Matthias and I exchanged anxious looks. The Captain turned and unlocked the doors.
The whimpers confused me. It sounded like an injured kitten, tiny, hoarse sounds, as if someone had screamed until they couldn’t anymore.
My legs shook, but I forced myself into the room.
Judging by the musty air, the shutters hadn’t been opened for some time. Sweat, blood, and fear – I wrinkled my nose, squinting against the bright light.
‘Why haven’t you opened the shutters?’ Matthias asked.
‘You don’t want me to open them,’ Lefaure said.
Everything was white except for a flash of brown –
Lia lay curled on the bed, her hair a mess of matted curls. Her shoulders shook as she wept, staring at nothing. Her bloody hands were cradled against her chest. Her face was lit up with livid scratches.
Matthias stared at the walls. Tears dripped down his face.
She’d tried to get out.
She’d clawed the shutters, and slammed her fists against the walls until they bled.
She’d screamed until her voice was gone.
She’d written on the walls with her bloodied fingers.
I am not my father.
I am not my father.
I am worthless.
No one will come for me.
I staggered towards the bed – one foot in front of the other, stay upright – and reached for her. My legs gave out.
I rested my hands against her tangled hair. ‘Lia. Lia. We’re here.’
I felt warmth against my cheeks, at odds with the cold spreading through me. Tears.
‘Lia. My Queen. I’m here.’
Lucidity filled her eyes for a brief, wonderful moment. ‘X… Xan… Xania…?’
I flinched at her rasping voice, and nodded. My tears fell faster. ‘I’m here.’
She reached towards me, maybe to wipe my cheeks, but yelped when she moved her hand.
I wrapped my arms around her and pressed my face against her hair. ‘You’re safe. I love you. I’m here, I’m here.’
Matthias sank to his knees on Lia’s other side. He held one of my hands against her and wrapped the other around me, shuddering with his own sobs.
Lia trembled against us. We’d spent two months searching for her – how long since anyone had touched her? In all that time, had anyone spoken kindly to her? Her screaming cries felt like swords against my skin, but we didn’t let her go until her breaths turned slow and deep, like she’d realised she was finally safe.
Chapter Fifty
Xania
We allowed the rumours to race ahead – the Queen was kidnapped, the Queen is alive, long live the Queen – for the tide to slowly turn against Rassa. The Farezi ambassador was caught between Arisane and the thwarted King. As Rassa’s ambitions faltered, it became clear that Arisane held the true power in Farezi.
When we reached Arkaala, I was ready to destroy him.
He leaned against the closed doors. His face was haggard, his eyes smudged with shadows. He went straight to the decanters. His hands trembled; whiskey sloshed onto the table. He gulped down a glass, turned towards the chairs –
And found me sitting in one.
He choked for breath.
‘Hello, Rassa.’ My voice could have frozen the air.
‘Miss Bayonn. To what do I owe this unexpected visit?’
‘I suppose I should be grateful you didn’t kill my family.’ I’d never, ever admit to him that I’d cried with relief.
‘You’re still a traitor,’ he said. ‘You should be grateful.’ He glanced over his shoulder –
‘You won’t call the guards.’ Rassa glared, and I added, ‘Have you felt well lately?’
He paused, reconsidering every meal, every drink, every twinge and ache. ‘What did you give me?’
I raised an eyebrow. ‘I gave you nothing. I haven’t been here. Do you know the first change Lia made when she became Queen?’
‘Tell me what you did!’
‘She told the kitchens that she expected the same meals as the Court. She considered it a waste of time and food to have separate dishes prepared for her. The kitchens were shocked, but pleased about less work. One of the first things you did was change it back. So many more ingredients, and time, and work… It’s never wise to overwork your kitchens, Rassa. A slip of the wrist over an unguarded bowl…’
‘You poisoned me.’
‘I didn’t. Unfortunately. But you still won’t last the night. If you’ve any grievances to set right or apologies to make, now’s the time. If you can walk.’
