by Taryn Quinn
I tore up the papers and crossed the room to toss them into the fireplace, flinging the last of them into the fire just as the front door opened and Latte went flying off the couch, barking up a storm.
Awesome timing, Dixon, as always.
“Hiya. How was your day?” Pasting on a smile, I dusted off my hands and turned to Murphy, whose arms were full of our dog, the plastic sacks that meant our favorite Chinese place, another brown paper sack that made me think of ice cream, and a huge stuffed brown bear.
I thunked down on my ass.
“You okay?” Murphy set down Latte, who immediately barked to be picked up again. But Murphy seemed to notice the bear in his arms and let out a half laugh. “Oh. This. This is for—”
“You think I’m pregnant, don’t you? Is this for the nursery?”
I wasn’t going to cry.
I so wasn’t.
“Are you pregnant?” His gaze sharpened and the joy I glimpsed in his expression both thrilled and hurt me, because I wanted it too. I wanted to give him that baby. Give it to us.
But it wasn’t just about me. It was about him too, and timing. And if now wasn’t the time, it just wasn’t. Maybe it never would be.
“No.” I drew my knees up to my chest. “You can keep the bear for someday if you want, but maybe it’s better off going to Goodwill for someone else to enjoy because I don’t know if I’m ever going to be pregnant.”
“Okay.”
“Okay? Did you hear what I said? I don’t know if I’m ever going to get pregnant, Murphy.”
“I heard you just fine. Have you been granted some future forecasting ability I should be jealous of?”
I almost laughed. Almost. But the frustration won out. “No, I’m just being real. We’ve been trying, tracking everything, and it’s just not working. Yes, it’s early, but who’s to say if it’ll ever work? So, it’s better if we’re just realistic and stop fooling ourselves.”
“Is that what we’ve been doing?” He set down his bags and the bear on the coffee table and crouched down beside me to poke at the fire with a poker. “What are these papers in here?” He pried out the corner of one that hadn’t burned fully yet and frowned over his shoulder at me. “You tossed out your tracking charts? What happened?”
“I got my period, that’s what happened. And I don’t want to get my hopes up every month. Even worse, I don’t want to get your hopes up. You’re bringing home bears for the nursery, for Pete’s sake.”
“No, I brought that bear home for you because I knew you’d gotten your period because of the day and because you asked for Chinese. You always do that on the first day.”
“You know when I get my period?”
He nodded as if I was slightly slow. Which I was, because I’d dragged him into every part of my reproductive cycle. He’d just been paying more attention than I gave him credit for.
I never gave him enough credit.
“So, you knew I had my period, so you brought me Chinese and a bear.” I shifted my sitting position so Latte could climb onto my lap. I cuddled him close, burying my face in his soft fur.
With him, I’d never open my mouth and shove in both feet and both hands.
Probably.
“Don’t forget the ice cream that’s melting on the coffee table.” Murphy smiled and set down the scrap of paper he’d retrieved. “The bear’s name is Sir Mix A Lot, by the way. I was hoping he could watch us have sex tonight.”
The laughter spilled out of me, so loud and hard that Latte’s huge brown eyes grew wide before he dove off my lap and kept going. “You’ve developed a thing for grumpy women on the rag?”
“I’ve had a thing for this woman for forever, and that’s what the shower is for.” He scooped a hand over my wet hair. “Though you’ve been enjoying it without me.”
“Not like that.” I sighed and curved my face into his hand. “Why are you so good to me?”
“Because I love you, Veronica.” His throat moved, the firelight flickering over his tense features. Tension I’d put there. “I should’ve said it before now. Maybe then you wouldn’t be torturing yourself.”
“Oh, God.” His words caused me to bury my face in my hands. “I love you too.”
“Really?”
“Really.”
Gently, he pried my hand away from my face. “Can you say that while you’re not hiding?”
I smiled and reached up to cradle his jaw. “I love you, Murphy. So much. And I think it’s made me nuts, or more nuts, because I’m so determined for us to have this little picture-perfect family, and that was never your dream anyway, it was mine. But you gave me literally every other thing I’ve ever wanted, I guess I’m getting greedy by thinking I could have this too.”
“You’re all I ever wanted. Just you. You and Latte,” he added, who barked, probably hoping his name would lead to the proffering of a treat despite the fact he’d just had dinner. “I would love for us to have a baby. Or three babies. Because I love you, and I want you to be happy. Not because I need them for us to be complete. We’re that already, aren’t we?”
“Yes.” I nodded, my eyes filling. “I just want you to have everything too.”
“There’s no baby that could be more everything for me than you are.” He turned his head and took my hand, kissing my fingertips. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Latte barked again, and Murphy laughed as he glanced at the dog. “You too, buddy.”
We both were quiet for a moment, staring into the fire.
“We never know what will happen. We don’t,” Murphy repeated, squeezing my hand. “But if in a few years, we decide we want to expand if it hasn’t happened yet, we can always adopt.”
“Yeah. There’s so many kids that need families. That would be a blessing to them, and us. Even if we had our own, maybe we could.”
