It’s not good to lie, but wouldn’t it do more harm to tell him the truth? In reality, the only thing he needs to know is that I love him more than anything and he’s got a family that loves him too.
“Baby, are you getting hungry for dinner? Mommy will make your favorite if you want.” This kid could eat his weight in chicken nuggets easily.
“Can we have mac and cheese too?”
I place my lips on the top of his head, inhaling the scent of his shampoo. “We sure can. Lift up, baby, and I’ll go get it started.” He sits up and I give him a big hug, squeezing him tight before I stand up and head into the kitchen. My phone pings and I can’t help but rush toward it, then am filled with disappointment when I see that it’s Jessica, not Brock.
Jessica: Hey girl! Have you heard from him?
Ripley: No ☹
Jessica: Jonah is threatening to go kick his ass for you, just FYI.
Of course he is, but damn, it’s time to stop involving everyone else in my life. They’ve done so much; when are they going to say enough is enough and cut ties with us? What if all my drama drove a wedge between Jess and Jonah? I’d never forgive myself.
Ripley: Please tell him thanks, but I’ll take care of it. I need to stop pulling you guys into my drama. You guys are getting married in a couple weeks—you have more important stuff to worry about.
Jessica: Girl we love you, we love Alex. Why wouldn’t we worry?
She’s such a sweetheart.
Ripley: I know, and we love you too, but I just don’t want to become a burden.
Jessica: I’m about to hop in my car and come over and smack you for saying that. We’re family, whether blood or not, and you’d do the same for us so shut up with that burden talk. If you need us, we’re here.
Ripley: Okay, and I’m sorry, you’re right. I love you!
After dinner, we skip Alex’s bath; he’ll get one in the morning. To be honest, I’m exhausted and want to go to bed, but of course, I have to wait until Alex goes to bed. I want him close, and at bedtime I let him lie with me in bed while he watches cartoons and I read. Of course I’m barely paying attention to the story because I can’t stop thinking about Brock and his lack of communicating.
I look down when I feel a wet spot on my stomach where Alex’s head is resting; I see he’s fast asleep and has left a huge drool spot on me. I grab him under his arms and pull him up so he’s lying on the pillows next to me, and then I stare at his sleeping face. How this beautiful little creature could come from such a horrible act is beyond me.
I’m thankful every day that there seems to be none of him in my child. A part of me prayed that he’d look like Brock, but in a way I’m glad he doesn’t; it would hurt too much looking at his sweet little face. My fingers stroke his little cheek and I smile as he snuggles deeper into my fluffy pillows. I shut the TV off and grab my phone from the nightstand.
I have things I need to say to Brock, and if he ignores me, that’s on him. My stomach knots painfully as I start typing the text.
Ripley: Hey, I know you’re ignoring me and that’s fine, but there are some things I need to say. I wish I’d been the one to tell you about your dad. You have no idea what it was like to wake up in a strange room, not remembering how I got there and finding your dad sitting in the corner. I threw up all over the bed when I realized what had happened. The whole time he said nothing, just wore a cocky grin on his face. I never pressed charges because I didn’t want to hurt your mom or my parents, and I didn’t want it getting back to you. I blamed myself for a long time and then I found out I was pregnant. I know Jonah told you that story, and believe it or not, I don’t regret my decision to have Alex. I love him so much I would die for him, would kill for him. I can’t figure out why you’re avoiding me, but maybe it’s because I disgust you now? I don’t expect you to have a relationship with Alex because honestly he can’t ever know who his father is, but maybe a part of me hoped you’d want to be in our lives. Obviously that was wishful thinking. I love you, Brock. I’ve loved you since I was fifteen, and I think I’ll love you forever. You were meant to be mine, and I was meant to be yours, we just can’t seem to get it right because you seem to love running when things get rough, and Alex and I deserve better than that. I could go on and on, but that’s all I want you to know for now.
