“It’s very beautiful here, but I’m working,” she responded stiffly. “I don’t have any time for sightseeing.”
She heard Ashley’s faint sigh through the phone line. “You’re always working.”
The helicopter drew lower, perhaps a tourist chopper, admiring the expansive Tuscan views.
Lauren ran the blade of grass over her upper lip but stopped when the light touch somehow made her think of Rafaello.
“Perhaps when your contract finishes you could spend a bit of time in Rome. You always wanted to go there, didn’t you?”
Lauren’s eyes squeezed shut. “With Thom,” she said thinly.
Another small sigh. “But surely it was your dream too? For you?”
“I don’t know anymore.”
“Dearest,” Ashley’s hesitation showed that she was choosing her words with care. “Think about what you want from life, won’t you?”
Lauren stubbornly wiped at another tear. “I’m fine, Ash. Honestly, this is just another job. It just so happens to be in Tuscany.”
“Tuscany!” Ashley enthused. “How glorious. I insist you find some time to stomp grapes and roll down hills.”
Lauren smiled, imagining doing exactly that – the sense of freedom would be incredible.
“I’ll try.” The helicopter was loud now, right overhead. She turned to watch as it came lower, and then her heart slammed into her ribs. From this distance, she could see who was behind the controls – Rafaello. He wore a headset and dark sunglasses, but as if he sensed her, he turned in her direction so a frisson of awareness rushed the length of her spine.
“Tell me about home,” she implored Ashley, needing, more than anything to feel a connection to the small village south of London where she’d grown up.
Twenty minutes later, Lauren felt somewhat more centred, but the sensation was only temporary. Walking back into the villa with the intention of checking on Yaya once more before bed, she bumped straight into Raf, literally bouncing right off his chest. She would have flown backwards if his reactions weren’t so quick, snaking a hand out and catching her before she could fall.
She opened her mouth to say something cutting but realised, belatedly, that they weren’t alone. Nico Montebello was beside him, a relaxed expression on his handsome face.
“Hey, Lauren, isn’t it?”
“Yes, hi,” she pulled out of Raf’s grip quickly, wiping her hands down her jeans as if to erase any semblance of Raf’s touch.
“How are you?” It was Raf that asked the question, his eyes holding hers with that same intensity she’d felt the day before. Reminding herself that he meant nothing to her and that he’d spent the day with another woman, she stiffened her spine and assumed a look haughty cool. “Fine. I’m just going to Yaya.”
“She’s with Alessia and Max,” Nico offered, gesturing towards the terrace. “You’re welcome to join us for a drink, if you’d like.”
Lauren ground her teeth together, feeling nothing but resentment for how open and accepting this family was. Couldn’t they see she just wanted to be left alone?
“No, thank you,” she said with a firm insistence. “Good night.”
How many times had he watched her walk away? Raf did so again now, a muscle jerking in his jaw as he fought every impulse to storm through the corridor and drag her into his arms, kissing her until she was senseless with longing and crying out his name, just as she had that night. Had it really happened? The moon had been full, the light like something from a fairy tale. Perhaps he’d simply conjured her up out of his fantasies? But no, it hadn’t all been a fantasy. His stupidity in forgetting to use protection, her swift rejection of him – a completely unfamiliar experience.
He knew that if he followed her now and kissed her, pinned her to the wall with his body, she’d react to him. Her cool veneer was well-practiced but he’d seen beneath it now. He knew the passions that stirred the depths of her soul and he had the scratch marks down his back to prove it.
“So you’re seriously going to move back here?”
Raf returned his attention to Nico with difficulty. “For a while, yes. Perhaps a month. I mean, why not?”
Nico frowned. “Because it’s a long way from your usual pace. It’s not exactly a buzzing nightlife at Villa Fortune.”
“I don’t care about that right now,” he said, quietly. “I hate to think of Yaya being here alone in between our visits. I hate to think of her being surrounded by paid medical professionals who prioritise her physical recovery above her need for the things that make her happy. Besides, I can fly back to my place in twenty minutes.”
“True,” Nico nodded as he began to move towards the terrace. Raf threw a last glance over his shoulder; Lauren was gone. He told himself he didn’t care.
“What did you just say?” Lauren’s breath hitched in her throat. She was sure she’d misunderstood Ellen, the Swedish nurse.
“The grandson is staying. What’s his name?” She turned to the other nurse in attendance – Debbie. “The hot, ridiculously charming one.”
Lauren’s stomach did a flip flop.
“Rafaello,” she supplied, her eyes fixed on Yaya’s chart.
“Yes, Raf,” Debbie grinned. “So that’ll be nice.”
Lauren shifted her gaze to the nurse’s face in silent enquiry.
“For Paula,” Debbie clarified, but her expression showed that she saw other silver linings to Rafaello staying.
“Did he say for how long?” She kept her voice neutral with considerable effort.
“No, but I hope it’s a long time. At least as long as I’m here to perve on him,” Debbie winked and the other nurse giggled.
Lauren offered a tight smile before leaving the room, but her heart kept racing, her pulse gushing noisily.
