‘That means nothing.’
Matthias scoffed. ‘That means everything, for both of you.’
‘Since when are you a master of relationships?’
He laughed, and sprawled more comfortably in the pew, his hair and skin stained blue, red, and green from the glass.
I rubbed my mouth, staring at Lady Winter, who had loved and been loved. ‘I gave Xania one of Aella’s novels.’
Matthias slowly turned to face me. ‘One of the terrible ones?’ he asked, almost hopefully.
‘My favourite.’
‘You gave her the pirates?’ He groaned. ‘If you want a pirate, have the Admiral divorce her wife! What are you trying to accomplish?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘What are you hoping to accomplish?’ His abrupt sternness surprised me.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Has Xania spoken to you since?’
‘No, but it was only yesterday.’ Panic, temporarily banished by Vigrante and Isra, returned in full force.
‘Zola’s been infatuated with ladies before,’ Matthias said slowly. ‘She swoons and admires from afar. Xania never seemed interested in anyone. I assume you didn’t hint at your general attraction when you gave her the book?’
I wanted to hide under the pew.
Matthias dragged a hand down his face. ‘I’ve seen how you look at each other. And the Court gossips. They feel Xania’s too low-ranked to deserve so much of your attention.’
‘The Court can’t function without gossip.’
‘There’s another way you could use this to your advantage,’ Matthias said, pulling me from my gloom.
‘Please, enlighten me.’
‘Should you marry Aubrey – well, Xania… could… there’s precedent, though they never really proved it with your grandfather...’
I stared at him, bewildered. It took several moments to follow his train of thought. ‘You mean… for her to be my mistress?’
Matthias flinched at the distaste in my voice, but he should have known not even to suggest it. Even as their marriage had shattered, my uncle and aunt had remained loyal to each other. Great-Grandfather had been besotted with my great-grandmother, who, by all accounts, had been more than a match for him. But Grandfather had surrounded himself with many favourites, though if anything had gone on behind closed doors, it had done so with my grandmother’s knowledge.
But I wanted a partnership, not a mistress, and it wasn’t Xania’s fault I needed an heir.
Maybe it was better to admit nothing. Pretend the book had been a gesture between friends.
I’d probably marry Aubrey, who was the best of my options. He was calm and poised: an ideal prince. Yet despite knowing he’d be an excellent husband, I wouldn’t be content in our marriage, never mind happy. We’d have a kind marriage, utterly lacking in passion. I’d grown up knowing – expecting – this, but after meeting Xania and allowing myself to imagine something different –
Foolish. Foolish foolish foolish.
I took a trembling gulp of air and buried my face in my hands. My eyes and throat burned with tears dangerously close to the falling.
‘Lia! Lia!’ Matthias tugged my arm, forcing my head up. I caught a glimpse of his stricken expression, before a sob cracked from me. I leaned forward, and he closed his arms around me in a hug.
I cried into his shirt. ‘I don’t know what to do.’
‘I… I think you need to talk to her,’ he said after a few moments. ‘This – this isn’t ideal, but I don’t think either of you can keep ignoring it.’
‘Matthias, what if she feels the same? What if I’m not imagining it? What about Aubrey?’ He was comforting and familiar. For a moment, it felt like we were children again, unconcerned by our distant future. Papa wasn’t dead yet, nor were Matthias’s parents and Baron Bayonn. We hadn’t hardened from so much loss.
He hugged me tighter. ‘We’ll deal with that later. Be happy. Kiss her. It’s a good thing.’
I let out a shaky laugh. ‘This must make you long for romance again.’
He pulled away. ‘No, Lia. In this, I wouldn’t want to be you for all the riches in the world.’
Chapter Twenty-Six
Xania
I shook my head at the neat columns of figures and symbols. ‘I understand your calculations to here, my lady’ – I pointed a third of the way down the paper – ‘but then it’s gibberish.’
Lady Astrii frowned. ‘Surely we’re past the point of titles?’
‘Forgive me, Astrii. Habits die hard.’ Between her and Lia, all palace conversation would be informal within a year.
