‘I’ll be long gone,’ Terize said. ‘Whatever he does to my reputation here, it won’t matter. My life will be my own.’
Mine was littered with secrets and lies, but I loved my family and Lia and Matthias. Terize despised her mother, and probably her extended family. What sort of empty life could she lead? If I hadn’t met Matthias and Lia, would I have turned out like her?
‘Please,’ I said, ‘help me. Whatever he’s done to Lia–’
She stepped back. ‘I look forward to seeing how hard you fall. A privilege, since you believed yourself better than me: poor, sad Terize, belittled by her viper of a mother. No one will help you.’
Here was the daughter Patrinne had wanted: cold, cunning, and ambitious. She’d been there all along.
Terize curtseyed, mockingly, and walked away.
I don’t know how long I leaned against the wall, but I finally forced myself to move, one shaky step at a time. I turned a corner and doubled over, let out a soft moan. I’d allowed Rassa to live and protected Terize when all along she’d helped plot Lia’s downfall.
Lia had failed when she chose us over her duty.
I’d failed Papa by not killing Rassa.
Love had ruined us, just as it had Brenna and Naruum.
I didn’t cry.
Crying was for later.
I hammered on Patrinne’s door, and nearly toppled through when it flew open. She grabbed me before I hit the carpet nose-first.
‘I need your help.’
She released me. ‘I don’t know where the Queen is.’
She still called Lia the Queen. ‘It doesn’t matter. I do. I need a letter of introduction to your Farezi relatives.’
Patrinne almost choked on a breath. ‘Why would I give you that?’
‘I’m going to find Lia. I’ll need help in Farezi and they live in the capital.’
‘Isn’t that why you have agents, little spider?’ She laughed, perhaps at my distinct lack of surprise. ‘I suspected. When you had nothing to offer, yet went straight to the matter of Hazell. Only the Whispers would still be concerned with the chessboard in the middle of a general panic. And you were far too well-informed for a thread in the Whispers’ web.’
‘It doesn’t matter now,’ I said. ‘Lia is gone, and Rassa is King.’
Patrinne lowered herself into a chair. ‘I warned you about him. Regardless, I’ll be going to my relatives for an extended stay.’
I had one card left to play. ‘Terize allied herself with Rassa and committed treason.’
Something flickered across Patrinne’s face: perhaps fear, or heartbreak, or despair. Then it disappeared, and her expression hardened. ‘I wondered. Her mask slipped occasionally, though she assumed I never noticed. I couldn’t guess her full intentions.’
‘Freedom,’ I said. ‘The chance to live her own life.’
‘Then she’s a fool,’ Patrinne said flatly. ‘Terize will never be free of Rassa.’
My skin crawled. Patrinne and Terize had never had an easy relationship, but I’d always assumed they loved each other, deep down. It only made me realise how much Mama loved me, and appreciate everything the Duchess had done to keep Lia safe.
‘And my letter?’ I asked.
Patrinne worked her jaw back and forth, then stood and went to a desk. ‘I suppose if I refuse you’ – she pulled out paper and readied her pen – ‘then I’m complicit in my daughter’s treason. You’ll get your letter. And my relatives will have time to prepare for my visit.’ She wrote quickly, scattered sand to dry the ink, and sealed it blankly.
She looked almost disgusted as she held it out. ‘My relatives, I assure you, will help.’
She wasn’t telling me something. But there wasn’t enough time to figure it out. ‘Thank you.’
‘Don’t thank me,’ Patrinne said. ‘I have no wish to suffer for my daughter’s crimes. And I never wish to see you again.’
Chapter Forty-Six
Xania
We’d travelled since before dawn to reach Zeffari, the largest southern port, in late afternoon. It was a bustling, loud slap in the face. Merchants sold their wares, servants hurried through the streets, publicans coaxed coin for liquid oblivion. For them, it didn’t yet matter who now held the throne. Surrounded by so many foreign accents and languages, it struck me how little I’d seen of the world.