Rafaello was staying? Here, at Villa Fortune? She’d been banking her entire sanity on the fact she only had a little longer to get through. Knowing he was here was stirring her body to a fever pitch, where all she wanted to do was go to him and beg him to make love to her again.
She’d been hoping that once he left that temptation would abate. She’d even been hoping she might forget about him altogether. But the possibility of that when he was right here under the same roof as her seemed incredibly unlikely.
“Jesus,” she swore, a curse her mother would have scolded her for. Lauren made a living from facing grim realities and this was no different. She had to face this head on.
If this was true – and perhaps there was a faint hope the nurses had somehow misunderstood – then she needed to define clear parameters. She didn’t want him thinking there’d be any repeat performances of what had happened the other night. Her stomach was in knots, her expression furrowed.
She needed to speak to him.
The problem was, she didn’t even know which of the bedrooms was his. The villa was enormous, with many rooms, each with their own bathrooms and several boasting either balconies or private terraces. She considered taking pot luck but how could she explain if she ended up knocking on Alessia’s door?
With a suppressed sigh, she moved into the kitchen, flicking the kettle to make a tea. A movement near the pool caught her attention. She turned her gaze that way, and saw Nico, Gabe and Fiero locked in earnest conversation, the morning sun beating down on them, bathing them in gold.
She studied the men impassively, her eyes taking in the details of each with interest. They were all handsome, but Gabe was particularly interesting with his tattoos and perma-scowl. She wondered about that – what had happened in his life to make him so determinedly dark all the time? Despite the fact Lauren kept a professional bearing, she couldn’t help but feel an affinity with Gabe and his demeanour. He acted how she often felt. He was prickly and salty and preferred his own company. She’d often noticed him hanging back in the family situation, preferring to sit quietly – broodingly – observing rather than joining in the family fun.
The conversation looked serious. Lauren felt like a busy body standing there watching
and was about to wrench her attention away when Raf strode towards them, his expression equally serious.
Her stomach tightened and her lips parted. Forget being a busy body; now, she couldn’t look away. It was a rare opportunity to be able to observe him without being seen and for just a few moments she weakened, allowing herself to drink in the sight of him, answering all her body’s cravings hungrily. He nodded at something Gabe had said then reached out, shaking Nico’s hand. They were preparing to say goodbye. She kept staring – she was powerless to look away.
Just a few more moments and the group broke up. They were moving. This was her chance – she needed to speak with Raf and now she could do so without attracting attention. She watched the direction in which he moved and quickly finished making her tea, setting off that way with the cup poised carefully in one hand.
She found him several minutes later, near the shiny black helicopter she’d seen him flying a few days ago.
She hovered on the periphery of the helipad, uncertain now. Perhaps he was leaving after all? And without saying goodbye?
Feminine pique propelled her forward, moving closer and closer until finally he looked up and their eyes locked and all thoughts scattered from her brain, making thinking almost impossible.
For a moment his expression was forbidding and then he smiled, a slow, sensual smile that caused her blood to simmer. “Hey.”
His voice was deep and raspy. Her stomach twisted.
“Hello.” She crossed her arms over her chest, staring at him before belatedly realising she’d come here with a purpose. “You’re leaving?”
He put whatever he’d been holding down and moved towards her, so she had to brace herself for his imminent proximity.
“Yes.”
Disappointment seared her from the inside out. She told herself it was relief but Lauren knew the truth. The nurses had got it wrong and whatever gladness she should have known at that reprieve eluded her completely.
“Oh.” Her brow furrowed. “I see.”
She could feel him staring at her, and her heart fluttered in her chest. What was happening to her? With effort, she suppressed any feeling whatsoever, nodding softly. “Good.”
“Good?” His lips twisted in a sardonic smile, as though he were mocking her. Her heart skipped a beat.
She didn’t know how to answer.
“I –,”
“Damn it, Lauren,” he said at the same time. “Do you want me to leave? Are you waiting for me to go away again because that will make it easier for you to ignore me?”
Heat bloomed inside of her because it was such an accurate description of what she wanted – needed. And yet the idea of him leaving also sat like a stone in her gut.
“I don’t know,” she said, surprised by her honesty.
“For God’s sake, is this how it is with you? Fuck some guy and then treat him like crap until he gets the hint?”
She drew in a sharp breath, shocked by his outburst.
He dragged a hand through his hair, his eyes pinning her to the spot.
“I’m not treating you like crap. And I told you from the beginning: I’m not interested in a relationship.”
“And nor am I, believe me.” His gaze held hers as if to communicate the seriousness of that. “But you go out of your way to avoid me, to run away from me, looking through me whenever we happen to be in the same room. I mean, there’s not wanting a relationship and then there’s the way you’ve been behaving.”
She had done all those things. She hadn’t known he’d even noticed. A need to go on the offensive sparked in her belly. “Like it even matters. What happened between us was just a blip for you. A couple of days later you were with some model or whatever, so don’t act like you’ve been losing sleep over my perceived treatment of you.”
He stared at her, bemused, then shook his head. “Giselle is someone I used to date, the operative word being ‘used’ to. She’s in my past. We’re business partners now, that’s all.”
