The little girl’s eyes widened and she asked, “What’s her favorite soda?”
“That’s a trick question, doll. Your mom doesn’t drink soda, she drinks iced tea with Sweet’N Low. But, she despises sweet tea. She says it’s too sweet.”
“Wow. That’s cool. You know, like, everything about her.”
“Pretty much.”
Holden heard Charleigh make a disgruntled sound but he kept his eyes on Faith. She was smiling up at him as if he’d brightened her world.
But his eyes stayed glued on that damn depression on her cheek.
17
How did I get here?
Not here in this hospital bed, but here—here. The here and now. The here where Faith was sitting on Holden’s lap listening to him tell her stories about when we were younger. The here where my daughter was hanging on his every word completely enthralled. The here where every muscle was tight and my skin prickled.
I’d thought I’d been pushed to my limits before. Just yesterday, I’d been hit over the head. When I’d woken up and learned my child was kidnapped, I thought I’d finally been shoved over the edge into a dark abyss of anger and fear and I’d be lost there forever. But then I found out Holden had gone after Faith, and there was a part of me that knew he’d find her, and I found the will to keep myself together.
But this?
The two of them together—smiling and joking and having a grand old time at my expense. This I couldn’t handle. This was too much for my peace of mind. This was everything I’d ever dreamed of and my worst nightmare all rolled into one.
He’s going to hurt her.
Faith would fall in love with him just like I had…and she would be crushed when he walked away.
I had to get out of here. I needed to get the two of them apart and explain to my kid that she shouldn’t get attached to the man who would charm her, make her feel like she was the most important thing in the world, make her believe she was beautiful and loved, only to tear it all away and leave her in shambles. Leave her wondering what she’d done wrong, where she’d failed, how she could’ve been so wrong to love him so much and believe they’d live happily ever after.
There was a tap on the door. It slowly opened and Micky poked her head in.
“Morning. We come bearing gifts.”
Micky walked in followed by her husband. Both had their hands full of white paper bags, but I only had eyes for Nixon. Coffee. Thank God. Maybe after I sucked down some caffeine my head would clear and I’d be able to formulate a plan of escape. The only problem with leaving the hospital was going home.
“Yay. Pancakes,” Faith squealed and my eyes left the drink holder in Nixon’s hand and landed on my daughter’s pretty face.
Happy. That was the only way to describe her. How was that possible? It hadn’t even been twenty-four hours since she was taken from me and she was smiling and calm.
Holden.
It was all Holden. His presence. His gentle teasing. His strength.
Damn.
“Pancakes, butter, and bacon,” Nixon announced and Faith’s smile faded.
“He’s kidding, doll,” Holden said and hugged her tight. “Nix would never forget your syrup.”
With a heavy heart, I watched Faith tip her head back and grin at Holden. The smile so sweet and innocent, it made my insides seize. What the hell was going on? Why was he pulling her into his web? Holden knew exactly what he was doing. He might be a promise-breaking, heart-crushing jerk but he wasn’t stupid. He knew Faith would eat up every word he said.
Nixon’s chuckle cleared my thoughts.
“Stop teasing her,” Micky chastised. “We brought you coffee, Charleigh. How are you feeling?”
“Better, thank you. Just waiting on the doctor so we can go home.” Nixon and Holden exchanged a look I couldn’t decipher but instinctually I knew it was about me. “What’s the look for?”
“What look?” Holden asked.
“Don’t play dumb. You just gave Nixon a look. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, babe. Drink your coffee and we’ll talk after the doctor comes in.”
“No way.”
“Leigh-Leigh, drink your coffee and get some food in your stomach. You didn’t eat anything yesterday so I know you’re starving.” How does he know I hadn’t eaten yesterday? “I know you didn’t eat because I asked.” Holden answered my unasked question. “We’ll talk after breakfast,” he amended.
