by Adams, S. C.
Haley rolls her eyes and flips a lock of long red hair over one shoulder.
“Well, if I was dating a billionaire, I’d want to, like, fly to the Bahamas on a private jet and take a bath in champagne,” she says. “He could dress you in designer everything, but you’re going out in freaking Levi’s.”
I laugh because it’s so silly. A bath in champagne? She’s been reading too many silly girlie magazines. I think it’s part of what Rob likes about me: that I’m so down to Earth, happy to just hang out with him without all the crazy trappings.
“Well, good thing I’m going and not you,” I remark to her archly with a sweet smile while tossing my purse over my shoulder. “See ya.”
Haley watches me leave, her expression one of bewilderment. I know she’s still a little confused about what Rob sees in me, but my roomie needs to get over it. Enough is enough. It’s been three months, and I’m not that unlovable am I?
Skipping out to the curb, I jump into the car Rob’s sent over and meet up with him and Katie at their place. We all squish into the back of the town car, with his arm companionably thrown over my shoulders. Katie’s excitedly talking about the carnival and all the clowns she’ll see. The little girl knows that I’m with her dad, but it hasn’t really rung any bells because she doesn’t know what “dating” or “boyfriend” mean.
“Let’s play a game,” I suggest during the long ride to Central Jersey.
“I love games!” Katie squeals. She’s holding a purple stuffed tiger in her lap.
“Ok,” I smile at her. “Do you remember your ABCs?”
She nods, and proceeds to sing the entire alphabet song without missing a beat, flashing me a huge self-satisfied smile when she’s finished.
“Good girl,” I say. “So, the game is that each person is going to name an animal that starts with a letter of the alphabet. So if I say ‘A’ you say...”
“Umm... Animal!” she says, shaking the purple tiger.
“That’s really good, but how about a type of animal?”
“Ant!” she offers.
“Good,” I say. “Now I’ll do B. Buffalo.”
Katie claps her hands. “Daddy’s turn,” she says.
“You get C,” I say to Rob.
“How about cat?” is his move.
“Yay!” says Katie, waving the tiger again.
We get through the whole alphabet, although we have to cheat with X and go with ox because none of us can think of any animals that start with X. But it’s a fun time, and my heart beats with pleasure that’s almost painful. We’re a little family, and I love the man’s daughter as much as I love him.
At last, we arrive at the carnival. Parking is as much of a zoo as the game we played in the car, but fortunately we don’t have to worry about that because we have a driver. I may not want diamonds and baths in champagne, but I do love how effortless everything is when I hang out with him.
We strap Katie in the stroller and join the carnival. It’s a lively atmosphere, filled with the smells of cotton candy and funnel cake, the sounds of children playing and midway operators calling out to the crowd.
We take a ride on the huge Ferris wheel, the three of us snuggled together in our seat. Katie squeals with joy as we ride around and around. Her energy is infectious. I throw my arms up as we ride up into the sky, towering over the crowd that’s receded to the size of ants. Rob tries to keep his steely cool, but even he succumbs, laughing along with us.
“Wasn’t that fun, sweetheart?” I ask the little girl once we’re safely back on the ground. But there’s no answer because Katie’s already run over to the next attraction.
“Step right up, try your hand at a game of strength. You look like a big strong man. Win the big prize!” one of the carnival barkers calls out to us as Rob and I stroll after her. The game station is decked out with giant stuffed animals. There are lions and tigers and bears. The point seems to involve hitting a moving target with an enormous mallet.
Rob doesn’t show much interest, but Katie is seduced by the giant stuffed animals. “I want a lion, Daddy!” she calls out.
“No sweetheart,” he says. “You know what these games are. No one ever wins. They’re just ways to make a man part with his money.”
Now I mock-glare at him.
“Rob Lockhart,” I scold lightly. “What happened to being an optimist?”
Katie joins in, her bottom lip stuck out in a pout. “Please Daddy,” she wails. “Please, please, pleeease!”
Rob sighs. “Alright, I’ll try to win you a lion. How does this game work?”
