“Dude, what are you doing? I thought you had class?” Erin called out.
“Nah, bro. I wanted to get somethin’ to eat before the exam,” Levi replied. He smiled boyishly at Erin.
Trepidation filled Avery’s stomach as Erin’s eyes shifted slightly. “Hey man, I have something I meant to ask you. What do you think of Tori?” Erin tried to keep her voice casual, but Avery noticed that it faltered a little.
Levi’s smile disappeared as his tone became serious. “I like her, but I’m not looking for someone so serious as a girlfriend. Ya know? I want someone a little more coo’.”
Avery felt Erin’s stomach drop as she heard the news. “Oh, yeah. I get what you’re saying.” Erin’s eyes dropped as the two kept walking.
“What are you gonna get for lunch?” Levi asked. “Probably nothin’ too heavy, huh?”
“I’ll probably get my usual.”
Levi laughed as the two made their way to the union’s soft serve ice cream shop. The two ordered a small bowl of ice cream before heading upstairs to join the rest of their group. Once they reached the top of the stairs, Erin broke off to talk to Mariah and Felicia, while Levi went to talk to Hunter and a few other people.
“Is that all you’re eating?” Mariah asked.
Erin looked down at her bowl of chocolate soft serve and hard chocolate candies and nodded. Avery was amused at her grandmother’s choice of food. “It’s the sugar I need in order to be ready for my exam,” she reasoned.
“Oh my God,” Mariah said, laughing. “You can’t just eat that. You need real food.”
“Yes, Mom,” Erin said with a grin.
Avery felt a warmth within her at the concern that her friend showed for her. Grandma had such thoughtful friends.
A sudden thump on the table behind them caused the girls to jump. Tori pulled a chair away from the table, dropping into it, breathing heavily from her run. On the table lay her notebook.
“I barely fuckin’ made it before class started,” she said. “Managed to grab it in time.”
“Are you going to eat anything?” Felicia asked.
“Nah. Probably gonna grab something after the test.”
The girls sat at the table, talking about the next day’s party, when Levi’s voice called out, alerting them that he was heading off to class.
“See you guys in a bit,” Tori said.
Erin and her friend got out of their chairs and started heading towards the back stairwell. Avery felt Erin’s stomach knot. Her hands came up to her chest, and she cracked her knuckles nervously.
“Hey, Tori,” she broached tentatively. “I spoke to Levi earlier about what you asked me to, and maybe you could try and not be so competitive.” Looking at her friend, she added hastily, “Like, just tone it down a hair.”
“I’m not that competitive,” Tori replied.
Avery noticed that Tori’s eyes dropped and her previously spunky demeanor disappeared. It was replaced with a more somber mood. The two walked in silence to their class, where they met up with Levi and Hunter. Tori’s attitude did not improve as the class went on and they took the practical portion of their exam. She went through the motions clinically, without any emotion.
Erin’s knot got tighter as she watched her friend’s rare display of sadness.
The scene melted to a gathering of girls. Balloons and streamers led Avery to believe that they were at Mariah’s birthday party. A potluck feast lay before the group. The only person who was missing was Tori.
“She has the cake, right?” Erin asked Felicia.
“Yeah. I wonder where she is? She hasn’t texted me or anything.”
The girls got ready to plate their food, when they saw Tori’s vehicle pull up the driveway. The girls walked over to see if their friend needed assistance. As they neared the vehicle, the door swung open and an irritable Tori got out, cake in hand.
“Fuckin’ alarm didn’t go off in time,” she grumbled by way of greeting.
“It’s okay,” Mariah replied. “Here, let me help with that.” Mariah reached out and gently took the cake out of Tori’s hands. “I’m just happy you made it in time.”
Tori managed to crack a smile before joining the other girls at the table.
Avery noticed that time seemed to move quickly as the girls ate and celebrated Mariah’s birthday together. Through her grandmother’s eyes, she kept shooting side glances at her friend, trying to gauge Tori’s mood. Tori didn’t participate much in the conversation, her attention downward on her plate. However, Erin noticed that she wasn’t really eating anything. A pit formed in Erin’s stomach for the second time in two days.