My daughter nodded like she approved of this plan and I wasn’t sure I liked her and Holden on the same team. And as much as I wanted to argue and tell Holden he could shove his heavy-handed directives straight up his ass, I refrained. There was a time and a place for me to explain to Holden that nothing had changed. I was grateful for his help, but we were going back to avoiding each other until I could figure out my next move.
And I still had to deal with my parents. My mother would rather die a thousand deaths than ruin her mother-of-the-year persona. I would be shocked if they actually went back to Virginia Beach empty-handed. She cared more about her country club friends’ opinion of her than her daughter’s or granddaughter’s well-being. It was vitally important to her that she see Faith before she left so she could report back to her crew the state of her “precious grandchild.” Pure bullshit. Neither of my parents actually cared about us. They cared about their reputations.
Nixon was unearthing Faith’s pancakes when I felt Micky tap my hand with the cardboard cup. “Here.”
“Thank you. I appreciate you bringing Faith something to eat,” I returned.
“It was no problem. We were coming in anyway.”
“Where’s Holly?”
“We dropped her off at Weston and Silver’s.”
It must be nice to have close friends as neighbors. Weston and Silver lived on a piece of property that bordered Nixon and McKenna’s. It was the same with Alec and Macy and Jameson and Kennedy. Actually, Chasin and Genevieve bought Nixon’s old farm, making them neighbors with Nix, Micky, Weston, and Silver, too. Bobby lived in a repurposed old shed on Chasin and Genevieve’s property. They’d remodeled the old building into a kickass guest house. And of course, Holden lived there, too, in his Airstream.
He hadn’t owned it when we were together and I’d never been inside, but I’d heard from the others that he’d redone and modernized the interior. As much as I didn’t want to be, I was curious what it looked like and why he chose to live in a pull-behind trailer and not in a house or apartment. However, I never asked and I never would. The less I knew about the new Holden Stanford, the better.
I didn’t want to know what he’d been doing in our years apart. I didn’t want to know if he’d fallen in love, had his heart broken, or been the one to break more hearts. I didn’t want to know if he spoke to his parents or if either of them had remarried. I didn’t want to know if he and his dad had worked out their differences about Holden being in the military. Nope. I didn’t want to know anything. Not a damn thing that would strengthen the connection I felt. It was better for me not to know anything.
That wasn’t to say I didn’t break my own rule sometimes. In a moment of weakness when he and I were alone after he’d come to Virginia to help me out with the Towlers, I asked a few questions. None of which he answered. That also wasn’t to say that after a few drinks I hadn’t tried to kiss him. The ill-fated kiss was so embarrassing, I shoved it down into the darkest recesses of my mind in an effort to forget that as soon as my lips had brushed his, I felt the bond we shared snap back into place. Holden hadn’t. He quickly jumped back like I was the most hideous, vile creature to ever walk the earth.
Yet, I couldn’t stop loving the man. I needed shock therapy, or a brain transplant.
I sipped my coffee, hoping the warm liquid would provide much needed armor for the day ahead. Nix, Micky, Holden, and Faith talked amongst themselves while I sat quietly and listened. Actually, I wasn’t listening. I was watching. The words they were saying didn’t penetrate. But the way Holden
absentmindedly handed Faith a napkin did. The way my daughter happily sat on Holden’s lap while she ate her breakfast certainly did. The way the two of them looked content hit me with a force so painful I wondered what I’d done that was so horrible I’d be punished in such a way.
One night of drunken sex had given me my beautiful child. I’d never regret it, never wish it hadn’t happened. But that didn’t stop me from being heartbroken that the years Holden and I had made love, the years we’d had wild, fantastic sex, hadn’t resulted in me being pregnant.
She can’t be mine because I can’t have fucking kids, Charleigh.
