by E. L. Todd
“You do too.”
He kissed me on the forehead. “I’ll see you later. Tomorrow night is reserved for me. You got it?”
“And you can still come over tonight.”
“I assumed. I’m bringing some things over, extra clothes, a toothbrush, etc. Do you mind?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I’ll make you a drawer.”
“Thank you, baby.” He gave me a quick kiss on the lips then walked up the street. I watched him move down the sidewalk until the crowd blocked his beautiful form. I thought about our last kiss long after it was over. I had never been so happy in my life.
“Getting serious?”
I turned and saw my father unlocking the door. I blushed crimson red. “Uh, yeah.”
He smiled. “I’m happy for you, honey.”
I was still embarrassed. “Thanks.”
He opened the door and I followed him inside. “So, it’s safe to say you love him?”
I nodded. I’ve never talked about boys with my father before. I thought it would be weird but it wasn’t.
“I can tell he’s the one. I’ve never met a boyfriend of yours, Sadie.”
“He’s special.”
“I always thought Jared would get married first,” he said as he opened the cash register. “But I’m glad that I was wrong.”
I smiled. “We just started dating, Daddy. We’ll see how it goes.”
“But I already met the guy and I can see how much he cares for you. Time is irrelevant when it comes to love. It didn’t matter with me and your mother. She and I were married within a year of our meeting.”
My eyes softened. “What happened?”
He averted his gaze. “It just didn’t work out.”
I didn’t press him further. Neither one of my parents discussed their divorce. There was no fighting or yelling, as far as I could remember. It was so sudden and unexpected. Jared and I didn’t know what to think when it happened. It ended so quickly.
I checked the inventory for the store then moved some books around. I spent my afternoon working—thinking about Ethan—and working some more. A few customers came in but not as many as the day before.
I was disappointed that I had to have dinner with my brother. I wanted to spend the evening with Ethan—not Jared. But I knew I couldn’t bail on my brother. Even though things were awkward between us because of Ethan, I didn’t want to lose the relationship we had. We fought like crazy, but we loved each other just as much. I couldn’t live without my brother.
When I got off work, I went home and showered. I took Koku outside so he could do his business then returned to the apartment. Jared came by a few minutes later.
“Hey,” he said when I opened the door. He seemed to be in a good mood.
“So, Suzie is officially history?”
“Yes, thank god.”
“I’m happy for you.”
“I picked up some chick last night. I love being single again.”
I didn’t say anything. My brother and I were close, but not that close.
We left the apartment then walked down the street. Jared had a skip in his step and a smile on his face. I knew he hated Suzie but his upbeat personality was still surprising.
“Is there something else you’re happy about?”
“No,” he said quickly.
“So how was your day?”
“Pretty uneventful. Yours?”
“It was okay.”
“Was it slow?”
“A little.”
We arrived at the Italian restaurant and walked inside. Jared didn’t go to the podium but walked right into the line of tables. Confused, I followed him. When he stopped, I realized that Alex was sitting at a table—for two.
“Jared?”
He looked at his clock. “Damn, I have somewhere to be.”
My eyes lit up in flames. “This better be a fucking joke, Jared.”
He looked at Alex. “What a coincidence! Why don’t you two have dinner together?”
“I’m with Ethan—I made that clear.”
“Well, I have to go,” Jared said. He pulled out the chair then gestured for me to sit. “Come on.”
“This isn’t funny,” I said.
“And I wasn’t laughing.”
“No.”
“Sit,” he hissed.
“I love Ethan.”
“No, you don’t,” he snapped.
My brother grabbed my arm and pulled me into the chair. “Just share a meal with Alex. I’m not asking you to marry him.”
“Jared—”
“Just do this for me.”
I flinched at the command in his voice. I stared across the table and saw Alex looking back at me. He wore a beautiful suit, and there was a rose on the table. He was smiling at me. I felt nothing but guilt. I told Ethan that I was just having dinner with my brother—not Alex. I felt like a liar. “I have to go.”
