“You’re the first one to solve this little puzzle of mine since I came to this world. Really, I set up a building and fill it with elves, creatures from your world’s own myths and legends, and nobody seems to bat an eye. Originally, I’d planned on having a whole set of challenges to discover the secrets of this place, but I’m running out of time.”
“So, long story short, your skeptical nature has earned you a position that I want filled. You’ll be a little late to the party but I think bringing along your friends should level the playing field. I’ve got a lot of things to do and little additional time to waste. So, decision time. Are you in or not?”
“I’m… in?” I replied, almost a question. I wasn’t sure what he was offering but the answers promised were enough to grab my attention.
Baldy smiled. “Best choice you’ll ever make. The alternative was to cut your life a great deal shorter than it otherwise would have been.” He closed his empty hand into a fist. When he opened it again, there was a brass pocket watch attached to a plain piece of string. From the way Baldy gently stroked the device, I got the impression that the piece of eighteenth-century tech was more than it appeared.
“This is yours now,” Baldy said, a note of sadness in his voice. “It’s served me well for countless years, but I’ve long since outgrown it.”
Suddenly, the brass pocket watch appeared in my own hand, as if it had been teleported there. As far as I knew, nobody had yet cracked the science needed for teleportation. Which meant Baldy was either some sort of super-advanced alien, or a wizard. I got the distinct feeling that I could describe him as either.
“I’ve set the minute hand to point towards my old ship. Consider it the ‘secret exit’ from this place. I’d head there immediately if you want to live. We’ve got about fifteen seconds left. Questions?”
Suddenly I felt whatever force it was that kept me from talking disperse. The first words out of my mouth were “What the hell is going on? Mac! You there?”
Baldy nodded his head. “A good question, but one that requires a lengthy answer. You’re a smart guy Theo. Not as smart as me, but I think you’ll figure it out on your own. As for your mechanical friend, I simply flipped him off for the time being. He seems to have a terrible habit of posting everything to social media. Too bad you wasted your one question. Remember, follow the minute hand if you want to live! Now, this building will explode in three… two… one...”
A massive crashing sound rocked the building back and forth. The curtain was thrown aside and Dean stumbled in, shirtless and struggling to button his pants. Yonda and Erula took up defensive positions behind him, and Sam was not far behind.
“We need to leave, now!” Dean shouted.
“What’s going on?”
“The Society for Human Sovereignty” Mac answered. “I am reviewing live footage being broadcast across several social media platforms. They appear to have surrounded the building.”
“Why the hell would they attack a brothel of all places?”
“Who the hell knows? They’re terrorists, you think they’re sa—”
Dean was interrupted by all of the lights suddenly shorting out. I felt a crackling sound as my implant fried itself inside my head.
“Damn. EMP blast,” Sam said, clutching the back of his head. “there goes next week’s pay.”
“You won’t have to worry about next week if we don’t hustle and find a back exit. The SHS don’t spare human collaborators,” Dean answered.
Suddenly, a voice amplifier blared to life. “THIS FACILITY OF SIN IS GUILTY OF UNDERMINING THE SACRED UNION BETWEEN HUMANS. THE MACHINES ARE SERVANTS, NOT LOVERS.”
“Based on my analysis of the live video feeds, this entire area has been surrounded. I cannot identify a safe exit,” Mac said solemnly.
“I know of a secret exit.” I said, turning around to look for the bald man, but as I expected he had vanished. I popped open the brass pocket watch. The minute hand waved slightly with my movements, pointing forward and to my right. I watched it, but the course held true.
“Well then let’s be gone five minutes ago,” Dean said.
“Wait,” Mac said before we turned to leave. “your elf friend disabled my leg servos, and that EMP blast destroyed what was left functional. As I am, I will slow you down. I have no desire for an open connection to my main processors to fall into the hands of the SHS,” Mac ejected a cube that served as his local memory bank. “This device has all my information stored on it. Take it with you so that the SHS cannot use it against me. It also houses all my local data, mostly about my work as your assistant, Theo.”
I understood Mac’s intention’s immediately. I’d built the body he was wearing, so it was the work of a moment to remove the primary memory core. When that was done, I extracted several of the important chips and put them in my pocket. The android instantly became lifeless. The only thing the SHS would find from it was an empty husk.
I left the room at a jog, not even bothering to collect my shirt or shoes. Dean, Sam, Erula, Yonda, and the purple-haired elf who’s name I never learned were all following me. It wasn’t until I’d been thrust into a leadership position that I realized I was placing everyone’s trust in the words of a mysterious stranger all because he’d said some cryptic mumbo jumbo and handed me a pocket watch.
The facility was much bigger than I would have guessed. It must go quite a way underground. We eventually came to a sign labeled “Employees Only.”
We waved our hands and jumped up and down, but the EMP blast must have knocked the motion sensor out, because the door didn’t open.
“Stand back. I’ll kick it down,” Dean braced himself and took a few steps back. “Out of the way Sammy!”
Sam turned the knob, opening the door easily. “There’s a knob. You can just twist it open Dean.”
