I got to work right before lunch so while everyone else was on their break, I used the quiet time to get stuff filed away and new charts made. Jessica gave me a questioning look and I assured her I was fine, but I wasn’t sure she believed I had a headache.
After I was done for the day, I went to Jonah’s to pick up Alex. When I got there, they were in Jonah’s office. Jonah was typing away on his laptop and Alex was coloring. “Hey guys.”
“Mommy!” My little man jumped at me and I caught him, hugging him close.
After kissing his cheek, I set him down on his feet. Jessica came in a moment later and after greetings were exchanged, Jonah looked at Jessica. “Baby, why don’t you get Alex a snack while I talk to Rip?”
Jessica looked between us. “Everything okay?”
I looked at her and shrugged. “As far as I know.” She grabbed Alex’s hand then they disappeared out into the hall, and my pulse sped up as I turned back to Jonah. “What’s up?”
“Have you decided when you’re going to tell Brock about Alex?” Ugh. Why did he have to bring that up?
“No I haven’t. I don’t even know what to say to him.” My eyes filled with tears as the memories, foggy though they were, came back to me. My stomach started to turn as they assailed me.
“Hey, I’m sorry for bringing it up.” Jonah appeared in front of me, guilt written all over his face.
Shaking my head, I looked up at him. “No, it’s okay. I know I should tell him, regardless of what happens with him, but how do I do it? You know what it’s going to do to him when he finds out. I just don’t know if I’m ready to go back there again.”
“Do you want me to be there when you talk to him? I can be, you know that.” Jonah reached out and pulled me into a hug.
Of course he’d offer to do something like that. “No, I should probably do it alone, but thank you. Do you think maybe Saturday you could keep Jonah? Maybe I’ll make him dinner before I drop a huge bomb on him.” I shook off the nerves that immediately hit me. “Enough of that talk. The wedding is two weeks from Saturday. Are you ready?”
“Yeah I can’t wait. Keeping Alex on Saturday will actually be great because we have to go do our final fitting for the tuxes.” I can’t wait to see my baby boy in a big boy tux. “Jess is excited for the bachelorette party. I appreciate you helping her maid of honor throw it.”
“I’m happy to do it, plus you guys are golfing, and we know golf clubs and I don’t mix.” He tried to teach me to golf once, and I did so terribly that I threw my club into the pond.
“Yeah, you still owe me a club.” He chuckled. I went to leave his office but he stopped me with a hand on my arm. “In all seriousness, we’ll keep Alex, and if you want me there when you talk to him, I’ll be there.”
“I know you would, but I should be a big girl and do it myself.”
We took our leave shortly after, headed home, and went through our normal nightly routine.
Now I’m in bed, and I’m having trouble finding sleep. I hated not seeing Brock this evening, but he did text me and said he was taking his mom to dinner and a movie. When I asked him over for dinner Saturday, he immediately said yes. Right before I drift off to sleep, I say a little prayer that once Saturday happens, we will be able to move on.
19
BROCK
I hop out of my truck and make my way up to my mom’s front door. When I reach it, the door opens, and I’m greeted by my mom’s beautiful smile. She pulls me into a hug, squeezing me tight. “Hi my handsome son, how are you?”
“I’m good. Any thoughts on where you want to go eat?” I follow her inside and can see she’s got her place decorated with fresh flowers and candles. The floral scent is welcoming and calming. “The place looks great.”
She glows with pride and it makes me feel so good. Since I’ve been home, it’s been like getting to know her again. She’s still the same mom, but she’s confident now and smiles non-stop. “Thank you, baby. Cheryl lets us take home the older flowers for free, and I’ve always loved candles but he never let me burn them because they gave him a headache.”
Of course he didn’t, because my father was a prick and he hated my mom having anything she loved. Now, she may have gone a little overboard, but that’s okay because she can do what she wants. My mom grabs her purse and then comes toward me. “How about China Wall? Some crab rangoon sounds really good. Is that okay?”