The game operator is a pimple faced teenage boy, dressed in a brightly colored striped uniform. His voice cracks as he explains the rules. “You just need to hit that target hard enough to make this bell go all the way to the top. You get three tries.”
“And if I win,” Rob asks. “I can get one of these giant lions?”
The kid shakes his head. “If you hit the target once, you can choose from one of these mini animals. If you want the giant lion, you have to hit it three times and get a perfect score.”
Rob nods, totally convinced he’s right. “These games are rigged, you know,” he whispers to me.
“I know,” I whisper back. “But optimist, remember? Plus, Katie doesn’t understand that yet.”
My man’s face takes on a serious expression. I don’t think he wants his daughter to know about the unfairness of the world yet. She still thinks of her dad as a hero, and he wants to keep it that way.
“Let’s see that mallet,” he rumbles, taking off his jacket and handing it to me. He rolls up his sleeves, as if readying himself for battle. He takes the big rubber mallet in his hands. I can tell that it’s heavy, by the way he holds it, shoulder muscles bulging. He winces a bit, and I know it’s not the heavy weight of the hammer. It’s the fact that last time we made love, I bit him on the shoulder while in the throes of passion, marking my man with my possession.
But then the kid hits a button, and the targets start moving. Rob stands there, watching the motion, stalking the targets like a lion in the grass. He’s perfectly still, an alpha male patiently waiting his opportunity.
“You only have ten seconds left,” the kid warns, and the machine starts to beep out a countdown.
Rob takes no notice of the kid or the machine. Then at the last second, he strikes, hitting the target full on. The machine chimes, a sound sort of like the one a slot machine makes when you hit a jackpot.
“Nice,” says the kid grudgingly.
Rob just nods silently, holding the mallet, his knees bent slightly like a fighter, his expression deadly serious. It’s just a stupid game, but I’m waiting with bated breath and so is Katie.
He strikes again, right at the last second, making the machine chime a second time. The kid’s eyes widen. I doubt many people win the large animals from these games.
Lo and behold, Rob’s third shot is another winner. This time, the machine goes crazy with flashing lights and clanging bells. A robot voice calls out, “We have a winner! Winner! Winner!”
“Wow, man,” says the kid grudgingly. “Good job. No one ever wins this game. At least not since I’ve been here.”
Rob shrugs. “I’ll have a lion, please,” he rumbles.
Katie throws her arms around her Dad in glee before he hands her the giant lion. She tries to carry it, but it’s too big for her, so we put it in the stroller. She wants to push it, treating the big stuffed cat like it’s her baby. We walk along slowly, going at Katie’s pace.
I feel so relaxed and happy, my mind nowhere else but the present. It feels like we’re a real family, and my heart almost breaks with joy. Rob puts his heavy arm around my shoulder, whispering against my hair.
“Are you happy?” he asks in a low voice.
I know he’s not asking about winning the giant stuffed lion. I look directly into those blue eyes and melt.
“Yes,” is my honest answer.
“Good,” he replies, pulling my curvy form a
gainst his hard body as we trail his daughter around the carnival grounds. “I like hearing that.” I snuggle closer to him, feeling warm and safe.
The rest of the carnival passes in a blur. We ride a couple more rides, playing with bumper cars and shooting aliens in an arcade. Rob wins a small bear and some kind of glow in the dark creature, which we tuck into Katie’s backpack. I feel completely carefree. It’s been a long time since I’ve had so much fun and felt so much love too.
Lunch time rolls around and Katie complains that she’s hungry. I break out the snacks we’ve packed for her, but she wants to sample the carnival’s wares. At first, Rob refuses, saying that this kind of food isn’t healthy for a growing child, but the little girl seems to have inherited his gift of persuasion, and he relents.
“Alright, Katie, you can choose one treat, but only one,” he warns.
She walks along the aisles, taking a long time with the decision, asking the different vendors why their food is the best. The lady who sells funnel cakes gives a good spiel, explaining that the cake is not only tasty, but comes with a special boysenberry jam. The little girl nods.
