy, thank you. And I really appreciate you coming over at such short notice.”
“Not at all. That’s what friends are for. Now, are you all packed and ready?”
“I am. I just need to grab my coat and we’ll be off.”
“I’ll go and warm the Landy up a wee bit,” Greg told her as he pulled on his thick coat and scarf.
Christine squeezed Mallory’s arms and a look of sympathy took over her face. “I hope Josie and the baby are okay, dear. Such a shame that things have gone this way for them.”
“I know. Me too. I’m trying so hard not to worry, but the more I dwell on it, the more I do. I’ll let you know how things go.” A deep-seated worry niggled at her mind that she would fall to pieces if the worst were to happen and she lost her best friend the way she had lost Sam, her parents, and her aunt Sylvia. The thought startled her and she shook her head to eradicate the negativity.
Christine pulled her in and wrapped her arms around her. “Please do. Now give me a big hug. I’ll be thinking of you.” Mallory’s eyes began to sting and she fought back the threatening tears.
Greg appeared in the doorway again. “Come on, sweetheart, we should go.”
“Okay, I’ll just go say goodbye to the babies.” Mallory hurried to the stairs.
Once in the girls’ pink bedroom, she leaned to kiss her sleeping children. The last thing she wanted was to be away from them, especially so close to Christmas. But Josie needed her right now, and this pregnancy had been so tough. So many issues and hospital visits. And now… complications. It could mean so many things. Mallory missed her terribly, and living so far away when her best friend was suffering was very difficult. Taking one last look at her babies, she wiped her eyes and left the room, closing the door gently behind her.
Chapter Three
Mallory and Greg sat silently in the Landy for a while as Bing Crosby sang “White Christmas” whilst they negotiated the icy road toward Oban. The grey sky above was heavy with an imminent snowfall, and the heater was on the highest setting—but the scant heat being blown from the 1960s technology did little to warm Mallory’s icy fingers. Greg’s adoration for the rugged vehicle—and the grin on his face whenever he sat behind the wheel—made her smile. When she shivered, he leaned over, clutching her hand in his.
“You’re very quiet, Mally. I’m worried about you. You seem… I don’t know… down.”
She turned to face him. “I’m okay. Just so worried about Josie. And about leaving you and the girls.”
“It’s only for a few days, darlin’. Try not to fret, eh? We’ll be fine. I promise you that.” He squeezed her hand. Oh, that accent. He could still turn her into a jellified puddle just by saying her name. She leaned her head to rest on the seat but kept her eyes fixed on his stubbled face. His dark, almost black hair swept back from his forehead in thick strands. His jawline, although covered partly by his beard, was strong and angular. His lips full and oh so kissable. She would miss those lips whilst she was away.
He glanced sideways at her and chuckled. “Liking the view, Mrs McBradden?”
“Always, Mr McBradden,” she replied with a smile.
“I have to say, I’m going to miss waking up with your naked body wrapped around me.” He released her hand and ran his fingers up and down her thigh. “I hate it when we’re apart.”
“Me too.” Being away was something she avoided at all costs, but it was necessary every so often when she had to travel to Yorkshire to meet with Josie and talk business and marketing strategies for Le Petit Cadeau. The little craft shop had been thriving lately, and her second shop near home at Easdale had taken off well too, affording her an employee. But no matter how perfect her business and her marriage and family were, the nightmares about losing Greg like she’d lost Sam plagued her and clouded her mind through her waking hours. She was very much aware of the distance she was beginning to create between them and felt helpless to stop it.
Greg suddenly pulled the Landy to the side of the road. Mallory watched with confusion as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. After applying the handbrake, he turned in his seat to face her. “Are we okay, Mally? I mean… Are you starting to regret being with me?”
Guilt washed over her and she pulled her brows in. “Whatever has given you that idea?” She knew the answer full well.
He huffed out a long breath and dragged his hand through his hair. “I don’t know… you’ve been a little… distant. I keep catching you staring at the bridge… or… or staring at the Christmas tree with that wistful look in your eyes. I know you’re thinking about Sam. And that’s understandable. But… now you’re heading back to where it all started with him and I think… I think… I’m scared of losing you.” His voice cracked along with her heart as she heard his admission. A crease appeared between his eyebrows, and his facial muscles ticked as he clenched and unclenched his jaw. He suddenly appeared younger and a little lost. Bereft, even. The sadness she saw in his eyes was almost palpable and she knew she was the cause.
