by Raathi Chota
“I’m sorry, Lana. I forgot.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. Dick move, Gunner. Never talk li—”
“I’m sorry, okay. I’m not used to this shi—”
“Would you two just shut the fuck up?” I cut them off. I looked at Blake, who didn’t even seem phased as he drank his root beer. I turned to Levi, who avoided eye contact. I abruptly stood up then turned to them. “We’re going through shit. Now is not the time to be fighting. Spring break was shit, but we should be there for Keene. We have to be there for each other.”
With that, I turned around and walked out of the room. Being upset, frustrated, and annoyed was an awful way to cover up the sadness, yet it happened often. Though not when going through grief. I walked down the hall then lightly knocked on the bathroom door. The door wasn’t locked, so I slowly opened it. Thankfully Keene was in the bathtub surrounded by a bubble bath. He stared straight ahead as I closed the door. I sat down on the toilet seat next to the tub. I followed his gaze and noticed the pack of cigarettes on the windowsill.
“I haven’t smoked in almost three weeks.” His voice was irked and raspy as he spoke. I put the bottle between us as he turned to me. “Please, Lana?” Keene asked, his blue eyes stared into mine for a sense of relief. I took a second to take in his facial expression. He looked exhausted. There were bags under his eyes, and it was a little bit red on the sides from lachrymation. The scar on his cheek from Parker’s knife faded while his lips parted. I sighed, got up, and took the pack. It had a lighter in there, so I put a cigarette between my lips, lit it, then inhaled.
“We’ll share,” I stated then gave it to him. He nodded then put it between his lips. He leisurely closed his eyes as he inhaled the tobacco. It went on for another five minutes where we’d share the root beer and cigarette. I mostly had the drink because I noticed he wanted the cigarette more.
“Noel didn’t deserve this,” he whispered after a while. “After he got kicked out, everyone ditched him, even his friends. Even though Levi is like a brother to me, Noel was a friend. One of the friends I could relate to and trust the most.” He took a long drag. Once he exhaled, he shut his eyes then placed his elbow on the bathtub. He leaned his forehead against his hand and looked down. “Now he’s gone, Lana, all because of some sick asshole drug dealer.” Keene raised his voice. “Noel still had a family. Why couldn’t it be me instead?”
“Keene, don’t say that.” I put the bottle down and wrapped my arm around his shoulder then leaned my temple against his head. “We’re your family.”
“Yeah, and I love you all,” he said then raised his head so we were eye level, “but it’s not the fucking same. Do you know how I jealous I get when Axel and Blake say ‘momma’? I don’t even know who my mother is, let alone if she’s alive.”
He pressed the cigarette against the wall, which caused the leftover ash to fall into the bathtub, but Keene didn’t care. He threw the cigarette into the sink then put his head in his hands. I heard his silent cries. The way his shoulders twitched up and how his fingers pressed against his temples. I put my arm back around his shoulder and leaned my head on his side. Using my other hand, I rubbed his arm. I bit my lip to prevent the tears. I’ve never heard Keene cry before, and it was the saddest thing. I didn’t have to say anything because I realized he wanted to let it out. That he needed it after a week of silence. After a while, he raised his head and wiped his nose. I straightened my posture then looked down at him.
“But I guess it’s for the best. Even though Noel wasn’t supposed to die like that. He was depressed, Lana. All those pills in the cabinet said so. He was miserable trying to show his family that he’s not a junkie. He was trying so hard, but they wouldn’t let him back. Now at his funeral, they’re all apprehensive.” Keene sighed. “Maybe it’s the best for Noel Brighton. Perhaps now he’ll be able to rest in peace.”
I crossed my legs and rested on the seat. I leaned my head back then took another sip. Someone knocked on the door, and I turned my head to see Levi enter the bathroom.
“Dude, you can crash at our place,” Levi said then leaned against the sink. “Roxy’s cool with it.”
“Don’t call my mother Roxy,” Blake said as he stood by the door.