My thumb hovers over the send key and before I can delete it, I hit send, set my phone down, and go to sleep.
BROCK
What am I doing here? I’ve been sitting in my truck down from Ripley’s house for the past half hour. The house is dark except I can see the flicker of a TV up on the second floor. Is she having trouble sleeping? Is it because of me? Is it because of what that son of a bitch did to her? I felt terrible about leaving, but I needed time to process everything. I can’t believe that sweet little boy shares the same DNA as the bastard that sired me.
My phone rings and pulls me out of my thoughts. It’s Tiffany, and honestly I’m not really in the mood to talk to her, but fuck me, I can’t be mean to her. I’ll just talk to her quickly and be done.
“Hey Tiff. How are you?”
“I’m good honey. I was just checking in on you, seeing how things were going.” I wish I felt more for her. “Have you worked things out with your ex?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. How do I answer her, especially now that I know the truth about her son? “Honestly…I have no idea. Things have come to light that make things even more muddled. Maybe when I get back we can talk over coffee or something.”
“Really?” Her sigh sounds relieved and sends off a tiny warning in the back of my head, but I ignore it. “Well, that would be great.”
“Okay, it’s a plan then. I’ll be leaving next Monday and should be home late Tuesday or early Wednesday. I’ll call you when I’m home.” I hear my phone beep and pull it away from my ear, seeing it’s a text from Ripley. “I’ve got to go, but we’ll talk later.”
“Sounds great, baby.” Wait…what? “Call me when you’re home.”
“Yeah sounds good.” I disconnect the call and pull up Ripley’s text message, and my stomach turns as I read it. I can’t even imagine what that was like for her, and it makes me homicidal to imagine that man touching her. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I read the line where she says she thinks I’m disgusted by her over and over again. I hate that she didn’t report him because she didn’t want to hurt my mom, didn’t want it to get back to me.
It’s not hard to realize that she would in fact die or kill for that child, my brother. Bile sits in my throat; is she telling me goodbye? I know I shouldn’t be surprised because I haven’t spoken to her since I found out about my dad’s heinous act. It’s just…it’s just I need time to process everything I’ve learned. I feel like it’s my fault that it happened because had I not left her, I could’ve protected her. She wouldn’t have been out drinking because she would’ve been with me.
I look up at the window again and see that the TV is now off. With a sigh, I start up my truck and head home. When I step inside, I find my granddad sitting at the dining room table. “Can’t sleep?” I sit down across from him.
“No, not really. What were you doing tonight?”
I scrub a hand over my head. “Sitting outside Ripley’s house.”
He raises an eyebrow at me. “Why? Did something happen?”
I need to talk to someone, and I can trust my granddad to keep it to himself. “Can we sit outside and talk?” We both stand up and he follows me outside.
Side by side, we sit on the top step. I take a deep breath and spill everything—everything but the fact that it’s my dad I’m talking about. By the time I’m done, I’m crying like a girl, but I don’t care because I’ve kept everything bottled up inside me for too long. “Why her, why did that have to happen to my Ripley? I don’t get how someone could be so cruel.
My granddad wraps his arm around my shoulders, cursing under his breath. “That poor girl.” He lowers his voice. “I’m not sure how someone coul
d do something like that except that maybe they’re sick. I mean it’s obvious that he’s evil, but my God, to do what he did is insane.” My granddad hugs me into his side. “Son, I know it hurts, but don’t let the hate flowing through you infect you.” I finally stop crying; there is just so much anger and sadness inside me right now and I’m not sure how to deal with it.
“I have another appointment with mom’s psychologist.”
“That’s good son. It’s not good to keep that shit inside you. It begins to fester and could destroy you. I’m here for you and whatever you need, or whatever the beautiful girl and her handsome son need.” We both finally head inside.
In my bed, I stare up at the ceiling for a long time, Tiny restless next to me. “I know buddy. I just need a little more time and then we’ll go back. It’s also time to start looking for a place, because I think we should move back here. What do you think?” He bumps my hand with his snout. “I thought you might like that idea.”
