Dangerous Secrets

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Dangerous Secrets Page 23

by Mari Mancusi


  “I see,” Agnarr said, his face ashen, the hope gone.

  I drew in a breath. “However, there is still…something…that might be out there. Who might be able to give us the answers we seek.”

  His head cocked in question.

  “Ahtohallan,” I explained. “My mother used to sing me a song about her when I was small. It’s a Northuldra song about a spirit—the mother of all the other spirits—who knows everything about the past. A river of memories. I always thought if I could only find her, she could provide answers about Elsa and what we are a part of.”

  “Well, then let’s find Ahtohallan,” Agnarr declared, his voice fierce. I always loved when he decided on a plan of action. He committed fully and immediately, no matter the challenges.

  I reached down and pulled the old, faded map off the table. “I think I already have,” I said slowly. “That’s why I’ve been in here every day. Puzzling over all these maps. The song says, ‘Where the north wind meets the sea,’ but I could never find a river there that fit that description. Until now.”

  I placed my finger over the dark block on the top of the map.

  “Ahtohallan,” I declared.

  “But that’s not a river.”

  “No.” My eyes shone as I looked up at him. “It’s a glacier. Glaciers are rivers of ice.”

  “Ahtohallan is…frozen?” he asked, eyes wide.

  I shrugged. “It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

  He stared down at the map. I could practically see the gears turning in his head. Then he looked up at me. “And you think if we were to go there, to this spirit, it would be able to provide us answers about Elsa?”

  “I think so,” I said, my voice hardly more than a whisper. “It’s worth a try, right?”

  “Yes,” he said. And I was relieved to hear not a drop of doubt his voice. “I would go to the ends of the earth to help her.”

  My shoulders slumped in relief. Hope rose in my chest.

  Agnarr rolled up the map. “We will travel there. As soon as it can be arranged.” He gave me a hesitant smile. “One last, last adventure. You and me.”

  “DO YOU HAVE TO GO?”

  Things had moved quickly from the night I had told Agnarr the truth in our secret room. Our story was simple: we were going on a two-week trip, to attend the wedding of a faraway princess by route of the Southern Sea. We would trust only the captain of the ship and his skeleton crew with the truth—and even then, not until after we’d set sail.

  No one wanted us to go, of course, the seas being notoriously dangerous at this time of year. But no one was more adamant about this than Elsa.

  “You’ll be fine, Elsa,” Agnarr said to her sympathetically. I knew he was trying to build up her confidence, but it ended up sounding a little patronizing. I could see her chin wobble. Her lips tremble. I could practically hear the thoughts whirling through her head.

  Conceal, don’t feel.

  Ignoring the danger of my daughter’s emotions, I grabbed her in a tight hug. “We will be back soon,” I promised her. “You’ll barely notice we’re gone.”

  And if all works out, you’ll never have to conceal your feelings again.

  She was stiff in my arms, and when I released her, she looked a hair’s breadth from breaking down in tears. My heart tore and suddenly it was all I could do not to back down, beg to stay home. Send Agnarr alone on our quest so I didn’t have to leave my baby girl behind. Elsa had no one but us, not even her sister. She would be truly alone.

  But I had to stay strong. We needed answers. And this was the only way to find them.

  To help Elsa once and for all.

  “Come on,” Agnarr said firmly, placing a hand at the small of my back and leading me away. I went with him, almost reaching the front door before I turned around again for one last look.

  Elsa stood there alone. Her shoulders pushed back. Her head held high. Trying so desperately to be brave. And suddenly my mind flashed back to that day I’d first arrived in Arendelle so long ago. I had stood there, too, at the entrance of the orphanage, alone in a new world filled only with strangers. I still remembered how badly I wanted to give up at that moment. To crumble and fall apart and let it all go. But instead I managed to hold my head high. To force myself to go on, even when all seemed lost.

  And I had. I’d built a life here in Arendelle. I’d found friends. Built a family with my true love. A beautiful life, blooming out of ashes. It hadn’t always been easy, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

  And Elsa would find her way, too, I told myself as the lump formed in my throat again. For all her pain, she was stronger than anyone I knew. Far stronger than I had ever been. And no matter what happened, she would find a way to keep going. To forge a path into the unknown.