My sinuses started to sting just thinking about Holden’s admission. Why hadn’t he told me when we were together? Why hadn’t he been honest? For years, I wondered if Holden was really Faith’s biological dad. I tried my best not to but that didn’t mean I hadn’t looked for similarities. She looked nothing like Paul. Not her hair color, her eye color, her skin tone. Not her mannerisms, nothing. No part of her resembled the Towlers. But there’d been plenty of little things that had reminded me of Holden. Now I knew it was all in my head, wishful thinking, stupidity.
Knowing the truth once and for all didn’t make me feel any better. It felt like I was standing in that damn parking lot confronting Holden all over again. His anguish and anger plain as day, his hatred surrounding me when he told me to go find Paul. And now I knew why.
“Momma?”
I blinked and looked at Faith through watery eyes.
“Yeah, sweets?”
“Why are you crying?”
Shit, goddamn, shit.
I could lie and say I had a headache but I feared that would land me another day in the hospital. The truth wasn’t an option.
“Sometimes, doll, after something really scary happens and after you know everything’s okay, all the emotions you were hiding come out,” Holden explained.
“Why would you hide them?”
“Because sometimes hiding is the only thing that gives you strength.”
My eyes drifted closed and I wondered who Holden was speaking to—me or Faith?
He certainly hid a lot from me.
“Yesterday, your mom had to be strong for you even though she was scared and hurt. All she was thinking about was you. Now, she sees you’re safe and all those feelings she was hiding are coming out.”
“But she didn’t need to be strong. She sent you.”
“She was still scared for you, darlin’. That’s what moms do. They worry. Now you’re home safe and sound and she’s so happy and relieved all those emotions are coming out.”
I wished with all my might that was why I was crying. Not that I wasn’t happy and relieved my daughter was home, but I hadn’t begun to process everything that had happened. I would do that when I was home in my bed with Faith tucked next to me. I’d finally give in to my fear and anxiety when no one could witness my breakdown.
The bed jostled and I opened my eyes to find Faith climbing up.
“It’s okay, Mom.”
I slowly exhaled and gathered my daughter in my arms, feeling guilty she was the one consoling me.
“You’re right, everything is just fine. We’re gonna be okay.”
And one way or another I would make that so. We’d be okay. Together, we’d get through the aftereffects of what the Towlers had done. Together, we’d move on. We always did.
Holden stood and jerked his chin toward the door. Nixon moved in that direction, but before Holden could take two steps, Faith sat up.
“Where are you going?” The panic in her voice couldn’t be missed nor could the way Holden’s body went rigid.
“I’m gonna step out into the hallway with Nixon,” he told her.
“No. You can’t leave.”
I sat frozen and watched as Holden loosened his muscles and softened his features. Everything about him transformed before my eyes.
“Last night I promised you I wasn’t leaving. I keep my promises. I’m not going far. I need to talk to Nixon in the hall but I’ll be right outside the door. No one will come in here and I’ll be right back in.”
Liar, liar, pants on fucking fire. Holden did not keep his promises. He broke them without explanation.
Faith nodded and laid back down, tucking herself in the crook of my arm with her face turned toward the door.
Damn him.
He had no right to make promises to my daughter.
“Be back, Leigh-Leigh.”
I bit back the request I felt like I’d made a million times for him to stop calling me that dumb nickname and remained silent. The jerk smiled and shook his head as if he found me amusing.
As soon as I was out of this hospital bed, I was letting him have it. Then we’d see how amusing he found me when I told him to go fuck himself.
The door closed behind the men and Micky made a strangled sound. Her eyes went wide as saucers when she said, “Uh-oh. I know that look.”
There was nothing I could say in reply with Faith in the room. And even if my daughter wasn’t present I still wouldn’t have said anything to McKenna. She was Nixon’s wife. Holden’s friend. She probably wouldn’t like hearing what I had to say about the big jerk.
“Can I ask you a favor?” Micky murmured.
My heart sank. After all that she and the others had done for me and Faith, I would do anything she requested.
“Anything.”
“Go easy on him.”
Anything except that.
