by Raathi Chota
“Okay, lov—”
I ended the call then walked back to the campfire. It seemed like Blake and Ethan finished when I handed Aidan his phone. I told him to text Keene and tell him that Levi’s drunk because I didn’t know when I’d have the chance to charge my phone.
***
I didn’t get the chance to even talk to Miranda, because after the campfire we had to go to bed. Miranda snuck out and didn’t return until early morning. It sucked that Blake, Liam, and I had to do the dishes. Many of the other seniors snuck off too, yet we’re the only ones who got into trouble? Then again, we were gone for a few hours. So, after lunch, while everyone went for a walk, Blake and I did the dishes while Liam passed them on from the canteen. The kitchen was at the back of the canteen, so we decided it’d go faster if he passed it on. I was by the sink, wearing gloves and obviously a hair net that Liam insisted that we wear. Blake was in front of me since there were two sinks, back to back. We barely spoke as the water ran and clanks of plates filled the place. My thoughts drifted off most of the time to Levi. I knew what type of drunk he was. He’d talk a lot, mostly stuff he wouldn’t admit or say when he’s sober. Then he’d become angry and violent. Aidan told me after breakfast that Keene said he’s okay.
“Lana!” Blake yelled, and I looked up to see his hand.
“What?”
“I need a new sponge.” He pointed at me. I looked over my shoulder to see the box of sponges.
“Oh okay,” I mumbled then quickly tossed him one. He thanked me as I returned to wash the dishes. I did most of the plates while Blake decided to do the glasses and bowls.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I scoffed, and he threw his hands up in innocence. I huffed because we’d be here a while. I didn’t want to be surrounded by my thoughts the whole time, so I thought of a topic. There wasn’t much to talk about with Blake Gunner. I was supposed to be angry at him. I spoke to Benny last night, and he said he forgave Blake…well, nodded at his apology. I didn’t know if I’d forgive them. I damaged their vehicles to let out my anger—Melissa said I pulled a “Taylor Swift” on them. Levi’s car looked bad, but I didn’t know about Blake’s motorcycle. I didn’t have much time because he stopped me. “I’m sorry about your motorcycle,” I blurted out. I glanced up and noticed that he was a bit taken back from my apology. “I admit that was a bit too much, but I was just really pissed.”
“It’s okay; it’s understandable,” he mumbled. “I’m sorry again…for beating him up.”
I remained silent but nodded. I was unsure about it. To forgive and move on. I was worried something might happen again, something might ruin everything. At this stage, I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know who to trust.
“What’s wrong?” He snapped me out of my senses.
“I’m scared,” I said then bit the inside of my cheek.
“Please don’t be scared of me.”
“What if…what if I do forgive you guys and it just ends up being one terrible mistake again? What if you, Levi, and I become close again and then something happens to just…fuck it up?”
“We—I promised nothing like that will ever happen again. I won’t fuck you over…I promise,” he said then closed the faucet. He put his hands on either side of the sink then leaned forward.
“Don’t make promises you don’t tend to keep, Blake Gunner. There’s a reason why I never made you a promise, because what if I fuck up?” I croaked out. “I can’t do that to you…I can’t do it to Levi or Benny…”
“Lana, what are you talking about?”
“What if I fuck up like I always do?”
“Lana, what are you talking about?” he repeated then eyed me up and down. “Is this secret that you’re keeping so bad…is it so bad that it’s the reason why you attempted suicide?”
Before I answered, I heard Liam whistle behind me. Blake shifted his gaze, and I noticed his jaw tightened.
“Liam, go get more plates,” Blake ordered.
“Why? I can only carr—”
“I bet Marcus can carry twice the amount that you’re carrying.”
“You’re right…” Liam said. “I will not let him win!”
I smiled when I heard Liam walk out of the kitchen and back into the canteen. Blake straightened his posture then sighed.
“Look, Lana, I promised you that I’d be honest and I am…so I’m telling you now that you’re unfair,” he said. “This secret of yours…we can help you. I’m surprised because Keene and Levi don’t know, and they know almost everything about you.”