Astrii was a friend of sorts, more than I’d expected from any of Lia’s ladies. I liked having someone to talk to when Zola wasn’t here and Lia was occupied with the royals. Astrii had caught me peering at her mathematical theories one day, and started enthusiastically explaining before I could apologise. Where I used numbers to balance budgets and handle bankruptcy, Astrii used them to invent and construct.
Her father, Lord Rathun, oversaw Zeffari, Edar’s largest southern port city. Her love of mathematics ran in neither side of her family. She cared about dresses, manners, and witty conversation because her father insisted on it for potential suitors. It reminded me too much of Brenna and her family, but Astrii didn’t seem in danger of a similar fate.
Astrii put her papers away. ‘Your heart’s not in it today, Xania.’
So much for hiding my distraction. ‘I’m sorry, Astrii. It’s nothing to do with you.’
Lia sat near the window, brooding at the rain. Everyone stayed away from her. Hasan was losing badly to Rassa at cards. Lia had noticed me when I arrived, but I’d curtseyed and hurried over to Astrii. The book, and what it hinted, loomed between us.
I dragged my attention back to Astrii. ‘Have you heard from Eraxiun?’
Her eyes lit up. For all Astrii’s supposedly unladylike activities, her marriage prospects were undoubtedly helped by her beauty. Her skin was darker than mine, like Lord Martain’s. But we had the same tight curls, which she wore as thin braids twisted and pinned together. We’d cemented our budding friendship by sharing combing tricks.
‘His reply arrived two days ago,’ she said. ‘He’s still sceptical, of course, but he admitted a working engine is possible with further adjustments. It’s not so farfetched, considering what they used to achieve during the First Empire.’
‘I’ll believe it when I see it.’ A metal invention for travelling across the country, fuelled by slow-burning wood and coal. It seemed absurd, but Astrii claimed it would take people from the north to Arkaala in less than a day – if proper funding could be secured and the necessary infrastructure maintained through taxation.
We stood as Aubrey and Isra entered the room. After they greeted Lia, Isra joined Rassa and Hasan, while Lia motioned for Aubrey to sit beside her. They spoke quietly.
Something large and oppressive squeezed against my ribs. As if I had any right to jealousy.
‘Xania, your head’s still in the clouds!’
While Astrii’s voice held a teasing note, the edge in it made me tense. The ladies never truly forgot I was Fifth Step. At times they couldn’t help showing their superiority. To her credit, Astrii looked momentarily ashamed before suggesting a card game poorly suited to two players.
‘You’re just jealous,’ she said, dealing out the cards and pieces as if nothing had happened.
I laughed. ‘Of your esteemed correspondence with Eraxiun? Please, don’t make me hurt your feelings.’
‘Pardon me, ladies, but are you talking about Eraxiun?’
We stared up at Aubrey.
I recovered first and stood to acknowledge him. ‘Prince Aubrey.’
He smiled. ‘Such formality.’
Because I’m jealous of you, and it sickens me, for you’ve been nothing but kind.
‘You know Eraxiun?’ Astrii asked, excited.
‘I know of him.’ Aubrey sat at our insistence. ‘He refuses to corre
spond with a “royal rat”, as he calls me.’
I tried not to laugh.
Eraxium lived in Rijaan, my great-grandmother’s homeland. As a republic, they scorned royalty and noble titles. The social structure seemed bewildering, but the Riija probably thought similar of Edar’s Steps.
‘Your parents don’t fund schools as much as Eraxium thinks they should,’ Astrii said, unfazed.
‘I’m trying to convince them otherwise, believe me,’ Aubrey said, delighted. ‘You correspond with him? Please, tell me everything!’
Unable to help myself, I looked over at Lia – and froze.
Rassa and Isra stood before her chair. She looked calm, almost bored, by whatever Rassa was saying. But her knuckles were white as she gripped the armrests. She and Isra glanced at me, and my stomach dropped.
What was Rassa saying?
Isra looked uncomfortable and worried, which made me worry in turn. I didn’t realise I was halfway out of my seat until she shook her head ever so slightly.