22
RIPLEY
Today’s the day—Jonah and Jessica are finally getting married, and Alex and I are on our way to the church to finish getting ready. My mom watched him this morning while I got my hair and makeup done, and I brought along hair gel to style his blond mop when we get there and he’s dressed. The past week has been crazy busy between work, Alex, and Jessica’s bachelorette party, which was a success and a lot of fun. Last Monday night, Brock stopped over.
It had been a long day; I’d had to work right through lunch, and I had been late picking up Alex, who had also been a grouch, but I think he was just feeding off of my mood. After a late dinner, I helped Alex shower quickly and got him ready for bed.
“Mommy will you read me a story?” He grabbed Where the Wild Things Are, climbed into his bed, and scooted over so I could lie down next to him. I began to read him his story and he fell asleep almost immediately, so I gently climbed out of the bed and headed downstairs.
I grabbed the laundry out of the dryer and took it into the living room to fold while I watched Top Chef. When I watch that show, it always makes me want to take cooking classes. My cooking repertoire is pretty limited right now because with it being just the two of us there is no point going all out for meals sometimes.
A faint knock on the door pulled my attention away from the TV; it was eight-thirty and I had no idea who it could be. I knew it wasn’t Jonah because he never just shows up; he always calls or texts me. Moving across the living room, I peered out the window to find Brock standing on my porch. A part of me wanted to let him sit out there all night, but the other part of me wanted to hear what he had to say about everything.
I took a deep breath and opened the door. “Hey.”
“Can I come in?” He looked like shit; he had bags under his eyes, was sporting a thick five o’clock shadow, and his hair was all disheveled.
I nodded as I pushed the screen door open and stepped back as he came in. I shut the door and followed him into the living room, watching as he paced back and forth. I wasn’t sure if I should speak or wait for him to start, but he decided for me when he turned to face me.
“I came to say goodbye. Tomorrow I’m heading back to North Carolina.” My stomach sank. “I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone because I have loose ends to tie up there, but I’m coming back, and when I do, I want us to talk about everything—about us, about Alex, and our future.”
“Why haven’t I seen you since you found out about Alex? Do you have any idea how that made me feel? After it happened, I felt dirty and ashamed, like I let it happen or somehow it was my fault.” He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand to stop him. “No, I don’t want to hear it right now. I want you to listen to me. I meant what I said. I love you, so fucking much I ache, but you run when things get rough or hard. I can’t allow you back in my life, in Alex’s unless you can prove to us that you aren’t going to bolt every time things get difficult.”
As Brock moved toward me, I backed away until I met the wall. His hands caged me in and my belly fluttered, but I ignored it. He dipped his head so his face was level with mine. “I am going to prove it to you. I will be back, and when I am, we’re going to talk. We’re going to work on being an us again, and that includes that beautiful little boy of yours.” I felt the tears leak from my eyes because I wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t, at least not right then.
His fingers sifted through my hair and he gripped me by the back of the neck. “I love you, Ripley.” He kissed me softly before pulling away. “I’m going to go because Tiny and I have to be on the road pretty early tomorrow. I’ll call you when we get there and when I know for sure when I’ll be back. Next week, I sign my End of Active Service papers. I have to arrange movers and pack, but I don’t think it’ll take me long to get everything going. They’ll help me with expenses and relocating. I’m coming back.”
“I’ll believe it when I see it.” I hated being bitchy, but I just couldn’t believe him, not yet.
“I get it baby. I know I haven’t earned your trust yet, but I will.” He pulled me into a hug and squeezed me tight then let go and grabbed my hand, pulling me toward the door. “I’ll call you the day after tomorrow. I’m hoping to be home by six. Remember, I’m an hour ahead of you.” He kissed me one more time before leaving then I watched him walk to his truck and climb in. With a wave, he was gone.
