I nod and reach for the purple crayon, not caring that I’m about to give the princess on my page purple hair.
“You looked kind of forlorn when I found you,” she points out.
I shrug, not meeting her gaze. I don’t know what to say.
“I’m sure it’s hard when you discover you’re into a new kink. Trying to find your place in the world is tough.”
“Yeah…”
“There are some unattached Daddies here. They’ve been watching you.”
I shrug again, still not lifting my head. I’ve been marginally aware of men around me, but none of them are Master Quinten.
Mistress Claudia reaches over and tickles me playfully under my chin, making me lift my gaze. “There she is. You know, you might have to put yourself out there and meet new people.”
I nod. “I know, but I’m not sure I’m ready, and Master Grayson…” I don’t even know how to finish that statement. Master Grayson what?
“Master Grayson is an amazing Dom. I’ve seen how he looks at you. You hang the moon for him. He still does look at you that way even though you’ve found a new kink.” She leans forward. “Don’t turn around, but he’s standing at the fence checking on you right now.”
I look back down at my coloring. I’m glad he’s watching me. I like it when he does that. He likes it, too. But it’s always from a distance. Not just physically, but emotionally. “I love him,” I murmur.
“I know you do.” She reaches for my hand and squeezes it.
“Maybe I should just give this up and go back to how we were.” I’m trembling as the words spill out. I’ve considered that option ever since I changed into my adult clothes Monday morning. I haven’t been little since then. Not until tonight.
“It’s still new, sweetie. You don’t have to make rash decisions. No one does. Master Grayson doesn’t, either.”
“I guess.”
“Tell me how you felt when you got dressed tonight,” she encourages.
I inhale slowly, remembering exactly the feeling. She knows what I’m going to say. Damn, she’s smart. “Free. Like I’d changed out of the wrong me into the right me.” I lift my gaze. “But it’s not enough.”
She smiles. “I know, sweetie. Give it time. Let yourself play here at the club. Enjoy the times when you are little for now.” She releases my hand. “You know what?”
“What?”
“I’m not always a Domme, either.”
I giggle. It’s hard to picture Mistress Claudia as anything but a Domme.
She shakes her head. “Nope. During the day, when I’m at work, no one in that part of my life has any idea that I’m also capable of wielding a whip, strapping a naked man to a bench and putting his cock in a vice, or helping littles like you feel nurtured and loved.”
I shudder at her mention of whips and cock rings. It’s kinda funny that she mentions those two things in the same list with nurturing.
“My point is that I’m not always the Domme you see me as. Not twenty-four-seven. I get excited on the nights I’m going to come to the club and play or have a submissive come to my house. My mindset changes when I put on my best Domme outfits. It’s refreshing, just like I’m sure it is for you when you dress as a little. I don’t have a submissive of my own right now, so I have to find people to play with just like you do.”
“Yeah…” She has a point. I’m not the only person in the kink world who doesn’t currently have the ideal arrangement going for them.
“It’s up to you, of course, but consider putting yourself out there for new experiences. There are lots of couples in loving relationships who enjoy different kinks and come to Surrender to fulfill something their partner isn’t capable of. Many of them have a much larger divide than you and Master Grayson. Imagine if you were both submissive or both Dominant, for example.”
I shudder. She’s right. That would be worse.
“Even if you never find a Daddy figure who smoothly slides into your lives and becomes the perfect third, the two of you can still play. Here and at home. Invite people over and get your fix. It’s doable. I promise.”
I set my crayon down and look at her again. She has a point. I’m not sure I’m ready to let other people into my circle like that, but I need to keep an open mind. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, sweetie.”
Chapter 29
Master Quinten
Monday is a rough day all around. I spend most of it traveling and getting settled into my hotel room. The rest of it I spend pacing the room thinking about the two submissives I summarily dismissed from my life the day before.
I hate how I let them walk out of my house Sunday morning, but I couldn’t bring myself to stop them. I can’t be the Dom they need. It’s not in the cards right now. I know I hurt them. They probably hate me, and I deserve it. I was an asshole.
The house was so empty and quiet after they left. It seemed like it was whispering to me. Telling me what a fool I am. The guilt over how I treated them is eating me alive. I keep waffling, and I need to stop it. I don’t have the time to devote to two subs. I’m not even in town right now. How could I possibly add dominating two people to my damn schedule. I can’t.
This is the hand I’ve been dealt. It’s inconvenient that I fell hard for not one but two submissives at this stage in my life, but I have to shake it off. Focus. I’m behind on my writing. My client load is demanding. I’m traveling three or four days a week. I can’t let myself get emotionally tangled with other human beings. I. Can’t.
Tuesday is no better. I try to put the previous weekend out of my mind and face my obligations, which include making two appearances on opposite sides of the city. Two nearly identical speeches in which I introduce myself, talk about my book, and then smile far too broadly while a line of people wait to get their book signed.
After doing the same thing on Wednesday, I’m exhausted and want nothing more than to be left alone in my hotel room where I don’t have to talk to people. I’ve even ordered room service.
I keep glancing at the time, wondering if Josie and Grayson are at Surrender. Are they playing? Are they exploring new options? Are they happy?
