A Heart to Trust

by A. L. Brooks

  “You will. And thanks again, Maxwell.”

  Olivia walked to the elevators, her mind whirling. It still turned over the events of the day when she stepped into her apartment thirty minutes later.

  Broderick looked up from the paperwork spread out before him on the table. “Are you okay? Why are you home in the middle of the day?”

  She hung up her coat and scarf, then kicked off her boots and left them with her bag near the front door. She walked over to where he sat and pulled out the chair next to him. Slowly, with a lot of stumbling, repetition, and backtracking, she managed to fill him in on all that had happened since they’d shared breakfast earlier.

  “Is it noon yet?” Broderick asked when she’d finished.

  “What?”

  “I need a glass of something to help me digest everything, but my mom always said no drinking before noon.”

  Olivia managed a smile. “It must be noon somewhere.”

  “Good point!”

  Ten minutes later they were on his couch, a glass of white wine each, feet up on the coffee table.

  “Do you think you would have done what Jenny did?” Broderick asked. “I mean, if you’d had that photo, that knowledge. Would you have gone to HR?”

  “You know, I keep thinking about that. I told her I thought it was brave; I’m in awe of her. I honestly don’t know if I could have done it.” Olivia sipped her wine, vaguely noting that she ought to eat something with it too. “She seemed embarrassed that she’d been so convinced Chrissy was a good person. I think that became anger when she thought about all the ways Chrissy had lied to her. I mean, I was angry too, especially after her stunt at the charity event, but even so…” She gazed, unseeing, at the bookshelves before them. “I would have been so scared of putting my own position at risk. I think I would have chickened out and just hoped Derek would still make his decision on merit, not on who he was shagging.” She looked across at Broderick, who watched her intently. “What kind of person does that make me? Certainly not a brave one. Not like Jenny.”

  “But your circumstances are different from Jenny’s. You had a lot riding on the chance of getting that permanent job. Even if it isn’t your perfect job, it will get you that start you want. Get something more concrete on your résumé. Jenny’s already got, what, seven years of doing this behind her? I’m not saying she has it easy, but she has it easier than you. So I understand why you think you would have acted differently in that situation. You don’t have to feel ashamed of that.”

  “I used to be so much bolder.” Olivia tapped one fingertip against her lips. “This business between us, all this secrecy and creeping around… Keeping my head down has made me timid. It’s not a feeling I like.” She blinked a couple of times; her emotions seemed to be riding near the surface and she felt tears building. “I don’t like what this whole scheme we cooked up has made me.”

  “I remember you back when we first met.” He chuckled. “Jeez, I didn’t think I’d ever keep up with you. You had so much energy, and you never stopped laughing. And you’d been like that until, yes, the last couple of years. I know this arrangement was all for my benefit, and we knew it was a long project but…” He shifted in his seat and faced her. “I think we should start the divorce proceedings.”

  “But—”

  “Just listen. I got what I wanted from this, thanks to you. That sponsorship deal is all mine and not going anywhere, even if I divorce. My mom is now convinced I can have a relationship, and that will keep her off my back for quite some time.” Broderick took her hand, holding it tight. “But you’re not happy. You’ve even got a permanent job now, but you’re still not happy. And hey, as an asexual aromantic, I’m the last guy people expect to think having a partner makes you happy. But I can see how much Jenny means to you. It’s killing me you’re not letting anything happen between you two because you and I are still pretending we’re the happily married couple to keep Dewbury’s and my mother happy.”

  “She’s not my type,” Olivia said, apropos of nothing.

  “So what? You like her anyway.”

  “She may not even want to date me, even if I was available.”

  “Well, I think we both know that’s a load of crap.”

  “She—”

  “Why are you trying to make excuses?” he asked. “What are you so scared of?”

  “I’m not scared!” She glared at him, her skin heating. I’m not scared. That’s ridiculous. It’s… Oh bloody hell. “I’m scared,” she whispered.

  “I know you are.” Broderick moved closer. “But of what exactly?”