“She’s cool with it.” Levi shrugged, and I noticed Keene got out of the bathtub. I instantly shut my eyes, not because I didn’t want to see his penis right after a funeral and a deep conversation. It was completely fine with Levi. I still remember one summer at my house. It was the three of us in my room. Keene and I listened to vinyls while Levi took a shower. He came out naked in search of his clothes. So I guess it was normal to see each other naked.
“I prefer Mrs. Gunner,” Keene said.
“Dude, you call everyone Mister or Miss.” Levi’s voice echoed in the bathroom. “You’ve known princess’s parents and mine for years.”
“Well, I still prefer the Mister and Miss,” Keene said, and I heard the shower being turned on. I felt a hand on my cheek, and I slowly opened my eyes to see Levi. He sat on the edge of the bathtub then took out the plug. I turned to the shower and saw Keene’s butt as he rinsed himself. I chuckled as a flush crept up my face.
“So, you coming or not? Momma’s making dinner soon,” Blake said. Keene grabbed the black towel that hung from the glass door and put it around his waist. He turned the shower off then stepped out.
“It’s okay, I have a few things to do here anyway,” he said then walked out of the bathroom. Once Levi and I cleaned the bathtub, we walked out and saw Keene in a pair of sweatpants. He pushed the door open to Noel’s room, and like in the creepy horror movies, the door squeaked. “I asked his parents if they wanted to come and see his things and they just said I can keep them or throw everything out,” he said, and I took a quick glance in the room. I’ve never been in his room, but it suddenly felt colder. It was dark, and I saw the outline of a desk chair, computer, and bed. “I’m gonna start tomorrow, though.” He shut the door. “The sooner, the better.”
I nodded then walked back to the living room. Levi took out his keys, and I took it as a sign that we’d go.
“Well, I’ll drop princess and Blake at home, get takeouts, then crash here for the night.”
Blake and Keene did their handshake, which turned into a short hug. Blake nodded then followed Levi. Keene turned to me, and I lifted my arms. I noticed he forced a smile and approached me. I wrapped my arms around his torso yet he leaned against me. My thoughts went back to when we’d be drunk and talk to each other.
“Keene, guess what? Guess what?” I mumbled into his neck. He pulled away to look at me. I pressed my palms against his neck as I forced him to look at me. “I’m here for you, anytime. Just come over.”
He smiled then pulled me in for a hug. This time, his arms wrapped around me gently as he buried his head in the crook of my neck. He let out a deep sigh as I rubbed the small of his back. We hugged for a while, but I didn’t care; he needed it. As with a loss, there was a change, and I didn’t know what change would come to him.
***
Back to school meant reviewing of final exams. I was nervous because with everything that happened over spring break, I didn’t get to study. However, I’d write AP Biology first so it wouldn’t be hard. It was Physics I was worried about; even though I’d been accepted into a few schools, I still waited for Yale. We had an assembly, and I guess it’s about Noel and the rest of the semester. We entered the auditorium, and I followed my friends since I had my head buried in my study book. Benny sat on my left with Miranda on my right. From there everyone else surrounded us. They had a moment of silence for Noel Brighton, and I peeped to see Kelly and Britney on the podium. Since Kelly’s dad was the principal, she offered to have a whole memorial thing since Noel did start the locker thing up on the top floor. Afterward, I zoned out and went over my notes.
“What about that trip you promised us after finals?” Marcus said behind me. I raised my head to see everyone looked at
Principal West.
“Mr. B told us we’re going to a strip club,” Aidan said. Everyone laughed, and I looked at Griffon, who shook his head at Principal West.
“At first, we thought about going to a water park but realized we’ve done it before, so we have decided that the week before prom, you all will be going on a camping trip!” Principal West said. All sorts of reactions jumped around the room, some groaned, others cheered, while our group whispered.
“So, there’s no wifi?”
“There will be no time for electronics because there will be a range of outdoor activities.”
“Please tell me there will at least be a microwave to warm up food?”
“Yes, Mister Sanchez, you’ll be staying in cabins,” Principal West muttered into the mic. “Since people don’t seem to remain in their tents after lights out.”