Halfway down the docks, we’d found a ship waiting for us with no official flag – a green-edged private one fluttered in the breeze – but it was too sleek and well-maintained to belong to an average merchant.
Abroad, we’d found Captain Seymour, one of Diana’s sailors, and I’d realised Matthias had somehow convinced Diana to grant us passage on one of her ships. While King Rassa was hardly in Diana’s interests, Seymour had worn no uniform and was temporarily relieved from duty. Diana’s help only went so far. If Rassa’s men caught up with us, officially she wasn’t responsible. If all else failed, Seymour would probably claim Matthias and I had threatened her to gain passage. We’d have no escape from Rassa’s tender mercy.
I’d also realised, suddenly, that ships and sailing didn’t agree with my stomach.
The sky seemed larger at night. The darkness stretched in every direction, scattered with stars. I felt small and insignificant. And ill. I could keep water down now, but the thought of food made my stomach revolt. Since the night was warm, I’d followed Seymour’s orders and slept on deck with some of the crew. The benefits of space and fresh air had been stressed. I’d also reach the side faster.
Matthias’s brisk footsteps approached. He appeared at the edge of the lantern-light, trailing his blanket.
‘Your sleeping quarters weren’t dignified enough?’
‘I kept waking everyone with my fretting,’ he said. ‘So I came to fret at you.’
‘So considerate.’ I moved over so he could lie beside me.
We stared at the sky in silence.
‘We’ll find her, won’t we,’ I said.
‘I hope so.’
I wanted – needed – his empty assurance, like a child wanted to know everything would be all right. I reached for his hand. ‘I miss her.’
‘Me, too.’
‘I keep remembering what I said to her before I… walked away. Over and over, like I expect it to end differently. I was so foolish–’
‘I didn’t think she’d abdicate,’ Matthias interrupted wearily. ‘We were both foolish.’
I also couldn’t stop worrying about Farezi, which was three times larger than Edar, and our dependency on Patrinne’s relatives and a fragile agent network. As rescues went, it wasn’t the most achievable.
‘I didn’t tell you about Diana because there wasn’t enough time,’ he said abruptly. ‘I wasn’t sure who we could trust. We had to leave. And who was the last person Rassa would think we’d turn to for help?’
‘Diana.’
‘Exactly. If she was frustrated with Lia, Rassa is her worst nightmare. He’ll try to have her replaced in weeks. She’s too assertive and accomplished.’
‘Diana’s only helping us because we’re the best of her bad options.’
‘We need all the help we can get.’
We went silent, listening to the slap of water against the ship.
‘I planned to tell you about Truth,’ I said. ‘I wanted to get more information first, but then…’ Lia disappeared.
‘I don’t trust him,’ Matthias said.
‘Neither do I.’
More silence.
‘What your father taught me to help Lia,’ he said, slow and careful, as if unravelling an old secret, ‘and keep me a step ahead of the Court – he wished he could teach you.’
‘I needed a good marriage more.’
The other secret I’d kept from Matthias – he will be useful to her with the right training – swelled between us, worse than not telling him about Truth. But I didn’t want to tell Matthias like this.
Even if Papa had wanted to teach me, he hadn’t expected Matthias and I to cr
oss paths. He hadn’t hoped I would be taught one day. He’d preferred Zola and I to marry well. That bitterness cut deep, but being upset at a ghost was useless. And I’d already kept Truth from Matthias.
‘I… I found something else in Papa’s journals.’ I pulled away from Matthias and cleared my throat. ‘I didn’t know how to tell you.’
He frowned. ‘Oh?’
‘The Duchess has always been assured of your loyalty. She wanted Papa to train you’ – Matthias went still – ‘so you’d be… useful to Lia.’
He didn’t speak for several heartbeats. His face turned bleak and tight. The last time I’d seen him like this, he’d just heard about Papa’s death.
He took a shaky breath. ‘I see.’
‘Matthias, that doesn’t mean Papa didn’t care for you, or–’
‘It seems neither of us knew him as well as we thought.’
‘You were important to Lia before Papa trained you,’ I said. ‘That never changed.’