‘I’m not dead yet, Bayonn,’ he snapped, ‘and your Queen isn’t here to protect you.’
‘I know where my Queen is,’ I said. ‘Do you know where yours is?’
He’d married the girl who’d faced Lia for him, despite his parents’ horror at the rushed match. She was besotted, and had missed her bleeding.
‘Where is she? If you dare–’
‘I dare!’
He studied me with new intensity, as if just realising I wasn’t the same person from before.
‘You had my father murdered. You kidnapped and tortured the woman I love. Why should your wife stay safe? Do you assume because I’m a woman, I’ll be kind? If I had any kindness, Goldenmarch destroyed it.’
Papa was wrong. Vengeance was wonderful and terrible, easy and horrible.
Rassa straightened, trying to pull shreds of authority back around himself. ‘You said I won’t last the night, and dawn’s several hours away. You and your family will all die before me.’
I approached him, my dagger pressed against my skirt folds. ‘Circumstances have denied me the death you deserve.’ I leaned forward, wound one of his curls around my finger, and whispered, ‘I lied.’
I whipped the dagger up. Candlelight bounced off the blade against his skin. ‘There’s no poison in your veins. Any symptoms are the products of a guilty conscience.’ I ground the tip into one of the armrests. ‘You still won’t last the night. You won’t have enough time to kill me or my family. You won’t even be able to call for the guards.’
The fingers of my other hand twitched. Rassa followed the movement. I kissed him. Twisted my wrist, pricked a needle against his neck. He flinched, opened his mouth, and the pill slipped from my tongue into his mouth.
I pulled back. Clamped my hand over his mouth. ‘Surprise.’ I twisted the empty needle back into the pen. Forced him to swallow the pill.
When it was done, he slid to his knees. Still staring at me with glassy eyes, he slumped onto his side.
I knelt. ‘Your mother sends her regards. Your child will be raised well, since your wife isn’t strong enough to rule. Queen Arisane will take care of that, too.’
He tried to take a proper breath, but shook too hard. I leaned close enough to kiss him again. ‘If you didn’t die, you’d never let us be. We’d always be afraid. I won’t let Lia be afraid anymore.’
Rassa let out a stuttering gasp.
I dug my fingers into his hair until tears came to his eyes. ‘This is for her. And my father.’
Diana arrived hours after they would have found Rassa’s body. I gestured for Matthias to stay with Lia as she slept and hurried downstairs.
She paced in the reception room.
I curtseyed. ‘Admiral, welcome.’
‘Rassa is dead,’ she said. ‘You must bring the Queen to the palace so the Court knows she’s alive.’
My polite veneer shattered. ‘Her Majesty can’t be moved at present.’
‘You don’t have a choice,’ Diana said. ‘Otherwise, you’ll have every noble faintly related through her mother’s side, or with Aurien blood, declaring themselves the next monarch. The Queen must reassert her authority, or we face civil war.’
‘Why did you supply us with the ship and Seymour?’ I asked. ‘You’re ideally placed to take the throne now.’
Her right eye twitched. ‘I’d rather be eaten by a sea monster. I don’t want the throne. I didn’t
even want Vigrante’s position, but I didn’t trust anyone else.’
‘If you’re planning on stepping down from Government,’ I said, ‘it won’t be for a while yet.’
Diana narrowed her eyes. ‘There are rumours you’re the Master of Whispers.’
‘I’m only Fifth Step.’
‘A Fifth Step woman who committed treason to find her Queen.’
‘With the help of your captain and your ship.’
‘So we’re both traitors. Wonderful.’ Her smile could have cut through skin. ‘Several of Rassa’s supporters have abruptly fled the palace.’
Hazell and Terize could run as fast as they liked. It wouldn’t matter.
‘I presume their journeys will be shorter than planned?’
Diana’s smile turned into a vicious grin.
‘And,’ she said, feigning casualness, ‘the Farezi Queen apparently orchestrated her own son’s death.’
