by Leslie North
“Come watch this,” Jake invited, when he caught sight of Cal. “The teacher’s getting all worked up.”
“If you hide the truth from kids,” Rafael gestured with the beer in his hand, “you’re not doing them any favors.”
“What truth is being hidden?” Cal settled in to hear the story, indicating to a waitress that he’d like a beer, too.
“The new American History textbooks came in this morning for my junior classes. I was flipping through the pages as I unboxed them. What I saw made me want to shove them back in and send them back to the company.” Rafael’s face was red with anger. In most things, Rafael was as easy-going as they came—but he had a tendency to get worked up over history. Especially when he felt like someone’s story wasn’t being told.
“What’s wrong with the books?” Cal had once seen a textbook printed upside down, but clearly this was worse.
“They completely gloss over the Camp Logan Mutiny.” Rafael slammed his beer onto the shiny surface of the table. “The textbook writers declared it a brief moment of civil unrest,” he made air quotes around the phrase, “and skipped right into Texas’s contribution to the World War I efforts.”
Cal had to dig back through his memory for information about the incident. He recalled reading about it, but not in high school.
“No one ever wants to talk about the mutiny because it shows Texans in a bad light,” Rafael continued, “but those soldiers had reasons for their actions. Damn good ones, too. The local authorities overreacted, and it was a bloodbath. Shameful incident, but we can’t sweep it under the rug.”
“Contact the textbook publisher,” Jake suggested as the waitress put a beer in front of Cal.
“I did that.” Rafael still looked as if he was ready to tear someone up over it. “I sent them three emails, and they aren’t getting back to me.”
“Maybe they need some time to research before they respond,” Cal pointed out.
“They shouldn’t have to research Texas history if they’re in Texas,” Rafael insisted. “They should know it.”
“Raf, you’re such a nerd.” Jake’s tone was joking, which didn’t help to defuse Rafael’s anger.
“History is important. It’s full of lessons that remain relevant, and we would be smart to heed it. And another thing…”
Rafael launched into a diatribe about history, and Cal’s mind started to drift as he drank his beer and half-listened. He caught the gist of it enough to know that Rafael was saying the past affected the present in positive and negative ways. That idea was similar to what had been going through his head when he’d talked to Amy earlier in the day. But he was also thinking about her beautiful red hair and the way her laugh during the photography shoot had made the entire room light up.
“Cal, you payin’ attention?” Rafael’s voice made Cal’s head snap up, and he got a little taste of what his friend must be like as a teacher. No student better daydream in his class.
“You were talking about the importance of history,” Cal said, trying to focus again. “I agree. I’m sure the textbook company will get back to you soon.”
“They better not try to pacify me with some free book,” Rafael grumbled. “That’s what they always try to do.”
As they ate, their talk moved on to local ranching news and the upcoming rodeo. A few people stopped by the table to meet Cal or greet one of the other men, but mostly they were left alone. Cal listened more than he talked because his mind was still occupied with Amy and Henry, their grief, and how much he wanted to put smiles on their faces.
What could he do to make Amy laugh more and shed some of her fear? He’d like to know the answer to that question.
“I didn’t order that, ma’am,” Cal said to the waitress as she put a third beer down on the table. Even though he was walking back to his room rather than driving, he kept himself to his usual two beer limit. It didn’t do to drink too much.
“It’s from her,” the waitress said and pointed across the bar to a pretty brunette perched on a stool. She looked to be about his age and gave him a giant smile when she caught his eye. “She wanted me to give you this, too.” The waitress handed Cal a napkin with a phone number scrawled across it and a little heart in the corner.
He should be flattered since she was the most attractive woman in the bar, but Cal couldn’t muster any enthusiasm for a hookup.
“Not your type?” Jake asked, his sharp eyes watching.
“Not really,” Cal said. Any other time, she might be, but not that night. “I’m not interested.” He nodded to the woman as a thank you and turned back to Jake and Rafael.
“Are you crazy? She’s hot,” Jake said. “And I don’t know her. She must be from out of town.”
Cal shrugged, folded the napkin, and shoved it under the edge of his plate, which was a clear sign that he wasn’t taking it home with him.
“Hell, if you’re not going to go talk to her,” Jake said, “do you mind if I try to convince her she’s hitting on the wrong brother?”
“Have at it,” Cal said and wasn’t surprised when Jake swaggered off headed for the woman. “Kids.”
Rafael laughed. “It wasn’t too many years ago when you’d have been off that seat and charming the lady before the ink dried on the napkin.”
“Grew up, I guess,” Cal said.
“Yeah. Sure.” Rafael wasn’t convinced. “You seein’ someone?”
“No.” And yet, Cal’s thoughts immediately went to Amy.
Rafael finished his beer before pinning Cal with a serious look. “You hung up on a woman, then?”
“Is it so weird that I didn’t run across the bar and kiss that woman?” Cal glanced to where Jake was flirting with the brunette.
“Kinda.” Rafael waited for Cal. His former rodeo mentor knew how to use silence to get what he wanted, but it gave Cal time to think as well.