Jared rested his hands on my shoulders. “It’s just a dinner between friends. Calm down.” He nodded to Alex. “Good luck.” My brother left the restaurant and walked out the door. I stared across the table at Alex awkwardly.
“How was your day?” he asked.
I averted my gaze. “Fine.”
He opened the menu and looked at the items. “They have a lot of good things here.”
I said nothing.
Alex stared at me. “You can calm down now.”
“I’m not interested in you, Alex. Please stop pressuring me.”
He sighed. “Be with me, Sadie. And this guy sounds like a womanizer. He’s trash. I actually care about you.”
“You don’t even know him.”
“Well, your brother does and he hates him. And he’s worked with him for two years. Do you really want to be with someone that your brother hates?”
“He’ll come around.”
“No, he won’t,” he said firmly. “Jared hates the guy. He’s determined to make you see things logically.”
I shook my head. “Stop this now.”
“No. I don’t want you to get hurt. I can give you everything you need.”
I felt my hands shake. “I don’t love you, Alex. I never will.”
My words stung him. He stared at me for a moment then averted his gaze. I could tell that he was wounded. “That’s because you’ve never given me a shot.”
“And I never will. I’m in love with someone else.”
“No, you aren’t.”
I felt my anger explode. “Stop telling me how I feel!”
The couple at the next table flinched at my words.
“What don’t you get?” I hissed. “I love Ethan. I love him, not you.” I stood up and marched away from the table. Alex followed me and I heard his footsteps behind me.
“Sadie.”
I continued to walk. I burst through the doors then walked up the street. I wanted to go home.
“Sadie!” He grabbed my arm and held me still. “Please stop running from me.”
“Then stop chasing me,” I snapped. I jerked my arm away and continued to walk away.
“Sadie, just give me a single date. I know you could fall for me.”
I ignored him. I didn’t know how much clearer I could make myself. Ethan was the one—it was him.
“Please don’t hate me. Jared wanted me to do this. I would never hurt you. You know that.”
I stopped and glared at him. “You’re being completely disrespectful to me and Ethan. I’ve known you for years and I’ve never expressed any interest in you. You’re hurting me by trying to manipulate and control me. I love Ethan. That’s it—end of story.” He stared into my eyes then sighed. He placed his hands in his pockets then looked past my shoulder. It seemed that I finally got through to him. When he stared into the distance, his eyes widened in surprise. “What?” I snapped.
A smile broke on his face. I didn’t like the look. He nodded over my shoulder. I turned around and felt my heart drop. Ethan walked out of a grocery store. He was holding a small chil
d in his arms, a young girl, and a beautiful woman walked beside him. She wore a wedding ring and smiled at Ethan affectionately. She held a small boy in her arms. Ethan took the bag of groceries from her hand and held it for her. It was obvious they were a family—Ethan was married.
I felt my heart fall out of my chest. Ethan told me he wasn’t a liar or a cheat, but he clearly was both. He had been lying to me this whole time, taking me as his innocent mistress. I tried to find a logical explanation for the sight before me but I couldn’t think of one. Without thinking, I started to follow them down the street. Alex walked beside me without speaking.
The child in Ethan’s arms giggled as he carried her. The woman walked close to Ethan and touched his shoulder with hers. When people passed, Ethan moved closer to her, protecting her against the strangers. I felt my heart break at the sight.
Tears poured down my face as I followed them. I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but I continued to trail them like a spy. Alex held my hand but I jerked it away. When we arrived at a small townhouse, Ethan put down the small child and inserted his key in the door. It was obvious that was their home.
“I’m tired,” the small girl said with a yawn.
“I’ll put you to bed in second, honey,” Ethan said as he got the door open. Ethan let his wife and kids walk inside first before he stepped through.
“Ethan!” I yelled. I don’t know why I did it. It just came out.
