I want that.
I glance around in search of my brother. While Shavish is nowhere in sight, I feel a need to hurry before he attempts to come through and dominate her attention as he makes amends.
Orel’s eyes slide over to me the moment he catches my presence through the bond. He very subtly cocks his head at me. Not enough to disturb her work, but enough that it reinforces the questioning tone coming through to me.
Orenda laughs again as she secures the end of the last braid, her hands patting her work. “Your hair is so fine and silky… I’m not sure how long this will last, but it looks good on you.”
My hive brother’s eyes turn away from me and he grins back at her as he runs his clawed fingers over the braids. “This is exceptional. I will be the envy of all other males when I can go on my rounds without my hair inconveniencing me,” he praised.
I eye the braids and silently agree, my own hand going back to my hair. Our queen’s sharp eyes take in the motion and she purses her lips firmly. At first, I think she is going to turn away from me as usual and I resist the urge to fidget uncomfortably in place. I lift my chin a little and meet her eyes, wanting to ask her to extend the same caring toward me but not wishing to hear her refusal. As she stares at me, I wilt under her scrutiny. I can feel the burn of my usual anger pushing up from my belly, but it doesn’t get far before it burns out leaving a taste of ash in my mouth.
My wings lower and I turn away, furious at myself. This is not going to work.
“Gwin, take a seat. I don’t mind doing your hair too if you want.”
I stop mid-step and turn to look at her. Not trusting myself to speak, I silently nod my head and take Orel’s place as he slides out of the way with a grin. Once he is out of the way, he fans his wings, releasing wing dust in his hair. His silver hair shines with a blue shimmer briefly before it fades away. He nudges Dazi to make room for him, while he gathers another cushion and plops down beside his brother easily. They watch with interest as I nervously sit with my back turned to our queen.
The first pass of our queen’s fingers through my hair makes my entire body tremble with desire, up until the point that her fingers become lodged in a knot of hair. I jump, pain shooting across my scalp as I consider struggling to free myself from her wicked grip.
“Sorry,” she whispers apologetically. “Seems your hair gets knots pretty easily while you’re flying.”
I bite back a pained snarl and sit as stoically as possible as she takes a comb and begins to work at separating the knot out. Now I understand what all the laughing was about. Dazi’s eyes are open and he is smirking at me while Orel chuckles as I wince and squirm under Orenda’s ministration. My breath leaves me in a relieved sigh when she announces that she is done untangling the mass. Pain yields then to pleasure and I find myself leaning into her touch as she makes quick work of separating my hair as she likes and tightly weaving each section. My eyes sink closed as I latch onto the comfort.
Through the bond, Orenda is like the warm glow of the hearth rather than the unearthly radiance of pixie light. I do not hesitate to reach for it and curl my spirit around it, allowing to draw energy from me and to feed me in turn as I meld with my queen. It is bliss, relaxing every part of me, making me forget even myself as I join this ineffable merger of our beings. In that moment, she is the very flame that burns within me and there is no life without her.
Is this what all males experience when merging deep into their bond with their queens? It is beyond true description. I am so caught in it that I barely notice when, every now and then, her hands still on my hair as if caught off balance and her soft sighs of breath that pick up as she works through the mass of my hair. I can feel her though, pulsing gently within and around me. It isn’t until she finally draws her hand down over the back of my braids that I come back to myself.
Catching one of her hands in mine before she can withdraw, I turn and meet her expressive jade eyes. Her lips part as a lock of fading green hair falls over her eyes.
“Gwin?”
I stand and lightly tug her hand in answer. “Thank you, my queen.” She frowns at her title, but I press on with determination. “Come. I would like to show you something.”
“If it’s your dicks, I’ve already seen them,” she says, her lips twitching with silent laughter.
I huff a surprised laugh and grin at her.
“As much as I may hope that you may wish to revisit that sight, that wasn’t what I had in mind.”
“You would, huh?” She gives me a skeptical look. “Even though I’m a zaabi.”
“You aren’t a zaabi right now… and I would very much like to show you something of our world.”
“Outside?” she asks.
Orel and Dazi stiffen and spring up as if to object but I ignore them. Instead, I trace a claw over the back of her hand. “Yes. Outside.”
A smile suddenly stretches over her lips, blindingly beautiful. “I would love that. Thank you, Gwin.”
My answering smile blooms over my face as I pull her in my arms. She fits perfectly against me, as if made for me, as I cradle her against my body. The sweet smell of her hair drifts into my nose and I indulge a brief nuzzle before I lift my wings and dart into the air, ignoring the annoyed hums of my hive brothers.
11
Shavish
Wings flattening against my back, I glare at my brother from the branch I stand on as he darts up from our nest, Orenda in his arms. My fingers tighten around the stems of the large bluebell that I had plucked with some difficulty from its column of blooms at Fini’s suggestion. Bringing one hand to my lips, I suck a small cut on my finger from where the stem broke beneath my hand, cutting into the flesh. It will heal soon, but it stings still.
What stings more is that my brother is stealing my moment. Sure, I had prodded him to show her something he loves of our world, but I didn’t mean now. A low growl rattles in my chest, making the chitin shift subtly in a low chime of irritation.
