by A. M. Myers
My eyes burn with unshed tears, pissing me off, and I sink my teeth into my bottom lip to keep it from wobbling as I struggle to keep a grip on my emotions, dropping my gaze to the floor. Agony rips through my chest like a wildfire, leaving nothing but charred flesh in its wake as I flash back to the fear I felt as I ran down that alley with Luca on my heels. The comfortable numbness I was settled into when I first arrived at the emergency room is quickly fading, letting everything else in and it’s beginning to swallow me whole.
“Thank you,” I whisper, my voice hoarse with the onslaught of emotions I’m struggling to hold back.
“Feel better, hon.”
I simply nod, unable to say anything else. My throat is tight with the tears I’ve been holding back for way too long and the only thing she can do to help me now is leave. I rub my hand up my arm and down again, the soft sweater the hospital provided me with after the paramedics had to cut my flowy tank top off sends goose bumps racing across my flesh and my muscles twitch with the need to leave this place. I need somewhere familiar, somewhere safe.
“Do you have a ride home?”
Shit.
No, I don’t.
When I collapsed on the sidewalk outside of the restaurant, the guys called an ambulance for me and sat with me as I faded in and out of consciousness. My next clear memory is being loaded onto a stretcher by two paramedics and rushed off to the hospital so my car is still back at the scene. I have no way home. Thoughts of crawling into my bed and bawling my eyes out until I fall asleep fill my mind and I clear my throat as the tears threaten to fall again.
I have to get out of this place.
“Yeah, I do,” I lie, refusing to meet her eyes. I have no idea what I’m going to do but the one thing I know, for sure, is that I will figure it out. And I will not break down here, surrounded by people. She gives my shoulder another squeeze and I look up, hating the compassion shining in her eyes as she studies me.
God, just stop.
I feel like a fucking lab rat in here, with everyone watching me and waiting for me to show some kind of emotion to the trauma I’ve experienced but I refuse. My strength may be waning but I have just enough to keep myself together until I’m alone and I can let it all out. Finally, she nods, accepting my answer and I release a breath.
“Come on. I’ll walk out with you,” she tells me, extending her arm so I can support myself to slide off the table and I shake my head.
“That’s okay. I can make it on my own.”
Glancing up, I meet her gaze and she looks like she wants to argue with me about it but she doesn’t, nodding, and taking a step back from the exam table.
“If you need a moment, you can hang out here for a little bit and if you need anything else, I’ll be out at the nurses’ station.”
Okay, lady.
I get it.
I nod, staring at the pattern of the tile floor as I silently scream at her to just leave me the fuck alone and she sighs, shifting her weight from one foot to the other before she turns and walks out of the room. The soft click of the door closing hits me like a sledgehammer and I release a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. My knuckles ache as I grip the exam table beneath me and struggle to lock down my emotions. Dragging air into my lungs, I push all thoughts of this evening from my mind and focus on my mission - get out of this hospital and get somewhere safe. It takes a few seconds but I manage to school my features and bite back the tears for the time being but I know it won’t last so I need to get out of here. Clutching my shredded tank top to my chest, I slip off of the table and wince when pain shoots through me.
Fuck.
For the most part, I made it out of the whole ordeal with minor injuries but being slammed to the ground by a man twice my size doesn’t feel good. Not to mention, the nice long slash he left on my chest when he tried to cut my throat. It required fifteen stitches and hurts like a son of a bitch. Schooling my features, I tilt my head up, determined to walk out of here like the badass I know I am instead of the scared little girl that’s been showing herself ever since I walked into that alley.
As I stroll out of the exam room like I don’t have a care in the world, I throw all my energy into looking strong and holding myself together for as long as possible, striding toward the exit with determination. The emergency room is fairly busy tonight so most of the patients and staff ignore me altogether, something I’m eternally grateful for but when I pass the nurses’ station, Katie looks up and gives me that sympathetic smile again.
Jesus.
She needs to stop.
I am three seconds away from going off on her and telling her that it’s not actually all that comforting, despite her efforts, and she needs to cut it the fuck out. But I know it’s not her fault and I’m sure that some of the other, more well-adjusted patients find her smile as heartwarming as she thinks it is. I press my lips together tighter, keeping my gaze focused on the exit in front of me. Just a few more seconds and I will be out in the fresh air, where I can think and come up with a plan. My thoughts drift back to the alley, remembering the expression on Luca’s face just before I reached safety, the implicit threat shining in his determined stare and my hands begin to shake.
He’s going to come after me.
There isn’t a single doubt in my mind of that and every instinct I have is screaming at me to run, as far and as fast as I can, but where do I go and who do I turn to?
Slipping out of the hospital, I take a deep breath and wait for the relief to rush through me but it doesn’t come. Every cell in my body is strung just as tight as it was inside, waiting for the first thread to snap and I know, once it does, I am going to self-destruct. Metaphorically, of course. An ambulance races toward me and images of the two paramedics standing over me flash through my mind, their gloved hands covered in my blood and their brows furrowed with concentration. My lip trembles and I turn away from them as one paramedic jumps out of the driver’s seat before rushing around to the back of the vehicle to help his partner with their patient as more flashes of memories assault me. Without any instruction from me, my feet begin moving, carrying me away from the hospital doors as the whole night replays itself in my head. I remember how good I felt at work, dishing out advice to Marie and telling off John and I shake my head. Everything went to shit so damn fast and I still can’t wrap my mind around it all.
