by Eden Finley
Okay, I’m being creepy.
I roll onto my back and sigh happily. Jet’s back in my arms, and for the first time in a long time, the world feels right.
His smaller body moves against me, and he moans. I don’t know if he’s waking up or dreaming, but it makes me smile.
That is, until there’s movement outside.
It’s the bright white polo shirt I see first through the small gap in the curtain covering the door. I make out the dark hair and beard next.
Fuck, fuck, fucking fuck.
It’s Matt.
“Jet.” I nudge his shoulder.
He grumbles and rolls over onto his other side.
My heart pounds erratically. “It’s your brother.”
Jet abruptly sits up, his head swiveling side to side as if he’s looking for Matt in the room.
“He’s coming up the path,” I say.
He squints at me. “Maybe he’s going for a walk—”
We hear Matt’s feet hitting the wooden steps leading to the deck.
“Shit,” Jet hisses and rolls out of bed. He frantically looks around the room before settling for crawling under the thin gap between the bed and the floor.
The blanket pooled on the ground at the foot of the bed will hide him. The heat between Jet and me being tangled in each other last night was enough to keep us warm.
My heart doesn’t calm down at all as Matt raises his hand to knock. Then he sees me through the glass and waves.
I gesture for him to come in, but being naked, I don’t get up.
He slides open the door and pushes the curtain aside. “Hey.”
“What’s up?” I try to casually run a hand over my hair as if I’m not full of adrenaline right now.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
Uh-oh. “About?”
“I think you know.”
Double uh-oh. “I … umm … well—”
“I mean, you’re not blind. You have to know Jet has a crush on you.”
“A … a crush …” What, like he’s in high school?
“He hasn’t told us too much about the guy on tour who broke his heart, but he’s kinda fragile. I know it’s not my place, and he’d kill me if he knew I was here, but I was hoping … well, I wanted to ask …”
Please give me permission to fuck Jet.
“That you let him down gently.”
My hope sinks. Guess that was a bit of a long shot. My brother is depressed. Please use your dick to make him feel better. Thanks for taking one for the team.
“Let him down?”
“If he makes a move.”
“Umm … okaaay.” I’m confused. “And are you assuming I wouldn’t be into Jet, or are you asking me not to be?” I hold my breath.
Matt cocks his head. “Are you into Jet? You’re … like … old.”
“First, fuck you. And second, fuck you.”
“I just … I guess I don’t see it. You and him. And I don’t know how I’d feel if you used each other to rebound from your last relationships. That’s only gonna end badly.”
It’s so not like that with Jet, but I can see his point. That’s probably all it can be even if Jet and I don’t mean it to be that way.
“I’ll take your concerns under advisement.” I’ll take your concerns under advisement? What kind of response is that? “But I would like to say that Jet is an adult. He can look after himself. He’s been doing it for three years.”
“I know, but … he’s my kid brother, you know? I practically raised him until I left for college. I don’t want to see him hurt.”
For the first time since I met Jet, I see Matt’s overprotectiveness as something more than an annoyance. Matt is Jet’s support system.
“I won’t hurt him.”
Matt’s eyebrows shoot up.
“If he does make a move.” Ugh. So close to getting out of this without lying. Well, if hiding Jet under my bed isn’t classed as lying to begin with.
“Thanks,” Matt says. “What have you got planned for today? Noah and I were going to go to the mainland and do a tour or something. Apparently, there are these old cannibal caves. We keep saying we’re gonna check them out every year, but, uh, we never make it.” A smile crosses his face.
With Matt and Noah off our island, Jet and I could have the whole day without worrying about being caught by them.
“I think I’m going to spend the day in bed. Maybe go for a swim later.”
“Cool. We’ll see you tonight then when we get back.”
He moves toward the door, and I give a tiny salute as he leaves.
Only when he’s gone am I able to breathe properly again.
I get up and close the curtain. “Jet?”
“Yeah?” His adorably muffled voice comes from under the bed.
“He’s gone.”
Chapter Fourteen
JET
Jet has a crush.
A crush.
Like I’m fourteen years old.
I’d argue something about maturity, but hey, I’m crawling out from underneath the bed of the guy I’m fucking without my big brother knowing.
Soren’s grinning at me when I finally pull myself up.
“Oh, fuck you.” I climb back into bed, and he joins me, pulling me close to the warm body I spent all night pressed up against.
Nothing beats the awkward morning after quite like needing to hide, but if his face is any indication, I’m glad we’re going the teasing route.
“You have a crush. On me.” The arrogance all hockey players possess shines through.
“You’re too old for anyone to have a crush on.”
“Just because my joints think I’m an old man doesn’t mean I’m not irresistible. I can still pull a guy in his early twenties. That makes me super-hot.”
I can’t argue with that. “Well, you are the hottest guy I’ve ever met in real life. Which is amazing because, you know, I’ve met real celebrities.”
Soren looks at me incredulously. “I’m sorry, what? I can’t have heard that correctly. I swear you said I’m not a real celebrity.”