  A little while later we were at the harbor, crossing the gangplank and boarding the ship. Everything in me cried out to turn around, to run back to the shelter of the castle, to my daughters.

  But this was Elsa’s one hope. I had to be brave. I had to do this. For her.

  I just hoped it wouldn’t all be in vain.

  THE WIND PICKS UP AGAIN, SENDING A FIERCE swell slamming into the side of our ship, nearly causing me to fall out of bed. My vision is blurry and it takes me a moment to realize why. Then it hits me.

  I’m crying.

  I’m sobbing, actually.

  I turn to Agnarr, reaching for his hands. He clasps them in his own, his face troubled, trying to take it all in. I would give anything to know his thoughts. Everything has happened so fast. We haven’t had a chance to really talk until now.

  “I’m sorry for not telling you everything from the start,” I say, my voice barely audible over the raging storm.

  Agnarr pushes back the bedcovers, rises to his feet. His eyes meet mine and I am surprised to see the fierceness they reflect. “Don’t apologize again,” he said. “You did what you needed to do to survive. And because of it, I got to spend my life by your side. There is no other life on earth I would have rather lived.”

  I don’t like the past tense he’s already started to use. But I know in my heart he’s not wrong. The storm is raging, growing worse with every passing moment. Whatever I want to say, it has to be now. Even still, so much has been left unspoken.

  But I love you is all I say. They’re the only words I can get past my trembling lips.

  “I love you, too,” he murmurs. “So much.” He pulls me into his arms. “And I promise you, there’s no secret in the world big enough to tear that love apart.”

  I lean against him, absorbing his strength. He is as warm and strong as always. But still, I’m not at peace. “Our girls,” I murmur. “What will they do?”

  When we’re gone, is the part I leave unspoken.

  “They will do what they will have to do,” Agnarr says gently. “As we once did.”

  I know he’s right. But I don’t want to accept it. I don’t want my daughters suffering, all alone.

  “At least they have each other,” Agnarr reminds me.

  “They don’t, though!” I cry, suddenly angry. “They barely know each other.” My voice cracks. “Maybe we made a mistake separating them. Maybe we should have—”

  “We did what we thought was best,” Agnarr says firmly. “For our children. Only time will tell if it was right or wrong. But I have faith in them. They are young. But they are already so strong. And if anyone can help Elsa, it’s Anna.” He smiles softly. “There’s not much that girl can’t do.”

  “You’re right about that,” I reply, shaking my head as I think lovingly about my youngest daughter. “Her love could hold up the world.”

  Agnarr nods. “When the time comes, I truly believe they will do the right thing.”

  “For Arendelle?”

  “No.” He shakes his head. “For each other.”

  The thought about breaks me. My mind flashes to Elsa, standing at the bottom of the stairs, fear running through her eyes. I think of Anna, waiting endlessly, hopefully, a
t her sister’s bedroom door.

  Will they ever have the chance to become the sisters they once were, before we tore them apart? And could it be possible that someday they will find happiness and love as Agnarr and I did?

  I can’t bear the thoughts swirling through my head any longer. I walk to the door and start up the stairs to the top deck of the ship. I won’t spend what may be my last minutes below deck—all darkness and stale air. I am Northuldra. We are the people of the sun.

  I may never see another sunrise. But I refuse to die in the darkness.

  I hear Agnarr follow me on the stairs and am relieved. I’d never force him to follow me. But I am glad he has chosen to.

  I step out onto the deck. The ship is rocking furiously and I have to grab on to a mast to keep upright. Sailors are running half-heartedly, checking the sails, but I can tell from their faces they’ve already lost hope. The end is coming. There will be no last-minute salvation.

  And if all we have left is this moment, I don’t want to waste it.

  I walk to the side of the boat, staring down into the angry sea. The waves are huge and the water is swirling in immense, twisting shapes. It makes me think of the Water Nokk—the Water Spirit from my childhood long ago. A sharp pain of regret stabs at my stomach.

  I never did get back home.

  I stare down at the water, my vision blurry from the driving rain. To my surprise, a wavering image seems to float up from the depths of the sea.

  A girl, laughing and dancing in the wind.