Us being teenagers, we laughed. I was glad we’d stay in cabins because I didn’t want any mosquito bites. Principal West carried on about the rest of the trip. Since Jennifer was on the prom committee but wasn’t here today, Britney covered for her. I zoned out and took my books and read over one more time before the exam.
We walked out of the auditorium, and I looked around for Carter. While we walked to our first exam, we tested each other. He must’ve found time to study because he answered them quickly, without hesitation. Then there was Benny and me, who gave each other answers. We entered the room and had to put our bags in the front of the classroom. The desks were spaced out, and we had to sit in alphabetical order. I was right in the back since my last name started with a W. I sat next to Tyler since he was last on the list. Mrs. Singleton didn’t give us our papers straight away. Instead, she spoke about Noel Brighton in her 2012 class. He was top in the class, and she said how disappointed she was to hear that he overdosed.
Very soon we started the exam, and I put my head into it. The first section was an hour and a half since it was multiple choice and a few simple questions. I did the easy questions first, then in the last half hour I did the hard ones. By the second section, it was mostly long answers, read, and write. Marcus was in front of me, and he ran his hand through his blue hair. Carter and Benny sat in the middle, and they seemed focused. I glanced at Tyler, who flew through the questions as if the answers were right in front of him. He was good friends with Liam and played well for the team, which made me think that he’s the perfect combo for valedictorian, sporty and smart.
“Miss Willson.” Mrs. Singleton snapped me out of my gaze. “I suggest you keep eyes down on your paper.”
I nodded then continued my answer. I got onto the next topic, which was one I reviewed a thousand times, but now, I was blank. I stared at the paper, in the hopes that it’d give me an answer. I literally heard a beep in my head that mocked me because I didn’t go over the topic enough. The audio continued, and I noticed people looked around. Mrs. Singleton stopped, and I realized that everyone heard the beep. It was slow yet audible in the classroom. Mrs. Singleton walked to the front of the class.
“Whose phone isn’t off?” She picked up a maroon backpack. My eyebrows rose as Benny stood up. He walked to the front, and Mrs. Singleton told him to stop the sound. She said the rest of us should continue, but I watched. Benny rummaged through his bag with Mrs. Singleton over his shoulder. He stopped and locked his gaze on the thing in his bag. He turned to Mrs. Singleton and asked to put it in his locker. She agreed yet only gave him a minute after he gave her his test. I was curious because when Benny took out the thing from his bag, I expected a phone, but he hid the item well in his pocket. Nonetheless, I continued, and when Benny came back, he took his paper. As he walked down the row, he looked at me with a knowing look, except this time, I didn’t know what he meant.
When I walked out of the classroom an hour later, I let out a sigh of relief. It was lunch, and I’d never been so happy to go to the cafeteria.
“I’m not a pro in Bio, but I’m just glad I got that out of the way,” Carter said.
“Agreed. Did you get that last question?” I asked, and he nodded.
“I struggled at first with that second one which we had to gi—”
“Pfft!” I laughed. “Easy as pie, Carter Halls.”
We entered the cafeteria, and I sat down next to Miranda. I took out my lunch and immediately dug into my chicken pasta. Blake sat opposite and stared at me the whole time. His eyes bored into mine, jaw tightened, and I noticed his nose ring was back. I awkwardly looked down at my food and picked at the little chicken pieces.
“Miranda, you’re coming with me,” Melissa said, and I looked up to see her pull Miranda.
“No, it’s gonna be awkward,” Miranda groaned as she pulled back and bumped shoulders with me.
“It’s quick, come on,” Melissa whined, and Miranda finally gave in as they stood up. They walked toward Kelly’s table, which didn’t have Parker and Austin anymore.
“Why are they there?” I asked as Carter shuffled toward me.
“Melissa’s worried about Jennifer, so she’s just finding out,” he answered. Benny, Nick, Liam, and Ethan were engrossed in a conversation about basketball while Marcus and Blake awkwardly shared a few words. I turned to Carter as I remembered his interview during spring break.