“Oh,” Dean shrugged sheepishly.
Soon we were down an even longer hallway, though this one was plainer than it had been in the main facility.
“How big is this place?” I asked while looking at Yonda and Erula.
Yonda shrugged.
“Don’t know,” Erula said. “I cleared a dungeon and was awarded a month’s stay here. Walked into a cave and found myself standing in a home filled with beds and tables.”
“Whoa wait a second, you guys have a sex dungeon here?” Dean asked lewdly.
“No, the kind with monsters,” Erula answered, looking at her lover strangely. Yonda nodded at Erula’s words.
“Not the time for that Dean!” Sam said as we came face to face with a big concrete wall at the end of the hallway.
“Well?” Dean asked. “Where to now?”
I glanced at the pocket watch. It was still pointing dead ahead. Except the only thing that was dead ahead was a big concrete wall.
“Theo?”
“It should be right here!” I replied helplessly. Realization dawned on me that I was taking directions from a magic pocket watch. What the hell was I thinking? Why...
“Wait a second, there’s a latch here!” Dean exclaimed kneeling on the ground. Slowly, a section of the wall slid out of place.
“A panic room. Sneaky,” Sam said as he got on his hands and knees to crawl through the small hatch.
“Not a panic room. A telephone booth.” Dean corrected.
As I stood, I realized he was right. It was a blue phone booth with the words “Police Box” written above it. It had all the markings of something that belonged in England from nearly two centuries ago.
The booth looked strangely familiar. In fact, I recognized it from an old show that was airing its two hundredth season. Dr something-or-other.
Sam must have recognized it at the same time as me. “Is that supposed to be a Tardis?” He asked.
“Only one way to find out,” I didn’t have a key but after inspection I realized the phone booth didn’t have a keyhole. Instead, it had a circular impression that looked a lot like the brass pocket watch. I pressed the watch into the hole and heard th
e click of tumblers turning. The door swung open.
I opened the door. Yup, definitely a Tardis knockoff.
For one, the room was much bigger on the inside than it should allow. There were all sorts of glass tubes and blinking dials with sparks of electricity flying left and right. It looked like a 20th century imagining of what a trans-dimensional ship would look like.
“A spaceship!” Dean exclaimed.
“More like a Hollywood movie set. I’ve seen real spaceships and they look a lot less cluttered than this.” Sam replied.
“What’s a spaceship?” Yonda asked.
“It’s this big rockety thing that goes bwisshsh and goes flying really high into outer space.” Dean answered as he made sound effects and waved his hands in the air.
“So, where’s the exit?” Sam wondered.
“This is the exit,” I looked to the center of the room. The pocket watch I had used to enter the place was floating in the air, suspended by a glowing blue light. When I tried to reach for it, a blue screen suddenly appeared in my vision.
New Owner Detected. Theodor Waltz.
Accept Ownership of dimensional ship: The Wanderer
Yes / No
I blinked, trying to manage my implant settings. I thought about bringing the menu up, but then I remembered that EMP blast fried my menu. Then how was this blue screen showing up?
Error. Cannot access the menu until ownership has been accepted.
Accept ownership of The Wanderer
Yes / No
I selected yes with a thought.
Your destination has been pre-programmed by this vessel’s previous owner. Prepare for takeoff.
“Uh, guys… I just got a message saying, ‘Prepare for takeoff’ Everybody grab onto something!”
Dean jumped and found a car seat in the corner somewhere. I hadn’t seen it, which was weird since it looked pretty out of place amid all the techno gadgets and blinking lights. He strapped himself in, cradling Yonda and Erula in either arm in a white-knuckle grip with his eyes shut tight.
The purple-haired elf didn’t seem to quite understand the situation, except for the fact that something dangerous would happen. She tackled Sam to the ground and covered his body with her own, as if he were a live grenade. It didn’t completely work considering he was bigger than the elf, it secured him well enough.
For my part, I just gripped the railing in one hand and held on tight to Mac’s memory core in the other.
The whole ship shook… ever so slightly. Like a tiny motor that was just a smidgen unbalanced, creating a tiny vibration that could only just barely be felt.
That’s it?
“When do we takeoff?” Sam asked, voice muffled by the stomach of the purple-haired elf.
“I think we already did,” I replied.
Yonda and Erula looked at each other, excitement dawning on their faces.
“We’re home!” They exclaimed together.
The purple-haired elf was also looking around, sniffing the air.
“Don’t you feel it?” Erula said.
“The air here is alive! Filled with zeal! Unlike the cold dead air from where we were,” Yonda added.
Dean unlatched the seat belt he’d been clinging to and fell to his knees, gasping.
“Oh guys, I think I’m going to be sick!” His expression twisted, and he clutched his stomach… and then… nothing happened. “Well that was anticlimactic. Spaceships these days are lame. My uncle told me the force of takeoff would have me puking buckets. Just one more thing he lied to me about I guess.”
Whatever was going to happen had already happened. I wasn’t getting any strange pop-up boxes in my face, so I headed towards the door we came in from.
