by Cheek, Jason
“I don’t know why you’re acting all worried about a bunch of NPCs,” Eval94 said with an arrogant laugh, as Evil Sandra rolled her eyes. She couldn’t wait until Shapo could take back over as her second in command. The man’s shit talking always got on her last nerve. “Even with the numbers these dipshits have, there’s no way they could take us in a stand up fight.”
“Is that what you really think?” Evil Sandra demanded, as she heatedly turned on her new second in command and got into his face. “You want to be the one that tells Julie that we fucked up her plans to take over the Kingdom of Kader because you wanted to act “like a boss” to a bunch of dumb NPCs?”
“So, unless I say otherwise,” Evil Sandra continued, once she felt the punk understood she wasn’t joking. “Your job here is to make sure no one fucks this up. Got that?”
“I hear you loud and clear,” Eval94 gritted out.
“Good,” Evil Sandra pleasantly said, as if she hadn’t been all up in the man’s shit a second earlier. “Now let’s get this over with so we can catch, Starfairy.” Following her own orders, she made sure her staff was slung on her back as she began waving her empty hands over her head while shouting out “Yani!” while the front half of the raid followed her example
Though Julie had assured her that everything had been worked out ahead of time, the northern invasion force was a daunting sight to say the least. While she knew that Eval94 and many of the other players in the raid probably thought they could handle these demi-humans without a sweat with their combined Nightmare magic trees, Evil Sandra wasn’t so confident in that. Besides, the last thing she wanted was for something to happen that would screw all of this up, especially since it was amazing that Julie had managed to get this made in the first place. It must have had something to do with the V-MMORG Admin she had in her pocket, because, with a force this large, there was nothing else stopping them from taking over everything on this side of the Isolde line.
Evil Sandra was of mixed thoughts about this as she looked out at the endless horde of monstrous demi-humans that seemed to go on forever. In the near distance, she could make out the misshapen nine-foot tall forms of what could only be tribes of Trolls. Just looking at their grotesque human-like faces sent a shiver of fear down her spine. While thoroughly disgusting, they had nothing on the gray-skin giants that were intermixed throughout the mass of Orcs in teams of nine. These twelve-foot tall demi-humans had heavy brutish features and toad-like skin with muscular bodies that looked like they could pulverize stone. From her years of gaming, she immediately recognized them as Ogres.
While having an alliance with such a fearsome force was a huge win for the Chaos Storm Alliance, there was something not quite right about the way the Orcs were looking at them, Evil Sandra uncomfortably thought, as they approached the massed ranks. With cruel looks and guttural voices that sounded like they were jeering at the humanoids, the Orcs stepped back to make room for their raid to enter onto the small plateau at the base of the mountain.
In all honesty, if it wasn’t for the green name tags that showed these demi-humans were allies, Evil Sandra would’ve never have put her people in jeopardy like this. Trusting in the in-game mechanics and that her friend had truly pulled off the impossible, she nervously led her people into the horde’s ranks. Striding through the press of monstrous bodies, she did her best to look stern and to exude confidence as she mentally compared this to the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode where Commander Riker took command over the Klingon Warbird the Pagh. Comparing Orcs to Klingons was the best comparison that she could come up with in the face of this impossible situation.
Iron weapons clanked against Iron Spiked Shields as the Orcs began to excitedly chant along with them. Although, Evil Sandra swore that more than half of them were excitedly chanting “Yani!” It was a surreal feeling. Almost like a sea parting before them as they made their way deeper into the horde. By now, the entire raid was nervously chanting out “Yani” as the path behind them was sealed off with howling and chanting Orcs. Tired of feeling intimidated, Evil Sandra began calling out orders.
“Eval94, SirKink, Hardling,” Evil Sandra’s voice cracked over raid chat, “we’re getting out of here!” From the looks she was getting from the rest of her raid mates, she wasn’t the only one upset. "I don’t know what’s up with these idiots, but they’re pushing us away from the path Starfairy and his raid took. That stops now.”