“I want that one,” she says, pulling on Rob’s sleeve.
We buy a funnel cake and share it. Katie gets covered in powdered sugar and jam. I wash her up so she doesn’t get the lion all sticky too, and soon afterwards, she falls asleep in the stroller, snuggled up with her prize.
“She’s so precious,” I say to Rob as we keep strolling along, pushing the sleeping little girl.
“You’re so good with her,” he says. “I think you’d make an amazing mom.”
Of course, my cheeks flush bright red because I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I can’t hide my emotions from him, and never have been able to. Still, it’s too early. I feel like I want to spend the rest of my life with Rob, but I know that rushing into things leads to bad decisions. After all, I don’t really know him yet. We’ve never even had a fight.
So I go the teasing route instead. “I’m going to end up a mother if you’re not careful. We’re supposed to be using protection, but there have been so many times when we’ve forgotten,” I admonish him.
He nods and laughs, all masculine satisfaction. “I know,” he says, as if it’s no big deal.
I can’t believe he’s being so flippant about it. He’s not the one who has to deal with the consequences. I shove his shoulder. “Be serious,” I say.
“I am being serious,” he says, his expression more thoughtful. “I genuinely think you’d make an amazing mother. I’d love to see you pregnant because I’d love to be a father again.”
I almost can’t believe he’s saying this. I don’t know how to respond. I would love to have a child with him, but I’m scared to admit it. It would mean so many different things. Being together … maybe permanently. Is that what he’s asking? I’m so stunned that I can’t even breathe. But Rob is completely at ease.
“I just bought a new apartment,” he goes on. “It’s in the same building as my current place, but it’s even bigger so we’ll have plenty of room. Plus, I just got a new SUV that has nine seats.”
Why is he telling me all this? I feel myself flushing. Wow. I didn’t expect things to get so serious so soon. Is he buying a new penthouse so I can move in and have his baby? Or babies, plural? Is he getting a huge SUV so we can fill it with kids and cart them around? Does this mean he wants to marry me? Is he being for real or just talking? I feel a rush of hope, but I’m too shy to put words to what I’m feeling.
I open my mouth to ask, but it’s too late. Rob’s looking into my eyes, that blue gaze swallowing me whole. He pulls me close and kisses me. I taste the heat and promise of his lips. I feel secure and safe in his strong arms. I feel such a profound sense of trust, my heart reaching towards his. I’ve never felt this way about any other man, and I would love nothing more than to be the mother of his children. I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m ready to follow wherever he wants to go.
13
Ally
Another day at Ladybug Tots goes by like any other, filled with the laughter of children and the tea-cup dramas that seem so big to little people. I break up a fight over the sharing of some blocks. I kiss two boo boos and make them better. I help some kids create art with macaroni and glitter. I get through my day with my usual cheeriness, knowing soon I’ll be back in Rob’s arms. My life has never been so perfect.
The day at the carnival blew me away because Rob and I have never talked again about starting a family together. There were multiple times when the subject was on the tip of my tongue, but I always held back. I don’t know what it is. Fear of ruining something that’s perfect? Fear of losing him if I ask too many questions?
It’s silly, I know, but I’ve never been so happy before, and I don’t want to screw it up. So I carry around the thought of a family with this man like a treasured gift, cradling it in my heart. An opportunity to ask Rob about it again will come again, and this time, I’ll be ready. I’ll know exactly what to say, and we’ll waltz off into the future while dancing on rosy clouds. It makes me incredibly happy, and I’m positively glowing with good vibes.
But still, there’s work to be done at Ladybug Tots and someone’s got to do it. I’m cleaning up a huge paste spill, humming to myself, when Rob’s ex Lindsay arrives. It’s early, only four thirty in the afternoon, so I’m not expecting any parents to come by yet. I’m on my hands and knees, with a sponge and bucket. I put down the sponge, wipe my hands on my apron, and push an escaped tendril of hair behind my ears. Great, I’m sweaty and hot, and covered with grime. Lindsay, by contrast, is dressed to the nines. She’s wearing a all-khaki outfit and heels to match, with her hair expertly styled and her face contoured within an inch of its life. She looks like she has somewhere to be that’s definitely not Ladybug Tots. I wonder about it, but I’m too polite to say anything.
