by L. A. Fiore
It wasn’t just the big things, but the little. He remembered that. She couldn’t help the smile or the exhale at how things were going to be different...and soon. “It wasn’t going to come in time, so yeah, I canceled it.” She tugged on his hair, his face lifted. “This time next year…” she didn’t have to finish the thought because she saw understanding move over Gage’s expression.
“Yeah,” he drawled lazily, thinking about the time when they didn’t have to hide. Gage laid his head back on her stomach, facing her. “Want your gift?” He asked, and wagging his brows with a smile.
God, she loved him. Chuckling, she ran a finger along his brow. “Yes, I want my gift.”
He jumped up and moved off the bed, Tilly sat up and watched as he walked to his jacket. He pulled a long slender box covered in red shiny paper from the inside pocket. He climbed back on the bed, spread Tilly’s legs and sat between them, facing her. “Merry Christmas, baby,” he said, handing her the box.
She sat up, moving to drape her legs over his thighs, as she reached for the box. She didn’t even know what it was, but coming from him, it was already her most favorite gift ever. Her fingers shook a little in excitement as she unwrapped the paper. “I have your gift,” she said, her focus on the long black velvet box she uncovered. Her eyes lifted to see him watching. “I don’t even care what it is. I love it already.”
“Open it,” Gage egged on as she stared at the box.
She lifted the lid, her eyes burned at the sight, her hand trembled as she reached out to touch it, almost reverently. A white gold bracelet with three hearts with a saying etched on each.
“Read them outloud,” Gage told her as he laid his hands on her thighs, watching her intently.
Talking past the lump of love was difficult, but she managed. “The grass is greener. The sun is brighter.” Her eyes lifted to him, tears filling them. “Flowers smell sweeter.” She couldn’t talk for a second, the emotion too much, and when she could, all she managed was “Can you put it on me?”
Gage held her eyes, “Absolutely.” He took the bracelet from her trembling fingers and locked it around her wrist, smiling as he did.
She held up her arm, looked at the delicate hearts, their words etching onto her heart. “It’s…” she bit down the emotion, looking back at Gage before she moved, climbing into his lap. Her hands moved to his shoulders, the light hitting off the bracelet. “I love it,” she whispered and kissed him. “It’s the best gift I’ve ever received.”
“You’re one of the best things to happen to me.” He whispered, his arms wrapping around her waist, the shift causing her to slide across his cock.
A moan pulled from Tilly’s throat, as she shifted her hips and rubbed against his cock. “You’re that for me, too, Gage,” she whispered, looking him in the eyes as she moved against his cock again.
Gage watched as the look behind Tilly’s eyes began to change. The sweet softness being replaced with want. “Put my cock inside you, baby,” he told her, his voice raspy, needy, as he moved his hands down to cup her ass, lifting her.
One hand gripped his shoulder as the other moved down between their bodies. Gripping his shaft, she centered it at her entrance. Holding his stare, she lowered herself onto his cock, a groan moving up her throat as he filled her. “I could stay right here forever.” She moaned as she settled fully on him.
Gage kissed Tilly’s chin and uttered, “Fuck, me too.”
Tilly lifted up, his cock sliding out of her, before she sank back down, harder, grinding into him. She didn’t kiss him, didn’t do more than look into those brown eyes as she rode his cock. His hold on her ass tightened as he moved into her rhythm. The only sounds were of their moans and of skin slapping against skin as she moved faster, her fingers digging into his shoulders as her orgasm crested. Her legs went weak as her orgasm faded everything away except for them, her feelings and their connection. Gage swiftly moved, bringing Tilly to her back as he stared into her eyes, holding contact with her glazed hazel eyes. Thrusting powerfully inside her, his own release edging. Not wanting to come, letting this moment last forever, he held it back. His movements faltered a bit, but he kept his drives inside her body steady as he told her right before seating himself deep and coming with a grunt. “I love you.”
She loved watching him come. She linked her feet behind his back, so he couldn’t move, letting her look her fill. “I love you.”