Obviously, Amy was off-limits. She had to be. She was clearly still hung up on her husband. And she was the definition of “rooted in a small town.” Not to mention that half the time she was mad at him for things he had no control over. She wasn’t a jerk about it, and they were getting good at apologizing to each other, but she carried around a lot of baggage from the past. Of course, the biggest thing standing in his way was that she’d given him no clear indication that she was into him. Still, that laugh…damn. It got to a man.
Cal wasn’t willing to say all that to his buddy, but he could ask a question or two. “What do you know about Luke Thorne’s marriage to Amy?”
Rafael raised an eyebrow but answered. “Nothing firsthand. I only knew Luke himself in passing. We were far enough apart in age that he was just a kid when I went off to join the rodeo, and we had no reason to stay in touch. And then I came home to Darby Crossing just a few weeks before Luke was killed. From what I’ve heard, they were the perfect couple.”
“That’s what everyone says.” It bothered Cal to hear it confirmed again. “If I stuck around here, do you think people would get over my resemblance to him?”
“You thinkin’ of staying?” Rafael asked.
“I’m being hypothetical.” Cal wanted to make that clear. He didn’t need his friend pressuring him to take up residence in Darby Crossing.
“All right, if we’re talking hypotheticals, I think folks would eventually get over it,” Rafael said. “After all, you’re not identical and your personalities aren’t the same either. People would eventually see you for you and get over the past.”
“That’s what I thought,” Cal said, feeling relieved that his friend agreed with him.
“Unless,” Rafael added, drawing out a long pause, “they don’t want to get over the past. That happens, too. I’ve seen it when my students’ parents get divorced. Every now and then, a parent will start lashing out or even grow distant from a kid because the kid reminds them of their ex. The weird thing is that it doesn’t even have to be about the kid physically looking like the ex.”
“Then what is it?” Cal tried to under
stand what his friend was saying.
“My opinion? It’s about the person being unwilling or unable to move past their old pain and focus on the person who’s actually standing in front of them. It sucks when that happens. And it breaks the kid’s heart, but some folks are just stuck in the past, and there’s nothing anyone can do to bring them out of it.”
Was Amy so mired in the past that she could never get over it? She seemed to appreciate Cal for who he was, but he could be misjudging their connection. She might just be using him as a sort of stand-in for her dead husband. That was a sobering thought, especially since he saw the possibility of something vibrant and alive between them. He wasn’t sure he would act on that possibility, wasn’t sure it was smart to, but still, it was there.
8
“That went well,” Amy said as they merged onto the highway. She and Cal had done both a newspaper and a television interview to promote the rodeo in a small city about thirty miles outside of Darby Crossing. Cal had been charming and personable, and no one asked questions that veered toward the potential disaster if the rodeo failed. So it had been a good day, and she was feeling comfortable with the man in the driver’s seat.
Dinner at the ranch the night before had also helped increase her comfort level with Cal. He’d merged into the conversation, asking questions about the ranch, the food Laura had made, and Henry’s favorite things to do. She’d found herself relaxing back in her chair and just watching the interactions. Adding Cal to the family felt right. And she had to admit she was attracted to him, far more than she should be. Once she’d imagined herself kissing him, she hadn’t been able to get the idea out of her head. Unfortunately, it had morphed into a hot dream about him that had her standing in front of an open window at three in the morning to try to cool down. She bit back a sigh at the memory.
“I liked the television guy. He knew how to make an interview fun,” Cal said.
“I guess he did,” she agreed. “That must be a gift.”
“Having fun?” He turned his head and quirked an eyebrow at her.
“No, making situations fun for others,” she said. “I’m always so caught up in the details that I don’t think about anything else.”
“When you’re working?”
“Of course,” she said, but in truth, it was all the time. She had her son to manage on her own, even though she had Laura’s help. She had her job that she loved, and now she had the rodeo and the thousands of little details that had to be navigated to make it a success. She couldn’t let anything fall through the cracks—and that meant obsessing over the details to make sure nothing was missed.
“So what do you do for fun?” Cal asked.
“Oh, I…” What did she do? Having a six-year-old had its moments of fun, but they were scattered in with the responsibilities.
“Maybe you go out dancing with your girlfriends?” Cal suggested. “Or go on dates?”
“Sometimes I have dinner and drinks with Maggie, a friend whose family owns the Western clothing store,” Amy said. But now that she thought about it, it had been weeks since she’d done more than text with Maggie or grab a quick cup of coffee.
“Sounds nice.”
“It is. I just have to find the time.” Amy decided she’d pencil in a girls’ night out just as soon as the rodeo was over. It would be a reward of sorts.
“What about dating?” Cal asked.
Dang it. She’d hoped he wouldn’t circle back to that. “I don’t date.”
“Ever?” He took his eyes off the road again and shot her a look.
“I’ve sworn off the whole experience. I think I’m just not a relationship person anymore. Finding someone is partly luck, and I don’t expect that’ll happen for me again.” She should stop herself from revealing any more, but the words kept pouring out. The best she could do was control the tone, so she kept it light. “Besides, I don’t think I could live through the aftermath a second time.”