I wouldn’t have nightmares about the poison taking Rassa. No, I’d be haunted by Arisane giving me the poison and coolly describing the effects. She’d promised Farezi would support Lia retaking the throne, and Matthias and myself would stay alive, if I killed Rassa under her orders, and not only for my vengeance.
I didn’t know if I would ever tell Lia. Farezi would always have to be watched.
‘Their Majesties in Farezi are probably more concerned with the consequences of their son’s power play.’
Diana sighed. ‘What do you need?’
We’d returned to Edar as fast as Lia’s health allowed. Since she was still technically abdicated, and Matthias and myself were traitors, we’d reached Arkaala, got word to Lord Martain, and crept into his townhouse.
Lia had been ill and hysterical on our journey back. She constantly wept and screamed. A lit or darkened room made no difference. She couldn’t banish Goldenmarch. I didn’t know if she could recover, never mind take the throne again. But I had to do this for her.
‘You’re the Head of Government,’ I said. ‘And there’s a power vacuum. Change the abdication laws so Lia can take the throne again. And change the succession laws so she can choose an heir, blood-related or not.’
Diana’s expression turned calculating.
‘You want her back? Change the laws so she can return without penalty. Give me until you have the laws changed. She’ll come to the palace and meet the Court, even wave at people from the balcony.’
After several moments of silence, Diana finally nodded. ‘I need to see her for myself.’
I hesitated. ‘She’s sleeping. And… you may not like what you see.’
Diana’s face tightened. ‘Show me.’ As I turned, she added, ‘I hope you made Rassa suffer.’
I swallowed. ‘Not enough.’
Chapter Fifty-One
Lia
Over a year ago, I thought I could change everything. Iron will and hope would carry me through every obstacle, every doubt in my path.
If I could go back, as the rider approached with news of my future, I’d weep for what would happen. And slap myself across the face.
I’d failed.
I’d abandoned my duty, my country, my people. For all my scorn against Uncle, in the end I was worse. He hadn’t abdicated out of fear.
If I couldn’t be a good Queen, what was I?
I flinched at the knock on my door, even though it was gentle, as all noises and movements around me now were. ‘Enter.’
The door opened.
‘Lia.’
I glanced away from the overcast, damp morning, as dreary as I felt, and gestured for Mother to sit. ‘Lovely day, isn’t it?’
‘I don’t care about the weather.’ Father’s death had aged her, and Uncle’s had filled her with joy, but my disappearance had almost broken her. According to Xania, Mother had cried after seeing me, certain I’d die. In the two months since then, her face had tightened into sharp angles. Sadness followed her like a cloak.
I missed our old life.
My eyes burned. I spent my time constantly on the brink of tears.
‘Lia.’
I was in Mother’s arms, trembling, even as the tangled mess of fear and loathing inside me howled at the contact.
Rassa had not killed me. All my physical wounds had been self-inflicted. But the cracks showed. I’d jerk from sleep, screaming. It took hours at first to calm me. I could finally stomach mild broths and bread after months of small, tasteless meals.
I couldn’t bear even having my hand held. My mind insisted no one could be trusted. Xania and Matthias stressed they loved me, but they had no reason to: I’d failed them. I waged war against their smiles, and tears, and reassurances that I was safe.
I couldn’t abide their closeness, even as I wanted them to stay with me.
They wept at night, together and alone, when they thought I couldn’t hear.
Now Rassa was dead, and Farezi was in disgrace.
‘I don’t know if I can do this,’ I whispered.
‘Of course you can,’ Mother said. ‘You’re my daughter.’
Over a year ago, I’d scorned her, and her desire for beautiful things, her views on politics and Court. Yet she’d protected my name and reputation while I was gone, maintained support for me against Rassa’s cajoling and promises. She’d trickled her own rumours through Court: Rassa couldn’t be trusted; I’d abdicated out of love and fear for my family.
‘And Father? What would he think?’
‘It no longer matters,’ Mother said. ‘We can pretend to know what he would have wanted, how he’d have acted. But we’ll never know. He loved you, I know that.’
