Then She Roars

by Vanessa Evetts

  “There she is, Abi.”

  She fell into my arms, her body quaking with relief and grief.

  I rested in the echo of her awakening. “Isn’t she amazing?”

  I brushed her hair back from her face, when she rose from my embrace, and lowered my hands to take hers.

  Abi’s chest heaved as she raised her eyes to mine.

  “Beautiful, this is how you sever the connection to the painful things or people who’ve hurt you. This right here – this freedom and relief that you feel right now – this can be a new beginning in your life, if you let it.”

  Abi’s rapid breaths slowed as she began to grasp the significance of her breakthrough.

  “Abi, do you trust me?”

  A silent confirmation.

  “Can I get your mum in here?”

  Her eyes widened and darted towards the door, then back to mine.

  “I know you’re scared, but your mum loves you more than you could ever imagine, and she’s scared too … of losing you.”

  Abi’s face crumbled.

  “I think it’s time. I know you can do it.”

  Abi gasped and clenched her hands in her lap, her fear of exposure wrapped up in exhaustion.

  “This is you, taking your power back. Don’t silence her.”

  She tilted her face to the sky and inhaled a profound breath, exhaled through pursed lips, then lowered her eyes to mine and nodded.

  I found Joanne pacing in front of Sally’s desk, her face laced with fear and confusion. I caught Sally’s eye and held up two fingers to indicate a double session.

  “What the hell is going on in there?” Joanne said.

  I instinctively pulled the door closed behind me to shield Abi.

  “That was your daughter coming alive, Joanne, and even though it sounded scary as heck, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Joanne’s eyes glistened with emotion – a mirror of my own, I was sure.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You will.” I reached for her hand. “She’s ready to talk now. Are you ready to listen?”

  She nodded, too emotional for words. I let go of her hand and led her into my office.

  Abi stared at her mum when I stepped to the side, tears trailing down her cheeks. I watched intently as she rose from the chair and stepped towards Joanne. “I’m so sorry, Mum.”

  The rest played out in slow motion, as Joanne leapt forward and wrapped her baby girl in her arms. I didn’t even attempt to halt my own silent tears. It was unprofessional, but this was human … this was healing … this was the very best part of my job.

  Joanne showered her daughter with love and apologised for not being what she needed, and Abi told her mum it wasn’t her fault and that she was sorry for being so difficult, that she was broken and didn’t know how to get better.

  “Wow,” I exhaled when they withdrew from each other, lowered themselves to the couch and accepted the glasses of water I offered.

  Joanne pursed her lips and turned to me, her emotions still dangerously near the surface.

  “Abi, you feel like talking to your mum about what’s been going on?” I asked gently.

  “I don’t know if I can.”

  “Remember ...” I lowered my head, without breaking eye contact and placed my palm on my chest. “She lives in you.”

  Abi closed her eyes, as I had done so many times, then she turned to her mum and blurted the words out.

  “He raped me.” She said he, as if her mum would know exactly who she was talking about. The realisation sent an icy cold shiver down the length of my spine.

  Shock and heartbreak froze Joanne’s features. She shook her head at Abi in disbelief, not because she didn’t believe her daughter, but because she couldn’t believe she’d missed it.

  “Curtis?” she whispered as if the mere sound of his name on her lips was torture.

  The floodgates opened when Abi released the final piece – one with razor sharp edges. A silent nod.

  Joanne’s hands flew up to her mouth as the first wave of new grief crashed over her. Fresh pain tore through the old, and Abi witnessed her mother come undone.

  “I’m sorry, Mum,” she cried, reaching out.

  Joanne lowered her hands to Abi’s cheeks and leant in close. “No, baby. I’m sorry – that I didn’t recognise the signs, that I didn’t see you, that I didn’t hear you. I should have known when you refused to see him …” Her voice cracked as new tears fell.

  “It wasn’t your fault, Mum. You were grieving.”

  Joanne shook her head. “I should have known, baby. I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you from him.”