“Blake, it’s not that easy.”
“We’re not stupid, though, and this secret has something to do with Benny. I bet it’s how you forgave him. If we know, then maybe we’ll understand.”
“I can’t tell you,” I whispered. “I don’t want you to get into trouble. Too many people are involved already because of me.”
“I tell you everything, so why don’t you just tell me this?”
“It’s different!” I exclaimed. “Besides, you don’t tell me everything. There must be something that you don’t want me or anyone knowing.”
“Nope, I’ve told you everything about me because I trusted you. I’ve told you stuff that only Axel and Momma know.”
“Trusted.”
“Yeah, I don’t know if I can trust you anymore.”
“I’m sorry…I just can’t,” I whispered. “You’re better off not knowing. Believe me, if you knew, then you’d wish you didn’t.”
“I don’t care. Whatever you’re hiding must be serious if you’ve changed so much,” he said. “I barely you know you anymore, Lana Willson.”
“Blake, please,” I whispered then lowered my gaze. “Don’t say that. I know I’m the most fucked-up person you’ve ever met, but I’m still the same Lana you met at the beginning of senior year.”
“Yeah, and I’m the same Blake Gunner who cares about this fucked-up girl. I don’t care because I’m sorta fucked up too.”
“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “You’re just better off not knowing.”
“Even though I don’t buy it…okay,” he said. “Just answer this…is Benny hurting you? Is that why you can’t tel—”
“What? No!” I cut him off. “He’s a changed person, and unlike you, he does well with change.”
Blake was about to say something but closed his mouth and opened the faucet. I blinked rapidly when I realized what I said. I shut my eyes and cursed as many swear words I thought of, then opened them.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. It just ca—”
“It’s okay.” He cut me off then shrugged. “Some people just experience change in a good way while others…don’t.”
“Blake, I didn—” I cut off when I heard a crash behind me. Blake looked up while I turned around. Liam stood by the door surrounded by glass. My eyes widened at how many plates he dropped. He looked at the dishes then at us with an innocent smile.
***
We had to stay back even longer because of the broken plates. Blake took the blame and said he dared Liam to carry a lot of dishes. By the time we were done, it was late afternoon, and everyone chilled. I decided to sit with Benny near the lake, but the thought of Blake couldn’t escape my mind. I didn’t understand how he said I changed—I never changed. The emotions finally came out and showed their true colors. I shook the thought away because it gave me a headache, all the stress. I turned to Benny, who looked up at the sky. I wanted him to hold me and tell me everything’s going to be okay. Ever since I told him about Parker, there’d been an awkward tension between us. He shouldn’t feel bad when we had sex because one thing was a fact; we both wanted it. He shouldn’t think it’s his fault because it wasn’t…it happened.
“Hey.” I awkwardly poked his shoulder. He turned to me and gave a heart-warmed smile. “Are you okay?” I asked. “Are we okay, after the whole Parker thing?”
“Ye-yeah, Lana, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” he asked then put his hands over
mine.
“What difference would it make, Benny? It happened in junior year, and it’s all my fault.” I frowned. “If I just had money that day, if Parker just…if he hadn’t found out about the pills then—I just didn’t want you feeling ashamed or looking at me differently.”
“I’ll never do that. It wasn’t your fault. Parker’s an asshole who deserves to be in prison for the rest of his life for the things he’s done…just for money,” Benny said then kissed my knuckles. “Don’t ever think that Parker raping you was your fault. Please don’t ever believe that. I know the other girls he has done it to think the same, but they shouldn’t. He’s the monster.”
“Yeah, and if he just didn’t steal those parcels from Aidan, then we wouldn’t have to go through this whole Christo-James thing,” I whispered. “I hate myself for putting you through all of this. That’s why I want to confess,” I added then looked at Benny. I’ve never seen Benny Nielson’s eyes widen like they did when I told him that.
“What? Lana, you can’t,” he said then squeezed my hand.
“Why not? Benny, I don’t want more evidence coming back because of James. I don’t want anyone else to get hurt.”