When I get further away from the hospital doors, the sidewalk begins to curve out to the street and I spot a bench in a cute little flower bed and sit down, sucking in a breath and pushing the memories of this evening away again. I’m still here, out in the open so I can’t fall apart yet, no matter how much I may want to. I need to think, come up with a plan.
Where can I go?
I could call Ria but based on what I saw tonight and the implication of what I witnessed, I’m not sure anywhere is safe. Besides, I can’t put my sister or her three kids in danger like that just because I was an idiot. Blowing out a breath, I pull my phone out of my pocket and unlock it. There is a text from my best friend, Ali, from earlier in the night that I missed and I pause, my thumb hovering over the screen. Ali’s husband, Logan - or Storm as he’s known by his MC brothers - is the President of the Bayou Devils MC and they have a compound on the outskirts of town where they all live. It’s massive and surrounded by a huge wall which means it’s the one place I might be safe. Tapping her message, I hit reply before even reading what she sent me.
Me:
911
Ali and I have been friends for fourteen years now and back when she was single, we came up with this system to look out for each other while we were going out on dates. Normally, it just required coming up with a legitimate excuse to get us out of whatever awful date we were enduring but in all that time, I’ve never used the 911 text on her. I’ve never had to since I’m not nice enough to put up with the bullshit my well-meaning besties will but tonight, I truly need her in a way we hoped would never become reality. My phone rings, snapping me out of my though
ts as Ali’s photo pops up onto the screen and I breathe a sigh of relief as I answer it.
“Where are you?” she demands before I can say anything and I close my eyes, trying not to cry at the urgency in her voice. I don’t have to say anything or explain the situation because she already knows that for me to send this text, it has to be bad.
“Baton Rouge General.”
She sucks in a breath. “Are you okay?”
“Yes… and no…” My lip wobbles and I ball my fist, dropping my head back as I try to keep the tears at bay.
“We’re coming. Just hang on for me, babe,” she says and it feels like my chest is being ripped open. Ali loves fiercely, with her whole damn heart, and I know she would do absolutely anything for me but I don’t like leaning on other people. I don’t like being dependent on someone else for anything because so many times in my life, the person I thought would catch me, let me fall instead. But it hits me in this moment that Ali and her family - hell, the whole damn club - has become a second family to me over the years. I don’t ever have to worry if they will be there to catch me because each one of them would fall on the sword themselves before ever letting it touch me or anyone else they love. “Talk to me, Iz.”
I shake my head. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can,” she answers, her tone telling me she’s not willing to back down and I will tell them everything but I can’t do it here. “What happened?”
Her command urges me on despite the fact that I don’t want to go over the details yet but as I open my mouth to try and find a way to explain everything, the words get stuck in my throat and even if I could force them out, I wouldn’t even know where to start so I give into the silence, letting it tell her how bad things are.
“Carly and Chance just got here to watch the kids so we’re getting in the car now,” she informs me and the relief rushes through me again. “And you know how Logan drives so we’ll be there in like five minutes.”
I smile despite everything that has happened this evening because she’s not lying. Her husband, when he sets his mind to something, is single-minded and nothing will stand in his way. They only live about ten minutes from the hospital and traffic should be light since it’s half past midnight but even if it was rush hour, I have no doubt he would find a way to plow through every last car on the road to come to my rescue. Part of me is desperate for them to arrive but the other part is horrified at the realization that I can’t hide anymore. When they get here, they are going to want answers and I have no other choice but tell them everything.
Reaching into the pocket of my sweater, I pull out the photo the doctor gave me after the sonogram they did just before releasing me and tears well up in my eyes again as I stare down at my sweet baby. Through the fog of unconsciousness and the haze of fear, the clearest thoughts I had while they were loading me into the ambulance and bringing me to the hospital were of my baby. And while I laid on that exam table and waited what felt like hours for the doctor to come in and check me over, I thought about all of the mistakes I’ve already made in this baby’s life…
“Almost there, Iz. You still with me?” Ali asks, snapping me out of my thoughts and I nod, tucking the photo back into my sweater and closing my eyes as I wipe the stray tear from my face.
“Yeah.”
“You ready to tell me what happened yet?”
“Just leave her be, Kitten,” her husband growls in the background. “We’ll be there in two fucking minutes.”
Blowing out a breath, I shake my head and wipe another tear from my cheek as I look out at the street, searching for their truck and trying to get a grip.
“You’d better watch your damn tone with me, Logan. I swear to God, I will kick your ass,” she fires back and I laugh through the tears that are getting harder and harder to stop.
Jesus.
Snap out of it, Izzy.
“We just pulled onto the street, babe, and I can see the hospital up ahead. Where are you at?”
I look up and spot headlights at the end of the street, racing toward me and I clear my throat and ball up my shaking fist like maybe that will help me control my emotions. “Sitting on a bench out front, just past the doors.”
