by L. P. Maxa
“What are you talking about?” Smith looked to his wife, like he was truly lost. “Cher, what’s he talking about?”
“I had lunch with Emmie today. And I had my friend Angie who runs the adoption agency come meet us,” Dylan spoke softly, like she was ashamed to admit what she’d done.
I didn’t give two shits if she was feeling remorseful. The damage was done. “You had no right to ambush her. And more than that, you have no fucking say over what happens to that baby. My baby. That kid already has two parents who love it.”
Smith crossed his arms over his chest, widening his stance. “Two parents? You’re never around. You really expect us to believe that’s going to change once the baby comes?”
“Believe it, because it’s changing right fucking now.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I’d thought about this the whole plane ride over. And I knew that I was making the right choice, the right choice for my family. “Until I know Ems is okay, I’m not going anywhere.”
Smith narrowed his eyes. “Oh yes you are. This is my land.”
“No problem, we’ll move across the street to Jett and Marley’s land. You know, the land you looked at every day but still had no clue your niece and nephew were running an empire on.” I gestured across the street in the direction of the office building and grow operation that was visible from the Jameses’ front porch. “And if you keep pissing me off by hurting your daughter, I’ll move her to south Texas. My parents are excited about their grandchild. They’d be thrilled to have us.”
I turned on my heel, more than done with the two of them.
“Where the hell you think you’re going?”
I didn’t bother facing Smith to answer him, calling over my shoulder instead. “My three minutes are up and so is my patience with the two of you.”
***
My sister let me in then quietly told me that Emmie was still in her room. She’d cried herself to sleep sometime while I was in the air, changing my whole life for my daughter. I stood in the doorway, watching Ems rest. Even with her eyes closed, she seemed consumed by stress. Her jaw was clenched, her brow furrowed, her elegant hands in tight fists under her chin.
I already loved my kid. I knew there was no other explanation for the feeling in my chest every time I looked at her mother. Even now, I wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed beside Emmie and rest my hand on her stomach. I wanted my baby to know that I was here, and that I would do anything and everything to make sure that they were both safe and healthy.
I’d never wanted to be a dad, but somewhere along the way, I’d become one. And to my shock, it was so easy, so effortless. Loving my child was as easy as existing. So why in the flying fuck were Emmie’s parents having such a hard time loving her? Taking care of her?
“Kase?” Ems woke up slowly, confused as to why I was standing in her bedroom, watching her sleep like a creeper. “What are you doing here?” She pushed herself up, her rounded bump almost sitting in her tiny lap. “I thought you were flying to Maine today.” She gathered her long blonde hair, piling it up neatly on her head.
I stepped farther into her room, taking in the framed sonogram picture on her nightstand. “Katie called me.” My gaze moved to the one I’d taken of her and my mom back at the ranch, and next the one of us in my bedroom mirror, her bump out and my hands on it.
“Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t ask her to do that.” She rubbed at her eyes, like she was checking to see if the evidence of her tears were visible to me. “You didn’t need to come. I’m fine. Lunch with my mom didn’t go so great, but I didn’t mean for anyone to worry or anything.”
“Ems, you’re not fine.” I sat on the bed, my hand going to her knee. “And stop apologizing. You should have called me. We’re in this together, right?”
“Co-parents and friends, Kase. Not call-every-time-one-of-us-has-a-shit-day besties.”
I put my other hand on her cheek, wanting to catch all her sadness and low expectations and throw them out the window. “Your mom trying to make you give our kid up for adoption is more than a shit day.”
Her face crumbled, fresh tears spilling out of her eyes and onto my thumb. “I don’t know why I keep crying. I’m not going to do it. And it’s not like she can actually make me.”
My heart continued to ache for the sweet girl sitting in front of me trying to tuck into a ball and make herself as small as possible. “Because she hurt you. You thought she was coming around, you thought she wanted to spend time with you. And she let you down. Hard. She betrayed you.” But Emmie wasn’t small, she was never meant to be. She was stunning and bright, like a star, beautifully blinding. “But that won’t happen again, Ems, I promise.”