I have been trying to work out the best way to make amends for days now. It was only when Gwin challenged me that I forced myself to get help from the one place I dreaded: Fini. For nearly an hour I endured endless suggestions that she enthusiastically offered on how I might win forgiveness and a token of affection from Orenda. I did not expect to return to see Gwin making off with our queen before I could approach and present her with my gift.
Although I know that our queen’s happiness is necessary to the health of our hive’s bond and impacts every member, as the head of our hive I feel the sharp sting of her rejection the most as she pushes endlessly at the bond rather than willingly be enfolded within it. I know my brothers catch whispers of her displeasure, but it consumes me. Being at odds with our queen is so distressful to me that my appetite has waned, and I suffer restlessly day and night. I am envious of the way my hive-brothers can tend to her and not know the sharp pain that is the consequence of being the head of the hive.
Everything is held together and initiated through me, even the hive bond came alive by my magic when the other males yielded to my command in our youths. Even the mating heat is instigated by my fires. Everything that comes through the bond is sharper and possesses more clarity for me, every joy and pain. Our mate’s rejection stings relentlessly, day and night, since the first terrible refusal in the bathing room. If that isn’t bad enough, I have no peace from her potent pheromones. Unlike my brothers, I cannot be in her presence with it affecting me far more significantly. It makes me curse ever agreeing to be our hive’s head. Never had I imagined the pain of my breeding sack being heavy and painfully full of seed just from sensing my queen’s call and unsatisfied need. It is maddening!
The part of me that loves Gwin wants to let him have his moment alone with Orenda so that she can forgive my stupid brother, but the part of me that suffers endlessly demands that I follow. Cursing myself, I take wing and hurry after them, flower clenched in my hand. I will give him his time. I will be patient, but then I will settle this thi
ng between me and Orenda.
12
Orenda
Gwin’s body is hot against mine as we flit through the trees. Dusk is starting to fall, and I watch wide-eyed as tight pale buds begin to open and glow creating long trails of living light. The pixie carrying me aside, it’s like a breath of living magic so tangible that it makes my eyes tear as I realize just how the world must look to those who possess magic. Feeling it at various levels throughout my life, I’ve had the tiniest glimpse… but never like this.
I’ve never been a part of the magic until now.
A hand strokes the side of my face, smearing my tears and Gwin drops his jaw to the top of my head. “Why do you weep?”
I shake my head as much as I can in our current position. “It’s just… I’ve never seen anything like this. I’ve never experienced magic so directly that I felt like a part of it. My entire family can. But I’m the only witch in my family born without magic of my own. I never thought to experience something like this.”
He falls silent and turns his body, sending us on another current of air.
“I will show you magic, then, my Orenda,” he whispers into my hair, and a shiver races over me at the promise. It sends chaos through my mind, conflicting with my perceptions of him. Isn’t this the same male who looked at me in disgust when he discovered that I am human?
My arms tighten as he suddenly dips, sending us careening down toward an open flower shimmering on the water. Unlike the others, it is ethereally pale in its glow, its long stamen glowing gold. His wings buzzing, he sets me down on a thick, rubbery lily pad that barely moves beneath my feet. It bobs with the water like a platform on the lake I visited during the summers of my childhood. This close, the flower is huge, nearly as tall as I am.
I turn to Gwin and my breath catches. In the long shadows of dusk, his green light shines over his skin like the finest emerald. His wings flutterbefore dropping behind his back sedately. Gripping my hand in his, he smiles and pulls me forward after him into the flower.
It’s truly like stepping into another world. The petals close behind us, surrounding us in a delicate network of light. The veins of the petals glow silver against the pale petals stretching up to worship the moon. Tiny motes of magic drift up from the pollen it releases into the air. Standing in the midst of it all, I stare in wonder.
Gwin settles behind me, the warmth of his body pressing behind me as his hand smooths back my flight-tousled hair. His breath is warm against my neck as he speaks quietly into my ear as if afraid to break the magic of the night.
“The nightbloom lily grows near the lotuses that feed our kind. Its pollen is utilized to aid in sleep and an aid to some of our magic when necessary. This nightbloom lily is a true part of magic in our world that few who are not pixie ever get to experience. They see a flower on the water. We see the universe pulsing with life, encapsulated powerfully in this blossom until it too withers and dies as all things eventually must at their end.”
“It’s beautiful,” I breathe.
I feel him nod behind me and he softly hums.
“Our legends tell that a star once fell to earth and mingled with the waters as buried deep in the mud. This was before magic was even a spark in our world. There it lay dormant until it found the will to push out of its fertile bed and reach for the moon hanging above. It desperately to rejoin the stars from which it came. The moon felt pity for it and released some of her magic upon the lily pad where it developed a tight bud. This bud pulsated and grew for a hundred years or more, never blooming, never changing. Then one night, when the time was right, it opened and released all the magic of the heavens into the world around it. From that bloom, the first of the pixies were born, and so we consider the nightbloom lily our mother, and she takes care of us and shelters us in her bloom even still.”