  Abi’s face quivered and she leant into her mother’s touch. I watched in silence as they found each other in the dark and marvelled at the beauty of it.

  For the rest of the session, they needed very little from me. Abi told her mum about what had been going on at school and in her head. She told her about the rape and what happened before and after, what her father’s best friend had done to her. She showed her mum her arms and talked about why she cut. This set off another round of tears, and then – bless her heart – Abi told her mum about her lioness, and as she did, I saw a light in her eyes – one which would be a lot harder to extinguish.

  At the end of the session, they both promised to turn up for their next appointment. When they reached the door, Abi spun around and reached out for my hand.

  “Dr Avery.”

  “Yes, Abi?”

  “You need to promise to turn up, too.”

  I hesitated. I didn’t think I was going to die this week, but what if I promised and then something happened?

  “I’ll do my best.”

  “Nope.” Abi shook her head, and Joanne’s brow creased. It was clear she knew she was missing something.

  “You need to promise.” Abi raised her chin as a challenge. I could see her lioness standing strong, and it lit something in me.

  “I promise, Abi. I’ll turn up.”

  “Good.” A smile touched her lips, but it was her eyes that gave the most away. Hope had found a home.

  I followed them out and watched as they walked towards the elevator hand in hand.

  “Enjoy your weekend, Dr Bishop,” Joanne said over her shoulder, a silent ‘thank you’ on her lips.

  I mouthed ‘you’re welcome’, waved, then turned back towards Sally as emotional exhaustion took over.

  “Coffee?” Sally asked, picking up her handbag.

  “Whisky?” I was only half kidding as I collapsed on the couch.

  22

  I was too exhausted to move when the lift door opened. My eyes sprung wide when skin touched my raised hand instead of the coffee/whisky I’d ordered.

  Harry pressed his soft lips to the top of my hand, then lifted my legs and sat down, lowering them onto his thighs.

  Oh Lordy, I’m done for. “This wasn’t what we agreed on.”

  Harry’s expression turned serious. “Desperate times. You stood me up.”

  “What?” I bolted upright and checked my watch. 2.30pm. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realise. A client ran over.”

  “Well, I guess you owe me,” he teased, playing with the rim of my knee-length skirt.

  I studied the show reel of his thoughts in the glimmer in his eyes, in the caress of his hands, in the hitching of his breath. I didn’t need his words to know the desires of his heart; they were echoed in my own.

  “I think I might enjoy making it up to you,” I said.

  “Come here.”

  “Sally’s going to be back any minute,” I protested, my insides raging.

  “And? Sally’s my number one fan.”

  “That doesn’t mean we can …”

  “That’s precisely what it means. Give the woman what she wants.”

  I laughed and lowered my legs from his. “You have no idea; that woman is relentless.”

  “What about you? Are you relentless when you want something?” He slid his arm aro
und my back and drew me close.

  “I guess you’ll find that out soon.”

  “Soon?” He brushed his lips across mine.

  I turned away from his skin to inhale fresh air, liberating myself from his intoxicating scent. “In the weekend.” I raised myself off the couch. “Just let me—”

  Harry captured my hand and dragged me back into his embrace; this time though I was straddling his legs – there was no escape.

  “Where are you going? You still owe me.”

  “Thought we were saving that for the weekend.” My hands made their journey up his arms and around the back of his neck.

  “You’re off the clock, Doc. This is the weekend.”

  “Well, if that’s the case, Prince, you’ll have to stop with this ‘Doc’ business otherwise I’ll have to treat this as a professional visit.”

  “There’s nothing professional about this visit, Sandy.” His arm tightened around my back and my body ignited.

  “That much is clear.” I raised my palms to his face and traced my fingertips around his temples. I didn’t think it was possible for this hunger inside me to be satiated, but every cell was calling for my surrender.

  Harry’s palm crept underneath the rim of my shirt and branded my back with its heat. I leant my forehead on his, his breath filling my starving lungs. “You’ve got some Jedi skills there, Prince.”