“You sure we shouldn’t head to wherever they are taking us first,” Eval94 nervously asked, as he eyed the mass of Orcs surrounding them. Whatever false bravado he was feeling earlier must have shrunk along with this testicles, Evil Sandra thought, as he nervously continued. “Maybe we need to talk to someone first-“
“Oh my god, stop being such a pussy!” Hardling snarled at the Rogue in annoyance. “What part of this do you not understand? These demi-humans are just a bunch of dumb NPCs. They’re here to serve us, we don’t serve them.”
“Fuck off, Hardling,” Eval94 snarled back, “if you’re so tough, then lets switch places.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Evil Sandra roared, as both men fell silent. “Now come on, everyone head towards the right. If anyone of these shitheads gets stupid, light them up!”
While she had purposely sounded tough to the rest of the raid, this whole situation with the Orcs was starting to give her the heebie-jeebies. It’s not that Evil Sandra didn’t believe Julie when she’d said they’d made an agreement with the northern tribes and even had a completed quest to prove it. At the same time, her intuition was telling her something very different. While Evil Sandra admitted this whole thing could be one big cultural misunderstanding, she was through with these fun and games. Either someone in charge would come over and clear this mess up, or they’d step the fuck back to let them through. If not, she’d have her people light these fuckers up like a bunch of Christmas trees.
“Yani go zum kamp!” A large Orc bellowed in SirKink’s face, as he punched the Warrior in the face to get the human to go where he wanted.
“Get the fuck off me, shithead!” SirKink roared back, as his gauntleted fist smashed into the Orc’s ugly face. With his Advance Start stats and his build for Strength and Agility, the player had no problems smashing the Elite Warrior to the ground.
Immediately, the Orcs’ comrades bellowed in outrage, before rushing in to bash the man’s face in. With angry bellows, the Team Leader’s raid rushed to his aid as SirKink bashed the closest Orc’s face in with the butt of his battle axe. As the blow flattened the second Orc’s nose in a spray of blood, the Warrior took a Shield Bash to the face from the third Orc as SirKink’s assistant raid leader stabbed the Orc in the eye. Within seconds, the whole raid was under attack.
A part of Evil Sandra realized that the Orcs attacking them were mostly using their fists and the blunt side of their weapons to pummel her people into submission, while in return her raid mates were fighting for keeps. While that was somewhat confusing and made her think that this was more of a cultural misunderstanding more than anything else, the stupid NPCs wouldn’t stop hitting them. Although none of her people had switched to their magic yet, she knew it was only a matter of time if she couldn’t find some way to salvage this situation.
Luckily enough for them, most everyone in the Chaos Storm Alliance had at least the Advanced Start stats from their P&M Exam. While that meant none of their raid mates were pushovers, the fighting was slowly turning into a massive brawl and the damage was starting to add up. If things didn’t change soon, Evil Sandra could see the writing on the wall. She was just trying to figure out what the most impressive spell she had at her disposal was, when an old scarred Orc shoved his way up to her and gave her a sickening leer.
The hideous looking Orc wasn’t like any of the Elite Warriors that they’d been fighting against up until now. No, this Orc was obviously someone important. He was dressed in leather skins with strange runes and what looked to be finger bones worked into the hardened leather vest that di
d little to cover his scarred chest. Monster and Human-like skulls dangled from his belt and a hideous wooden mask with odd animal bits and pieces worked into the wood covered his withered face. In his gnarled clawed hands he held a staff topped with a fanged monster skull. As she took this new Orc in, the creepy bastard grabbed the top of her heavy robe and tore it away with a hard yank. The breath froze in Evil Sandra’s lungs as her breasts tumbled free from the flimsy wool top that was yanked away along with her robe.
For a long second, she could only stare in shocked outrage as the disgusting old pervert threw his head back and let out a guttural laugh. Looking down at her rather large chest, she immediately saw why. There were four bloody claw marks that marred the pale skin across both tits that was only broken up by her delicate pink nipples. The thought that this was what the nasty Orc was laughing at filled her with an unbelievable rage. Never before had anyone dared to touch her like this in her entire life. Hell, she’d kicked men in the nuts for daring to hit on her in bars and clubs. As the outrage boiled over inside of her, a shriek of pure fury ripped from her throat as she released the highest damaging spell in her magic tree, Lightning Strike.