“You’re sweet, but you can’t control my parents, Kase.” She shook her head, took a deep breath, and tried like hell to make her tears go away. “I’m going to have to give up on them ever being supportive, that’s all.”
“No, that’s not all.” Now here was the part I wasn’t sure of, the part where I butted fully into her life and took over a bit. “I went to their house and talked to them first. If they didn’t fully hate me before, they do now.”
She gasped. “You talked to my parents?”
“Your dad treats you like shit and your mom tried to ambush you into an adoption.” And it made me see fucking red. “It’s one thing for them to be disappointed, it’s another to try to make you give up our kid. Or stress you out so badly that your health is compromised. You’re their daughter.” I put my palm on her belly. “But that’s mine. And I will protect her, always.”
Chapter Forty-Seven
Emmie
Kase moved into his sister’s house, temporarily, and Cash was back from training camp. It had been Katie and I for so many weeks, having a house full was almost alarming. Cash and Kase had reached an understanding: mutual disgust with my parents. My cousins came over a lot, taking turns to check on me and hang out with the four of us. Five if you counted my ever-growing baby bump.
I was twenty-eight weeks now, in my third trimester. And this was our new normal. Kase put his life on hold to come here and take care of me. He loved our daughter, and that was admirable. But part of me felt so damn guilty, like I wasn’t strong enough to be on my own. Like he didn’t trust me to take care of myself and our baby. He was pissed way the hell off about the way my family treated me like a child, but he was doing the same thing.
When there was a knock at the door, I sighed, glancing around, hoping someone else would run in to get it. I’d peed four times in the last hour and getting up again seemed like the worst. Luckily Kase came from the back of the house, shaking his head and laughing when I waved from my comfy spot on the couch.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
I sat up at Kase’s harsh tone, my stomach twisting when I heard my dad reply, “I want to talk to my daughter.”
“No.” Kase’s hold on the door was turning his knuckles white.
“I will fucking hit you again.”
Kase shrugged, like the threat was idle and not at all worrisome. “So hit me. But I’m still not letting you in.” I scooted closer to the edge of the couch, not sure what I should do. “This isn’t good for her. You aren’t good for her. The way you and her mom have been acting, fuck, I can’t even wrap my brain around it.”
“You’re right,” my dad barked out. I covered my mouth, stifling the gasp that came flying out. “The way we’ve been responding to this news…it’s deplorable. Her mom was trying to help. She was trying to give Emmie back the life she worked so hard for. But she missed the mark, and it was taking things too far.”
Kase sighed, some of the fight seeming to leave his body. “And you don’t think screaming at her across the dinner table was taking things too far?”
“Look, fucker, you’re going to be a dad. And one day your kid is going to rip your heart clean out of your chest. And maybe you’ll handle it well, maybe you’ll learn from my mistakes. But then again
, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll be standing in her doorway, hoping like hell that she’ll forgive you.”
Kase was silent, standing guard at the door. I was, dammit, once again crying. My dad sounded broken, and even though he didn’t deserve it, my heart ached for him. I got to my feet, shuffling forward, unsure of what should come next. They’d hurt me over and over. But they were my parents, and I missed them.
Eventually Kase stepped back, opening the door wider so my father could see me standing there. I was wearing yoga pants and a sports bra, my belly on full display.
He moved past Kase and crumpled to his knees in front of me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, his shoulders shaking as he cried. “I’m so sorry, baby girl. I’m so sorry.”
I rested my hands on his shoulder, tears streaming down my face as I met Kase’s dark gaze.
He shut the front door, pausing to kiss the side of my head on his way out of the room.