Then I felt a pull from the beam of light behind me. It emanated from the pocket watch I’d been holding, but it resonated with the entire chamber with a supernatural force I could only describe as magical.
Error. Owner and ship have not yet synchronized. You cannot leave the interface until syncing reaches completion.
Begin synchronization? Yes / No
The blue light tugged on every cell in my body simultaneously. Every atom was being pulled backwards until the blue light was shining on me once again.
“Uh, guys? Bit of a problem here,” I said.
Dean got up and walked towards me. He waved his hand through the blue light. Nothing happened.
Sam instead walked towards the door. It swung open easily, revealing a stone corridor that led to blue skies not far away.
The purple-haired elf breathed deeply of the fresh air from outside the ship and said something unintelligible to Erula and Yonda.
“She’s right,” Yonda remarked. “All the elves who cleared the Dungeon of Mothers simply returned, pregnant and full of vitality, but they returned alone, clothed as they entered. I’ve never heard of anything like this happening.”
“You’re right. This was my fourth time clearing that dungeon. And the other three times, when my time was up I vanished. A blink later I was back at the end of the dungeon. Then all I had to do was climb some stairs and I was home again.”
“It looks like I’ve hit the jackpot! I actually get to bring a mate home with me! My clan will be ecstatic!”
“What do you mean you’re bringing him home? I’ve got the higher cultivation of the two of us. I think I should be the one to bring him home.”
“Ladies, ladies!” Dean interjected. “Nobody’s going home with either of you until we get my pal Theo unstuck! You two are strong girls. Each of you grab an arm. I’ll push from behind.”
And so, the two elves each grabbed an arm while Dean pushed from behind. Even with all three of them they couldn’t budge me.
Soon Sam and the purple-haired elf had joined in. They made a line going out the door and pulled. Dean had even tied his and Sam’s belts together and wrapped them around some of the metal and glass doohickies in the dimensional ship to work as a pulley and give them some extra pulling power.
I was able to get a few feet out, but the moment I was about to exit the light beam completely I was sucked back in. The belts had held me against the force for just a moment before snapping.
“Maybe we can cut an arm off and build him a new body from that?” Erula suggested. I quickly vetoed that idea.
The whole time the same box with the same message was displaying itself in front of my vision.
Error. Owner and ship have not yet synchronized. You cannot leave the interface until syncing reaches completion.
Begin synchronization? Yes / No
“Guys, thanks, but I don’t think this will work. I’ll try pressing ‘yes’ and see what that does. If I still can’t come out in an hour you guys should go set up camp or something. We’re all going to get hungry soon.”
Dean nodded, and Sam shrugged.
“Good plan, Theo. I’ll have a fish on a stick waiting for you when you get out,” Dean promised.
I selected the yes button.
In an explosion of blue light, the pocket watch fell apart into a cloud of dancing sparks. They swirled around my head before finding a spot on my chest, just over my heart. There they swooped down like birds of prey, landing on my chest and forming a specific pattern. I felt them burn into me like a brand, and when the last spark sank into my skin I looked down to see a circle with a tiny gap in the bottom. In the center of the circle was a humanoid figure, standing upright.
Then the world went black.
CHAPTER TWO
Synchronization complete. Third-party enhancement devices have been detected and re-purposed.
Would you like to view your assets?
Yes / No
When I opened my eyes, I had the distinct feeling that many years had passed.
The lights of the surrounding facility were dimmer, and dust had settled out of the air.
Sam, Dean, and the elves must have shut the door, because it was closed tight now, whereas before it had been open. The blue light was gone, though the scre
en overlaying my vision remained, this time with new text. This was not an unfamiliar image, as my implant frequently provided such prompts. The screen overlaying my vision aesthetically looked simpler than I was accustomed to, reminiscent of computer games from back when people used physical screens.
I tried to get to my feet, but my joints felt stiff from lack of use. My whole body was tingling, as if blood was flowing for the first time in a long time.
“Yes,” I croaked in answer to the prompt, eager to just get rid of these things. The prompt quickly disappeared, and I sensed it was the intent rather than the word that made my will known. So this system worked the same as I was accustomed to, despite having an unknown design and origin. The fact that the ship was so easily mimicking the control menus suggested that this ship had some truly fantastic origins.
After a moment of loading, the system generated a new page, displaying my promised assets.
Assets
Command Center*
*Note: The Command center is damaged. You cannot add further rooms until repairs are complete.
Rather lackluster as far as assets went. This new panel didn’t stray from the retro design of the previous one. I was looking at a box of text overlaying a semitransparent artist’s rendering of the very room I was standing in. Across the side of the panel there were buttons for buying new rooms and in the bottom corner, a box that listed how many points I had. It was like a tycoon game or a management simulator.
This wasn’t a game, but it sure was built like one. Maybe if I played it like a game, things would make sense.
Zeal of the Mind and Flesh: A Cultivating Gamelit Harem Adventure (Spellheart Book 1) Page 3