“You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“I do and I don’t. I know him. I know he’s a good man. A good friend. I also know he’s in pain. He has been since I met him. He covers it up with a smile, but it’s there just under the surface. I see it when he looks at me and Nix, or Jameson and Kennedy, or Weston and Silver, or Chasin and Evie. But I see it most when he watches Alec with Rory, Joss, and Caleb. And I see how he looks at Holly and Dylan. I don’t know the whole story and I’m sure he’s the one at fault. So, I know I’m asking a lot, but please—go easy.”
“Who’s in pain, Mom?”
If there was ever a time I needed a black hole to open up and swallow me, it was now. I didn’t want to think about why Holden watched Alec with his children. Or what McKenna meant about how Holden looked at her daughter or Weston’s son. I didn’t want to know he was in pain or figure out why that was. I had to get over him and move on.
“Holden,” I answered.
“Why is he in pain? Did he get hurt?”
That was a loaded question I wouldn’t answer.
“I don’t know, honey.”
McKenna’s gentle smile was meant to be reassuring but it did nothing but confuse me. My feelings for Holden were complicated. I knew I would love him for the rest of my life but everything about us was muddy and tarnished. Our love had been stained by betrayal. First, Holden leaving me, then my night with Paul.
There was no fixing it. Once a mirror was broken, you could search for all the pieces and try to glue it back together but there would always be that one tiny sliver that would be missing. The spiderweb of cracks would always be visible. I’d been naïve thinking we could repair what had been broken and be together. Holden was right. He’d been smart to keep his distance and push me away. He’d moved on with his life and I’d stupidly stayed in the past.
My problem was, the past was so beautiful I didn’t know how to let it go.
18
Charleigh was going to blow her stack. Holden felt it coming. Of course, she’d wait until Faith wasn’t around before she unleashed her wraith—but it was coming nonetheless.
“I love it here,” Faith announced, and Holden pinched his lips in an effort not to burst out laughing.
Faith was looking up at the ceiling with her arms spread wide, twirling around the great room of Evie’s uncle’s house while Charleigh looked on in horror. She’d been discharged from the hospital an hour before—she hadn’t suffered a fracture, just abrasions and a minor concussion—and from the moment
the doctor had left her room, Holden saw the trepidation seep in. Charleigh being Charleigh had kept it locked down. The woman would never admit she was scared as fuck about going back to her home. The place where she’d been bashed over the head and her daughter taken.
No, not the new Charleigh. Instead, she’d blanked her expression and prepared to take it on the chin. Holden’s Charleigh would’ve turned to her man and been honest. She would’ve told him she was scared and clung to him tight knowing he’d protect her.
He’d fucked up in a good many ways, but one of the worst fuck-ups he’d perpetrated was turning his back on a good woman. And since he’d done that, she’d changed in ways he didn’t like. She was still the spitfire she always was, but now there was a weariness to her that he hated.
He’d done that. He’d hurt her. He’d screwed up so badly she’d been on her own, forced to handle everything herself. Not only for her, but for Faith as well.
“This isn’t necessary,” Charleigh complained.
Holden got close and lowered his voice.
“It is and you know it.”
When her brown eyes settled on his, he saw it. Relief. She’d never admit it. As a matter of fact, Charleigh was going to fight it and pitch a fit. But, he much preferred that over the fatigued worry he’d seen earlier.
“We’re not your problem,” she hissed.
“You’re right, you’re not. Because me looking after you and Faith isn’t a problem.”
“You know what I mean.” Charleigh continued to hiss, but this time she narrowed her eyes and flattened her lips.
“No, Leigh-Leigh, I don’t know what you mean. You’re not taking Faith back to that apartment. At least not right now. First, she doesn’t need to be there. Second, you’re not ready to go back there. And before you deny it, remember who you’re talking to. I know you. I saw it the second worry crept in. We’ll stay here a few days and go from there.”
Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group Book 6) Page 12