Chapter Forty-Eight
Kase
Emmie had a doctor’s appointment this morning, and her mom took her this time. Both of her parents were trying really hard to redeem themselves in all our eyes. The words Smith had spoken to me while I stood guard at the front door last week were never far from my mind. He was right. I was going to be a dad, and I hoped I’d learn from his and Dylan’s mistakes. He’d cried in the living room for a solid hour, clutching on to Emmie like she was a lifeline. Then Dylan had come over, apologizing to both of us. Things still felt a little strained when the four of us were together, but we were on the mend. And I was glad.
Ems told me I should go back to work, that I didn’t need to guard our kid anymore. But I didn’t want to leave. I wouldn’t always be around. I knew that. I wasn’t putting my life on hold, not like she thought I was. I’d been working and traveling nonstop since the day I turned eighteen. I considered this a well-deserved vacation.
I put the plate of fresh cookies on the coffee table, going to the front door when I heard a knock. Typically, all the cousins walked in without bothering to wait for permission, so I was almost nervous to see who was on the other side. Hell, the last person who’d knocked was Smith.
Well. Fuck. It was Benson, the cowboy who wanted to fuck my baby momma. “Can I help you?” I frowned, looking past him, like I was confused as to who the hell he was and why he was standing on my brother-in-law’s front porch.
“Hey, man, how’s it going?” He held his hand out to shake mine.
Great, now I’d be labeled a rude fuck if I chose to ignore it. “Uh, good?” I shook it, warily, continuing to play the confused part. “Are you here for Katie or Cash? Are they expecting you?”
His smile fell. “I’m Benson. We’ve met a few times.”
“Benson?”
His eyebrows rose. “I was a groomsman in Cash’s wedding.”
“Oh.” I chuckled good-naturedly. “Benson, sorry, bro, didn’t recognize you without your big cowboy hat.” I stepped back, opening the door wider and gesturing him inside the house when all I really wanted to do was slam the door in his smiling face. “Come on in.”
I’d been here for almost two weeks, and I hadn’t seen this fucker once. I knew he traveled some for work, hauling bulls to rodeos or some shit.
“Hey, sweet girl.” His stupid face lit up when Ems came waltzing into the room. I always thought pregnant chicks waddled. But not Emmie James. She floated gracefully everywhere she went. “How’re you feeling?”
“I’m good, thanks.” She let him hug her, both of them laughing when her belly stopped them from getting too close. “Are you staying for dinner tonight? I think Katie is making that chicken soup you like.”
“Well then, I’m staying.” How the hell does Ems know he likes my sister’s chicken soup? That soup was mine. Katie was mine, and that bump getting in his way was mine. “Come here and let me work on that knot for you.” He sat on the couch, patting the space in front of him.
“What knot?” I’d rubbed Emmie’s shoulders when she’d stayed at the ranch, but she hadn’t complained about anything since then. “You have a knot?”
“Em gets these tension knots in her shoulders,” Benson spoke over her head, informing me of this like I knew nothing about my own pregnant…Ems. “I rub her shoulders when I come over.”
“Benson majored in sports medicine. He’s been helping me stay loose.” Ems dropped her head, letting it hang while Benson dug his fingers into her neck.
What the actual fuck? How often did he rub her down? Was he dicking her down while he was at it? Exactly how loose was this motherfucker making her? I knew, logically, it was none of my goddamn business.
But that didn’t mean I was going to act rationally.
I joined them on the couch, sitting closer than socially acceptable. “Well, I’m here now, so why don’t you show me how to do it and I can help her stay loose.”
“Uh, yeah, sure, I can show you.”
He was either a pushover or a nice guy. Either way, Benson showed me how to rub all the knots out of Emmie’s shoulders and neck. And then the two of them posted up on the couch to watch a movie, eating the cookies I’d made.
I wanted to wedge myself between them.
So I sent myself to my room.
***
I skipped dinner, too afraid to sit across from Emmie and Benson and watch them fall in love. She let him put his hands all over her. They ate together and shared plates of cookies and had favorite movies.
When the hell had she become so close with that kind, friendly fucker? I was pacing in my room, not sure why I was feeling so close to jumping out of my skin. I needed to talk this out. I needed some solid advice.