Matthias pressed his fingers to his eyes, and took slow, deep breaths. ‘Sometimes I wish he could tell us what to do.’
‘It doesn’t hurt as much anymore,’ I said, ‘but there are days when someone says or does something, and I still think: I have to tell Papa. I keep waiting for it to stop, but I don’t think it will.’
He hugged me close.
‘Why are you so loyal to Lia?’ I asked. ‘You never told me the full story of how you met. You could be so much more than a secretary.’
He scrubbed a hand over his face. ‘When I was... must have been about ten, my family accepted a pity summer invitation to a northern estate. I spent a lot of time on my own. The other children ignored me. I tried to pretend it didn’t hurt. One day I fell into a river, like the capable child I was. The water was still so cold. I could barely breathe, but kept trying to scream for help. All I could think was: I’m not ready to die yet. I’m scared.’ There was a careful flippancy to Matthias’s words, but I knew him well enough to catch the tremor in his voice. He still remembered every moment. He couldn’t forget how close he’d come to dying in freezing water, all alone.
‘Thankfully for my life expectancy, Lia had sneaked out and was further downstream.’
I pressed my hands against my mouth, not only because Matthias had almost died, but because Lia had sneaked out, still unaware of her importance in the line of succession. It matched the woman I loved instead of the Queen I served.
‘She climbed out on these thick branches over the river. I almost managed to grab one that she held out for me. When I went under, she caught my jacket in the branch and dragged me close enough to the bank so she could wade in and get me. I woke up on the grass, vomiting water, with a sodden Lia beside me.’
Despite my best efforts, I burst out laughing.
Matthias smiled. ‘She took me back home. Introduced me to her parents, endured their frantic yelling because she’d clearly been in a river, and said I was her new friend.’
‘You’d no choice in the matter?’
‘She saved my life. We’ve fought about this for years. She wants me to have my own life, away from her. But… if I’m not a Queen’s favourite, someone she literally saved from drowning, who am I?’
‘I told her to change the laws of succession and choose her own heir, even if they’re not related to her.’ I laughed bitterly. ‘Part of me secretly hoped she’d ignore her duty, ignore everything, and be with me. As if I could be more important than Edar.’
‘She gave up Edar for us,’ Matthias said. ‘And you committed treason to find her. I think you’re more important.’
I raised my knees and buried my face against them. ‘I love her.’ I knew he could hear. ‘If anyone tries to hurt her again, I’ll rip their eyes out. Or try to. I failed Papa, and now Lia. I have to find her.’ Matthias rested his hand on my shoulder. ‘We have to find her.’
Chapter Forty-Seven
Xania
Seymour dropped us at the closest Farezi port three days later, wished us luck, and washed her hands of us – though not before bulking up our food rations. Since Matthias and I only knew Farezi’s geography from maps, Truth led us inland.
Between cities, we kept to large towns where we wouldn’t attract too much notice. Truth and I met our respective contacts, trying to find out anything about unmarked carriages or families abruptly returning from their estates. If Rassa had hidden Lia, he wouldn’t do it in a royal estate.
‘Though it would be just like him to choose the obvious path,’ Matthias said.
As far as we could tell, Lia had been zigzagged through southern Farezi. Each town and city brought news of different families who’d unexpectedly returned to Court, all lower-ranked, who would have unquestioningly accepted Rassa’s bribes. As we neared the capital, we mapped out a trail of residences like a tainted constellation.
Rassa had probably assumed we wouldn’t discover the pattern, like he hadn’t realised I was Whispers, and assumed I didn’t love Lia enough to find her.
And he had probably assumed I wouldn’t leave my family behind, either.
I hoped they were still safe.
As we passed through towns closer to Triala, the Farezi capital, gossip filtered through from Edar about Rassa’s rule. He’d promoted many of his followers into prominent positions, giving them roles previously held by women. The Court women were bewildered and slowly rising to anger, but Rassa was King. His word was law, even if it was wrong.