Logan’s truck whips into the circular drop-off area and he drives right past the doors, his brakes squealing a little as he stops at the curb in front of me. I hang up the phone but before I can even stand, the passenger door opens and Ali jumps out, charging toward me with a look on her face I know all too well.
“Gently,” I warn her, holding my hand up to stop her before she tackles me into a hug that might just kill me if how sore I am now is any indication. She stops in front of me and stares at my face with wide, horrified eyes and her mouth hanging open. Not that I can blame her. After the doctor was done checking me over and gave me the hoodie to change into, I stared at my face in the bathroom mirror for a long time, the physical evidence of what I have been through tonight punching me in the gut. It’s nothing that will kill me or scar me for life but I do have a nasty bruise on the side of my face where it hit the pavement when Luca tackled me and my body is riddled with tiny little scrapes and cuts from the struggle in addition to the large cut across my chest.
“Izzy,” she whispers, her voice void of any of the bravado she had on the phone and my eyes water again. “What happened?”
I shake my head. “Not here, Ali.”
“Fine,” she sighs, scanning my face. “Is this the worst of it?”
I shake my head and pull the neck of the sweater back enough that she can see the large white bandage covering the cut on my chest and her eyes widen even further.
“Jesus Christ.”
“Who did this to you, Izzy?” Logan asks, leaning back against his truck with his arms crossed over his chest. His brows are furrowed and his nostrils flare as he clenches his jaw, fury lighting up his eyes. I never would have guessed when Ali first met Logan six years ago, that he would become like a brother to me but looking at him now, I know if he finds Luca, he might just put him in the ground.
“Logan, let’s get her home and then we can talk,” Ali cuts in before I can respond to his question and Luca’s face flashes through my mind as I shake my head.
“I… I don’t think I can go home.”
Ali whips around to face me again, her brow arched in question but one look at me and her face crumples. She closes the distance between us, pulling me into her arms as gently as she can but my whole body still jerks with the pain that radiates through me at the contact.
“Shit, babe,” she hisses. “Sorry.”
She tries to pull away, to give me some relief, but the events of the evening slam into me, hitting me with the force of an explosion and I grip the back of her shirt in my fist, unable to let her go. The comfort I’ve been desperate for all night surrounds me and every single defense I’ve been clinging to in order to hold myself together begins to crumble at my feet. A sob rips through me as I remember watching Luca’s friend, Gio, as he sank the knife into the other man’s chest and I bury my face in her shoulder as the tears begin to fall.
There is a moment of shock but it evaporates quickly and Ali wraps her arms around me again, holding me as the tears fall unchecked and the events of the evening race through my mind. The image of Luca slamming into my back and knocking me to the ground play out in my memory like a video reel and my body aches as I remember the impact of falling to the ground. The physical pain was one thing but I knew as soon as I hit the concrete that I had landed right on my belly and my thoughts warred between worrying over my little peanut and fighting for my life. For so long, I wasn’t sure if I wanted this baby and tonight, when I thought I lost the precious little life inside me, nothing else mattered. The seventy-six minutes between when I fell to the ground and the doctor assured me everything was okay will haunt me forever and I wasn’t truly okay until I heard the galloping hooves of its little heartbeat on the ultrasound machine.
Even then, I didn’t let myself feel that relie
f because I refused to break down there, in the hospital but it all rushes in now, dragging another sob from my body as I cling to my best friend. I can’t help thinking about all the things I would have missed if tonight had cost my baby its life. Squeezing my eyes shut, I promise my child that I will never take anything for granted again because I know now how quickly it can all go away. Ali continues holding me as I cry and her own tears drip onto my shoulder, slower than mine, but still just as strong. She may be one of my best friends but she’s never seen me quite like this and I can’t imagine what she’s thinking.
“Ali, let’s get her in the truck,” Logan suggests and I pull back just enough to look up at him as he scans the parking lot across the street. The hair on my arm stands on end. God, he’s right - Luca could be out there right now and I’m just standing out in the open, crying my fucking eyes out. Ali nods and releases me, cupping my cheek and pulling my gaze back to her.
“You’re staying with us tonight and we’ll get all this figured out, okay?”
I nod. There is no way in hell I am going to argue with her, especially when it might be the one place I’ll be the safest. Logan opens the back passenger side door as Ali throws her arm around my shoulders and guides me over to the truck. I wipe the tears from my cheeks. After climbing in the back seat, I peek down at her and my chest aches at the heartbreak in her eyes but she flashes me a watery smile.
“It’s going to be okay, Iz. Whatever happened, we’ll figure it out, okay?”
I nod, wrapping my arms around myself as I settle back into my seat and turn toward the windshield as she shuts the door. Logan calls her name and she joins him on the sidewalk. As soon as she’s away from the vehicle, her head drops and her shoulders shake, revealing the state I’ve left her in. The ache in my chest intensifies. Logan pulls her into his arms, one hand delving into her hair and supporting the back of her head as he presses his lips to her forehead and whispers something to her. She nods and says something in response. I can’t hear what they’re talking about but it’s not hard to guess that I’ve scared the shit out of both of them tonight.