Why does she feel guilty about this? Avery wondered.
The scene shifted once more.
Felicia and Erin walked to class together. As they passed a brick building, Felicia spoke. “I’m really getting annoyed with Tori’s attitude lately. She’s been so negative the last few weeks.”
“I think that’s my fault,” Erin replied. “I spoke to Levi, and he said some stuff that I don’t think she took well. I shouldn’t have told her that I talked to him.”
“You couldn’t lie to her,” Felicia said. “She’s like your sister. She just needs to handle it better.”
Erin sighed. “I know what you mean. I’m tired of the negativity as well.”
“What should we do?” Felicia asked.
Avery felt her grandmother’s face get hot. The corners of her eyes got moist and she took a steadying breath before continuing.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to continue with this friendship,” she muttered. “I’ve been thinking of what you’ve been saying the last few weeks, and with her attitude not improving, I can’t handle another group breakdown like I did with my high school friends. But it hurts, because Tori is one of my first friends that I made here. I don’t know what to do.”
“Well, I already told you that I’m cutting her out. I think if you want peace, you’ll need to do the same,” Felicia said. She didn’t seem upset as she spoke. “If it’s been this long, it probably won’t get any better. I mean, it’s been two months since you spoke to her about Levi. She should be over it by now, but you know that Tori’s pride won’t let her acknowledge what she’s doing. If you want to avoid the negativity, you’ll need to be the one to act.”
Avery felt her grandmother’s chest tighten as the two walked the remaining distance to their respective classes in silence. She noted how her grandmother’s shoulders slouched as she moved, her eyes down. Avery felt her heart ache for her grandmother.
The bell rang. Chairs scraped against the linoleum as students rushed to leave the room. Erin slowly picked up her binder, slinging her backpack across one shoulder. A heavy knot filled her stomach, almost causing physical pain. Though Avery only experienced the Distortion through her grandmother’s eyes, the pain that Erin felt at that moment caused tears to silently slide down Avery’s cheeks as she lay in the chair.
Erin slowly made her way towards the student union using a different route than she had earlier with Felicia. Her feet dragged as she walked in a haze, a whirlpool of emotion swirling within. A familiar voice caught Erin’s attention, causing her head to snap up. Ahead of her, Tori walked with Mariah. The two were laughing as they discussed their last lecture.
Avery’s grandmother’s breath caught in her chest. It had been too long since she’d heard Tori laugh. The sound should’ve made her happy. It didn’t. She stood frozen, causing several people to quickly move around her and earning her a few choice words of frustration. Erin barely acknowledged their presence. As Tori and Mariah neared, Avery felt Erin’s indecision. In a moment of defeat, Erin quickly ducked into the nearest building, watching through the door’s window as her two friends walked by.
“I’m done,” Erin murmured to herself, tears falling. “I can’t do it anymore.”
Erin tentatively stuck her head into the darkened room. Avery felt the butterflies in her grandmother’s stomach as she walked up to the front d
esk. A gaunt man with greasy hair tied back in a low ponytail watched the young woman with hungry eyes. Avery recognized that look. She’d been the subject of such a stare at Kettleman’s several times.
“What can I do for ya, Sweetheart?”
Avery felt her grandmother fidget as she struggled to respond. Seeing Erin falter, the man smiled. Walking over to Erin, he put his arm around her shoulder and started leading her to the back room. Avery felt Erin’s disgust turn to fear.
This was wrong. This was not the high that she was expecting. Kettleman was wrong, this was not something that interested her.
With a sudden jar, the scene melted away and Avery found herself coming back to reality. Her arm was slightly sore and she rubbed where the needle had just been.
“Avery Jane!” her mother’s voice called out shrilly. “I can’t believe that I found you here! You said you were going to stop.”
Avery rubbed her temple and looked up at her fuming mother. Kettleman stood behind her, delicately putting away the Distortion equipment. Occasionally, he shot Alexis a glare, shaking his head as he went about his business.