He stopped and looked at me. His face broke into panic when he saw the tears stream down my face. When he moved down the stairs, I turned on my heel and walked away. Alex walked beside me, placing his hand on my waist.
“Sadie!” Ethan screamed. He started to run after me.
I stepped toward the end of the sidewalk and waved down a cab. I knew I couldn’t outrun him.
“Sadie!” he yelled.
When he finally reached us, Alex punched him in the face as hard as he could. Ethan stumbled back and grabbed his nose. He was bleeding.
I jumped in the cab without looking back. Alex slid onto the seat next to me and slammed the door shut.
Ethan pounded on the window with his fist. “Sadie! Listen to me!”
“Drive!” I yelled.
The driver stepped on the gas and sped away. I let the tears fall down my face. I didn’t bother to wipe them away.
Alex placed his arm around my shoulder and held me to him. I didn’t want him to touch me but I was too depressed to care. “You wanna come back to my place?”
“No,” I snapped.
He fell silent.
The cab drove back to my apartment. When the car pulled over, I bolted out and walked inside. Alex walked beside me.
“Go home, Alex,” I snapped.
“I’m not leaving you when you’re like this.”
I glared at him. “Leave me the fuck alone.”
“At least let me walk you to your door.”
“Good night, Alex.”
Alex was smart enough not to follow me into the elevator. I came to my apartment then slammed the door behind me. I locked it then turned off all the lights. I grabbed Koku from the ground then carried him into my room. I got under the covers and held my little dog into my neck, weeping openly. I sobbed loudly and ran my fingers through Koku’s hair. He licked my tears away and whimpered next to me. Minutes later, I heard Ethan bang on my front door. I didn’t move. He continued to pound on the door for several minutes, calling for me. I still didn’t move. I grabbed my phone and turned it off before he called me. If he heard the phone, he would know I was in the apartment.
After half an hour, Ethan finally stopped trying to break down my door. I tried to sleep but I couldn’t. I just stared at the ceiling as the tears fell from my eyes. I felt so stupid for ever trusting Ethan. The man took my virginity and he didn’t even care about me. I had the worst taste in guys. I always fell for the heartbreakers. I really loved Ethan but my heart made stupid decisions. I was an idiot.
12
I called in sick to work the next day.
“What’s wrong?”
“Uh, I’m just under the weather.”
My dad was quiet for a moment. “Can I bring you something?”
“No, Daddy. But thank you.”
“Um, does Ethan know?”
I really didn’t want to hear his name. “Yeah.”
“Well, he’s standing outside, looking like someone just died.”
“Oh, he’s waiting for someone.”
“You?”
“No. Just ignore him.”
“Are you sure everything’s okay?”
I tried not to cry. “I’m fine, really.” I heard the familiar bell ring on the door. Then I heard my father speak in the background before he spoke into the phone.
“Uh, Ethan wants to talk to you.”
“Tell him I’m not feeling well.” I hung up.
I rolled on my side and tried to go to sleep. The reality of my life was too painful. My heart had never been shattered like this. I didn’t even know how to respond. I wasn’t hungry or thirsty. I had no desire to do anything. It was only a matter of time before Alex told my brother. I had a feeling Ethan would get his ass kicked at work. Good. He deserved it.
I finally showered then moved into the living room. When I tried to watch television, everything reminded me of Ethan. I tried to listen to music but the love songs just made me sad. I went back to my room and climbed into bed. Koku never left my side. I knew he was worried about me. He whimpered as he cuddled next to me. My dog was back to being the only man in my life. At least he wouldn’t hurt me. At some point, I fell asleep.
When I heard the pounding on the door, I woke up. I wasn’t sure who it was. It could be Ethan or my brother. I walked to the front door and saw Jared through the peephole. He looked desperate. His eyes were wide with panic.
“Sadie, please open the door,” he begged.