Her stomach tightened into a knot and dropped as if she were on a roller coaster’s steep descent. She was unintentionally breaking his heart, and after all he had done for her, he didn’t deserve it. But knowing that didn’t help the gnawing fear inside her to dissipate at all. She lost people. It’s what always seemed to happen. How long would it be before she was alone again?
Realising she had been staring silently at his pained expression, she leaned forward and plac
ed her chilled hands on his face. The heat from his skin warmed her. “Greg, you’re not losing me. You’ll never lose me. I’ve been back to Yorkshire many times and you’ve never reacted like this before.” She was terrified that she would lose him, but the words of explanation wouldn’t come.
He closed his eyes briefly and then seared her with his penetrating gaze. “I know… it’s just that this time feels different somehow. I… I can’t explain it.”
“Look, I’m just worried about Josie right now.” It was partly true. “And this time of year does make me think of Sam. But not in a way that means I regret being with you. That will never happen. You and me… we’re forever, Greg. Okay?”
His nostrils flared and he closed his eyes once more. Leaning toward her, he covered her mouth with his and stole her breath in a passionate kiss, filled with love and desire. Her core clenched and she wished they were back in their king-sized bed, naked, where she could show him just how much he meant to her.
When the kiss ended, he pulled away and gazed into her eyes. “I love you so much,” he whispered with fervour.
She smoothed her thumbs over his cheeks. “And I love you too.”
As if satisfied with her answers, he turned and released the handbrake, pulling them onto the icy road once again.
After around forty minutes, they arrived at Oban station and Greg helped her out of the Landy. He lifted her wheeled case down from the car and they walked toward the station. McCaig’s tower was visible up on Battery Hill, its black granite arches a stark silhouette against the grey winter sky.
The station was fairly quiet, and Greg hugged Mallory to him as they waited for the arrival of the train that would take her hundreds of miles away. She buried her head into the juncture of his neck and shoulder and inhaled the natural, masculine scent of him. Eventually the train arrived at the platform and she pulled away from him. He cradled her chin with his free hand and tilted her face up. After gazing hungrily into her eyes, he leaned in to kiss her again. She clung to his jacket and kissed him back with every ounce of the passion she felt for him in the hope that she could put his doubts to rest.
She pulled away again and fought the tears that needled at her eyes. “Take care of my babies.”
“And you take care of you.” He clenched his jaw. She could still see the remnants of fear in his eyes and didn’t know what to do to make him feel better.
She swept his hair back from his face. “I’ll miss you. I can’t wait until we can hold each other again.”
He swallowed hard and bit the inside of his cheek. What on earth was going through his mind? She hated to know he was feeling so insecure. But what made it worse was knowing she’d had a hand in making him feel that way. She touched his cheek again and turned to board the train. The final whistle blew and the train began to pull away. She quickly found a seat and sat down. Leaning to face him where he stood on the platform, she placed her palm on the window and watched him through the glass as he disappeared from view.
Taking a deep breath, she texted him to tell him once again how much she loved him, and she resolved to spend her time confirming that in an intimate way when she returned home in a few days. After putting her phone back in her bag, she pulled out a magazine and turned the pages until she found the article about the artist Flick MacDuff and her latest exhibition in Edinburgh. She smiled as she admired the images of Flick’s work which adorned the pages. Such a talent. The pieces that she painted from memory evoked such emotion in Mallory, and the places depicted made her homesick already—and she had been on the train only a few minutes. A text came through from Brad, indicating Josie was still in labour. It would be a long journey, that’s for sure.
Chapter Four
After almost nine hours and two changes, Mallory’s train pulled into Leeds station. The dimming light of the winter’s day cast an ethereal glow over the bustling city she had once called home, rendering it almost unrecognisable. The tower blocks and office complexes in the city centre reached skyward as if trying to catch the final, diminishing UV rays as the sun made its descent. People stood on the platform, heads down, playing with their gadgets whilst they waited to make their journeys home from work. There was something incredibly impersonal about the place now, compared to home where everyone knew everything about one another. Homesickness suddenly washed over her as the sky darkened with an imminent rainfall. Tears for the ending day perhaps. The change in the weather seemed to match her mood.