  Is it me? But no…it looks more like…

  I turn and ask Agnarr, “Are you seeing this?” But he’s gone off to confer with the captain.

  I turn back to the water, desperate for another look. But the girl is now gone, too. In her place stand two women. One dressed in a glowing white gown with white-blond hair tumbling down her back. The other—a redhead—clothed in rich greens and blacks and purples, with a familiar-looking crown atop her head. Both women are smiling.

  Smiling at each other.

  My breath hitches. Tears well in my eyes. Could it be? Could these two beautiful women really be my daughters? Not as they are now…but as they will be?

  Only Ahtohallan knows…a voice seems to whisper in my ear.

  The waters churn again and the vision vanishes. I cry out in alarm, causing Agnarr to rush to my side. “What is it?” he asks urgently.

  I shake my head. “Nothing,” I say. “I just…I thought I saw something in the water.”

  Was it a vision from Ahtohallan? Or simply a mother’s heartfelt wish on a wave? I will never know for certain. But still, I draw that image of my beautiful girls deep into my soul. Their wide smiles. The joyous looks in their eyes. It seems an impossible future.

  And yet…

  Why couldn’t it be? They are strong; they are smart. They will be able to shape their own destinies. Make their ways as Agnarr and I once did. Find their own happily ever afters.

  I just hope they find them together.

  Agnarr puts his arms around me. I cuddle in close to him, feeling a strange sense of peace wash over me at last as the sea rages on. We won’t survive this night. But it doesn’t matter in the end. For our love has created a legacy. A true magic all its own that will live on in our daughters. And hopefully their daughters and sons.

  Arendelle and Northuldra, united again and again, in every heartbeat to come.

  I lift my face to the wind. My voice rises in song.

  “Ah ah ah ah…”

  AS A LIFELONG DISNEY NERD AND HUGE Frozen superfan, I felt like being asked to write this book was like someone telling me I’d won the lottery—only better! Even now, I’m still pinching myself!

  All the gratitude and thanks to my dream editor, Heather Knowles, who is so fun to work with it doesn’t even feel like work! I loved brainstorming with you and diving down deep into the Frozen ’verse. (But not too deep, to avoid the whole messy drowning bit…) I hope we do a million books together in the future!

  Of course, these books also take an Arendelle-size village. Thank you to all the hardworking people at Team Disney, including Elana Cohen, Monica Vasquez, Alison Giordano, Al Giuliani, Susan Gerber, Anne Peters, Megan Speer, Warren Meislin, and Jennifer Black. Also, Grace Lee for the amazing cover artwork and Winnie Ho for the gorgeous overall design.

  On the film side of things, thank you to Heather Blodget and Peter Del Vecho for their tireless answering of questions on Frozen lore—and for their openness to my little twists on it.

  And thank you to the incredible filmmakers, Jennifer Lee and Christopher Beck, for creating such an amazing world and wonderful characters to play with. (Is this the spot where I beg you for a part three?)

  Thank you also to my agent, Mandy Hubbard, and to editor Kieran Viola, who knew how much a book like this would mean to me. We Disney girls have to stick together!

  And to my husband, Jacob, for supporting me and cooking for me and becoming a legit “dance dad” when I was under tight deadline. I couldn’t do any of this without you. And to my sweet daughter, Avalon—you are a total Anna and I am so proud of the girl you have become. Smart, creative, talented. But most importantly, your love could hold up the world.

  Lastly, to all the Frozen superfans out there—you make this all possible. Thank you for continuing to support and embrace this world and all its inhabitants and for allowing us to keep telling their stories. Some people are truly worth melting for!

  MARI MANCUSI grew up where the north wind meets the sea (otherwise known as Massachusetts) but has since made her home in the great state of Texas, mostly due to her love of summer (and tacos). An Emmy Award–winning former TV news producer, she is now the author of more than two dozen books for kids, teens, and adults, mostly of the sci-fi/fantasy variety. In addition to writing, Mari loves traveling, video games, and cosplaying. She is also mom to an eight-year-old Frozen superfan, who when recently asked by her teacher to name her hero answered, “My mom!” (Okay, fine, she said Kristen Bell.)

  You can find Mari online at www.marimancusi.com. She knows several Samanthas.

 

 

 


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