I don’t even turn on the tv. Instead, I lean back against the sofa cushion and stare at the ceiling. My mind drops unwanted snapshots of the weekend. Even when I close my eyes, I can still see the reel of pictures.
Josie smiling up at me, arms in the air, waiting for me to pick her up. The way her nipples pucker when I stroke them. The way she giggles when I tickle her. The way her face switches to all-woman when I make her come.
Grayson’s uneasy expression when I suggest spanking him. His fabulous naked body and rock-hard cock when he strips for me. The moan he makes when I stroke my hand up and down his length.
Jesus. Fuck. They’ve gotten to me. I’ve helped dozens of people over the years. Guided them to figure out what their needs are and how they can fulfill them. I’ve had couples in my home on occasion. These two weren’t the first committed couple I invited to stay in my house.
They are the first couple I developed feelings for, however. And damn inconvenient since I’m not in a place in my life where I can devote myself to the kinds of needs they have. It’s out of the question. At this point, I doubt it matters. They probably hate me.
I need to shake myself from the images and let them go. Somewhere out there is the perfect Dom who can nurture both of them and give them the attention they crave and deserve. It would be selfish of me to think I could be that man. I can’t. I don’t have the time.
When my phone rings, I’m surprised. It’s late. After ten. The screen indicates it’s Roman. My heart starts beating faster as I answer it. “Roman?”
“Yes. It’s me. Hope I didn’t wake you.”
“No. I’m still up. Everything okay?”
“Oh, sure. I didn’t mean to scare you. Everything’s fine. I just wanted to see how you’re doing. I haven’t had a chance to call you since the weekend. After meeting with Gray
son Monday night, and now that they’re at the club tonight, I felt like I should call.”
“Okay.” A lump forms in my throat. Part of me wants to ask a dozen questions. I want to know if they’re okay. Are they meeting other people? I want them to be happy. Part of me can’t face that information. I won’t be able to breathe if either of them has already replaced me.
“I get the impression the weekend wasn’t strictly professional,” Roman states.
I swallow and rub my temples. “No. It wasn’t,” I admit. I’m mentally kicking myself. I never should have let myself get emotionally involved. I should have kept my distance. Could I have even done that? I’m not sure it was an option, but it feels better admitting it to Roman. “I let myself get attached. I shouldn’t have.”
“Ah. That explains the despondent looks on both their faces.”
I cringe. Shit. My emotions are all over the place. Relief that they aren’t happy without me. Guilt that I hurt them enough that they can’t enjoy their evening. “Yeah, I never should have let myself get as involved with them as I did. We clicked. I overstepped.” Fuck.
Roman hesitates a moment and then speaks again. “Do you have feelings for them?”
I close my eyes again. He has no idea. “Not ones I’m going to act on.”
“Why’s that? Quinten, you’re allowed to have a life, too. You’ve been coming to Surrender for years. You haven’t been in a permanent relationship with anyone for a long time.”
I tap my knee with one hand and force my voice to remain steady. “I get what I need. I play. I come and go. I help other people.”
“What about you?”
I sigh. “There may have been a time in the past when I could have taken on a sub more permanently, but not these days. I’m at a turning point in my career. With my book release and another one coming next year behind it, I’m too busy to give anyone a fair amount of my attention.” All of this is true. I just need to remind myself often.
“Are you sure that’s not just…bullshit?” I’m surprised when Roman calls me out like this.
“It’s facts, Roman. I’m going to be traveling a few days a week for a while. When I’m home, I still have to maintain my client load and work on my next book. I’m not available. I don’t have the time to sleep let alone devote to a submissive. Let alone two of them.” Two people I care about very much. Two people who quickly came to mean the world to me.
“I hear what you’re saying, but we all make time for the things that are important to us. I just think… It seems like you made an impression on these two that extends beyond some counseling. If they made an impression on you too, perhaps you should consider a different path.”
It’s interesting that Roman isn’t calling to yell at me for being unprofessional. He’s calling to encourage me to do so again.
“I can’t do it, Roman. Even if I wanted to. My feelings are irrelevant here. Josie needs a lot more attention than I can give her. She needs a consistent Daddy figure. And honestly, Grayson needs a strong Dom, too. I don’t have time for even one submissive, let alone two. Besides, I’m sure they are furious with me. I doubt they’d welcome seeing my face inside the club anytime soon.”
There is an ache in my chest that won’t let up. It remained there all day even while I was signing books with a fake smile on my face. I kept thinking about how they might find other people to play with tonight at the club. How they will eventually move on and not want me anymore if they haven’t already. I hear Roman’s words, but he doesn’t understand what he’s suggesting. I have commitments. I can’t bail on any of them.
“Okay. I’m just trying to help. And make sure you’re paying attention to the possible gift that’s slamming you in the face. And, by the way, I’m certain they aren’t so furious with you. I’d say they are sad. Disappointed.”
I draw in a deep breath. “Message received. I don’t have choices here. The best thing for Josie and Grayson is to find a Dom or Domme who can take them both on and do them justice. They need someone far more available than I am.”
Roman sighs. “How’s the book signing going?”
