“I spent half the time looking at you, wishing my life was different. I couldn’t stop thinking about how handsome you looked in your dress uniform. Pretty fucked—my husband was in a coffin a few feet in front of me and I was thinking about you. Then shame hit. Then my parents were being over-the-top dramatic. I wanted to be anywhere but there. I was in shock mainly because that’s what one feels when someone they know gets shot and killed.”
I still hadn’t paused to take a break when I finished.
“If all of that wasn’t enough, I saw you and Patty’s friend.”
“Come again?”
“I saw you, Holden.”
“Saw me doing what?”
Jerk was going to make me say it. Fine. He was right. It was better just to let it all hang out.
“I saw the two of you together. It started at the gravesite and continued on to O’Malley’s.”
God, I’d wanted to get out of that stupid bar. Bea and Patty insisted we have a farewell after the service at Paul’s favorite bar. The only thing those two loved more than Paul’s money was the attention they got from him being a SEAL. And Bea had shamelessly abused being a Gold Star Mother, garnering all the attention she could get. Paul would’ve been pissed as shit. And most of the men who were in attendance were biting their tongues in an effort not to blast the stupid cow.
But above all else, what I remembered about that day, the very day we put Paul into the ground, was Holden leaving the bar with a very drunk blonde. The same woman who’d been hanging all over him all night.
“What continued?”
“Why are you being so obtuse?”
“Charleigh, the last thing I’m being is obtuse. I have no clue what the fuck you’re talking about. If you’re talking about Shelly, I took her home.”
“I’m sure you did,” I mumbled.
“To her house. Then she stayed there alone.”
“Right.”
“Do you remember Freddy?”
“Yeah.”
Holden’s friend Freddy died in a training accident the year before I’d met Holden.
“Shelly’s Freddy’s sister. As you can imagine, burying Paul reminded her of when we buried her brother. She wasn’t acting like herself, and to top that off she got smashed at the bar. I drove her home, walked her to her door, and left. I didn’t even step one foot into her place.”
Oh. Well, I guess I read that situation wrong.
“I thought she was Patty’s friend.”
“She was. It doesn’t mean she also wasn’t Freddy’s sister, and that’s why I was putting up with a fuckton more than I would’ve from a woman I didn’t know who liked touching me.”
And Shelly had been touching him. At one point, she was trying to put her hands down his pants.
“And for the record, Shelly called me two days later to apologize. She was mortified. If memory serves, she moved back to Wisconsin to be near her family.”
“You never came back to the bar.”
My defense was weak. Hell, I didn’t even know if I was trying to defend myself for thinking he’d taken Shelly home or if after all of these years I was still so hurt that he’d left me alone that day I still wasn’t over it.
After a few beats, he said, “I drove down to Kitty Hawk. I needed to clear my head and make some decisions about my life. Clearly, that day I made the wrong choice, or maybe it was the right one at the time.”
“What’s that mean?”
“It means I was fucked-up. Everything had spiraled out of control. I was still trying to process the fact I’d never have kids, I’d fucked up everything with you. And I couldn’t attempt to make things right because you were pregnant. Don’t twist that into something ugly. The way I was, I knew I had no business being around a child. My life was toxic. I had to stay away. I spent two nights at the beach, then I came back and tried to restart my life.”
I knew a little something about having to restart. The year after Holden left me was a blur. Every time I restarted, something came along and tore my life apart and I had to start all over. Until I had Faith. That day had changed my life. I had a purpose, I couldn’t fail her, and it was then I stopped walking around letting things happen to me and started making what I wanted out of my life.
I’d taken control back.
Holden pulled into the parking lot at the side of the courthouse and I was grateful to end the conversation. And a part of me was happy I finally knew what really happened the day of Paul’s funeral.
“You ready to do this?” he asked.
“Yep.”
Holden smiled, and not for the first time I noticed the crinkles around his eyes. Lines that were not there seven years ago. I’d missed out on them forming. I’d missed out on a lot of things. Things I was not willing to miss out on in the future.
Please God, prove to me I can trust you.
“Bail’s set at one million—”
“That’s absurd,” Beatrice screeched and I jerked in surprise.
Patty hadn’t said a word when Judge Price set her bail at the same one million dollars. However, the bitch had turned her head to glare at me before the bailiff took her away. Chad Bullock hadn’t uttered a word, nor did he glance in my direction while he was in front of the judge.
But leave it to Beatrice Towler to make a complete ass out of herself.
The judge furiously pounded the gavel while Paul’s mother continued to shout, “That bitch has my money. My son died protecting you and this is how I’m treated.”
I rolled my eyes and heard Holden grunt his displeasure.
Oh, boy.
“And you!” Bea turned and pointed at me. “You and your bastard child won’t take what’s mine. Do you hear me?”
I heard the crazy woman loud and clear. Suddenly, I was no longer in my seat and Holden was pulling me down the empty row toward the aisle.
“It’s you. It’s always been you. You stole everything from my boy and you’re stealing what’s mine.”
The pounding of the gavel made me wince as Holden did his best to shield me from Bea. There was a loud commotion, but before I could turn to see what was happening, Nixon was behind me. His hand went to my shoulder and I jumped in surprise.
