“Yeah, you’re definitely beating a dead horse on this one, but I get it. I never told you how I felt about you, and I only ever let you believe that I didn’t want kids. Not until I was 30 and married, at least. We have to get past it, and we have to make things work for Sutton.”
“You sound like me. Everything I do now, I do for her. It’s so different putting a child first, but I wouldn’t change anything. Even though it put a gap between us, because of Sutton I can’t ever regret that night. She’s the best thing in my life.”
“I wouldn’t change it, either. I know we haven’t discussed what we’re going to do now, but I think that you and Sutton should move in with me.”
Cara stared at him with wide eyes. She was sure he didn’t understand how much that was exactly what she had wanted him to say; only he wasn’t offering the family she desperately hoped for.
“Delaney…are you serious?”
“Yeah, I’m serious. I’ve thought about it, honestly haven’t slept because it’s been on my mind. Yesterday I was ready to do anything to convince you to try a long distance relationship with me, at least until you were done with school. Now, I can’t think of a reason for you to be that far away. You need a partner, and Sutton needs me.”
They pulled up to the house then, and she didn’t make any move to get out of the car. Cara needed to take a moment to think. She had plans to finish school, was working toward a degree in fashion design. It had been a struggle so far, trying to juggle everything on her own, but she wanted to reach her goals. She wanted to be able to tell her daughter that no matter what life threw at her, she could do it. She had to know that she wouldn’t always rely on Delaney.
“Let’s get Sutton to bed and we can talk. I need a minute to process.”
Delaney had a look in his eye that Cara could count on one hand how many times she’d seen. He was nervous. But so was she, so she understood. Without a word, he turned the car off and got out. Before Cara had a chance to follow, he had Sutton in his arms and was leading the way into her parents’ home.
Cara stayed where she was for a moment, thinking about what was being offered to her. As much as she had felt for him, until two years ago she never thought she would be taking him seriously when he talked about them being together. She also never thought she would be afraid of being with him. But she was. She was terrified of losing him, for herself and for her daughter. Part of her wanted to tell him no, that they should only be friends. Maybe it was safer that way. Certainly she wouldn’t run the risk of doing something stupid and pushing him away from them. But the other part of her—the bigger part—wanted to grasp tight to his proposition and do everything in her power to make it work.
That option wasn’t without fear, either. Some girls got lost in the romance of being in a relationship with someone, and while she hadn’t to this point, she thought she might with Delaney. She knew how easy it was to depend on him. He’d eventually rule every decision she made. She had to know that she was able to prevent that from happening before she could give him anything.
When she thought she had her thoughts under control, she got out of the car and walked to the house. Delaney was nowhere to be seen, so she went to her bedroom. Her parents had set up the crib they had used for her and her brother, and if Sutton was still asleep, Delaney would have to put her down there. She also had a rocking chair in the room, and he was there, rocking their daughter. She must have woken when he took her out of the car seat, because her eyes were open but drooping as she fought the sleep. Delaney sounded like he was telling her a story, so Cara stood quietly, listening to his words.
“She never knew it, Sutton. As much as we joked about it, she never really got it. Maybe she really did believe that we were only friends, but she’s my best friend. No matter what she is willing to give, I want her in my life. Not just for you, even though you’ve got a pretty good hold of me already. I figured we’d end up together no matter what, so I thought I could wait until she was done with college. But, it looks like plans have changed.”
Cara decided to interrupt, though she did enjoy listening to his soothing way of talking to their daughter.
“That’s not something we have to worry about, Del. I’m not in college anymore. I haven’t been since Sutton was born.”
“Well, there’s one less obstacle then.” He stayed where he was, rocking gently back and forth. But now he looked at Cara, and she felt her heart skip a beat when his eyes met hers. Then it began racing.
“No, actually it doesn’t help anything. I’ve got a job, Delaney—a job with benefits and set hours. I can’t just give that up without a back-up. I’ve got daycare, an apartment. These are things that I can’t just pack up and leave.”
“Cara, you left to learn to be on your own, to handle yourself. I’d say you did that, and more. Why wouldn’t you want to come back, especially now that you have your own family to think about?”
“You’re wrong. I have never felt more out of control. I need to keep my routine; it’s the only thing keeping me sane. If I cut that string, everything comes unraveled. Being with you is what I want, don’t get me wrong. But in just two days I’m reminded how easy it is to rely on you completely. I can’t go back there.”
“My taking care of you doesn’t take away from your independence, Cara. And we can get you into a similar routine here, and you will be able to focus better because I’ll be here to help. You won’t have to do it all alone.”
“Delaney, I need time. I can’t just decide to move back, not without taking everything into consideration. If I give up and be what and where you want me to be, I won’t be myself. I’m afraid that we’ll end up resenting each other.”
“You don’t get it. You’re already what I want you to be, wherever you are. You were exactly who I wanted you to be the minute I met you, when I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I didn’t know it then, but the closer we got, it was all so clear. Everything I thought I wanted before I met you, it wasn’t real. It was just an idea. You’re what I want.”