  “Jedi, Prince, Superman – sounds like I’m a perfect specimen. How could you possibly resist me?”

  “It’s proving difficult.”

  “And yet, your lips are not on mine.”

  “I’m keeping the storm at bay.”

  He shifted beneath me. “Ahh, the good kind?”

  “The perfect kind.” My voice was a whisper against his skin.

  Harry touched his hand to my chin and raised my eyes to his. The depth of his eyes, the gentle stroke of his lips on mine, his warm breath and possessive touch were the answer to the yearning in my heart. My body hungered for more as the distance between us evaporated, and I was lost in him.

  Emergency sirens were sounding; all planes had been grounded, all roads blocked, and I was trapped in the danger zone. I drew on all my strength, pulled back and whispered Sally’s name against his lips.

  “What about her?”

  “She’ll be back any minute.”

  “And?”

  “And … she’s my employee.”

  Harry glanced towards the door before stealing another kiss.

  I pushed him off. “Calm yourself, Romeo.”

  The sound of his laugh wrapped me in the freedom I craved.

  I lowered my hands to his chest, which he flexed under my palms. “You been working out, muscleman?”

  “I had to prepare.”

  “Whatever for?” I feigned innocence.

  “For our sexy time.” I was mesmerised by the promise in his eyes.

  He flexed again.

  “Fun time,” I corrected, biting down on my amusement.

  “Mm-hmm.”

  I traced my hands up his chest and over his shoulders.

  He shivered under my touch. “You’re treading dangerous waters here, Sandy. I won’t be held responsible for my actions.”

  I smiled. “You need a distraction.”

  “Like what?”

  “You want to know what Sally called you?”

  Harry placed his hands on my waist and lowered his head to the back of the couch to take a breath. “Is it good?”

  I jiggled my brows. “I was having an internal battle about this weekend – you know the type.”

  He nodded.

  “She said I was completely bonkers for considering cancelling a wild …” I pretend coughed and said ‘hot sexy weekend’ under my breath.

  “A wild what?”

  I ignored his question. “… with an incredibly hot, real-life McSteamy-McDreamy, all wrapped into one, who can carry you in his arms like a bloody superhero doctor …”

  “She said all that?”

  “Yup,” I said, lowering my hands to his muscular abdomen.

  He captured my hands in his, his desire blazing. “And what do you think?”

  “We have similar tastes.” The air thinned and I inhaled a deep breath without considering the consequences. My senses were filled with him.

  “You all right there?”

  I held my breath and glanced towards the door. “It’s time to evacuate.”

  Harry laughed. “Not yet. I’m enjoying watching you trying to resist me.”

  “That sounds like a challenge.” I traced my hands back over his chest, shoulders and neck, pausing to enjoy the shape of his ears and day-old stubble against my fingers. He tilted his face towards me and closed his eyes with a pleasurable sigh. “Avery.”

  I pressed my lips against the skin below his ear, then further up and around his face, slowly, deliberately, committing the shape of him to memory. “Mm-hmm?”

  His arms circled my back, pressing my body against his. “You’re killing me.”

  I’d silenced the whisper warning me not to get too attached and the siren call telling me to drop, cover and roll. Harry was right – this was the weekend, and I’d promised myself to live. A gentle knowing took the place of urgency as my lips met his.

  When I drew back, his eyes opened and rested on mine. The thought of his perfect face contorted in pain sucked the oxygen from my lungs. It’s not too late.

  He touched his palm to my cheek. “Tell me.”

  I covered his hand with mine and tucked my face into his warmth. It was too late. He’d infiltrated my every moment, every thought, every desperate cry for a future. I inhaled a deep breath, dragged my fear into the depths and drowned it in the promise … in my dream for a miracle.

  “I don’t understand this.”

  “Avery, you don’t need to understand it. Some things are just …” He smiled.

  “What?”