“Easy,” he murmured.
Then Jameson was there and I could only see the huge wood courtroom door. I was completely boxed in. Three men surrounded me. All I could feel was relief. The last time I had the misfortune to sit in the same room with that vile bitch, I’d been alone. There’d been no one to protect me from the vitriol she spewed. It was always the same thing. Faith was a bastard and I stole her money.
God, I hated that bitch.
The door whispered closed, silencing the banging and shouting. Once we were a few feet away, Holden stopped us. Both of his hands went to my shoulders and he held me steady.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head.
“Damn.”
Holden yanked me forward. My face hit a wall of muscle and his arms wrapped around me. “That’s the last time you ever see that woman.”
“The trial—”
“Bitch will take any deal put in front of her.”
I loved that he wanted to shield me from her crazy, but I was strong enough to face her if I needed to. However, I was smart enough not to argue with Holden.
“Can we leave?”
“Yeah, baby. Let’s get you home.”
“Faith—”
“I’ll take you home, get you settled, and go get Faith.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat. Kennedy had watched Faith a few times while I worked, Macy had picked her up for a play date with Rory, I’d dropped her off with Evie for guitar lessons, McKenna had invited her over to play with her pony and goat, Silver and Weston had even taken her to lunch. But no one had ever picked my daughter up from school. No one. Not ever. Not for as long as she was alive and started to go to daycare. I dropped off and picked up every single day.
When I cleared my throat and Holden hel
d my eyes. When he smiled, I knew, he knew, I was feeling something big. So when he pressed his lips against my forehead, he let them linger for a long while before he murmured, “My Leigh-Leigh.”
“Mom!” Faith shouted and I rushed from the kitchen to the enormous foyer and found Faith tugging off her coat.
“Don’t you drop that on the floor.”
My daughter’s eyes got wide and she turned to hang up her coat.
“How’d you know?” Holden chuckled.
“She had that look like she was going to drop her bag and coat and leave them there for me to pick up.”
Holden nodded and I shrugged. What could I say? I knew my kid.
“Guess what?” Faith happily chirped and I glanced at Holden.
We needed to talk to Beth again. Faith was still not talking about what happened. She’d shared what she shared then clammed up about it. I was scared the longer this went on, the harder the crash would be. Now she was back to happy-go-lucky, everything-was-perfect-in-her-world as long as Holden was close. That worried me, too. She didn’t want him out of her sight while she wasn’t at school. Last night, she’d even tried to get him to read her a bedtime story. Luckily, since I’d been actively trying to avoid alone time with him, I’d bribed her by telling her I would read her three chapters instead of her normal two.
“What?” I returned.
“Holden said we could get a puppy.”
Faith did a cute little girl jump and twirled around as she continued imparting her news. “He said we could get a Tank. That’s a…what’s it called again?”
“German Shepherd,” Holden helpfully supplied and smiled.
I felt it, the bubble of irritation rising, and the closer it got to the surface, the more danger there was of it bursting.
“Faith, we talked about this.” My words were for my daughter but I hadn’t taken my gaze from Holden’s.
There was no way for him to miss the laser beams I was shooting in his direction, yet he opened his mouth and spoke. The better option would’ve been for him to remain silent.
“Faith told me you couldn’t have a dog because you live in an apartment. Since you won’t be living there anymore—”
“I won’t?”
“Leigh-Leigh—”
“No.” I put my hand up to halt him and changed course since I knew he’d fight me tooth and nail about going back to the scene of the crime. “Are you going to come over and train this puppy?”
“Yes.”
“Really. And you’re gonna walk it, and pick up puppy poop, and feed it, and buy its food, and the bed and toys and the hundred other things that come with owning a dog?”
“Yes.”
I let out a long-suffering sigh knowing he’d gladly come over and do all of those things.
“You can’t make decisions without discussing them with me.”
Holden’s body locked and his face fell.
“Damn, Leigh-Leigh, I didn’t mean to…you’re right. I should’ve talked to you first. Faith mentioned how much she loved Tank and Axel and there’s another litter from the same parents. I got ahead of myself.”
Shit. Why’d he have to go and apologize and admit he was wrong? That took the wind out of my sails and made my blood pressure lower.
Maybe a puppy wouldn’t be so bad. Faith had been asking for years if she could get a pet. And I bet if Tank or Axel had been at my side when Chad knocked, the dog would’ve torn him apart before he’d had the chance to knock me out and take my child.
Okay, so maybe a dog was a really great idea.
“We’ll go look at the puppy when they’re—”
“Yippy!” Faith shouted and twirled. “Oh, yeah, I’m getting a dog.” She continued to do some weird jig that included kicking her feet, flailing her arms, and contorting her body in a way that would have me in traction for a year.
Seriously worried about injury, I asked, “Do you have homework?”
“Yep. I have new spelling words. But they’re easy, and two pages of math.”
I had no doubt the spelling words would be easy for Faith—if I had to guess, I’d say the math would be easy for her, too. I’d been blessed with a brilliant daughter and God knows I didn’t pass that gene down to her.