Cara’s eyes were filling. His habit of saying the right words at the right time to disarm her was uncanny, and was definitely working to his advantage in this situation. But she couldn’t let him know that, she had to stand her ground.
“I’m not sure that’s who I really am, Delaney. It’s almost like I’ve got a split personality. I’m someone entirely different when I’m with you and when I’m not.”
“Cara, you don’t have to make a decision right now. Just promise me that you’ll think about it?”
“I will, Delaney, I promise. Just let me sleep on it, all right?”
Chapter 10
Delaney rose and put the sleeping child in her crib. After he slid his fingers over her little cheeks and was assured she was going to remain asleep, he turned to Cara. He stood where he was and just watched her, a combination of puzzlement and desire in his eyes. Instead of speaking, he crossed the room and stopped directly in front of her. The distance he chose forced her to angle her neck and stare up at him.
They faced each other, their gazes locked for longer than they’d ever been. Delaney could see that Cara was intrigued by what was going through his mind, and he was almost positive that she knew exactly what he was thinking. She’d accused him of maneuvering situations with her, which he thought was laughable since the mood of every moment they’d ever spent together was manipulated by her. If he’d had it his way, they would have been a couple almost from the start.
Now he was going to show her what he’d always been feeling, and that it wasn’t nearly the platonic feelings she’d perceived. She was going to have to open up her eyes and realize that she was the one—had been, and would continue to be.
So he lifted his hands to her face and leaned down to her. He didn’t kiss her right away, but held his mouth close enough for her to feel his breath against her lips. He knew she was open to him kissing her when her eyes drifted shut.
“Cara, look at me. I need you to see. You can’t h
ide from it anymore.”
She opened her eyes and looked into his. He’d dropped the mask he’d been wearing, allowing her to see the vulnerability he felt with her. Standing frozen, he watched as she took in what he was sharing with her.
When he knew that she could see his true desire, he slid a hand from her cheek to the back of her neck and brought his mouth to hers. She was helpless to do anything but move with him. As their tongues danced, she could feel the heat growing between them.
They could both feel the change in their contact. When he started kissing her, it was warm and slow. Now it felt physically hot, their lips heating with every swipe. He pulled back a bit to toy with her, and flicked his tongue over her lower lip before, and after, biting. His frustration had seeped into the bite, but he could feel her body respond even as she gasped in pain.
***
He was mildly alarmed when she rested her hands on his shoulders, applying enough pressure for him to slow his movements. So she wanted him to back off, he thought to himself, continuing his exploration of her mouth. He’d back off, but he wasn’t going to stop. This was his way of showing her the difference between her controlling the situation, and his controlling it. He knew the cue to stop, but she wasn’t using it. He knew her well enough to know that she would never hide her true feelings from him. She may doubt it, but he knew that she was open and honest to a fault. If she didn’t want him to continue, she would stop him.
He moved from her lips and devoted his attention to her neck. He slid her hair behind her ear and traced his finger to her shoulder, pushing her shirt out of the way. He licked along the same path. Holding her steady with his hand still at her neck, he used his other to pull her shirt farther from her skin, and lightly bit her shoulder. After, he kissed his way back along the same path he’d just followed, and up to hear ear. His breath heavy, he whispered, “You’re going to have to say it, Cricket. No more assumptions.”
He could see in her eyes she didn’t understand what he meant by the words, only knew that if she said stop, he’d stop. Her hesitation was evident when she turned her face to his, and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself tightly against him. He kissed her and slid his hands down to her hips and over her thighs. His fingers dug into her flesh, urging her to lift her legs and wrap them around his waist. As they had been standing near the doorway, it was a simple matter to brace her back against the wall for support.
Since he’d allowed his hair to grow a bit longer, she was able to run her fingers through it and was gripping the longer strands through her slender fingers, keeping him close as they drowned in the kiss. Instinctively, her body began arching toward him, straining to be closer. He recognized the move, and slid his hand under her shirt. He expected her hesitation, but she only sighed as he grazed her breast. The skin to skin contact was what they had both been craving.
Still, she pulled her mouth from his and urged him to stop. “Del, slow down. We can’t do this. Not right now.”
He stared at her incredulously. “Cricket, really?”
“Yes, Delaney. I can’t just fall into bed with you. It could give us both false hope.” Cara shushed him when he started to argue her point. “I’m not saying I’m not going to think about it, I’m just saying that things should be decided before we go there again.”
“Fair enough,” Delaney agreed. He set her down and kissed her forehead. “Good night, Cricket. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
***
Cara stood rooted where he had planted her and watched his retreating back. Neither of them expected her to follow him, which was clear. What wasn’t clear to her was what had just taken place. She waited to hear the click of the front door as he closed it. When she heard the start of his engine, she collapsed onto her bed. Staring at the ceiling, she lay lost in thought for hours.