  She shook her head, trying to process her epiphany. “Being with you, being married but without having to actually work at being married, it’s been easy. Reliable. I haven’t had to think about pleasing anyone but myself. I haven’t had to take anyone else’s feelings into account because I was merely going through the motions while we got you what you needed. And whatever I got out of it, as in, living here in New York for the first time, was just a nice bonus.” She took a couple breaths. “I’ve treated my life for the last two years as some sort of project. Something that just needed to be worked through to an end goal. An end goal that wasn’t even mine. And I suppose I got used to the crutch that was our setup. The idea that now I can literally do what I want, when I want, and with who I want, is daunting. I almost daren’t believe I can have that.”

  “You can.” Broderick used one finger to wipe away the tears from her eyes. “And you deserve it. You really do, Olivia. You’ve stuck with this from the minute we started, and never let up.” He placed a hand on her cheek. “But you’re done. Project complete. Now, you can have anything you want.”

  It sounded unreal. Like too much to hope for. But as his words sunk in, other thoughts blended with them.

  I can apply for Derek’s job, and I bet I’ve got a great chance of getting it.

  I can find my own place to live, something cute that’s all mine.

  And I can ask Jenny if she’d go on a date with me. That last thought sent the biggest tingle of excitement coursing through her. Then Maxwell’s words came back to her, and she knew if she was going to do this, she would do it right. Totally above board. She wiped away more tears, and looked up at Broderick, her friend for over ten years, her husband for nearly two of them. “I know what I want.”

  “Yes?”

  “I want a divorce.”

  Broderick’s laughter was loud and long.

  Chapter 27

  Olivia awoke on Saturday morning with her mind clear and felt freer than she had in a long time. Yes, she still had some doubts and fears; not everything could be fixed with one epiphany and a glass—or two—of a very good Chardonnay. But an exciting determination filled her veins, and she was going to run with it, see what it could bring her.

  Her first task of the day was to take Barnaby for his early morning stroll. Mr. Cousins was visiting his brother upstate for the weekend, and unfortunately the brother was allergic to dogs. Spending time with the old hound in the local park would be another balm to her soul after the ridiculous week at C&V. She couldn’t help smiling as a light snow coated her hat and the shoulders of her thick, woolen jacket.

  Barnaby, as usual, had been less than keen to venture out onto the city’s snowy streets. But somewhere in his doggy mind, he must have known it had to be done.

  While she walked alongside him, Olivia rehearsed what she wanted to say to Jenny. Broderick had wholeheartedly agreed with her when she insisted on telling Jenny the whole truth. It was important not to start off on the wrong foot. How could Jenny trust her—having clearly not trusted her in the beginning anyway—if she later found out Olivia’s marriage had been fake? Assuming Jenny was even willing to give them a try, of course. She banished that thought—nothing but positive thinking today.

  Finally, Barnaby found a patch of dirt under a tree that met his nee
ds, and the business was done.

  “Good boy,” Olivia cooed. “Now we can get back in the warmth.”

  Barnaby looked mighty relieved at the prospect.

  After getting him settled back into his bed in the hallway outside her room, Olivia ate a light breakfast, cleared up all the dishes and glasses from the night before, then retreated to her room with a pot of coffee and the morning paper.

  Broderick was out visiting his mother, sowing the seeds of the divorce. “I don’t want to tell her any more big lies, though,” he’d said. “So although it might be easier to say one of us was cheating on the other, I’d rather just go with the small lie of the marriage breaking down. Irreconcilable differences, or whatever the official term is.”

  “I agree. We’ve told her enough lies to last a lifetime.” She paused, then decided to ask anyway. “Do you think you’ll ever tell her the truth? All of it?”

  He shrugged. “Maybe. I’ve held back all this time because I can’t imagine her understanding either the ace or aro concepts. Never mind the fact she has a son who identifies as both.”

  “Maybe she would try. For her son.”

  He’d looked a little haunted by that thought, so Olivia left it at that.