“Good. Boring. Crazy.”
He chuckles. “Those adjectives are all over the place.”
“Yeah, so are book signings, apparently. I’m exhausted. I had no idea it would be this draining.”
“Well, I guess I’ll see you sometime this weekend?”
“Maybe. I’m going to be extremely booked for a while. Not a lot of spare time to play.” I’m also not willing to risk running into Grayson and Josie. It’s not fair to them. It would kill me.
“Okay. Stay in touch.”
“Will do.” I end the call and toss the phone onto the coffee table. Fuck. I’m a mess.
Chapter 30
Josie
I’m going through the motions of life on autopilot, well-aware that whatever issues Master Grayson and I had before we met Master Quinten have compounded. The only way I know how to fix things is to give up the idea of being little. It was fun. I enjoyed myself. But it doesn’t suit our relationship.
I’ve been watching Master Grayson. I’m afraid he’s suffering from the same level of wear and tear as me but won’t talk about it. He watches me a lot, touches me often, holds me tighter. Says very little.
We’re both going through some things, and we don’t seem to have the skills to air out our feelings. I’m worried that if I don’t put things back to rights, I’ll lose him. So, I haven’t worn anything little since Wednesday night.
On Saturday morning, I wake up to Master Grayson licking my nipples. I reach for him as my arousal builds, but he hauls my hands above my head and secures them to the headboard. Now, my pussy is soaked because that’s what happens every time he restrains me.
He pushes my legs apart without a word and descends, licking his way down my body. I’m groaning with need before he touches my clit, and I cry out the moment his lips make contact.
I’ve missed him. I’ve missed this. It’s our thing. The dynamic we established a year ago. It works. I’m fucking hot for him, and judging by the erection I saw bobbing in front of him, he feels the same.
I haven’t had an orgasm in days, so it doesn’t take long for me to reach the peak and tip over on a moan.
Seconds later, Master Grayson is inside me, his erection growing harder as he thrusts deep before emptying himself inside me. It feels amazing. Connected. A reminder that we’re so good together. Why did I ever think I needed more? I love Grayson. We can make this work without a third. Without Quinten. So why does my stomach hurt?
We shower together, where I wash Master Grayson from head to toe. He surprises me when he takes the soap and washes me in return. I close my eyes and enjoy his touch.
When we step out into the bathroom, he shocks me again by drying me off. He cups my cheeks next and looks into my eyes. “I’m going to fix you breakfast while you get dressed. I want you to choose something little. I have to go to a meeting this morning, and you’re going to have a babysitter.”
My eyes pop wide and then my mouth falls open. “A babysitter?”
“Yes. Don’t worry. Not a stranger. Mistress Claudia. You can be yourself with her.”
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” I murmur.
He lifts a brow. “And you’re not the one who makes those decisions are you?”
I flinch as his declaration. He’s always been firm with me when we play, but he’s never been this demanding. I like it. I’m concerned about his motives, but I like it. “Yes, Sir.” I can go along with this game. See how it goes.
“Good girl.” He kisses my lips and then turns and leaves me in the bathroom. I work a comb through my hair and then hang up the towel. When I enter the bedroom, he’s not there. I take a few moments to go through the clothes Master Quinten bought for me. They’re still in a bag on the floor, so whatever I choose will be wrinkly. I don’t care.
I pull out a cotton dress. T-shirt material. It’s a pale green. When I shrug into it,
I hesitate. The top is slightly tight, so my nipples are obvious. It fits loose from the chest down with no waistline, much like all the other dresses. I decide I love it. I think Master Grayson enjoys it when my breasts are free, and perhaps even more when he can see the stiff definition of my nipples.
I scramble for panties and find a pair of white ones with a little pink bow. I don’t bother with shoes. I’m not in the mood. Instead, I pad down the hallway in search of Master Grayson.
He’s cooking. I can smell bacon. We’ve divided up the household chores more this week. My mouth waters as I approach. “Would you like me to do anything, Sir?” I’m wringing my hands together, no sure what to expect from him.
He reaches over and ruffles my hair. It’s hanging loose down my back. “Go put your hair in pigtails, Josie. It looks cute that way.”
“Yes, Sir.” I spin around and go back to the master bathroom. After parting my hair down the middle, I gather it up into high pigtails and secure them with hairbands.
When I return to the kitchen, Master Grayson has breakfast on the table. It looks perfectly normal. Bacon. Scrambled eggs. Toast. I take a seat in my usual spot, though there is nothing usual about my bare thighs rubbing against the wood seat. Not here anyway. Not in our home.
One week ago today I was eating breakfast at Master Quinten’s. His cook had prepared it. It had been delicious. I try not to let myself linger on the memories as I eat. My legs swing in front of me as I let my little take over. Maybe this won’t be so bad. Maybe Master Grayson and I can find some middle ground. But, does Grayson enjoy doing this? Will he begin to resent it? I’m so confused.
After breakfast, I take my dishes to the sink. When I turn around, there’s a knock at the door.
“That’ll be Claudia. Can you let her in, Josie?”
Pleasing Josie (Surrender Book 5) Page 22