She lifted her arm again to see her bracelet. She didn’t want to ever take it off. It was them...so perfectly them. Her eyes met his. “I really do love it.”
His breath was heavy as he told her, “I’m glad, baby.” Then pressed a firm kiss to her lips. “Now, where’s my gift.” Gage teased.
“It’s in my bag.” Tilly offered. “But that would require you moving. I’m not a fan of that idea.”
“Fuck,” Gage grumbled. “Me either, but it’s gonna come out whether we want it to or not. So.” Gage shrugged his shoulders and moved off of Tilly, causing her to pout her lips.
Before she moved off the bed, she let her gaze linger on him, felt the familiar ache that never seem to be sated. She started off the bed, mumbling. “The things you ask of me.”
Gage chuckled as he watched her naked ass move across the room. “Go clean up first,” Gage told her as she was reaching into the bag.
She glanced at him from over her shoulder and grinned. “Yes, sir.”
“I’ll give you sir,” Gage told her, his voice deep and laced with sudden need.
Chills moved down Tilly at both his tone and the look in his eyes. Want moved through her. She didn’t hide her reaction before she slipped into the bathroom.
She wasn’t long. Gage had his back to the headboard, watching every step that Tilly made. Tilly reached for her bag and pulled out the silver square wrapped package with a big green bow. Turning, she noticed she had Gage’s attention. Her steps faltered at the knowledge that whenever they were together, she had his attention. She liked that...a lot. She crossed the room, climbed back on the bed and held his present out to him, their eyes locking. “Merry Christmas, Gage.”
Gage took the box from her, “Thank you.” He began to unwrap it, slowly, not wanting the moment to end. But soon, they’d be able to have the time to watch the simple things in life, like unwrapping presents. Gage tossed the paper to the side and lifted the top off the large black box. He peeked inside and saw nothing but green tissue paper. “I love it.” He teased.
Tilly watched him, as she chewed on her lip nervously and excitedly. She loved this man. Her life had been like a rollercoaster since he entered it, but what she felt for him was real and so fucking strong. What she had with Luke, that was her past. Her future was sitting right in front of her.
Gage lifted the paper out of the box, looked at what was inside, then back to Tilly. He rested the box on his lap and lifted the framed hand drawn image out of it. Looking closely, he read the words out loud that were placed throughout the Friendly Words game board. “Equate.” Following off the letter E, he read, “Love.” Built off of the L, “Lavender.” Connected to the E in Lavender was the word, “Flowers.” And Gage kept on, reading the words that were built off one another. “Sun, grass, Philly, rain, park, cherry.” He stopped reading the words when it all started sinking in. It was everything they experienced together over the months. “Till,” he whispered, his emotions sliding up his throat causing a lump in the back of it. “This.” His eyes lifted and connected with hers. “Fuck, this isn’t just a gift you pick up at a store, there’s thought, more than thought behind it. I fucking love it. Jesus,” He swallowed the lump and finished, “I love you.”
Tilly felt her own eyes burning watching his reaction. “I love you.” Her eyes moved to his gift before lifting to him again. “It’s the beginning of our story,” she whispered.
Gage glanced at the bracelet on her wrist before he looked back at her and smi
led. “Yeah, it is.”
_______________
Tilly shut off her engine, but she didn’t climb from her car. She was still wearing her bracelet, but as much as she wanted to keep it on, she didn’t see how she could and not stir interest. Unclipping it, she gently placed it back in its box. She’d kept the wrapping paper too. Sentimental, but it was her first Christmas gift from Gage. She tucked it into her purse.
Climbing from the car and walking around to the trunk, she pulled out the few bags she had. Guilt moved through her, having bags to keep up the illusion. It was deceitful. No other way to look at it, but soon, it would all be out and they wouldn’t have to sneak around.
She entered the house to the sound of the television. Dropping her keys on the counter, she walked into the living room. Ashley was on the floor, a gingerbread house in front of her that she was in the process of building. Icing was everywhere, including her hair. She looked up, relief in her expression.
“Thank God, you’re home. I’m screwing this up.”