When he’d told her to open her eyes, it had been clear that he hadn’t meant literally so much as figuratively. Everything she had felt for him was mirrored in his eyes at that moment. For all the years that she had listened to his plans of the future, she had been blind to his underlying feelings. She had closed her mind’s eye to the possibility that she might be part of his plan. Seeing her heart reflected in his eyes, though, had nearly made her squeal in adolescent delight.
And then he had kissed her, and any thoughts of adolescence were lost. With his hands in her hair and his lips on hers, she had felt more like a woman than she ever had. He had also made her feel cherished and wanted. And when she had asked him to stop, he had done so with only a little remorse, which made her feel respected as well.
The way he made her feel, she would say yes to anything he asked of her. She wanted to make sure that she was making the right decision, though, and without clouded judgment. She would have to avoid any more romantic situations with him.
Chapter 11
Cara had little to no sleep the night before. Between her body’s response to Delaney’s touch and her mind’s response to his words, she had tossed and turned all night. As a result, she was groggy and irritable, and even more drained than usual when battling with her irrational toddler. When Sutton’s nap time came around, she decided she needed a brief period of adult conversation, then a nap herself. To satisfy the first, she dialed Keeley’s number.
“Girl, I was beginning to think I was going to have to make a trip to the farm,” Keeley answered in lieu of hello.
“Why’s that?”
“I told you to call me after the dinner. Yes, it’s after the dinner, but it’s TWO DAYS after the dinner. I’ve been dying to know what happened.”
“We talked, we kissed, we argued, we ate; just another night.”
“Only you could make that series of events sound normal. What do you mean you kissed?”
“I don’t know what he was thinking. He came in all handsy and flirty, then it got hot and heavy. He said he was going to prove he never thought we were a mistake.”
“Shit. Then what happened?”
“Sutton woke up from her late afternoon nap. What do you think happened?”
“Yikes. Obviously he didn’t take it well, but he wasn’t an ass, was he?”
“No, he wasn’t an ass. We went to his parents’ yesterday to introduce Sutton to them. And now he wants us to move in with him.”
“WHAT?” Keeley practically screamed the question, and Cara could imagine the look on her face. Keeley was an expressive person, and usually didn’t need words to portray her true opinions. “Where?”
“Obviously here. He wants me to drop everything and come home; as if it’s really that easy.”
“I think I hear your answer, but what are you going to do?”
“I told him I’d sleep on it. And, considering I haven’t slept since he left last night, I’m thinking I should probably try to nap while my little nightmare does. I’ll call you later.”
“Okay. Good luck, Cara—seriously. Give baby girl a squeeze for me.”
Cara was no closer to ironing out the thoughts in her head when she hung up the phone, but at least she had said the words out loud. Now, maybe she could get some sleep and figure out the mess that was her life later that afternoon.
***
Delaney rang the bell again. Where the hell was she? He had been calling her for the last two hours, and now he had been standing at her front door for fifteen minutes. At least now he could hear movement in the house, so he knew that she hadn’t taken off.
Then she swung the door open, and he was sure that he had been right thinking something was wrong. She was dressed in yoga pants and a tank, her hair tousled and matted. Her eyes were swollen and she was squinting at him as if not sure what she was looking at.
“Del, what are you doing here?”
“I’ve been calling you for two hours, Cara. What the hell? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine, Del. Just a little drained. Come on in.”
Cara turned and left him in the doorway, staring at her post-baby bottom. If she had any idea what he was thin
king, she would have run to her room and dressed in much less form fitting clothing. Until that moment, Delaney had no clue how provocative sport attire could be. He had to mentally chastise himself before he was able to follow her into the house.
“Cara, how can you be sleeping for two hours in the middle of the day?”
“Sutton’s nap time. I didn’t sleep well last night, so I decided to catch some z’s while she was down.”
He smirked, knowing that he was the cause of her previous night’s insomnia. Finally, he caught her off guard enough to lose some sleep. Now she had an idea of how she had made him feel for the better part of their friendship. Not that she would ever believe him if he told her.
“And does Sutton normally nap for this long? It seems too good to be true.”
“It is. The excitement of meeting you, and then your parents, must have really drained her. And her schedule has been a bit out of whack since we got here. We should be back to the forty-five minute naps by tomorrow.”
As she spoke, she continued walking to the couch. She curled her one leg under her and drew her other up to rest her chin on her knee when she sat, a position Delaney had seen from her too many times to count. In high school, it had given him more than a minute’s curiosity about her flexibility. He shook his head to clear his mind of the thoughts he knew would shortly take over.
“So, you didn’t sleep well last night?”
Cara shut her eyes and shook her head. When she opened them, her eyes were glistening, and he could see that she was on the verge of tears. “Well, that’s an understatement if I ever heard one. I was up all night thinking about what you asked. I just don’t think I can do it, Del. We’ve been away from each other for too long to just jump into something like that.”
“Then we don’t worry about us, we only do what’s best for Sutton. Being able to have a steady relationship with both of us, being able to depend on both of us at all times is what she needs. We both know that.”
Braided Strings Page 5