Removing Diana from power, however, wasn’t as simple as he’d expected. The rules that Lia’s grandfather had created to keep Parliament and royalty in careful balance worked in her favour. Diana was fighting him with every resource and ally in her possession.
And as she fought for her power, the assassins finally caught up to us.
‘I wish I had better news,’ the agent said. ‘But the Court is closing ranks. Even when the King was at his worst, the nobles still gossiped.’
Matthias and I exchanged looks. This close to Triala, all my agents reported similar stories. The gossip was thin, or nonexistent. Everyone had suddenly turned cautious. If any more families had unexpectedly returned from the country, people remarked on it behind closed doors.
I’d reached the limits of my sources. Once we reached the city, it was time to ask Patrinne’s relatives for help. Now we were entirely at Truth’s mercy for what he decided to tell us.
‘Thank you for your time and effort,’ I said. ‘On behalf of Whispers, thank you for your service.’ With each meeting’s conclusion, I’d severed ties. I’d hardly resume being Whispers when Matthias and I returned – if we did. Without Lia, only traitor executions awaited us.
The thought of never seeing my family again…
We left the loud eating-house for the street outside. Our breath clouded before us. The temperature had barely risen above frozen all day, and the paths sparkled with frost. I tucked my arm into Matthias’s elbow, and we picked our way back towards the rooms we shared with Truth.
‘She was my last hope for information,’ I said.
‘Truth will tell us what we need to know.’ Matthias sounded more confident than I felt. ‘If we don’t find her, he’ll have failed, and Truth takes personal pride in his reputation.’
I didn’t reply, focused on the sudden prickling across the back of my shoulders and neck. I peered into a shop window as we passed, but nothing seemed unusual.
Were people ever going to stop following and trying to kill me? Just once?
I kept my voice low. ‘Can you feel–’
‘Keep walking,’ Matthias said. ‘Act normal.’
He guided me through more turns than I remembered taking earlier, just fast enough to put distance between the crowds and our follower. We ducked into a shop’s delivery door, recessed into the wall so it blocked us from view. After three hundred heartbeats, we both sagged.
‘Should we continue back?’ I asked.
Matthias flexed his jaw, thinking. ‘We don’t have a choice. Neither of us kno
ws the streets well enough. We’ll probably get lost trying to shake them off, and we can’t draw attention to ourselves.’ He gritted his teeth. ‘Let’s just get back. Truth will be there: safety in numbers.’
We walked back to the boarding house, brisk enough to make good time. No more prickling across my shoulders and back, but I didn’t trust myself. Matthias knocked on Truth’s room, while I went straight into ours.
I let out a deep breath, and the window smashed.
A glimpse of black clothes and a pale face, before I dived across the room. I landed hard enough that I wheezed, hauling myself up to crawl until I backed against the wall. The door was to my right. Truth and Matthias were just down the hall, and Truth had an alarmingly acute sense of hearing. I pulled out my dagger. I just had to keep myself alive until they arrived.
I darted forward as the assassin turned towards me, shrieking to unnerve him as I whipped the dagger across the air. The man didn’t hesitate, moving with me, and almost propelled me into a chair. I whipped it around and shoved it straight into him.
He grunted, then kicked it away.
Footsteps pounded down the hall outside.
The assassin closed in on me, and I swiped the blade across his torso. A hiss. A blur. My body moved before my mind caught up, so his fist only clipped my shoulder to send me spinning to the ground. I’d forgotten about his other hand.
Pain flared down my arm. The dagger slipped from my hand, and I snatched it up again, panting.
Matthias charged into the assassin from behind, smashing them both into the bed. Truth was right behind him. He crouched in front of me. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Just my shoulder,’ I said. ‘No blood.’
He nodded, briskly efficient, and turned to the swearing and scuffling on the bed. ‘Pull him up!’ he yelled at Matthias, and helped him haul the assassin up from the bed, dodging his fists.
‘Hold him out,’ Truth ordered, and Matthias held him at arms length. His hair tumbled across his face, ripped from its hair tie, and one of his eyes was closed as if about to swell.
Queen of Coin and Whispers Page 28