“Me neither, but if you confess as self-defense now, it’ll look bad and everything that we’ve done not to get caught will come back,” he said then shook his head. “There will be a low chance of us getting out free from this whole situation.”
I let out a sigh then ran a hand through my hair. Benny was right because Christo’s body was gone, so to say that I killed him and there’s no body but a lot of evidence would be bad.
“Just let your dad and Detective Kale do their job and find James.”
“I’m so sorry for dragging you into this.”
“No, I should’ve taken you to the police station or something that night, but I was just…afraid.”
“Benny, I told you to take me home. You wanted to know what was wrong, but I just wanted to go home.” I shook my head. “I shouldn’t have told you either way; you don’t deserve to go through this. Liam, he’s so happy and joyful, and Nick is friendly, and…they don’t deserve this, either.”
Blake is smart and brave…he deserves the world. Not someone who’s fucked up and horrible, I thought. Heck, maybe Levi does like Katherine Taylor.
“You,” I said then turned to see Benny, who watched me with his big brown eyes. “You deserve someone who can genuinely make you happy.”
“Lana, I onl—”
“I don’t deserve anyone. Look at me. No one would want the shame of having me, I’m so fucked up, and I deserve to be alone. Maybe then everyone can live in peace.” When I finished that sentence, I hadn’t realized how my eyes welled up.
“Please stop, it’s getting depressing,” Benny said then pulled me in for a hug. That didn’t help as my eyes flooded with tears.
“You all do so much for me, which I’m grateful for, but I don’t deserve it,” I said as Benny tried to quiet me. “I’m just another drama queen who can’t handle shit…right?”
I pulled away from him, but he cupped my face and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. I looked up at him, and his big brown eyes stared into my wounded blue ones.
“Say it…say it, Benny.”
“It’s not true.” He shook his head, and I smiled.
“I know you won’t say it. You care too much about me to hurt my feelings,” I said then wrapped my arms around his waist. “People like Keene, Blake, and Miranda sometimes say it to my face…which is somehow good so I’m aware. I just don’t want to hold you all back. Liam is going to college; you and Nick are going to Boston. That’s fucking friendship goals because you two have known each other since…kindergarten.”
“Well, I’m not going anywhere, Lana. I love you, and I’m here for you.”
I smiled then slowly closed my eyes. A few seconds later, I felt Benny’s soft lips on mine, and we stayed like that. I didn’t move my lips, and neither did he.
“How’s your rib?” I asked once we pulled away. “The other night wasn’t intense for you, right?”
He chuckled then looked down at his feet. Nonetheless, I still noticed the tips of his ears turned red.
“Well, it shouldn’t have been since I did most of it?” I asked, and he laughed.
“Yeah, but like Nick says, next time we do it, I’ll be spoiling you.” He grinned, but I raised a brow.
“You told him we had sex!”
“No, no, no, he dragged it out of me because he overheard Carter saying something about Jaden being with us on Saturday night,” Benny said.
“Oh my God, if Carter knows, then everyone knows,” I mumbled.
“Yeah, Carter overheard Nick and me talking so…” Benny trailed off as I groaned.
“Speaking of Nick…did you guys get the jacket?” I asked then looked around to see only a few students lingered around.
“No, but we’re planning to tonight or tomorrow when everyone goes swimming,” he said, and I nodded. “You’d think they’d recognize the jacket from the numerous pictures they’ve seen on Jack August, but then again, it looks like any old jacket.”
“Yeah,” I said then bit the inside of my cheek. “Either way, you guys just need to get it.”
***
Blake
It rained around sunset, so we were told to stay in our cabins. Carter had an idea to pass the time by playing truth or dare. I sat on my bed and watched as the guys peered through the window. Erwin also played, and they dared him to go to the teachers’ cabins and find any alcohol. Nick said he’s confident that Coach Harris or Mr. Bronx might have some. Aidan and Marcus piped up that they already checked on our first night. Supposedly, Britney brought along some and kept it in the girls’ washroom. Erwin was twice as scared to go there, but eventually he did. The guys whispered and laughed, and I took it as a sign that Erwin made his way back. A few seconds later, our door opened, and he ran in. He shut it then leaned against it with his hands behind his back.