Another pang of guilt hit. Her daughter was doing their tradition alone while she was off with another man. If she dwelled on it, she could make herself sick. She wasn’t going to do that. She was home now.
Justin was napping, his head back on the sofa, his phone in his hand. Luke was nowhere to be seen, which stirred anger. Even when he was home, he wasn’t spending time with his kids.
“Where’s Dad?”
“Upstairs, I think.”
Those nerves came back with force, her legs unsteady as she started for the stairs. Remembering the change in Luke, she wondered if he was upstairs rooting through her shit, looking for proof? She wouldn’t put it past him. How did he know? Candice was the only one who knew, but Candice wouldn’t betray her confidence.
Tilly reached their room, her hand shaking when she turned the knob. At the sight of Luke on their bed, his head down, her focus jerked to his hands expecting to see he’d found something, something she’d left behind, but in his hands was a picture, one she knew by the frame. Her heart twisted. It was her favorite picture of them, taken when neither knew, a candid shot of them looking at each other laughing...their love almost palpable. The reminder of who they had once been, it was like taking a hit from a careening ball, the memory of what they once shared, the love that had seemed never ending and undying, it almost knocked her to her knees. It was in no more than a rough whisper when she said, “Luke?”
“Where were you?” He asked, but there wasn’t any anger or even accusation.
Guilt lodged in her throat; she squeezed the words around it. “I told you. Last minute shopping.”
It was only then that he looked up at her, but his expression was not one she could read. Her heart was beating to the point of pain. Her purse grew suddenly heavier, the weight of her affair in the form of a bracelet weighing it down. “It’s Christmas Eve. You’re always home, whipping up cookies, arranging the gingerbread houses, preparing the pizza for dinner.”
She waited for the switch, for the anger and the accusation. Part of her wanted him to just come out with it, part of her wanted it to be done. She didn’t want to ruin the holidays, but it was one Christmas. They’d all get over it.
“I’ve taken you for granted.”
His words so softly spoken, she thought she’d misunderstood them.
“Ashley asked me to help her with the gingerbread house, and I didn’t even realize you made them. I thought you bought them.” He put the picture on the bed, stood, taking a deep inhale. “I work so hard, both love and hate my job...it keeps me from you. And I allowed that resentment to shift to you. But I realize that was wrong of me.” He held her gaze for a second before he added, “There’s so much you do around here that I never noticed.”
He moved toward her, and when he pulled her into his arms, she went stiff. It was too little, too late, but even as she thought that, the familiarity of his body, how she fit so perfectly to him. His scent, one she loved, had her inhaling deeply, remembering. In the early days of his job, she’d sleep on his pillow just so she could smell him. Her body relaxed, her head resting on his chest, the sound of his heart beating under her ear had tears burning her eyes. She squeezed them closed, the tears wetting her lashes.
His voice was low and deep, his arms tightening around her. “You always used to smile and laugh. God, I could watch you for hours, doing nothing more than moving around the kitchen. The sight of you hit me right in the chest.”
Tilly turned her head into his chest, her tears falling harder now. She remembered that. Remembered a time when she had been the center of his world. When he’d come home early from work and surprise her. The days when he had been spontaneous, fucking her whenever and wherever he could. How had she forgotten that?
“I miss you, Til. I miss you so fucking much,” he whispered.
He hadn’t called her Til in so long. She dropped the bags she was holding, her arms moving around him, holding him as tightly as he held her. Why now? Her heart was breaking. Why did he remember now when she’d found love in another? Her body started to shake, the sob ripping from her. Luke held her tighter, his hand moved up her back, palming the back of her head, holding her closer. “I have a lot to make up to you, but I will. Fuck, Til, I want us back.”
That only made her cry harder, because right then in that moment, there was a part of her that wanted that too.
He pulled back, framing her face with his hands. The memories were so thick, teary eyes looking into sad ones. “I made you cry.” He wiped the tears from her face. She saw the hunger, felt it too, when he lowered his head, brushed his lips over hers. His fingers tightened when he took the kiss deeper, her mouth opening, her tongue seeking his...remembering. He pulled his mouth from hers; she recognized the look. It had been a long time, but she remembered. “I’m going to help Ashley with her house.” He kissed her again, deeper in promise. “But later, I’m going to show you just how much I’ve missed you.”