“Sounds great.” We make our way across town and pull into the parking lot of the restaurant. I tell my mom to wait and come around to help her down. Inside, they sit us by the window, and my mom orders hot tea while I just ask for water.
“You don’t drink, do you?” My mom’s question throws me off—I never realized she noticed that.
“No. I guess a part of me was always afraid I’d become just like him.”
She grabs my hands from across the table. “Honestly, honey, you are nothing like him, and he started getting mean before the alcohol fueled it.” Our waiter interrupts us and we order our food, then my mom turns back to me. “You’re a lot like your granddad and my brother Jacob. I’ll show you some pictures when we get back to my house. “
I take a sip from my water. “Why haven’t you ever shared pictures of him?”
“Your dad and Uncle Jacob were best friends since they were young boys, and he never got over that loss. I’d try to talk about my brother, to share pictures of the three of us or of them, but he’d just shut down and tell me to put them away. I’ve kept them locked away for so long, but I’d be happy to share them with you.”
Our waitress brings our food out and we both dig in with gusto. I missed my mom a lot when I left, even though she was a shell of what she is now. Her strength is inspiring. After we eat, we head to the movies to see the new Will Farrell comedy—it was either that or a chick flick I’d run through traffic naked before watching.
The movie is funny and once it’s over, we head back to my mom’s place. She brings out a photo album and we start looking through pictures together. My mom is quite the storyteller and I love listening to the hijinks she and her brother got into. We get to pictures that include my dad, and I’m a little stunned to see him so happy and smiling. I definitely don’t look like him, though there is something familiar when I look at my father as a young man. I definitely look a lot like my mom and Uncle Jacob.
After we finish looking at pictures, we sit back and just talk.
“Do you know what you’re going to do? Re-enlist? Come back here?”
“I don’t think I’m going to re-enlist, but I’m not sure what I want to do yet. If I come back here, I’m going to try to get a job, though I’m not sure what I’d enjoy or be good at. Tomorrow I’m meeting up with Cale.” I sucked it up yesterday and called where he worked; he was surprised and shocked to hear from me, but was agreeable to meeting for lunch.
“You are? That’s great. I’m sure you’ll have plenty to catch up on.” I take my leave shortly after. There is nothing I want more than to go to Ripley’s, but at this hour, Alex is probably asleep, and hell, she could be too. Saturday night can’t come soon enough; I need to spend as much time with her as I can. Why does it hurt to think about leaving her, leaving that little boy? Why does it also scare me to stay?
I stop my truck and realize I’m in front of my childhood home, the home of my nightmares and home to the devil. An uneasy feeling slithers across my skin as I see a shadowy figure move behind the curtains. I want more than anything to walk into the house and give that man the beating he deserves, but I don’t, because if I do, I’m no better than him. I’m better than that…I hope.
I pull away and head back to my grandparents’ house.
The next day, I pull into the parking lot of Arthur’s Deli and spot Cale climbing out of a black Ford Focus. He looks just like he did in high school except his hair is shaved closed to his scalp. “Brock James, the Marines look good on you. How are you?” We exchange a back-slapping hug.
“I’m good man. Let’s
get some grub and catch up.” We order sandwiches, grab our chips and drinks, and sit in a booth in the corner. “So what made you decide to be a drug counselor?”
He wipes his mouth off with his napkin. “Honestly, during college I had a roommate who overdosed. Between that and seeing too many people affected by that poison, I decided I would do my damnedest to help others beat that shit. It’s hard because you have those who don’t really want help. Then there are others who tell you what you want to hear and try to manipulate you, and then there’s that smallest amount who actually want help to beat their addiction. What about you? What do you do in the service?”
“Scout sniper.” His eyes widen, but thankfully he doesn’t bombard me with questions. It’s morbid curiosity that causes people to ask questions that are uncomfortable to answer. It’s always Did you kill anyone? Have you ever been shot? Blah, blah, blah.
“Wow. Where are you stationed?”
“Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. I’m actually due to either re-enlist or discharge since my six-year contract is up, and I honestly think I’m done.”
“Have you seen or talked to Ripley since you’ve been home?”
“I’ve actually seen her a lot, her and her son, Alex—have you met him?” I take a bite of my sandwich.
He leans forward. “I haven’t talked to Rip in five and a half years. I just couldn’t believe she could befriend that son-of-a-bitch Jonah. My mom said she’s still friends with him. Fuck man, it was his fault she got hurt. It was his fault you left. Hell, even Kat quit talking to her because of him—Kat quit talking to everyone.”
“Jonah’s made amends for what he did and he’s been there for Ripley a lot. He regrets that shit a lot. There’s no use making him pay over and over for something he still punishes himself for.” I take a drink of my pop. “Tell me about that night after I left.”
“No, you don’t want to hear that,” Cale says, shaking his head.
“No, I really do. Please, I need to know what all went down.”
Cale sighs. “Okay, but just know, I didn’t want to tell you this. After you took off, someone called 911, and when the ambulance got there, she still hadn’t woken up. Jonah wouldn’t leave her side even though I tried to get him away. She was awake by the time we got to the emergency room, and Ripley was crying and being combative because she wanted you. The hospital called the cops, but we all told them it was an accident and even Ripley refused to file charges.”
My stomach turns as I listen to him tell me about Ripley’s eye being swollen shut and her fractured eye socket, that she had to have surgery to have it fixed and even wore a patch. Just hearing all of it makes me realize I shouldn’t come back once I leave, and convinces me I should cut all ties with Ripley and Alex, no matter how much the thought of doing that kills me. It’s for their own good. It’ll be best to just do it quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid.
Fuck, my head is all muddled. I just want to rewind time and go back to that night and change everything, but I can’t. The future is so uncertain right now.
“Are you okay?” Cale’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. “You’re kind of pale.”
“Yeah I’m fine. It’s just a lot to take in. You know, at first I stayed away because I was ashamed about what happened, and then I just kept staying away because I figured it was best for everyone if I did.” I take a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“Sometimes we can’t let go of the past. Sometimes it has such a tight hold on us that the only thing we can do is step back and hope we gain some perspective. You are not your dad. You’d be surprised how many people I’ve seen who have been raised in the same type of environment as you and then turn around and become addicts and abusers themselves. Instead, you did something positive. Be proud of the fact that you broke the cycle, because lord knows it’s not easy to do.”
We talk a little while longer before he needs to head back to the hospital he works at for a meeting. I get his phone number and he gets mine, and we make plans to talk before I leave. He’s definitely got me feeling better about things, and now I know not to make any rash decisions.
I’ll have dinner with Ripley on Saturday. We’ll talk about things and see where we’re both at, and I hope it’s on the same page, or at the very least, in the same book.
I pull into the parking lot of Starbucks and see Kat sitting by the door. Ripley knew where Kat worked so I called the office and they told me I’d find her here. I’m not sure why I’m here, but Kat used to be Ripley’s best friend, was practically her sister. Maybe I just want to find out the why and maybe fix it for Ripley. Hell, Kat was the one that introduced us. I head inside, go to the counter, and order an Americano. Kat didn’t see me come in, so when I grab my coffee, I head right toward her.
“Hey stranger.”
Her head shoots up and her eyes widen when she sees me. “Brock? Wow, how are you?” She stands up and gives me an awkward hug.
I take the seat across from her and take a sip of my drink. “I’m good, just home to help my mom get settled at her new place.”
“She finally left your dad.” Her voice is quiet, and I know she knew about the abuse. It wasn’t like it was some huge secret or anything.
“Yeah, a few months ago. It’s weird seeing her so happy, but I love it. What about you? What are you doing with yourself?”
“I’m a CPA. Not the most glamorous of jobs, but I’ve always loved numbers. I saw you and Ripley together at Exotic Thai—what’s up with that?” She crosses her arms across her chest.