“So?” Marcus asked. Erwin breathed hard, and I straightened my posture and stared at him. He raised his arm, and the guys cheered when they saw the brown bag with the top of the bottle stuck out a bit.
“All right, Erwin Chambers.” Tyler laughed then playfully hit his back. “Your turn.”
As they passed the bottle around, Erwin looked to see who to ask. His eyes landed on Marcus as he pushed up his glasses.
“Err…Marcus, truth or dare?” he asked, and as the bottle came to me, I passed it on to Ethan, not in the mood to drink.
“Truth.”
“Err…is it true that you’re keeping your hair blue because it’s Miranda’s favorite color? Or because it’s the school color?” Erwin asked, and I remembered when I told Erwin about Kelly and Marcus.
“Miranda’s favorite color, of course.” Marcus laughed. “I love her.”
“Do you guys smell that?” Liam sniffed. “I smell bullshit.”
We laughed, and Marcus glared at Liam. They hadn’t gotten along ever since the incident at Ethan’s house. With both of them being the nicest people on the planet, it was funny because they’re assholes to each other.
“Marcus, you’re up,” Aidan said before Marcus snapped back at Liam.
“Nielson…truth or dare?”
“Truth.” Benny shrugged. I looked at Marcus, and suddenly his eyes slanted. The corner of his mouth rose, and it was a look I hadn’t seen on him before. He always had a smile or relaxed look on his face, but now it turned evil.
“Is it true that Lana and Parker were close friends?” My brows rose, and I turned to Benny, who blinked. Marcus didn’t know about Parker assaulting girls; Miranda didn’t even know. I didn’t think Lana would tell them that. Levi, Keene, Ethan, Carter, Axel, Jaden, and I found out. With the look on Benny’s face, he must’ve known too.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Benny demanded.
“Just a question.” Marcus shrugged.
“No, they weren’t,” Benny answered. “Why
’d you ask a question like that?”
“Just curious, plus it’s just a game, bro.” Marcus laughed. “Unless that question means somet—”
“Marcus,” Aidan cut him off. “Stop it.”
“What? I don’t get it.” Marcus laughed at us. “What’s there to hide? Lana has a lot of secrets, right, Blake?”
Everyone suddenly turned to me, and I stared at Marcus. I turned to Benny, who clenched his fists and squinted his eyes at me. Aidan, who sat next to him, stared at the floor. I shrugged my shoulders in response, and Marcus chuckled.
“What do you wanna know, huh?” Benny demanded. “All you need to know, Marcus, is that Parker is an asshole who uses people to get what he wants. He loves money so much that he’ll even assault girls. Half the guys in here already know.” Everyone remained silent. “It was bound to come out. Parker is a fucking rapist! Is that what you want to hear? Is that your definition of ‘close’ friends?”
“Benny, calm down,” Aidan whispered.
“No! Parker could’ve been in juvie a long time ago if someone just spoke up!” Benny exclaimed. “Half of the shit that happened is because of him and his greed for money. Who knows how many gi—”
“If it makes you calm down, you’re not the only one with a raped girlfriend!” Aidan cut him off. That shut Benny up as we gaped at Aidan. He’s my cousin, he told me everything, and I mean literally everything, but not once had he opened up about this.
“Dude…” Liam trailed off.
“I’ve known Tiffany since fourth grade, but we’ve never actually spoken up until the beginning of senior year. I thought she’d be afraid of me because I was friends with Parker,” he began. “It was the middle of junior year when I saw Parker push her into the closet…I remembered her face; she was so scared.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I asked.
“Tiffany didn’t even know that I knew,” he said then turned to Benny. “So, take it out on me, yell at me because I saw it. I saw most of the girls he raped, yet I said nothing, and I regret it so much! It’s my fault that our girlfriends are scared as shit now.