  Now it was her turn to talk to someone. She inhaled deeply a couple times, then picked up her phone.

  Jenny woke up on Tamara and Roz’s couch with her head doing a very good impression of a stampeding herd of cattle. She clutched at both sides of her skull as she pondered the wisdom of opening her eyes.

  “Good morning!” Tamara chirped from somewhere to her right. “There’s a glass of water and some painkillers on the table. And Roz is making breakfast, but I’m pretty sure you’ll want to skip that part of the recovery process for now.”

  “Ugh, yeah.” Jenny groaned, dared to open one eye, and was pleasantly surprised when the action didn’t make anything worse. Not that I could actually feel much worse than I do.

  “I did try to warn you.” Tamara came into Jenny’s field of view and stood at the end of the couch. “But you insisted that last shot was exactly what you needed.”

  “I know, I know.” Jenny winced as she pushed herself upright. Everything whirled for a moment, then settled. “I can’t listen to you all the time. It’ll only go to your head.”

  Tamara laughed. “But seriously, you okay? You were pretty upset last night.”

  Oh yeah. For one blissful moment, she’d forgotten just why she’d been so determined to get drunk the night before. “I’m okay.” She swung her legs around to sit on the edge of the couch and picked up the water and pills. Once she’d swallowed them down, she sighed. “Can I take a shower?”

  “Of course!” Tamara walked away. “Let me grab you a towel.”

  Twenty minutes later Jenny felt vaguely human again and ready to face a small breakfast. Roz placed a plate containing toast and a tiny portion of scrambled eggs in front of her, and she picked at it.

  “So, what are you going to do about the job?” Tamara brought a pot of coffee to the table along with three mugs.

  Jenny shrugged. “Not much I can do. I’ll turn up to work on Monday and get on with it.”

  “And Olivia?”

  Jenny stopped eating and looked up at Tamara and Roz’s concerned faces. “I…I’ll get over her.” She sighed. “I have to. When we get in on Monday, we’ll find out what projects they want us to work on. If I’m lucky, mine won’t be the same as Olivia. That will make it a lot easier.”

  “True,” Roz said.

  From somewhere across the room, Jenny’s phone rang. She walked over to locate it, finding it buried beneath the blankets. She blinked when she saw Olivia’s name in the caller ID. Without thinking, she swiped to answer. “Hello?”

  “Hi, Jenny, it’s Olivia. I hope I didn’t wake you?”

  “No, I’m awake. Mostly.”

  Across the room, Tamara looked quizzically at her.

  Jenny mouthed Olivia’s name and nodded when Tamara’s eyebrows shot up.

  “Great.” Olivia sounded nervous. “So, I was wondering. I know it’s very short notice, but do you have plans today? Or it could be tomorrow, if that’s easier.” She cleared her throat. “I would like to talk to you. There’s some things you need to know.”

  Jenny was silent; her brain was doing its hungover best to register what Olivia said.

  “Are you there?” Olivia asked.

  “I am. Yes. Sorry.” Jenny clutched at her hair. “I’m a little hungover, so my brain isn’t at full speed. Did you say you want to talk? To me?”

  Both Tamara and Roz stared at her.

  Tamara made a ‘hang up’ motion, but Jenny waved her off.

  Olivia chuckled. “I do. But maybe it should wait until tomorrow if you’re feeling rough.”

  “But what about? I don’t understand.”

  There was a pause. “About why I turned you away, after kissing you, when that was the last thing I wanted to do.”

  “You’re married. That’s reason enough, isn’t it?” The bitterness in her tone wasn’t something she could temper, even if she wanted to.

  “This is why I need to talk to you. None of this is what it seems. Please, I promise you, it will all make sense if I can explain. And I’d rather not do that over the phone.”

  Jenny closed her eyes. Should she? Or was this one more play in the push-pull they had going on? Well, if it is another weird game, then that’ll be the last of it. No more contact outside of work if she is trying something shitty. “Tomorrow doesn’t work for me, so we’ll have to do it today. This afternoon sometime?”