“We’ve been talking and hanging out.” I take another sip of my drink. “What happened between you two? You were as close as sisters.”
“I don’t want to talk about her.”
“You brought her up. It can’t be because she’s friends with Jonah. From what I’ve heard, he has made amends. He loves her and her son. It’s been six years, Kat—why hold a grudge because of that?”
She leans forward. “Cale and I are the only ones who stood by her after everything happened. People just didn’t know what to say or do, so they shut her out. I went away to school, and so did she. I’m not sure if you heard, but she was a hot mess and flunked out. Every time I tried to reach out, she was too busy or with Jonah. I was tired of being second best. Maybe it sounds stupid, but she cast me aside like our friendship meant nothing.”
“I don’t think that’s what she intended. I know I messed her up by taking off, and that’s on me. Do I like that Jonah was there for her? No, but I’m glad she wasn’t alone. I’m sorry it wasn’t you she turned to, but it probably needed to be Jonah since he was the catalyst for everything.” I lean forward. “She’s got a child, a beautiful little boy, and you should know him. You should see her with him. She’s an amazing mother.”
“I’ve seen him. He looks just like her. I thought he was yours, you know.” Why does everyone have to remind me that he’s not?
“Everyone did, but the timing wasn’t right. I wish like fuck he was.”
“You’re still in love with her.” I nod because I can’t lie, not about that. “I can tell. You never really could hide your feelings for her.”
“I’m not here to tell you what to do, and honestly I hadn’t thought about it until I saw Cale yesterday.” I don’t miss the hurt that flashes in her eyes. “Just promise me you’ll think about reaching out to her. Maybe if you talked to her, you guys could heal that breach.”
She doesn’t answer me, just finishes her drink and grabs her purse. “I should hate you for leaving. I don’t know why you did, and it’s not my business—I’m sure you had your reasons. Despite all that, it’s good to see you back and in one piece.” She surprises me when she stands up and gives me a hug. “Take care, Brock.”
She disappears out the door and around the side of the building. I finish my coffee and then head out to my truck to go back to my grandparents’.
20
RIPLEY
I move up and down the aisles of the grocery store, getting all the
ingredients for the baked ziti I’m making tonight for Brock. For his seventeenth birthday, we had him and his mom over for dinner, and I made ziti and homemade garlic bread. He absolutely loved it, and I ended up making it for him quite a few times.
Last night, Alex helped me make an apple pie, which is also one of Brock’s favorites. I’m totally plying him with his favorite foods before I destroy any chance of us having a happily ever after. That, of course, is the worst-case scenario. My stomach has been on fire since last night as I think about it and how I’m going to tell him.
The story of Alex is one that starts out like a nightmare, but the end result—my son—makes it a happy ending. I went through so much and struggled with every decision I made. I’ve got no regrets now, and no matter what, my son will always know how much I love him, and that everything I do, I do for us.
Jessica picked Alex up right before I left, and my child is getting spoiled. She told me they were taking him to a movie, to that damn place with the talking mouse that I hate, and then I’m sure they’ll buy him a toy because they do every time. I hope they know that what goes around comes around, and when they have their first baby, I plan on spoiling it completely rotten.
I get in line at the checkout and unload my groceries. After I pay, I take my bags out to my car and load them up. On my way home, I drive through my favorite coffee shop and grab a skinny vanilla latte.
My plan once I get home is to prep dinner and stick it in the refrigerator, straighten up the house, and then start to get ready. Once I’m home, I unload all the groceries and then get to cooking.
I’m just sticking dinner in the refrigerator when there is a knock at my back door. Fuck, I think to myself. I know who that is and I don’t want to deal with him right now, but he’ll keep knocking until I answer. Before I do, I grab my can of pepper spray out of the junk drawer. Am I worried about him? Not really, but I’m not taking any chances. I stick it in my back pocket so he can’t see it then push open the door. “Hey Tim.”
Then There Was You: A Single Parent Collection Page 50