He nodded, smiling at me. “We can do anything we want to. We can always make a way.”
“You’re right. I don’t know what I was getting so worked up about.”
“Me either. Since I was getting worked up when you said we’d been fooling ourselves and I thought you were going to say you didn’t need me if there was no kid.”
“What?” Genuinely shocked, I stared at the side of his face. “How could you think that?”
“Maybe because you’re not the only one who feels like they’ve failed. And that’s just insane. We’ve been trying for a couple months. We aren’t even married yet.”
“M-married?” Even with as traditional as Murphy was, that word made my vocal cords seize up. “Us?”
Mainly because I’d never hoped that big in my life.
“Stranger things have happened.” He rubbed his thumb over my knuckles.
“That we’re sitting here at all is strange in the very best way, considering how we got here.” I gave him a soft push and he fell out of his crouch back onto his ass. I straddled his lap and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I could never want anything more than I want this right here. You and me and…the dog,” I whispered, darting a glance to where Latte had finally fallen asleep, head on his bone.
Even with his eyes closed, Latte cocked an ear.
“I could never ask for more, but I do.”
“So do I. I’d love to have to a baby with you. But I’d also love to keep right on practicing, just for the hell of it.”
I smiled and tipped my forehead to his. “Me too.”
“We don’t know what the future holds. I just know I want to keep holding onto you.” He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, fitting us together as if we were meant to slide together just that way. Puzzle pieces that locked just right.
“And I’ll keep holding onto you, Murphy Masterson.” I glanced over his shoulder at the bear watching us innocuously from the coffee table. “But we might have to work up to the bear thing.”
Twenty
Murphy
Fortress,
It’s okay if you’re late. I’m working the closing shi
ft at the cafe. See you later tonight. I love you. Wow, it still feels weird to say. Weird and wonderful.
Love,
Vee
I wasn’t exactly lying to her.
Nor would I ever lie.
But she didn’t need to know exactly what I was doing. The fact that she even had to question if I loved her made this little trip into Rochester even more important. Juggling my schedule and hers to find a time for me to sneak away was like herding feral cats.
My passenger side door opened, and Gideon’s bearded face ducked in enough to show me just how annoyed he was. “Why am I here?”
“Just get in.”
He sighed. “My one day off in a month and you want to go shopping? Dude, you have a girlfriend for these things.”
“Soon to be fiancée.”
“Oh, shit. Another one bites the dust.” Gideon climbed in and gave a little grunt when I took off before he even got his seatbelt on. “What’s the freaking rush?”
“We’re heading to Rochester.”
“God, why?”
“Jeweler friend.”
“Let me out.”
I laughed. “I’m already nervous enough, give me a break.”
Gideon slouched down in his seat—as much as a six-foot three guy could anyway. “You suck. This is the kind of thing you drag your sister to do, not your best friend.”
“I cannot deal with Maddie today. She’ll hit me with a barrage of questions and squeals. Have you ever heard how high pitched a seventeen-year-old girl can be?”
Gideon gave me a bland stare.
“Right. Sorry.”
Not many people knew Gideon had a seven-year-old daughter. He kept that part of his life private. An ugly divorce left him gun-shy about introducing people to Dani and that included people he dated. Or lack of dates. It was one of the reasons we got on so well. We understood the need for a solitary lifestyle.
Gideon could turn on the charm for customers, but when they were gone he was work first, talk later.
And that quiet steadiness was exactly what I needed right now.
I was usually the steady one, but right now I was freaking the fuck out.
Gideon tapped his fingers on the door handle. “Marrying her? You sure about that? Was that part of the contract?”
“I never should have told you about it.”
“Hey, I get it. Having a kid is awesome. Hard work, but awesome. But marrying her? Sure about that?”
“Yes.”
“Decisive answer. I like it.”
“Was that a test or something?”
“Maybe. I asked Jessica on a whim.”
I turned down the radio. Gideon didn’t talk about his ex at all. “I assumed it was because of Dani.”
“Nah. We were wild for each other. But not the right kind of wild. It was sex and adrenaline. We had shit-all in common. And by the time I was getting paraded around to her famous friends I knew I should have gotten out. That wasn’t the life for me.”
“Everything about Veronica fits me.”
“Then I guess we’re getting a ring today.”
I nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I am. I could have gotten her a ring the first week. I just knew.”
“Then you’re one of the lucky ones, pal. For me, everything is about Dani and that’s the way it needs to stay.” Gideon looked out the window.
Talk about decisive statement. The rest of the trip was quiet. Classic rock filled in for the lack of conversation. I didn’t know what was up with Gideon lately, but I knew something was bothering him. He’d spill after her figured it out.
The one thing women didn’t understand about guys was that we didn’t want to talk it out. We wanted to figure it out then fix the problem.
And right now, I was going to fix my problem.
Making sure Veronica knew I wanted marriage and babies if they happened. But the most important part was marriage. That I wanted her forever no matter what.