I grabbed my cell from my back pocket, dialing my uncle, putting it on speakerphone.
Pax answered after the first ring. “Hey, kid, what’s up?”
“I need to talk, but I can’t do it with my dad because he’ll tell me he told me so. And I can’t talk about it with my mom because she’ll get hearts in her eyes.” My parents were great, but Uncle Pax knew me. He knew me because he was me. Or I was him, I guess.
“You falling for your baby momma?”
“No.” I wasn’t, right? Nah. “I’m extremely jealous of the dude that is.”
“What dude?”
“Benson, the tool in the cowboy hat from Cash and Katie’s wedding.” Except he wasn’t a tool, he was actually a really nice guy. Which sucked.
“Why is he making moves on your girl?”
“Right?” No. Wait. “But, I mean, she’s not my girl.”
“The baby in her belly is.”
Damn straight it is. I sighed, knowing that I was being unfair. “He’s into Ems. He’s not trying to ice me out as a father.” Well shit. He wasn’t trying to lay claim to my daughter. He was into her mother. And for that, I couldn’t blame him. “Oh. I see what you did there.”
Uncle Pax chuckled. “If he’s a nice guy and he likes Emmie, then don’t stand in their way.”
“But she’s pregnant with my child. It seems, I don’t know, weird or something.” And by it seems weird, I meant it made me feel irrationally irritated.
“Are you in love with Emmie?”
“No?” Did I end that with a question mark?
“Kase.”
I was in love with my daughter, and those emotions got skewed sometimes when I looked at her mom. Even I could admit that. “I care about her, a lot.”
“That’s not love, Kase, not the kind she deserves.”
He was right. Emmie deserved someone to be consumed by her. To fall for her so hard there was never any chance of stopping it. But. “Can’t she wait ’til the baby comes out before she starts dating?”
“Are you waiting? Are you seriously telling me that you’ve been celibate while you’ve been traveling? I’ve been with you in Italy before, bro, I know how it goes.”
I snorted, recalling the week Uncle Pax and I had spent in Italy during fashion week after my twenty-first birthday. Although the last time I was there,
nothing like that happened, not even close. “I haven’t been with anyone in a few months.”
“No shit?”
I nodded, sighing as I sat on the edge of my bed. “No shit. And all I’m asking is, is it too much to ask that she do the same?”
“Yes.” Well that was a fast, definitive answer.
“Really? But I’m here.”
“Yeah, you are there, which makes me so proud of you. But after that baby comes, you’ll go back to your job, to traveling, to sleeping around. Anytime you’re not with your daughter, you’ll be the same old Kase, living large, doing what you want to do with whomever you want to do it. Emmie won’t. She’ll be there day in and day out, a mother twenty-four seven. You can’t ask her to put her life on hold because it makes you uncomfortable.” He paused, letting all that settle in my mind. “And wouldn’t you feel better knowing that Emmie and your daughter are being taken care of by a good guy while you’re not there? Think of the alternative: she dates a string of losers who don’t care about either of them.”
“I don’t want her to date Benson.” Oh. That came out harsher than I thought it would.
“Then you need to look real fucking hard at why.”
“You think I’m being selfish?” Was I being selfish? Was I allowed to be selfish? Something told me Uncle Pax, and anyone else I asked, would say fuck no.
“I think putting a wedge between Emmie and a nice guy because it bugs you to see them together is selfish, yes.” He paused again. “Being a parent means putting your kid first, even if it means letting someone else love them.”
I hated what he was saying to me. I hated how true those words were. “You give serious fatherly advice for a fun uncle. How’d you get so smart?”
“My baby sister fell for some idiot rock star, and they gave me two kids who I love more than anything. More than myself, that’s for sure.”
Well fuck. Tears pricked the back of my eyes at my uncle’s declaration. I knew he loved my sister and me, but he and I didn’t do this sappy shit together. Maybe pregnancy hormones were catching because I felt real fucking close to crying at the moment. “I love you too, Uncle Pax.”