  Tamara glared at her before marching into the kitchen.

  “Whatever time works for you. I can meet you wherever is easiest too. You could come here, if you like. Or we can meet at yours. Or anywhere you feel more comfortable.”

  “No, it’s okay, I’ll come to you.” She had visions of Tamara stalking them through Brooklyn in an effort to prevent Jenny from speaking to Olivia, so heading to midtown would be safer.

  “Do you still have my address?” Olivia asked.

  “I do.”

  “Well, great. Come over any time you like.”

  “Okay. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.” Jeez, I hope I’m not making a colossal mistake here.

  “Thank you. I’ll see you later.”

  Jenny hung up and shoved the phone into the back pocket of her jeans.

  “You aren’t serious?” Tamara stood in the kitchen doorway, her arms folded across her chest.

  “She said nothing is what it seems. That it would all make sense if I heard her out.” Jenny shrugged. “I’ve got nothing to lose by listening.” I hope.

  “I hope you’re right.” Tamara’s mouth was set in a tight line. “And she’d better not mess with you again or I’ll…I’ll do something!”

  Roz burst out laughing. “I’m sure she’ll be terrified, baby.”

  Jenny snorted as Tamara flipped Roz the bird and stomped back into the kitchen.

  Roz and Jenny managed to placate Tamara—eventually—and Jenny hung out with them a little longer before heading home.

  “I’m only mad because I care about you, you know that, right?” Tamara said as Jenny hauled on her jacket.

  “I know. And I appreciate it, really. But there is definitely something going on with Olivia, and I want to know what it is. If nothing else, it might make working together easier.”

  “I guess so. I’m just so worried you’re going to get your heart broken.”

  “I’ll keep it wrapped up tight, don’t you worry.” She gave Tamara a wink even as her own brain laughed at her confidence. She knew she had very little resistance when it came to Olivia, and she remembered how hard she’d had to work just this week to try to keep thoughts of Olivia out of her head. The idea that she had any hope of protecting herself fr
om the irresistible Olivia was a joke that wasn’t remotely funny.

  Chapter 28

  Jenny’s steps slowed as she turned the corner onto Olivia’s block. Was this the dumbest thing she’d ever done? She didn’t know, but she did know if talking to Olivia now didn’t resolve anything, she was definitely, one hundred percent, absolutely not going to pursue anything more with Olivia. This was it. The end.

  With that thought lifting her shoulders and straightening her spine, she upped her pace. When she reached the fancy entrance, the doorman showed her in, giving her a big smile. Jenny realized it was the same guy from the night she’d brought drunk Olivia home, and she gave him a nod.

  The elevator ride took forever; her heart rate increased with every floor climbed. Eventually, she arrived on the top floor and exited.

  Olivia answered the door immediately. “Hi. Thank you for coming over.” Her voice was soft and low.

  She looked amazing, even in super casual clothes, and Jenny tried not to ogle. Olivia in jeans was a thing of beauty. And the tight-fitting, long-sleeved V-neck that showed off smooth, creamy skin was grossly unfair in Jenny’s weakened state.

  Jenny blinked a couple times before finding her voice again. “How are you?”

  “I’m good.” Olivia didn’t sound convincing, but before Jenny could say any more, she stepped aside to motion Jenny into the apartment.

  A big dog padded up the hallway as Jenny took her first step inside. “You have a dog?”

  “No, this is my neighbor’s.” Olivia looked down at the dog. “This is Barnaby. He’s a little old and slow, but we get along okay. Whenever his owner, who’s rather old himself, is away or indisposed, I take care of Barnaby.”

  Jenny bent and held out her hand so he could sniff her and check her out. “He’s gorgeous.”

  “Yes, he is.” Olivia closed the front door. “He’s also very lazy and a total duvet hog. I make him sleep in his own bed now. The first time I looked after him, I had him in my bed. Halfway through the night, I woke up freezing because he’d stolen the entire duvet and made a nest for himself at the end of the bed.”