“Wash your hands and grab your homework and take it into the kitchen. I made you a snack.”
She nodded and rushed to Holden, wrapped her arms around his waist, and stared up at him like he hung the moon. Oh, yeah, my daughter had fallen hard for Holden.
“Thank you.”
“I didn’t make you the snack, doll. You should thank your mom.”
“I’m talking about the puppy. I promise I’ll take care of it and help you train him. I want him to sit, roll over, and play dead.”
“I’m sure we can manage that.”
“You’re the best!” She broke the hug and ran off down the hall.
“Oh, Lord. She’s wrapped you around her finger,” I muttered.
“Leigh-Leigh.” He smiled. “It’s not my fault. I tried, I really did, but when she got this little frown and told me how much she’d always wanted a puppy, I couldn’t say no.”
“Right. And I’m sure she gave you sad eyes and told you all about the time she found a kitten and only had it a week before the owner contacted us and thankfully came over to pick up the beast.”
“She didn’t call it a beast.”
“It was the devil. It clawed my couch, my curtains, it hissed and bit. I was so happy when someone finally responded to the SOS I put out.”
“She played me.”
“Oh, yeah, she did. You better toughen up or she’ll run roughshod all over you.”
“Nah.”
“Seriously—"
“Baby, I was joking. I knew she was playing me and I didn’t mind.”
Of course, he’d know Faith’s big, pleading eyes and pout. What scared the hell out of me was, he didn’t mind. In a few short days, Holden had done an about-face.
Faith came skidding back into the foyer and announced, “Ready.”
Neither Holden nor I moved. Our eyes locked and the old Holden was back. The one who didn’t conceal how he felt about me. The man who openly loved me. And when he turned his gentle gaze on Faith, she froze and I knew she saw the difference, too.
Oh, boy, we were in trouble with a capital T and an exclamation point.
Shit.
It wasn’t only my daughter that had fallen—Holden had, too.
“Come on. Let’s go see what your mom made.” Holden gestured to the kitchen.
Faith pulled herself from her stupor enough to nod and woodenly turn toward the kitchen.
I was thinking about what I was going to tell Faith about Holden when he walked past me and stopped.
“Babe, tonight don’t even think about hiding again. Gave you last night to sort yourself. You didn’t take Faith and run. You didn’t tell me to leave. I want you to know I heard every word you said the other night. I’m all-in to prove to you I’m here to stay. But I also felt you, and, Leigh-Leigh, you cannot deny you want me to prove those things to you. Tonight, you’re in my bed and this time you’re staying.”
With that, Holden sauntered off, not giving me a chance to reply. Not that I had anything to say. He was right; I hadn’t run or kicked him out. I also really wanted to stay so he could prove he was the man I’d always thought he was.
“Christ. Your mouth,” Holden growled. “Heaven.”
I smiled around his cock and took him as deep as I could go. My eyes lifted to his and he groaned.
“Up,” he demanded.
I didn’t follow his demand. Instead, I wrapped my hand around his shaft and stroked him while I worked the head of his dick with my tongue. Past experience told me I had approximately ten seconds left to enjoy Holden in my mouth. Ten seconds to drive him crazy with need. The results of my efforts would be otherworldly.
The mere thought of him filling me up made my pussy clench.
“Up,” he repeated, but
this time he didn’t give me a chance to obey. His hands went under my pits and he pulled me up over his lap and planted me on his dick.
“Honey,” I groaned.
Holden was sitting with his back to the headboard, making us eye-to-eye, therefore, I didn’t miss the flash of possession in his gaze. His pupils were dilated; inky black ate up most of the light-brown iris. And something about that sent a thrill up my spine. But beyond the possession, there was something bigger than dominance, lust, or passion. There was reverence and adoration. It was in the way he looked into me, not at me. The way his hands shook when he touched me. The way he craved the connection with the same fervor I did. I needed Holden. Not to complete me or make me strong, but because with him by my side, I was happier, more content, brighter. Everything was better when Holden was in my life.
One of his hands left my hip, slowly skimmed up my ribs, and brushed the side of my breast.
“Love when you suck me off, Leigh-Leigh.” Holden’s voice was gruff but his touch was gentle as his finger circled my nipple. “Love seeing all that hair curtain your beautiful face when my cock is in your mouth.” He paused again and studied me as he rolled my nipple between his fingers. My inner muscles clenched around his cock and my skin heated. “Fuckin’ love seeing those pretty lips wrapped around me.” Holden lowered his head and I lost his eyes, but when he gently kissed away the sting of his pinch, my hips bucked. “But, baby, I finish in your pussy. Ride me, Leigh-Leigh.”
“Holden,” I cried out when he sucked my nipple back into his mouth.
I had more to say. I wanted to tell him how good it felt to be connected to him. How much I loved him. How good he made me feel with just a look and a smile. But I didn’t say the words, I couldn’t speak as I rocked my hips and ground down on him until my head felt too heavy and it dropped forward and my hands dove into his hair. It was softer than it looked, silkier than I’d imagined, just long enough I could grab a fistful.
Holden's Resurrection (Gemini Group Book 6) Page 20