  “Meant to be.”

  Panic swirled. “Harry, I—”

  He pressed a finger to my lips to silence my protest and shook his head. “Stop fighting.” In one swift motion, his hand moved behind my head and lowered my face towards his. Bliss consumed my protest. No more monkey mind, no more doubts, no more ugly words reminding me how short my life was. Just perfect silence followed by euphonic celebration.

  This was it. This was my surrender into perfect pleasure.

  23

  “My god, that was hot,” Sally announced from the open door when Harry and I drew apart.

  I launched to my feet. “Hey, peeping Tom, how long have you been there?”

  “Long enough for our coffees to go cold in my hand. Damn it, Dr Sexy, why’d you have to go ruin me for all other men on this planet?”

  Harry laughed. “Sorry about that, Sally. You’ll find your own …” He smirked at me. “What was it? Incredibly hot, real-life McSteamy-McDreamy, all wrapped into one, then something about a bloody superhero doctor …”

  Sally narrowed her eyes in my direction, her cheeks blushing red.

  “I couldn’t help it – he wore down my defences,” I admitted.

  “Oh, I saw that part. You’re doomed, girly.” She turned back to Harry. “He doesn’t have to be a doctor, but the rest would be good. Where can I put in an order for one of those?”

  “The park,” we answered in unison.

  “Sweet. Well, I know where I’m heading.” Sally handed me my cold coffee and pressed her cheek to mine with a whisper. “Good girl.” She stepped back with a gleam in her eye. “You two have a fun weekend – go wild!”

  Harry stood up and reached out. “Give me some of that sugar.” Sally’s hand flew up between them. “No way, Mister. You’ve done enough damage.”

  He laughed heartily.

  “Seriously, Ave.” Sally backed away. “Even the laugh.”

  “Don’t encourage him, Sal,” I replied.

  “Encourage me,” he replied, motioning towards me. “I need as much help as I can get with this one.”<
br />
  “Mm-hmm.” She waved behind her back.

  “You ready to go?” He touched his palm to my lower back.

  “Yeah. Where’s your bag?”

  “In the car – where it’s been for the last hour.”

  “My car?” I asked.

  “Nope, the car I borrowed for the weekend.”

  “I was going to drive,” I said.

  Harry smiled, lacing his fingers in mine. “You didn’t think I’d let you have all the control, did you? Come on.”

  When we reached the street, there was a crowd of people ogling a car.

  “You did not!”

  “If you're talking about the blue Maserati parked at the curb, I did too.”

  “What possessed you to …”

  “You clearly asked ‘what does fun look like to you?’ Well, this is what fun looks like.” He squeezed my hand, then politely asked everyone to make way so he could open the passenger's side door.

  Once I was in the car, I traced my fingers over the leather seats and dash and marvelled. Cooper was going to be so jealous.

  Harry slid in beside me. “Where to?”

  “Huh?” I asked.

  “Where’s your bag?”

  “In my car, behind the building,” I answered absentmindedly. “Take the next left, then left again.”

  Once we’d collected my bag, we headed out of town. I’d booked a place in Taupo, three-and-a-half hours away.

  We chatted and laughed non-stop, only pausing the trip for fuel and to capture memories in the form of selfies – the type you keep in a secret shoebox in your wardrobe and treasure forever. If I wasn’t careful, I was going to fall in lo … Who was I kidding? I was so far underwater with this guy, I’d grown gills.

  The further we got from Auckland, the freer I felt.

  On arrival, we settled into our accommodation and headed to the lake waterfront for a beautiful dinner, one that I could eat without the threat of nausea. Every kilometre we’d travelled from Auckland, from uncertainty, from hospitals and treatments, felt like a step towards freedom. Here, I could laugh unburdened by darkness; here, I could breathe without fear claiming every dream; here, I could say yes and amen.

  After dinner, we wandered hand in hand along the waterfront towards our accommodation, until I detoured and announced a swim was in order.