I shut and locked the door. After I finished folding the laundry, I shut down the rest of the house and headed upstairs. As I lay in bed, I stared up at the ceiling and said a little prayer that things would finally work out for us.
Arriving at the church, I slip out of my car and grab Alex out of the back seat. Jonah’s already got Alex’s little tux so I just grab my garment bag and duffle bag out of the back seat. Inside, I find Jessica’s brother, Scott. Jessica tried to set us up, but I couldn’t do it because if something happened or didn’t work out, I didn’t want it to affect our friendship. I’ve always felt I could never be in a serious relationship until I finally stopped loving Brock, which hasn’t happened.
Brock kept his promise and called me when he got to North Carolina. I didn’t tell him I missed him, that even Alex had asked about him—and Tiny, of course. He promised to call me when he knew for sure when he was coming back. I’m still skeptical that he’s actually coming back, but we’ll just have to wait and see.
“Hey Ripley. How are you?” He looks down at Alex. “How are you little man?”
I give him a quick hug. “We’re good. How are you?”
“Doing great, can’t wait to see my baby sister get married. Do you want me to take Alex to Jonah? He’s got his tux out all ready to go.”
“Yeah that’d be great. I’ll come over as soon as I’m dressed so I can finish his hair and whatnot. Alex, go with Scott and be a good boy. I’ll see you in a little bit.”
I make my way downstairs where the bridal suite is. Knocking once, I poke my head in. “Is it okay if I come in?”
The girls wave me in and I go right to Jessica where she’s drinking champagne and sitting in her robe. Her brown hair is pinned back on the sides with jeweled bobby pins and hangs in big loose curls down her back. We hug each other before I grab my dress and take it into one of the dressing rooms. My dress is the same style as her bridesmaids’ dresses, but mine is black with white edges. It’s column style so it’s formfitting and hugs my body, and it’s strapless so the bodice is tight, pushing my breasts up.
I slip on my black stiletto heels and head back out into the main room. I get a lot of wows from the girls and Jessica comes over to me, wrapping me in her arms.
“You look gorgeous babe.” She’s smiling widely at me.
“Thank you, you too. I can’t wait to see you in your dress. I love you chica and I’m so happy for you. I’m going to let you spend time with your girls and go help Alex finish getting ready. See you in just a bit.” I kiss her cheek and then wave to the rest of the girls and Jessica’s mom.
I reach the groom’s suite and s
ee Jonah’s parents getting ready to step in. “Mr. and Mrs. Mitchell,” I call. They both turn to me, giving me huge smiles.
“Ripley, darling. Don’t you look beautiful,” his mom says. Jonah looks a lot like her with matching blond hair and blue eyes, but he’s tall like his dad and has his strong cheekbones.
“Thank you.” She kisses my cheek, and Mr. Mitchell pulls me into a hug before the three of us step inside. Alex is already dressed, and from the looks of it, someone already did his hair. It’s slicked back with a slight wave at the front, and he looks like a little man.
“Mommy! Gramma and Grandpa M!” They both love on Alex before greeting their son, who just shakes his head at me. We both tend to take a back seat whenever my son is around, but that’s not a bad thing. I certainly can’t complain that my son isn’t well loved.
Everyone starts heading to the vestibule, but I hang back. I move to stand right in front of Jonah then reach up and straighten his bow tie. “You look so handsome. Are you nervous?”
“No, I’m just anxious to make her my wife. I do wish we could put off our honeymoon for another couple of weeks though.”
“Why?”
“To make sure Brock comes back.”
I hold up my hand to stop him. “No way, you’re not delaying your honeymoon because of me. You’re starting a new chapter in your life and I’m not going to be the cause of you two putting your lives on hold. I feel stronger now than I ever have. You’re going to go on your honeymoon and have a great time, and not worry about us because Alex and I are going to be just fine.”
Then There Was You: A Single Parent Collection Page 52