She walked along the platform and exited the bustling station, dodging people laden down with brightly coloured bags emblazoned with red, green, and gold festive symbols. She narrowly missed being poleaxed by a tall man wielding a humongous roll of holly-covered wrapping paper like a Weedwacker. Chuntering, she managed to sidestep him and into the path of a group of giggling women in office attire—who already seemed a little worse for wear alcohol-wise. They zigzagged a path in front of her, singing “Merry Christmas Everybody” at passers-by. All of them were wearing ridiculous festive headgear, from reindeer antlers to candy cane deely boppers that bobbed around as they jigged left and right. Under normal circumstances the group would have brought a grin to Mallory’s face as she told herself they’d regret it in the morning. But today she felt annoyed that the world was still gearing up for the Christmas season all around her, when inside she was feeling anything but festive.
She was completely exhausted. The last she had heard from Brad was that the midwife and obstetrician had been trying to bring the contractions to a halt, but things were not going according to plan.
She had texted to let him know she had arrived at the station and that she would get a taxi to the hospital, but she’d had no reply. Worry clouded her tired mind, and several emotions vied for the surface all at once. After flagging down a cab, she climbed in and gave the driver her destination. Once she had fastened her seat belt, she dialled Greg’s number.
He answered on the first ring. “Hey, sweetheart. Are you okay?”
“Hi. Yes, I’m fine. Just tired. I’m on my way to the hospital. Are you and the girls okay?”
“We’re… we’re fine. We had a few tears when Mairi realised you were gone, and Sylvie must be sensing it too as she’s been restless today.”
“Oh no. My poor girls.” Her voice wavered as her heart sank.
Greg sighed. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t mean to upset you, darlin’. Don’t worry. They just miss you. And… so do I.” He sounded so despondent.
She tried to keep her tone light. “It’s not for long. I’ll be home before you know it.”
“I know. Give my love to Josie and her ugly spud of a husband for me.”
She smiled. She knew he was trying to lift the mood too. “I will. Give my girls a hug and kiss from Mummy.”
“Of course. Keep me posted, okay? Love you.”
“Love you too.” She ended the call. The cab pulled up outside the General and Mallory paid the driver. Once she had unloaded her case, she made her way inside.
On arrival at the maternity wing, she was pulled into huge muscular arms by Brad, who sobbed into her hair. “Fuck, Mal, I’m so glad to see you. They’ve taken her into theatre. She’s been in there so long. I’m terrified I’ll lose them both.”
She barely held up the towering man as he crumpled in her arms. “Hey, shhh. They’ll both be fine. You have to believe that. You have to stay positive.” She wished she could believe her own words, but the fact that Josie was in surgery filled her with dread. Stomach-churning, heartbreaking, nausea-inducing dread.
After leading Brad into the family room, she sat beside him where he almost collapsed into a chair. In the corner of the room stood a small, artificial Christmas tree—the kind Mallory hated. The brightly coloured decorations and multicoloured lights adorning the branches were completely at odds with the harrowing situation the friends found themselves in, and she had the urge to throw something at it. How could the world be so excited about the festive se
ason when her best friend was suffering?
Brad sniffed loudly. “They’re performing an emergency C-section. The baby…” He sobbed again. “The baby was distressed, and its heart rate was getting weak. I’ve never seen Jose in so much pain, Mal. I couldn’t do anything. I feel so utterly fucking useless.” He leaned forward and rested his head in his hands, and more sobs racked his huge body. Seeing this strong man in such a distraught state made tears escape her eyes. She gripped his hand and held on tight.
He squeezed his eyes closed. “If I lose her… I’ll… I’ll die, Mal. I can’t live without her.”
She clenched her teeth as determination overtook anguish. “No! I won’t listen to you talk like that. If you lost her, Brad—and it’s a big if, because the doctors won’t let that happen—but if it did, you would go on. You’d have to go on. You’d have a little baby to care for. And so you’d have to be strong. Do you hear me? But she’s not going anywhere. She’s going to be fine. Are you listening to me?”
Brad raised his head. His bloodshot, damp eyes searched hers as if trying to figure out if he could believe her. “Do you really think so?”
“I know so.” Because I went on after I lost Sam. “Josie is a tough girl. She’s always been there for me, and I’m not about to let her go now. So stop it with the negativity.”
He nodded and wiped his eyes and nose on his sleeve. “Yeah… she’s a tough bird. She won’t leave me.”
She forced a smile. “That’s more like it.”
The door to the family room opened, and a man in green scrubs entered. “Mr Farnham?”
Brad stood and wiped his palms down his jeans. He cleared his throat. “Is she okay?”
“Mr Farnham, please take a seat.” The doctor gestured to the chair Brad had just vacated.
Christmas Presence Page 2