She refused to admit – much less confess – how mollified she was by that. “Forget it. I don’t care.”
He moved closer and without intending it she breathed in, inhaling his masculine fragrance, awareness flooding her veins.
“I think you do care, Lauren.”
She opened her mouth on a breath of surprise.
“I think you came out here because as much as you’ve spent the last two days scurrying away whenever I was within your vicinity you don’t actually want me to go. I think you don’t know what you want from me, but it’s not this.”
She pressed her teeth into her lower lip, the truth of his words slicing through her like a dagger.
“I think we had sex and it was incredible and deserved more reflection than we gave it. I think you don’t want a relationship, but that you do want me, at least on a physical level.”
Stricken, she stared up at him.
“And I think that scares the hell out of you. Why? Why would a smart, beautiful woman in her twenties be so terrified of having a consensual physical relationship?”
“I’m not scared,” she lied, her voice trembling.
“Then why run away from this? Why not give in to what we both want?”
The idea tugged at her but she shook her head quickly. “You must do this kind of thing all the time,” she threw at him, clinging desperately to an offensive posture. “I imagine one night stands are common for you. So why can’t you just leave it at that?”
“You’re the one who came to find me,” he pointed out, his eyes flecked with anger and mockery.
There was no answer she could give to that. She sipped her tea, the heat scalding her tongue.
“I have physical relationships with women, but not once, in my life, have I treated someone like you’ve been treating me. You run hot and cold and look at me as though I kill kittens in my spare time.”
Her lips parted.
“You chose to sleep with me.”
“You said – you wanted –,”
He made a low, growling noise. “I did want. But to push me aside afterwards like I’m ten-day-old fish? I’m not asking to be serenaded, but whatever happened to polite, civil conversation?”
Staring at him made Lauren feel as though she were being drawn deep into a black hole and yet she couldn’t look away. Darkness was all around her; she was falling and there was nothing to grab hold of. Her logic was far away, all the reasons she had for acting as she did just out of reach, a jumble of discordant shapes in the dark.
“You’re right,” she whispered, grief flooding her, guilt and pain familiar bed fellows to Lauren.
A muscle jerked at the base of his jaw, a sign of tension. “About what?”
“About everything.” She had been reacting to the fact they had sex by going out of her way to put distance between them, to treat him as though she couldn’t stand him. “I do want you.” She stared up at Raf, losing a part of herself with that confession. “You’re the first man in a long time I’ve felt anything for. I know I don’t want to get…involved with you, I can’t. But there’s something about you that makes me –,” she paused, not sure what she’d been intending to say.
“Want to rip my clothes off?” He prompted, his brows lifting.
She swallowed, unable to smile. “Yes.”
His voice turned gentle, as though her admission had unlocked something within him. “And that’s a bad thing.”
Her heart was hurting. She had to be honest. “Yes. I think so.”
“Why?” He laced his fingers through hers, holding her hand at the side of her thigh. The simple act was like building a bridge. She felt the connection between them and while connection was something she’d fought for a long time, she found a part of her softened to it, not wanting to fight that feeling in that small moment. It brought comfort, and relief.
“I was married.”
She could see by his reaction that it was a surprise. He hadn’t expected that – why would he?
“And
it was a bad experience? He was abusive or something? He cheated?”
She shook her head sadly. “On the contrary. Thom was my best friend and I loved him with all of my heart. We grew up together and were inseparable from when I was five years old.” Her voice was hoarse. “He got sick when we were sixteen. Leukaemia.” Sympathy flashed in Raf’s face. “He was such a fighter though, he was determined to beat it.” She focussed her gaze on a point beyond Raf’s shoulder, finding it too difficult to meet his eyes. “We got married when we were eighteen, but he went downhill pretty fast, and died a few years later.”
“I’m sorry.”
She would usually brush the commonplace condolence aside but something about hearing it from Raf ignited warmth in her belly. “Thank you.” She pulled her hand free from his and took a step away, needing a little more space in order to be able to think clearly.
“The thing is, I didn’t decide to stay single after Thom died. I just couldn’t bear the thought of another man touching me. I definitely couldn’t contemplate the idea of starting to care for anyone else. I meant our wedding vows; I guess in a lot of ways I still think of Thom as my husband. I still love him.” As she said the words, she felt a burst of reassurance. It was a talisman to her life’s purpose. “So, no, I don’t sleep with men and then go out of my way to treat them badly. I don’t sleep with men, ever. I have no idea what it is about you but for some reason, you got under my skin and honestly, I don’t want you there. I wish I didn’t feel this way, Raf, I feel so guilty, like I’m betraying him and he deserves so much better than that, and I don’t want to be a total bitch to you either – I’m sorry that I’ve been ignoring you, I just don’t know how to process –,”
“Shhhh,” within seconds he’d closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her to his body in a hug that was pure comfort. He held her to his chest, his hand stroking her back reassuringly, his chin pressed to the top of her head, his breathing rhythmic and strong. She stayed like that, cocooned in his arms for several long, perfect moments, feeling as though he was some kind of connection to life force, as though it ran from the centre of the earth, through him and into her.
Nothing Lasts Forever (The Montebellos Book 4) Page 6