“Who’s been recognized since we’ve been here?”
“We’re in Fiji. Once we’re home, you’ll see how much I’m recognized.”
“Okay, Roman Josi.”
“Hey, I’m not Roman in New Jersey.”
“Ooh, New Jersey. Score.”
Soren frowns. “You sound like Maddox. Do you know how much he disses New Jersey? You should’ve been there the day he found out I was Canadian too. It was murder.”
Oh, I need to hear that story. “How did he find out?”
“I said something about taking his toque off indoors.”
“Rookie move.”
“It was me, Bryce, Damon, and Maddox, and we went out for dinner. As soon as that word came out of my mouth, the whole table went silent. Like so silent I thought someone was stroking out. Maddox turned to me and said, ‘Is there anything you’d like to share with the group? Like where you’re originally from?’”
I laugh so hard I have to hold on to my stomach. “I can totally see Maddox doing that.”
“Damon slumped and said, ‘I’ve kept it from him for as long as I could. I’m sorry. He’s irrational when it comes to Canada and New Jersey.’ And that was all it took. Cue endless mocking.”
“That’s hilarious.”
“Bryce wasn’t too impressed. I understood it was all in good fun, but, uh, yeah, he claimed all my friends were immature frat boys. He’d said the same when we went out with Ollie and Lennon, and Lennon is the smartest of us all.”
“Well, he is smart, but he’s not very mature.”
Soren laughs. “True.”
“Bryce was dating a hockey player. What did he expect? Intellectual conversations about foreign politics?”
“Pretty much.”
“Why did you date him again? Oh, wait, that’s right. He was your ‘hat trick.’”
He nudges me. “Shut up.”
“There’s the intellect talking again.”
Soren cracks a smile and lifts his arm to pull me close. When his hand comes around my shoulder and I lay my head on his chest, the playfulness disappears. Like he’s trying to change the subject without asking for it. But I want to know more about his ex. About why he was with him for so long and what it was that finally made them break up.
“Did you leave Bryce, or did Bryce leave you?”
Soren stiffens but covers it by shifting onto his side so he can face me. “Does it matter?”
“No, but I’m curious.”
“He technically left me, but he said I hadn’t been in the relationship for a lot longer, which is true.”
“Were you caught off guard, or did you see it coming?”
“If we’re going to have the ex talk, I need to go question for question.”
I hesitate. “Okay. But you have to understand that I have an NDA in place, so there are things I can’t tell you.”
He purses his lips. “Like who he really is? Some backstage crew member wouldn’t have you sign an NDA. Is he one of the guys from Eleven?”
“I can’t—”
“It’s Harley.”
Oh, shit. “What the—how did you—”
“His real name is Harry.”
“How … and …”
Soren chuckles. “I still watch your shows and read all your interviews online. I probably know more about your band and Eleven than even you guys do.”
“Not all the stuff online is true.”
“This is, though, isn’t it?”
I shake my head even though it is true. “I can’t … I …”
“I was surprised when Bryce first left but not after,” Soren says. It takes a second for me to realize he’s answering my original question. “I hadn’t been present in our relationship for a long time. I thought I had to make it work because I came out for him. Coming out would be a waste if it didn’t work.”
“But you said you came out because of my song. Not for him … or were you lying about that?” I don’t think I could handle it if that first night was based on a lie.
I gaze into Soren’s eyes, trying to find signs of deception—whatever the fuck they look like—but all I see is softness.
“Your song gave me the courage to come out, but I thought I had to do it so I wouldn’t lose Bryce. In retrospect, the idea that I thought I needed to come out for someone else should’ve been a red flag.”
I want to ask him something, but I’m scared of what his answer will be. I’m even more scared he’ll see right through it and know what I truly mean. I sit up and wrap my arms around my legs as I bring them up to my chest. “Do you still love him even though you know you shouldn’t?” I don’t know if I want him to answer a yes or no here.
I still love Harley … I think. I don’t know. It’s been over for months, but there was a part of me that always had hope. Especially when, even though we were technically broken up, we were still sneaking nights together.
Soren makes the heartache lighter. He makes me think a life without Harley is easy and possible. Whereas when Harley—or more specifically, the label and his manager—ripped out my heart, all I could think was I’d never recover.
“I don’t love Bryce. I don’t think I have for a while,” Soren says softly.
I stare at Soren over my shoulder and wonder if this is unfair to him. Me being here. In his bed.
Soren sits up too, and his warm, large arms wrap around me from behind. “But it’s perfectly okay if you still have feelings for Harley. And it’s understandable. First loves are always hard to get over, and I’m not under any delusion that I could make you move on so fast.”
“That’s just it. I don’t think Harley was my first love …” Fuck, that did not just come out of my mouth.
“W-what do you mean?”
I turn in his arms.
Soren’s expression is guarded, and I don’t know if he’s reading into what I said or if he’s genuinely confused.
“Don’t freak out,” I blurt. So not the right way to start this. “You were the first guy to show me what love could be.”
Soren groans. “God, don’t tell me that after I treated you like shit.”