Mother had spun everything I hated about my abdication – my fear, my weakness – into virtues. Rassa was now a ruthless, immoral noble whose ambition had outstripped his reach. People should have hated that I’d acted on emotion, ruled by feelings instead of duty – instead, they revelled in it. I was royal, but also exactly the same as them.
Xania, once rejected by the Court, was revered for committing treason for love. Nobles once more courted Matthias for employment because of his loyalty and devotion. They laughed about it in private, bitter and exhausted.
People wanted stability. They remembered I’d made progress before Rassa had usurped me. I was surrounded by people who loved me enough to commit treason.
Today, I would face Parliament for the first time since returning to Arkaala. Diana had changed the ascension and succession laws, but I had to present myself and prove I was fit to rule again. Edar had been mired in uncertainty since my return. I was making decisions, but they had to go through several people first.
Another knock. Xania peered around the door. ‘Ready?’
I stood, plucked at my clothing in Edaran blue and silver. ‘Not really. But I’ll never be.’
‘I have faith in you.’
‘We all do,’ Mother said. I hugged her. She froze, as if waiting for me to pull away, then wrapped her arms around me. For a moment, I was a child again, and Father was dead, and she was the only one who understood my grief.
‘I love you.’
‘So do I,’ she said. ‘Always.’
I faced Xania, whose smile dimmed a little.
She sat with me every evening, reading or telling me about her day. Her words often faltered into silence. I didn’t know what to say. Some days her presence overwhelmed me. I remembered kissing her, lying beside her, laughing into her skin. It felt impossible now, an unreachable past because of my terror at the kindest touch.
I still wanted that life, somehow. I still wanted her.
I wasn’t sure if she needed someone like me now.
But she’d stayed through the screaming and fear. Her family had begged her not to; Mother and Matthias talked about it, when they thought I was asleep. But every morning Xania arrived with the maid, as consistent as dawn.
I curled my arm through hers, stifling the urge to shudder or flinch. I was the Queen. I would not let Goldenmarch define me forever. ‘Lead on, Miss Bayonn.’
> Xania’s smile lit up her face. ‘As you wish, Your Majesty.’
Chapter Fifty-Two
Xania
Now that Lia was back, and slowly recovering, no one knew what to do with me.
I was a pardoned traitor who kept the Queen from succumbing to anxious fears. I was Fifth Step, yet had the Crown’s respect. I rejoined the Treasury, but the desks around mine stayed empty. Terize was gone, and only Coin’s cat treated me the same.
Finally, after three months, Diana summoned me.
Mama didn’t want me to go. She still couldn’t forgive me for leaving without a word. For two months, she hadn’t known if I was dead or alive. I couldn’t blame her for how she felt, but I’d also do it again.
Before I left, Lord Martain and Zola wished me luck.
Diana’s office was dark wood and large windows. Shelves and drawers filled most of the space, reminding me a little of the Treasury. A huge map of Edar and our neighbours hung on a wall. There was no trace of Vigrante anywhere.
Diana waited with the Duchess and Coin. They’d turned into a triumvirate of power while Matthias and I were in Farezi, and now they supported Lia as she readjusted to ruling again.
‘Miss Bayonn,’ Diana said.
I kept my back straight, and refused to look away. ‘Admiral,’ I said, glancing at them in turn. ‘Duchess, Master Coin.’
‘Thank you for meeting with us,’ Diana said.
As if I’d had a choice.
‘We have a problem,’ she said. ‘You.’
‘I don’t understand.’
The Duchess leaned forward, pinning me with her gaze. ‘You are important to the Queen. Indeed, you’re the reason she’s here at all. You’re a hero, in the grand scheme of things. But you’re Fifth Step.’
I’d heard some of the gossip as I walked by. It was remarkably similar to what people had said when Mama remarried. Grasping for power, making herself indispensable to the royal family. Thinks much too highly of herself. The Sixth and Seventh Steps had little imagination.
‘So you need to reward me,’ I said. ‘Everything must be neat and proper, and my reputation a little less tattered.’
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