I rolled up to the family run jeweler that my father had used for my mother. Every Christmas we went in and got her a little something. It was tradition. A good one that I intended on keeping.
I strode up the walkway, Gideon walking slower than usual with his hands fisted in his pockets. I held the door for him. “Still pouting?”
“I hate shopping.”
“Look at it this way, you can get Dani’s birthday present while you’re here. Shopping all done.”
“She’s seven,” he grumbled.
“And little girls love to have something special.” A statuesque blond came out from behind the glass case.
Gideon glowered and took a spot near the wall just inside.
“Murphy,” she said warmly and kissed his cheek. “I was surprised you called. It’s not like you to come in after November.”
“I know.” I rubbed my palms down my thighs. “Bit of a special request.”
“I pulled out all my favorites based on what you told me about your special woman.”
“You’re a lifesaver, Cara.”
“We love all the Mastersons. Especially since you each choose such special pieces.” She held her arm out. “Come, this way and we’ll find something perfect for her.”
Two hours later I was sitting in the chair deciding between the final two rings. Cara had wandered over to see Gideon and had finally gotten him to actually look at the dainty necklaces made for little girls. He had one wrapped up in a sparkly unicorn bag before I could even get mine done.
Bastard.
In the end, we both walked out with little bags.
The car ride back was just as quiet, except this time it was me who was pensive. The ring was important of course. But this was Vee. She didn’t care about jewelry or the sparkly things most women did. She had the one necklace she wore, but it was more because it was a gift from Macy when she’d graduated from pastry school.
“Where’s that restaurant place we use?”
Gideon gave me a look. “Just outside of Laurel.”
“We’ve got one more stop.”
“Dare I ask? Are you going to put the ring on a cookie sheet or something? Bake it in a pie?”
“Fuck off.”
Gideon smirked. “You two are weird.” He pulled his phone out. “Good thing I specialize in weird.”
No, I wasn’t going to freaking bake a pie. That was her wheelhouse. But I could make sure she had everything she ever needed to start a life with me. Including a kitchen befitting a master baker.
Unfortunately shopping for large appliances was a bit trickier. They didn’t exactly have them in the back to take home no matter what sized truck I had.
Thankfully Gideon knew everyone, and it got me an in with the supplier. We cut a few corners and bypassed the showroom slick lights and salesmen. Instead we went right to the source. The owner of the supply store managed to pull some strings and get what I needed rerouted to the store.
We backed my truck up to the loading dock and met Matt on the platform.
Gideon jumped out and extended an arm. “Thanks, man. This crazy idiot had a wild hair and I knew you were just the man to help us pull it off.”
Matt lifted his hat off his head and scratched his mostly bald head. “Gotta say this is a first for me. It’s usually a wedding present, not an engagement gift.”
I climbed up on the platform and peeked into the cardboard protection. “My girl is a pastry chef.”
“Well, that makes a little more sense. All I know is if I brought a double-wide refrigerator home, I’d be spending a lifetime riding the couch.”
“If I know my girl, that won’t be the case for me.”
“You say so.”
I held out my hand and shook Matt’s hand. “Thanks so much.”
A pallet jack and three of us managed to get it into my truck.
When we got back on the road–and I bribed Gideon with a burger as big as his hand–he finally relaxed enough to lighten up. He popped a fry into his mouth. “You know this means we have to use Lucky to get
it into your garage.”
“Crap.”
Gideon laughed. “Your scheme has holes. Not my fault.”
“Yeah. Well, hell.” I stabbed my display and found his number. The phone rang through the speakers of my truck.
“Yo.”
“Want to make a quick hundred?” I asked.
“Depends. Does it require clothes? And do I get baked goods?”
I don’t know what it was about Lucky, but he made me want to smash my fist into his teeth. Maybe because he reminded me of my brothers too much.
It’s for the greater good.
It’s for Veronica.
Veronica.
To make Veronica happy.
The chant evened me out. “I need to move a fridge.”
“Oh. Yeah, no problem. I still require baked goods.”
“Handy for you, Veronica made a fresh batch of chocolate croissants last night.”
“Man, you might not even have to pay me if I get all of them.”
“Deal.”
“Wait, I said might.”
“Nope. Meet you at my cabin.” I hung up.
Gideon laughed. “I don’t know what it is about this girl, but she’s good for you. I guess marrying her isn’t the worst idea in the world.”
“Damn straight.”
She made me a better man in every way. And I was going to spend the rest of my life proving it to her.
Half an hour later I pulled up my drive to find Lucky and my dog cozying up like they were long lost pals. I stepped out, my boots crunching on the gravel. I squinted at Latte. “Traitor.”
“I can’t help it if everyone likes me except you, Moose.”
“I don’t dislike you,” I growled.
“It’s okay. I thought it was because I’m naturally loved and you were jealous.”
“God, no.”
Lucky lifted the dog up into the air and made little kissy faces at his scruffy little face. “Nope. It’s just because I was snuggling up to your girl. I told you it was because I wanted to turn the screws, but really it was because she’s the perfect girl.”