“Hello, Mrs. Sty,” I say to her, my tone as polite as possible. I try not to think about how terrible I look next to her perfectly put together self.
She makes a little sound in her throat, and gives me a fake smile, as if she just wants to show me her teeth.
“Hi,” she says in a falsely friendly tone. “How are you today?”
I smile back, not letting her cruel tone get to me.
“Very well, thank you.”
She doesn’t hesitate.
“I know who you are,” she says. In her heels, she towers over me almost as much as Rob does. The blonde stares down at me, her voice and eyes judging. “You’re that little something my ex-husband is dating.”
She probably detects the widening of my gaze, but that’s the worst of it. It’s the closest I get to letting her know she’s gotten to me. For the most part, I keep my composure. I don’t like being called a “little something” but I’ve been called worse. I remind myself that name calling reflects upon the name caller, and not the person who gets called the name. I think about Lindsay as if she were a child, because she is acting like one, and keep my cool.
She sneers again, with a toss of her blonde head.
“You poor thing,” she says in a condescending tone. “You think it’s real don’t you?”
“What do you mean?” I say slowly.
She shakes her head.
“You and Rob. You think you have something. You think he loves you.”
I don’t want to let her get to me, but she is getting to me. I feel a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have no doubts about the way Rob feels about me, but then again, I’ve only known him for a few months. By contrast, this woman was married to him for years. She’s the mother of his child. Their child. I feel myself withering under her condescension even as I try to keep my chin up.
“He does love me,” I say, with as much conviction as I can muster.
She laughs, heartlessly.
“You poor little dear. You’re just a prop to him. When he’s done with you, he’ll toss you aside like every other silly little girl who thinks she can keep hi
m.”
“That’s not true,” I say, setting my jaw.
“Please. Grow up, sweetheart, and smell the roses. You’re the rebound girl, and that’s all. Don’t you know what happens to rebound girls?”
I do not know what happens to rebound girls, but the look in her eyes tells me it’s nothing good.
“It’s not like that,” I say, firmly.
She shrugs.
“Believe what you want. I’m just trying to warn you, woman to woman. I was married to the man. I think I know him a little better than you do.”
The barb strikes me in the heart.
“It doesn’t matter,” I say. “It’s none of your business. You and Rob are divorced.”
She shrugs, those bony shoulders going up and down.
“I’m just telling you how it is. I think I owe you that at least because I don’t like the way he uses women. You’re no one to me, but you’re a person. A human being. At the very least, you deserve some honesty, since you won’t be getting it from him. I’m sure you know that Rob gets around. Besides, have you seen the women he normally dates? And have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately?”
Her barbed words draw blood, even though I try not to show it. The sting of her words makes my eyes go hot but I tilt my head back so that tears don’t fall. After all, I don’t want to measure myself by those other women, those supermodel blondes. I know I’m curvy and short and kind of average-looking by most people’s standards. But it doesn’t matter because he tells me he thinks I’m beautiful. He tells me I’m gorgeous, and shaped exactly the way he likes it. I take a deep breath.
“Rob likes what he sees,” I say neutrally. “Now, I’d prefer to stick to issues related to Katie, if you don’t mind. Did you have a question or concern about your daughter’s education?”
But the other woman won’t let go. She’s already drawn blood and can’t wait to go in for the kill.
“I’m sure he thinks you’re so grateful for male attention, that you’ll take anything,” she sneers with a smile. “Scraps, really. You’re like a peasant to him, so he thinks he can do whatever he wants. Don’t you get it? The only reason that he asked you out at all was that he didn’t want to show up the school’s fundraiser alone, because he knew I would be there with my new husband. Sheldon is ten times richer and more powerful than Rob, and Rob knows it,” she boasts. “He desperately wants to measure up, but it’s hopeless. No one’s as rich as Sheldon,” she cackles.