‘Miss Bayonn?’ Aubrey followed my gaze. His expression hardened, and he gestured for me to follow him across the room. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. ‘Are we missing a fascinating discussion, dear cousins?’
‘I was telling Her Majesty and Princess Isra of the fascinating discourse Miss Bayonn and I had yesterday,’ Rassa said.
It shouldn’t have sounded remarkable. There were dozens of public places we could have met and spoken: the halls, the libraries, the dining rooms, even outside the Treasury.
But his tone slithered down my spine. He made fascinating sound insidious.
Edarans didn’t publicly insinuate what Rassa hinted about me.
‘Cousin,’ Lia said, barely civil, ‘you forget–’
‘I beg your pardon, Rassa?’ Aubrey snapped.
Silence rippled through the room, before everyone awkwardly resumed their conversations.
Aubrey glared at Rassa. The calm, kind gentleman was gone, revealing a furious man with clenched teeth. Perhaps the muscles underneath his shirts weren’t for show.
‘You heard me, Cousin,’ Rassa said.
‘No, I heard bile.’
Aubrey’s outburst gave Lia time to recollect herself, though not before she cast an incensed look towards him. Isra also didn’t hide her exasperation. This probably wasn’t the first time she’d witnessed Aubrey storming to someone’s defence.
They could all make their displeasure known to Rassa, with little consequences. I was in no such position. None of them, naturally, considered this for a moment.
I had to be subtle. I’d allow no one, not even a royal, to treat me like this.
I dragged my lips into a smile. ‘Prince Rassa exaggerates, I’m afraid. We did indeed speak, but it was hardly stimulating.’
Isra pretended to cough, but not before I caught her grin.
‘How unfortunate, Miss Bayonn.’ The ghost of a smile flickered over Lia’s mouth. ‘Rassa, I expected better of you.’
Aubrey looked like we’d started speaking backwards.
I couldn’t decipher Rassa’s expression; part of me didn’t want to.
‘My mother would also have expected better of me,’ he finally said, ‘since she taught me the art of conversation.’
It wasn’t an apology. But it was surely more than other women in my situation had received from him.
Lia wore a serene smile like a mask.
Aubrey deflated.
Isra slipped her arm through mine. ‘Walk with me, Miss Bayonn.’
As she drew me away, Terize rose from another table, as if to excuse me from Isra’s clutches. Isra flung a scathing look towards her, and Terize dropped back into her seat.
‘If I were you, I’d reconsider that friendship,’ Isra said. ‘Lady Terize lacks power, so she clings to whoever she feels has it. Eventually, you’ll be insufficient for her needs.’
I gritted my teeth. ‘Terize would be far more successful if everyone stopped underestimating her.’
‘Perhaps. I apologise for Aubrey,’ Isra said. ‘He sometimes lets chivalry get the better of him. It’s still no excuse.’
If I’d been Sixth or Seventh Step, I could have said exactly what I thought of Aubrey’s old-fashioned chivalry. Instead, I said, ‘The prince is kind.’
Isra smiled. ‘He’s an idiot. As for Prince Rassa, there is no excuse.’
Was this a potential hand of friendship? She admired Zola’s music. She and Matthias had built a friendship on sarcasm and vicious philosophical debate. But she was royalty. Her generosity and friendship only went so far.
When I remained silent, Isra turned to lighter matters. My anger towards all of them hardened into resolve.
I’d go to Lia about the book tonight. Whatever was building between us, she wasn’t the only one in control of it.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Lia
Despite the roaring fire, I couldn’t shake the chill in my bones.
Xania’s expression at Rassa’s insinuations: mortified and resentful. The gall of us royals, smothering her with our privileged indignation when she could counter Rassa’s hideousness herself. I had no idea how to apologise. She had every reason to be furious and embarrassed.
‘I’m going to bed,’ I announced to the room. ‘I’ll know what to do in the morning.’
The sound of a tapped sequence came from the wall, loud in the silence. My heartbeat sped up.
It was hers.
I crept to the wall as the sequence finished.
Another few heartbeats. Then Xania whispered, ‘Your Majesty?’