He walked from the room, stopping at the door to glance back at her and smile. She dropped onto the bed and reached for the picture. She studied it, running her fingers over his image as she remembered. Her battered heart tore in two, a part wanting a future with Gage and a part longing for what she had with Luke. Seventeen years of marriage, nineteen years together. Saying goodbye to that was going to be hard.
She waited to hear Luke’s footsteps on the stairs before she pulled out her bracelet, opened the lid and lovingly ran her fingers over it. She once loved Luke, and if she was being honest, she still did, but it was Gage...a life with him that she wanted. Next year, things would be different, better for all of them. She’d make sure of it. Hiding her bracelet and wrappings in the back of her drawer, she dropped the bags in the dressing room before heading downstairs. She stopped at the base of the stairs and took in the scene. Luke had turned on Christmas music, the lights on the tree twinkling, the scent of the candles spicing the air. But what had her heart rolling in her chest was seeing Luke on the floor with Ashley. He’d only been there for a few minutes, but he was as covered in icing as she was. It was the smiles and the laughter that settled comfortably in her chest. Love. A kind of familiar love that wrapped around her like a blanket. She wiped at the tears that wet her cheek, pulling that blanket a little closer because it would be their last Christmas together.
With more joy in her voice than she felt, she called, “I’m starting the cookies.” Justin stirred from his sleep, as she knew he would. “I’m going to need taste testers.”
Not even sleep kept Justin from her cookie batter. “That’d be me!”
She memorized the scene to keep with her always. Next year, there would be other memorable scenes because life went on, even when it was rocked you and knocked you down, it continued on, and they would continue on with it.
That night, after the kids went to bed, Luke kept his promise. For the first time in a long time, it
wasn’t just sex, but love, in the way he touched her, kissed her, and even as her body found pleasure, her heart cracked because this was goodbye...to her past, to the life she knew. It hurt more than she expected.
_______________
Gage sat on the couch, his wife and daughter on the floor surrounded by ripped holiday wrapping paper. Velvet lying beside Heather’s bent leg, gnawing on a new chew toy. The girls were giggling at the same mug they had bought one another. Different in so many ways, but alike in others. He smiled, even though his heart felt heavy. This would be the last time they’d spend Christmas together. Neither knew that and that’s what hurt him the most. It’s as if he wanted to tell them. Hoping that maybe they’d soak up what he was trying to do. The fun. The laughter. The exchanging of gifts. The smell of homemade cinnamon bread baking in the oven. The… family togetherness. Because there wouldn’t be times like this anymore. The thought had his body growing cold. The two girls laughing were his life, always had been. How could he walk away? Like none of this existed. Jesus. His past, present and… no, his future was elsewhere. He was going to break them, and it would be his fault. He was willing to take on that burden for what stood on the other side.
“Dad,” Scarlett called, breaking him of his thoughts. When Gage brought his eyes to hers, she asked, “There’s snow, you ready?” A twinkle in her eye.
Gage shook the sadness and smiled, letting out a soft chuckle. “Yeah, sweetheart, I’m ready.”
He swallowed hard when Scarlett jumped up and ran up the stairs, shouting, “I’m gonna win this year.”
She was… because Gage was going to let her. His and Scarlett’s Christmas tradition, if the weather permitted, was building a tiny snowman village. And the hour time they gave the competition, Heather would take the bread from the over, butter three slices and bring them outside, each enjoying the goodness of it while she judged their villages. Again, Gage was going to ruin that for all of them.
As he pulled his coat on, his mind changed gears, thinking should he leave. Should he break up their family? Yeah, he loved Tilly, more than anything, but would he be able to force those feelings down so he wouldn’t ruin the lives of his family. But that wouldn’t be fair to them, only giving them enough of him to carry on day to day. Not to mention, the thought of never seeing Tilly again caused a pain to flow through his body, the aching enough to bring him to his knees.