“How did the interview go?” I asked.
“Really well. I feel positive.” He smiled then raised his hand. “I think they like me.”
“Well, of course they do. Who wouldn’t like you, Carter?”
He smiled then looked down at the table. I continued to eat yet still felt Blake’s stare at me. I squinted my eyes and watched as the corner of his mouth turned up. I rolled my eyes then pulled my tongue at him. His nose scrunched up because I still had food in my mouth.
“Did you hear anything from them?” Carter asked.
“No,” I mumbled then pushed up my glasses. “But plenty of other schools want me so…”
Carter slowly nodded as I continued to pick at my food. Part of me tried not to care because I should be grateful for the other schools, but the other part of me was shattered because I dreamed of going there since sophomore year.
The next few days I distanced myself from everyone to study. Levi and Keene came over for dinner one night, and Keene barely spoke. He only spoke when spoken to. I guessed it’s everything that happened; he needed time to think. I wrote AP Calculus a few days later except this time the door was in the back of the class, and as I answered questions, I saw Benny walk across the hall. He hadn’t told me yet about the beep, although I hadn’t asked. I assumed that he told Liam and Nick because when I walked out of the class, he had an in-depth conversation with them. I couldn’t ask him at lunch either because they had baseball practice. So, after school, I planned to ask them. We walked out of the school building on a Thursday afternoon, the sun’s rays burning into my green sweater. I entwined my fingers with Benny’s as we walked down the stairs. I was surprised to see that Nick and Liam were already near Benny’s car.
“What’s going on? What was that beeping the other day?” I pointed at Benny. He sighed then reached into his backpack. I heard a jiggle, and my brows rose when I saw his old car keys. “That thing was going off?”
“It still is,” Liam pointed out, and I listened carefully to the faint beeps. I looked down to see the remote flash with every audio.
“Yesterday as I drove home, the beeping got louder and faster. It’s like a metal detector.”
“I don’t like this. You’ve had it for a while, and it’s only going off now,” Nick said as I nodded in agreement.
“It’s gonna keep going off, dude,” Benny said then threw his hands in the air. “My mom even asked me if I’m creating some nuclear bomb.”
“Then we follow the beeping!” Liam cheered.
“Why on earth would we do that?” Nick asked then flicked Liam on the head.
“’Cause we’re investigators!” Liam cheered as we groaned.
“What if it’s a trap?” I asked as Liam called out shotgun.
He dramatically rolled down the window slowly with a grin plastered on his face.
“Only one way to find out, Lana Willson.”
We voted, and it was a draw since I convinced Benny that it was too dangerous. Nonetheless, we still followed the stupid beep. I twirled the ring that Benny got me with my thumb and noticed that we passed trees. As Benny said, the audio got louder and faster. I looked forward and over the seat to see Liam on his camera. I rested my chin on the seat and looked to see him going through pictures of everyone in the school.
“How’s the yearbook going?” I asked.
“It’s great. Great photos of everyone and Melissa is also on the yearbook committee, so she tells me where to go and who to stalk,” he answered then showed me a few photos. “Oh! You guys should wear your lettermen jackets. The committee really put in good effort to design it.”
“I do,” Nick pointed out, and I turned to see him in the blue and black bomber jacket. Once it’s zipped up, it’d say SENIORS, and in the back, it said CLASS OF 2017 with the names running down.
“Mine is just sitting in my closet,” Benny mumbled.
“Hey! We could match one day, shoes and everything,” I said then poked his cheek as he laughed.
“Ugh, speaking of matching, Miranda wants to dye her hair now!” Liam exclaimed. “What have I done?”
We laughed, and I noticed that he went through the pictures of her. He stopped at a particular photo, and I recognized it as the one at Homecoming. She was in her silver dress as she laughed with Marcus. My eyebrows rose because he liked my best friend for a really long time. The car stopped yet the beep got louder. I got out of the car and realized we were at Ethan’s cottage. I turned to Benny, who had the remote.