“Mom, it’s not what you think!” she argued. “This is different.”
“No, it’s not different, Avery!” Alexis exclaimed. “You’re as bad as those people who use drugs or sniff paint. You’re rotting your brain with this Distortion stuff. Why are you even reviewing your memories? Are you using drugs? Can you not even remember your own short life anymore?”
Pushing herself out of her chair, Avery silently grabbed her sweatshirt and headed towards the door.
“Answer me, Avery Jane,” her mother commanded.
“Mom, I don’t use drugs,” Avery said tiredly. “He’s a friend of mine and he was showing me some new ways to trick your brain into thinking that you’ve lived a more exciting life than you actually have.”
Alexis pushed the door open, exposing the dank shop to the bright sun. Avery brought her arm up to shield her eyes from the brilliance.
“That sounds illegal,” Alexis muttered.
“It’s not,” Avery said quickly. “It takes your dreams and stores them so you can review them later. Haven’t you ever tried to remember a dream?”
Her mother fell silent as she walked next to her daughter. “I have,” she admitted. “But this is not the right way to go about this. Distortion is for self-reflection, and studying the approved historical figures. It’s not for fun and games.”
The pair moved down the street without another word. Avery glanced at her mother, noting that Alexis would not look at her. Her mother’s mouth was drawn in a tight line, her brows furrowed as she walked.
I can’t believe she’s buying this. Hopefully she doesn’t look into the matter further. But how did she find me?
Avery continued with her mother in silence. The emotional fatigue she normally got from Distortion highs was replaced with a flood of regret, pain and guilt. The sensation left her feeling confused. Apparently, Tori was a close friend of her grandmother’s, but why did she feel so bad about how their friendship ended? It seemed as though it got toxic quickly. Surely, she was justified in her decisions?
“Avery, where did I go wrong?” Alexis asked quietly.
“What?”
“I thought I raised you right. Your father and I worked hard to give you and your brother everything that we could. What did we do wrong? Why did you turn to Distortion highs?”
Avery looked over at her mother and noticed that her nose was red and tears rolled down her cheeks. Her mother wiped off her face, not noticing whether or not her daughter saw her emotion. The pain that Avery had been feeling doubled as she saw her mother.
“You and Dad didn’t do anything,” Avery mumbled. “I just needed to experience this part of life on my own. I won’t be doing it again.”
“That’s what you said last night,” Alexis shot back. “How can I believe you? I’ve never felt like I couldn’t trust you before. Now, I don’t know whether or not I can anymore,” Alexis said, her voice trembling as she spoke. “Do you know what kind of position you’ve put me in?”
Avery’s voice cracked, pleading for her to understand. “Mom, I promise. I will never do it again.”
Alexis continued on in silence. Her mother did not shed any more tears, but her nose remained red. Occasionally, Avery heard a sniffle coming from her mother, but pretended to ignore it. She was too busy trying to figure out her own thoughts and emotions.
Am I a bad person for not trying to comfort Mom? Why can’t I focus on anything? Damn Kettleman for doing this to me. All I wanted was one last hit and instead he screws me over with that.
Avery stopped as she realized that her mother stood near a car. In the driver seat sat her grandfather. Avery blinked several times, trying to focus her mind in the present.
“When did Grandpa get here?” she asked.
“Get in. We’re going home. I’ll finish with you once your grandparents leave,” Alexis replied curtly.
Avery slid into the car and quietly buckled her belt. Her mother did the same and told her father to head out. Without a word, Frank backed the car out of the parking spot and took off down the street. Eleven o’clock. She’d only been gone for an hour before her mother found her at Kettleman’s.
The car ride was uncomfortably silent. Avery pulled her hood over her head and rested her elbow on the windowsill. Soft music played on the radio, Grandpa Frank bouncing his head in time with the drums. Alexis looked straight ahead, her arms folded across her chest, and chewed her bottom lip. Avery let out a deep breath as she turned her head to stare out the window.