“Suck on this pig!” Evil Sandra hollered as a massive lightning bolt hit the old Orc dead center in the chest and blasted him off his clawed feet. Stalking up to the downed Orc Shaman, she straddled the male’s pot belly and yanked her robe back over herself as her lips pulled back from her teeth in a snarl. With an almost euphoric howl, she blasted the gnarled Orc again at point blank range.
It was an impressive show of strength and power as a noticeable silence fell over the area and the fighting slowly stopped. As the Orcs looked at each other with broad grins on their faces, her raid mates began preparing the most powerful spells in their arsenals in preparation for the fight they knew was coming. It didn’t matter if the Orcs were allies or not, they knew that Evil Sandra would demand payback for such over the top disrespect. Across the board her people were ready to dish out the pain. As if to prove that, electrical energy and fire danced around the majority of the raid members’ fingers as they put their abilities for the Orcs on full display, while the handful of less powerful players did the same with their weaker Wind, Water, and Poison magic trees.
“Gah!” Evil Sandra’s scream of agony caught the entire raid by surprise as she doubled over and staggered back from the old Orc clutching at her groin in shock. It took a second for it to percolate through the raid as to what had happened. More than one face turned white in shock when they heard that the Shaman had punched her in the pubic bone. Climbing to his clawed feet relatively unharmed, the old Orc looked down at Evil Sandra’s shocked face and let out an evil laugh.
“What is your major dysfunction you sick fuck?” Evil Sandra shrilly demanded, as she glared up at the wrinkled and fat NPC that had punched her so cruelly. The pain had been like nothing she’d ever felt before. Who knew that getting hit in the crotch would hurt this much for a woman, she rhetorically thought, as her mind considered the even more terrifying side of the coin that he’d just showed. If her most powerful Lightning Strike had done almost no damage to the disgusting Shaman, did that count the same for the rest of the Orcs around them? Before she could break down exactly what all that might mean for her and her raid, the Shaman’s broken common speech pulled her focus.
“U vil maak fine Yani fur Tozhug,” the Orc Shaman’s meaning was unquestionably clear, as he eagerly groped his crotch in excitement while leering at her once again open robe and dangling breasts.
“Yani!” Evil Sandra exclaimed, as her mind reached for the only thing that made any sense, while she breathed through her mouth to lessen the agony between her legs. Although she wanted to rip the heart out of this revolting excuse of an NPC for daring to embarrass her like this in front of her own people, a part of her wanted to somehow salvage the situation and get her people out of this alive. Well that, and to not ruin the alliance that Julie had worked so diligently to create for their bid to take over the Kingdom of Kader.
“We have an agreement with your High War Leader to fight against the Kingdom of Kader together as allies,” Evil Sandra snarled at the Shaman, while using her staff like a crutch. Pushing herself up straight, she did her best to cover her breasts up with her free hand as she spat at the Orc’s clawed feet. “We are “Yani” you fucking moron!”
Instead of clarifying the situation and getting everything back to where it should be, the Orcs surrounding them began to laugh. At first, it was just a few barks of laughter here and there, but that quickly turned into deep guffaws and bellows that seemed to echo between the mountain passes as cruel hungry looks came to the Orcs’ eyes. To Evil Sandra and her raid’s surprise, silence immediately fell across the Orcs surrounding them as the wrinkled dirty Shaman raised his skull staff into the air.
“Die High War Ledar spook ov u Chofe-ka,” the gnarly Orc said loud enough for the raid behind her to clearly hear. “U umans ar all die zame. U ave noo konkep of Orc kultur.”
“Why are we listening to this freak,” Hardling growled in raid chat, as lightning crackled over his fists.
“Oh, I don’t know why,” Eval94 snapped back fearfully, “so they don’t eat us all.”
“We should kill them all until they learn respect,” SirKink flippantly said next, as the old Shaman continued talking.
“Fur Orcs,” the Shaman’s strong voice rang out for all of the raid’s players to hear, “humanolds ar Zuk, Yani, or Grug. Zuk ar slaves. Grug ist food.”