“You didn’t treat me like shit. At all. Yeah, you should’ve told me you still had a boyfriend when we met up in Tampa, but hey, you were able to pull back when you needed to. The asshole thing to do would’ve been to fuck me again and then tell me about Bryce. Definitely wouldn’t be the first time someone’s done that to me.”
He goes to open his mouth again, but I cut him off.
“Hear me out, okay? I wasn’t in love with you. We’d had one night together, and I’m not some delusional, naïve kid who thought that meant anything more than it was. But it was the first time I’d been with anyone where I said to myself, This … this is what it’s supposed to feel like. I’d hooked up with guys before, had pseudo-relationships with closeted guys back in Tennessee, but it all felt empty. That night with you showed me what an actual connection was like, so when I met Harley and experienced something similar, I always thought it was you who taught me how to love that way. Even if what we had was only a taste of the possibility.”
Soren’s hand cups my face. “Jet—”
“I don’t mean anything else other than what I’ve said.” I can’t look him in the eye. “I just … Even though we will walk away from here and go our separate ways, I thought you should know that.”
“Thank you for telling me,” he whispers.
“And that doesn’t have to change this. What we’re doing here. This”—I run my hand over his taut shoulder—“is fun in Fiji—”
“Title of our sex tape.”
I laugh. “Oh God, no. No sex tape.” Luce would kill me. The NHL wouldn’t be happy with Soren either.
“Okay, no sex tape, but I want to say something.”
My gaze flicks up to meet his.
“With Bryce and me, I tried to make it work for so long, but looking back, I think I know the moment it was doomed to fail.”
“When?” My throat feels like sandpaper.
“The morning after Tampa. I felt it too. Everything you did. I thought we could be so much more than what we had. You know what I told myself three years ago when you walked out of that hotel room in New York after you’d told me to call Bryce?”
I shake my head.
“That even though I’d rather be calling you, I was making the right choice. You were about to chase your dream. You were young, and I didn’t want to stand in your way. For that whole year, I watched your band and following grow, and I knew I’d done the right thing. But then in Tampa … I realized watching you play and hanging out with you was more fun than anything I’d done with Bryce in the previous twelve months. I wanted you when I shouldn’t have, which made me run away. And then I stayed with Bryce out of guilt. He knew it too. Guilt over coming out for him, guilt over screwing him around, but worst of all, guilt over leading you on.”
“As much as it pains me to admit, you didn’t lead me on. I jumped to all the wrong conclusions when you turned up to my gig.”
“I figured I couldn’t live with hurting you for no reason, so I tried to make Bryce a good enough reason. I fought my draw to you, but you’ve always been there at the back of my mind and in my internet searches.”
“Oh, honey, if your search history is all me, we’re gonna need to hook you up with some good porn sites.”
Jokes are good. Comedy dims the seriousness of our admissions.
Whatever this connection I have with Soren is, it’s too strong to fight. It’s too much to handle, and I’m still terrified of walking away from this with a double broken heart.
How many times can it break until I’m completely ruined?
Soft lips land on my shoulder and trail up to my neck. “I have an idea.”
“If it involves more of your lips on me, I have to say I’m on board.” Even if I shouldn’t be.
There’
s no point trying to hold back. The pull I have toward Soren is insurmountable.
“It does include my lips on you. And certain other body parts. Maybe your cock in certain parts of me.” More kissing my neck. More soft caresses.
Yeah, there’s no fighting what I have with Soren.
“Hmm, my cock in your mouth?” I ask.
“We could do that, but I was thinking of something else.”
“What could you possibly mean?” I feign innocence.
Soren grunts. “You want to fuck me or not?”
I tackle him, pushing him onto his back and climbing on top of him. “That would be a hell yes. In case this wasn’t obvious.” I gesture between our bodies and drag my hard cock along his.
The way Soren’s body feels against mine is almost lyrical. He’s always been a muse for me—a tap for my heartache and insecurity but with that touch of hope and optimism.
We kiss and drag it out, starting slow and taking the time to enjoy each other.
By the time I move down his body to get him ready, we’re both panting.
Soren reaches for the lube on the bedside table and throws me a condom. “I don’t need much prep.”
“That’s what they all say. Then they complain when they get an ass full of this.” I grab my dick.
Soren laughs. “I do need prep, but I … I just want to feel you.”
I kiss the head of his cock. “You will.”
Guess now that I’m giving in to this, I’m gonna go all out.
I suck his cock into my mouth while I stretch his hole.
I know he said his preference is to top, but he’s a pro at letting my fingers inside. His ass contracts around them as if wanting me deeper.
My lips release him and then trail over his thigh to his sac.
“Jet, fuck.” His whole body tightens, and for a second, I reckon he’s about to come.
When I look up into his eyes, he breathes deep.
“I’m good, but that was close. I need your cock.”
Ngh. The words he says.
Rolling the condom on, I give him a chance to come back down from the edge.
Yet, even though he says he needs me, when my tip pushes past his tight ring, he winces.