I stare at the walls of the flower, my throat working with wonder. Gently, his hands come to my shoulders and he turns me ever so slightly. Banding one arm around my waist, he reaches forward with his other hand to part the petals… and then I see.
The water is lit up with hundreds of pixies, their bell-like song raising gently on the evening breeze as they walk and flutter among the lilies. The larger, more brilliant lights of the females are accompanied by their males or in small groups alone as they frolic among the flowers.
“Magic is life for a pixie,” Gwin says. “It is the fire within us, a portion of the star that fell to our world and birthed magic to all other races. We are a part of it.”
“I wish I could have been a part of it,” I whisper.
“Orenda… you are. You are here, immersed within the bloom, celebrating the power of its life in your own way. You are a part of the magic. It delights in you even as you take pleasure in it. We are one with this magic. You just have to feel it within you. You don’t need to do anything else. That is the true difference between pixies and zaabi. The big races were gifted magic and utilize it. We are a part of the magic.”
“I don’t have wings… I’m not a pixie,” I laugh bitterly.
Gwin chuckles. “If you long so much for wings, we will make wings for you, my queen. One way or another.”
I think about the fun I’ve had with Fini as we fabricate the beautiful silk that’s been just as satisfying as any garment I’ve made for humans, of bathing in pixie heated water and reclining in the company of those who adore me. All of that is its own kind of magic. Now this… Gwin is offering me something I never before imagined having. I turn and look at him, searching his eyes solemnly.
“Why the change of heart? I thought you hated me. That you were… disgusted with me.”
His sigh fans my hair.
“I had a bit of an epiphany,” he admits quietly. “It is unsettling for me to think of you as a zaabi. To consider that the one being I always wanted would rather be among them than embrace our hive. It made me angry and I blamed you for it.”
“My size doesn’t change who I am, Gwin. I’m still scared. All I ever knew was back in my old life.”
“Did it make you happy?”
I pause to think about that, to really think on it. Slowly, I shake my head. I’ve had bursts of pleasure and happiness, but my life was too much an endless cycle of triumphs weighed down by disappointments and unpleasantness.
I reach into my pocket and pull out the gem that’s been with me all this time. It had shrunk with me. To a human, this would be no bigger than a seed. I smile at the thought. I have spent so much of my adulthood gathering amulets and hiding them away and now magic has provided the solution for me.
Gwin glances down at my hand as I unwrap the stone from the layer of material muffling its magic. “What is that?”
“This is a powerful piece of magic from back home. An enchanted stone that brings a glamour of great beauty that inspires the heart and souls of all who look upon it. I was hiding it, always carrying it on me, afraid that my mother or one of relatives would find it if I hid it at home with the others. Now, I think the perfect place for it is here…returned to the source.”
With that, I step out from the bloom and extend my hand over the water. The light of the lily makes the ruby light up in my palms and I stare at it in wonder as I slowly open my hand and the stone tumbles from my fingers, taking the burdens of my past with it as it spins through the air and splashes into the water. It shines for a time as it sinks until the glow is snuffed out in the murky depths. There is a small flash of magic releasing before the water goes dark. I feel Gwin’s arms wrap around me once more as we watch it disappear.
I smile down into the water. “It felt good to let that go.”
I shiver at the cooling night air. Aware that the lights of the pixies are thinning as they drift away, I smile back at Gwin as I snuggle into his chest. “Shall we go home?”
A smile lights up his face, and his glow intensifies as his happiness touches upon me through the muffled barrier on the bond. His smile, however, widens as a red light falls upon us with amazing speed. I squint
and look up, wondering who’s approaching us so quickly. I barely have time to make out the sharp features of Shavish before he plucks me right off the lily pad, eliciting a startled shriek from me as he snaps into the air with me at a dizzying pace.
From below, I hear Gwin’s amused voice as he shouts, “I will see you at home!”
13
Shavish
Holding the flower precariously in one hand, I grip Orenda tightly as we move through the air. She is wisely not struggling as we fly, but I can feel her seething in my arms as we climb upward through the trees. I am quite aware that she wishes to return to the nest, but it will not happen yet.
Leaves blow gently in the breeze around us, but I fly with the current of air, my eyes fastening on a spot in the near distance. Moss drips down from the branches of the tree, bathed silver in the moonlight that is visible from an opening between the branches, providing a comfortable spot to rest far away from the noise and activity of the colony. I drop lightly onto the branch and set my queen’s feet upon the soft surface.
She gasps and sighs in pleasure and sinks down onto the surface. Grinning. I join her, my eyes unable to leave her expressive face as she luxuriates in the feel of the moss beneath her. Stretched out on her back, she stares up at the moon for a long moment before her eyes finally slide over to me.
“Okay, first Gwin and now you. What’s up, snarly?”
My brow plates lift with amusement. “You are a very suspicious female,” I observe.
She snorts and rolls over to her side so that she faces me directly. “In my experience, you have to be. You two have avoided me for days and now all of a sudden you’re both treating me differently. I get Gwin’s reasoning, and it makes sense even if it makes me want to find something to smack some sense into him. So, what’s your story?”
Blooming Desire Page 34