Even if she hadn’t been in love with Luke by the end, their lives were still tied together. And her biggest source of grief was knowing that Henry would never know his father. That ripped her up inside.
“You could. You’re plenty strong,” Cal said, and he seemed to mean it.
“Thanks—”
“You could absolutely have a relationship again if you wanted one,” he kept going. “Do you?”
Did she? She was scared to even let her thoughts go down that road. Dating seemed dangerous, and relationships beyond terrifying. She controlled the shiver that went through her. Cal wasn’t talking, but he was watching for her reaction. Amy appreciated that he didn’t seem to judge or pressure her. He was simply suggesting the possibility and making her think it through.
“Maybe I do,” she finally said. “Someday.” If it was better than my marriage, she silently added to herself. She couldn’t be with a man like Luke again. He had been a controlling narcissist. It had taken her months in therapy to be able to admit that to herself. It felt disloyal to his memory to even think that, but it was the truth, too.
“Have you been on a date since…?” he asked and she appreciated that he didn’t finish the question.
“Just one,” she admitted ruefully. “It was the most awkward experience of my life.”
“No way. I can’t imagine you being awkward.”
“Oh, I was, and he was, and now I can’t visit Brian at the sheriff’s office because the guy is a deputy. I don’t want to run into him,” she said. Her date, a high school friend of Luke’s, was a perfectly nice man, she supposed, but on a date, it had felt like there was a third presence with them. Neither of them had been able to get past the past, so long silences and stilted conversations were the order of the night. She’d skipped dessert and texted Maggie to give her a ride home, making up an excuse about Henry needing her.
“We could go out,” Cal said, “on a sort of…practice date for you.”
Oh, lord. She kept her eyes straight ahead, almost too nervous to even move. Did he know she was fantasizing about kissing him? Had she been that transparent? She fought down the panic, carefully controlling her voice. “A date with you would probably be the height of awkwardness. I’m sorry, but that’s the truth.”
Cal chuckled. “You bet it would, which is why you should do it.”
“You aren’t making any sense,” she said.
“Look at it this way. You’d never date me in real life because of who I am and who I look like, so there’s no chance of it going anywhere—which means there’s zero relationship pressure. It would just be a fun date to ease you back into the dating scene. If you can have an un-awkward date with me, you can have one with anyone. Just practice, no stakes.”
It was an awful idea, so why was she considering it? A date with Cal could not possibly be no stakes and zero pressure. Not for her. Not after the dream she’d had involving him and her growing desire to put her lips on his.
“Come on. Give me a chance,” Cal said, reaching his hand across the seat to rub her shoulder. “I promise you an evening of nothing but fun.”
He was persuasive, she’d give him that, and she thought he could deliver on that promise. If she ever planned to date again, she should take him up on his offer. Maybe she had to get back on the horse just like Henry had to.
And Cal didn’t know how attracted to him she was. As long as he didn’t find out, what would be the harm?
“Okay,” she said, throwing her caution to the wind. “Let’s go on a date.”
“Tonight?” he asked.
She wanted time to prepare, mentally and physically, but maybe it was better to vault back into the saddle before she started second-guessing herself. “Sounds perfect.”
Six hours later, she wondered what the hell she’d been thinking by agreeing to this date. During the afternoon, she’d kept busy at the office returning phone calls and emails about the rodeo and her other responsibilities. When she stood in front of her closet trying to decide on an outfit, there was nothing between her and a
date with a man who made her insides melt. Which was silly. She was past the age when that should happen.
She reviewed her choices. Black stretchy knit dress. She shook her head, too sexy. Red wrap blouse and jeans. She eyed the outfit, but decided it was too casual. Something blue, she looked good in blue, maybe even wholesome, which was probably the right look for the evening. Blue tunic over black leggings with ankle boots. Hair down around her shoulders, and some makeup, but not full on I’m-going-out makeup. She went into action, getting ready.
“Cal’s here,” Jake called to her. Henry was at the grocery store with Laura or he’d have raced ahead of her to see Cal. Amy thought it was nice of Laura to remove part of the audience, hence reducing the awkwardness. Amy gave herself one last check in the mirror before going to meet her date.
“Hi, Cal,” she said as she entered the living room, ignoring how fast her heart beat at the sight of him. He was dressed casually in jeans and a western shirt with cowboy boots, but he looked so good. “I’m ready to go.”
“I was just telling Cal that you have a midnight curfew.” Jake had his hands on his hips.
“I do?” she said to banter with Jake, who looked like he wasn’t quite joking. She shifted her attention to Cal, whose eyes were sweeping over her with obvious approval. That was a good start for the evening.
“I’ll make sure she gets home safely,” Cal said to Jake, but he didn’t agree to the curfew, she noted.
“Where are we going?” she asked when he opened the truck door for her. He was acting as if this was a real date, which was cute and appreciated.
“Out of town,” he said. “I thought that would be better.”