I sighed then unlocked it.
As soon as he saw me, he pulled me into a hug and held me tightly. He said nothing while he held me, which was a relief. I had nothing to say anyway. The tears started to fall from my eyes. My brother kissed my forehead and continued to hold me. I always felt safe with him. I knew he would never gloat about being right. And I knew he was genuinely sad that it hadn’t worked out with Ethan.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
I said nothing.
“Please tell me what I can do.”
“You’re already doing it.”
He ran his fingers through my hair while he held me. “It’s going to be okay, Sadie.”
“No, it isn’t.” I pulled away and wiped my tears. “I appreciate you checking on me, but I really want to be alone right now.”
“I can’t stand this.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Please let me stay.”
“You can’t help me this time, Jared.”
“I hate seeing you in pain.”
I smiled. “I’m sorry,” I whispered. “Did you talk to Ethan?”
His eyes turned angry. “That fucker isn’t worth my time.”
I nodded. “You’re right. He isn’t.”
“If he has the nerve to show up here, let me know, Sadie. Then I’ll beat the shit out of him.”
“I know.”
“Do you still want me to go?”
I nodded.
“I’m just a few stories up. Call me if you need me.”
“Okay.”
“I love you, Sadie.”
“I love you too.”
“This is killing me.”
“I know that too.”
He kissed me on the head before he disappeared into the hallway. I closed the door then locked it. All the lights were turned off so it looked like I wasn’t home. If Ethan came back, I wanted him to think I vacated the apartment. A few minutes later, I heard him pound on the door.
“Sadie! Talk to me!”
I sat on the couch and stared at the blank television screen.
“Sadie, it’
s not what you think. Give me a chance to explain myself.”
I walked into my bedroom and grabbed my ipod. I put the earphones on and listened to techno music—something without lyrics. His voice and the pounding on the door disappeared. My phone was off so he couldn’t call me. Koku nuzzled my neck as we lied on the bed. Somehow I fell asleep again. My dreams were of Ethan and they were painful. I just wished this agony would disappear. I wished I had never loved him. I wished this wasn’t happening.
The days passed in the same way. I told my dad I had a bad case of the flu and I wouldn’t be coming into the shop at all that week. He seemed worried.
“Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Yeah,” I said, coughing into the phone. “I just need to rest.”
“Okay.”
“I’ll talk to you later.”
“Sadie?”
“Hmm?”
“Why does Ethan come here every morning?”
“Uh, I don’t know.”
“Is everything okay between you two?”
“Yeah.” I hung up on my dad. I felt guilty for being rude but I couldn’t talk about Ethan right then.
The week passed by like a blur. Ethan came to my apartment every day and hammered on the door. Every time he did this, I turned on my ipod and ignored him. I knew he would give up eventually. He had a wife and kids to worry about, not his mistress.
Jared brought me groceries and tried to cook me dinner, but I just told him to leave. I still didn’t want to be around anyone. Only a week had passed, but I felt sickly thin. I hadn’t been eating anything. I just didn’t have an appetite. I always felt nauseated. Every time I thought about Ethan, I felt like throwing up.
Alex came by a few times but I ignored him too. Even though Ethan and I broke up, I was still pissed at Alex for trying to manipulate me into being with him. I didn’t care how much he claimed to love me. He put his needs before my own. How could I ever be with someone who was so selfish? But then again, what did I know? I always had feelings for shitty guys—the worst kind. And I let one of them take my virginity. I would have to live with that for the rest of my life—my worst mistake.
I finally decided to go back to work the following week. I could only act sick for so long. I showered and dressed myself and forced my body to leave the apartment and my beloved Koku. I wanted to stay with my little dog all day. He was my safe haven. When I walked up the sidewalk, I saw Ethan standing outside, just like he did every day. I really didn’t want to see him or talk to him. The last thing I wanted to do was fight in front of my dad. When Ethan saw me, his eyes widened.