“What then, is Yani?” Evil Sandra asked, ignoring the sinking feeling in her stomach. Even though she was ninety-nine percent sure they were being set up, she just had to ask in case this was all a hazing ritual for new allies. Besides that, if she didn’t, Julie would have her ass for blowing this deal over nothing.
“Vat ar Yani?” the lecherous Shaman guffawed as he ogled her from head to toe. As if that wasn’t bad enough, the question caused an excited muttering and jostling amongst the Orc ranks as a disturbing gleam came to the gnarly Orc’s eyes. “Yani ar zex slaves!”
“The fuck did that dipshit just say?” SirKink forcibly asked, as an upset murmuring came from the raid.
“We need to kill all of these fuckers now and be done with it,” Hardling grunted out, as Eval94 nervously asked.
“You don’t think they’d rape men too?”
“It doesn’t look like they’re too picky to me, Eval,” a female voice sarcastically added with an ugly laugh.
“That’s not even funny,” Eval94 nervously replied.
“That, or they’ll just eat you alive,” another female player added, as Eval94 went off.
There was a lot more being said then that by the players in the raid, but Evil Sandra barely heard the rest of it as her mind took in their screwed up situation. Mainly, that was remembering everything she’d ever heard about fighting Orcs. If her Lightning magic didn’t affect the Orc, it meant that their ace in the hole was probably completely useless and they were going to have to do this the hard way.
While she was pissed at being mauled by this sick fuck, Evil Sandra wasn’t about to let it affect her more than that. She’d done worse to the players that they’d PK’ed … much worse. If anything, this was a fucking relief. If he’d stopped being a perverted fuck, she’d have been forced to continue working with him, until she could slaughter him at her leisure. Now that wasn’t a problem. She could make the foul wretch pay for the disrespect with his life.
“Listen up, people,” Evil Sandra said in raid chat, as her voice took on a hard edge. “These assholes have some sort of elemental resistance.” Overriding the questions being shot at her, she continued on as she shoved her damaged robe into the large pouch at her waist. If flaunting her tits distracted these fuckers, then she’d take whatever edge she could get.
“These assholes lied about being our allies and played us like a bunch of noobs,” Evil Sandra said, as she cast Lightning Body and Lightning Shield as spoke, while an angry mutterin
g began coming from the rest of the raid. There was nothing worse for a PKer than being tricked, unless it was being tricked by a bunch of NPCs. There really was no greater insult. “The play is this we’ll keep on respawning and taking as many of these assholes out as we can. When the wraiths come, that should give us the distraction we need to fall back into the valley. Sound off, when you’re ready to move out?”
“Let’s do this,” SirKink snarled without hesitation.
“They can choke on my phat cock as I skull fuck their brains,” Hardling gleefully added, as the wrinkled Shaman strode up to Evil Sandra. Obviously, their time was up.
“Zay zu me,“ the disgusting Shaman said, as the Orcs began to chant and beat their iron swords against their bronze shields. “Vat ar u, Yani or Grug?”
A cruel smile came to Evil Sandra’s lips as she realized that had been what the Orcs had been chanting all along, Yani or Grug. Teasingly sticking her large chest out for the gnarly Shaman, she waited for his greedy hands to reach for her soft flesh. She relished the look of shock that came to the old lecher’s face, when his hands bounced off the Lightning Shield that protected her perfect mounds. As his yellow-cat eyes flashed in anger, she rammed the long-dagger she’d drawn from the sheath at her back into the Shaman’s skull and released another Lightning Strike through the tip of the blade.
“Suck on this, limp dick!” she screamed into the sick pervert’s face, as the rest of the raid lunged at the Orcs that surrounded them.
Chapter Twenty-Three
(Prustine Hollysharp on the outskirts of the Sea Elf city of Auris Shaeras)
“Equalizing air and water pressure so a ship can rise and sink on command …” Hollysharp continuously muttered in a loud drone as she worked. “Balancing the separate ballast tanks to control the equilibrium and a separate internal and external hull …” She was pissed that a Half-Elf of all races had made her look like some sort of engineering noob.