‘Xania?’ I flicked the catch on the wall. We’d arranged no meeting tonight.
She held out a book. My Aella novel. ‘I… I thought I should return this.’
My heart hammered for another reason. ‘You didn’t read it.’ Maybe this was her polite answer.
‘Oh, I did!’
I’d given it to her two days ago. ‘I – I didn’t realise you read so quickly.’
She flashed a smile, a hint we might be on more stable ground than I thought. ‘It was engrossing, Your Majesty. And… enlightening. The plot is ridiculous, but entertaining.’ I couldn’t stop staring at her mouth. ‘I… I’m not sure what you expect from me.’
‘I expect you to sit, please, and we’ll discuss the book.’ As she sat, I tapped my fingers against my hip. I’d had a plan for this. I’d intended on being better dressed for a start, with wine and food ready. I’d wanted to serve Sekran food from the north-east, Father’s first diplomatic post. I’d thought it would impress her. Now, it seemed ridiculous.
‘Do you need refreshment?’ I asked, falling back on dependable etiquette.
‘No, thank you.’
‘Well, I do. Feel free to change your mind.’ I settled for a red wine and placed a glass before her, a suggestion not a demand, and sat with a sensible gap between us.
‘I want to apologise– I began, as she said, ‘Your Majesty–’
We stopped, gesturing at each other.
When she didn’t speak, I said, ‘I want to apologise for earlier. You’re fully capable of defending yourself.’
‘Queens don’t apologise.’
I threw etiquette to the ground. ‘For all you claim I can’t be or can’t do, at least accept what I am.’
She focused on her untouched glass. ‘My apologies, Lia.’
I swallowed, then nudged my hand against hers.
After a moment, she smiled. ‘Chivalry isn’t dead with Aubrey around, then?’
I laughed. ‘No, definitely not!’
‘Isra says he’ll apologise.’
‘If he didn’t realise his mistake, she’ll tell him.’ I took a large swallow of wine, as if it held my courage. ‘I still want to hurt Rassa for what he said, though I have no right.’
‘I want to hurt Aubrey every time he’s pleasant to you, and I have no right.’ Xania’s face turned slack with horror.
Joy swelled in my chest, pleasantly straining, before it was engul
fed by terror. It was one thing to daydream and want her. It was another to come face-to-face with her feelings.
‘Your Majesty, I apologise–’
‘Enough.’ For once, I wanted this to go as I hoped. ‘What did you think of the book?’
Xania stared at me, incredulous. ‘The plot was ridiculous. But I don’t think you read it for that.’
‘No.’ Warmth rolled in my stomach. ‘I still wouldn’t turn down a dashing pirate.’ The words were soft and deliberate.
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ Xania took a gulp of wine. ‘I’ve always preferred dashing princesses.’
I smiled. Swirled the dregs in my glass, then put it aside.
Xania’s gaze flickered between my eyes and my mouth. She bit her bottom lip, and I hissed in a breath.
Discussing the book was dangerous.
Being here was dangerous. This close, this alone, relaxed with warmth and wine and wanting, the gap between us slowly decreased.
Xania’s chest rose and fell; the light struck off the gleaming threads in her teal dress. I couldn’t look away.
‘I think I’m about to do something inadvisable,’ I murmured, tantalisingly close to her mouth. My pulse pounded in my throat, my ears, my head: yes yes yes.
‘Please,’ Xania breathed.
I wrapped my arms around her, her mouth met mine, and all I could taste was wine. Her perfume teased the air around us.
My hands slid down her arms and around to dig into her back. She made a small sound. All I could feel taste think was the pressure taste warmth of her mouth against mine.
We pulled apart, gasping. Her eyes were glazed. My hair had tumbled from its pins. Had she done that? She must have.
She smiled. I shivered at the heat in her heavy-lidded eyes.
I wanted.
I wanted.
She wanted.
‘I think I’m about to do something inadvisable,’ she said.
‘Please,’ I said. ‘Please.’
She slid her fingers into my hair. I opened my mouth to hers. She trembled against me and I was undone and I didn’t care.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Queen of Coin and Whispers Page 15