When the car arrived at their home, Avery and her family got out and noiselessly entered the house. The sound of the television playing in the family room somehow managed to enhance the awkwardness of the trio’s silence. Frank quickly broke off from his daughter and granddaughter as he went into the kitchen to grab a snack.
Avery trudged into the dining room and saw her grandmother sitting at the table eating a peach. Erin glanced up as her granddaughter entered the room.
“Oh, welcome back, Avery,” she said cheerily. “Were you able to get what you needed?”
Alexis walked in behind her daughter and went to sit in the family room on the couch.
Avery cracked her knuckles with her thumb, eyes not meeting her grandmother. “For the most part,” she mumbled.
Erin cut a slice of peach and proffered it to her granddaughter, motioning for her to take a seat at the table. Avery glanced towards her mother before taking a seat and accepting the piece of fruit. Erin cut another slice for herself and smiled as she bit into the sweet snack.
Struck with sudden inspiration, Avery decided to ask her grandmother a question. “Grandma, what happened with you and Tori?”
Erin froze, her slice of peach stopping just short of her mouth. “How do you know about Tori?” she asked softly.
Avery held her breath as she glanced up at her grandmother. “I heard about her from someone in town.” Trying to relax, Avery forced herself to take a deep breath before continuing. Feeling her stomach knot tightly, she decided that since she made it this far, she may as well get it over with. Dropping her eyes, she said, “They made it seem like something happened to your relationship that was your biggest regret.”
She sat in silence for several long moments, waiting for her grandmother to respond. When she didn’t, Avery raised her eyes and looked at her grandmother’s face. Her heart dropped as she saw pain etched in her grandmother’s usually cheerful face. The eyes that normally sparkled with joy were dim and hollow. Her lips that could almost always be found curled up in a smile were drawn together in a thin line.
“Tori wasn’t my biggest regret,” Erin finally said. “Although I’m ashamed of my actions surrounding our relationship. It broke my heart, what happened.” Avery opened her mouth to speak, but closed it when her grandmother continued, unprompted. “My biggest regret is that I’ve allowed myself to repeat history, even though no
thing good ever came from it.”
“What do you mean?” Avery whispered.
“People can be very ugly, Avery,” Erin said, her voice cracked as she spoke. “I first learned that when I was about thirteen. I went to school with two of my closest friends, and through my own doings, allowed myself to be manipulated by one of them. Because of that, my own inner ugliness came out and I ruined a friendship with someone I’d known since we were in first grade. I thought that I’d learned from that experience by the time I entered college, but because of my actions, my friendship with Tori ended with the same outcome.”
Avery felt her face get hot as she watched her grandmother struggle not to break down. Erin’s eyes were turning red, as was her nose, and moisture rimmed the corners. The half-eaten peach slice now sat on a napkin, forgotten.
“Tori was like a sister to me,” Erin said softly. “We met during the first month of college. She was my first friend on this new journey in my adult life. Once we met, we were inseparable. She was a joy to be around and we met a bunch of wonderful people together. However, I made the mistake of trying to set her up with her crush. I thought I was helping, but I’m pretty sure I just hurt her feelings. After our talk, she wasn’t quite the same. She was a bit moody, and as graduating seniors, our friend group didn’t want to deal with the negative energy. Or, at least, I thought I didn’t want to. It didn’t help that my friend group from high school was going through a rough patch as well, but it’s no excuse. I should’ve been there for her and helped her during that difficult period.”
Avery felt tears running down her cheeks as she watched her grandmother relive what must have been a truly devastating period for her. She saw the memories come flooding to the surface of her grandmother’s mind, and instantly regretted bringing up the topic.
“It was a bomb waiting to explode,” Erin continued. “Hunter had been getting on our nerves for a while with his bragging about petty things. Another girl, new to our group, got upset that a joke didn’t work and decided to start lying about being in a car accident and harassing us. There was unnecessary drama everywhere. I should’ve just stayed out of it. But I didn’t. I wanted to blow off steam, and I used Tori’s pain as a reason to be a colossal jerk. We talk a little now, but it’s not the same. We moved too far apart during the damage.
The First Stain Page 17
