by Emma Nichole
He doesn’t notice as it blends in with the water droplets already present.
I love a man for the first time in my life, and it scares the hell out of me.
I want to drown in him. I want to bury myself inside of his soul where I feel safe, content, and happy...but I can’t.
He rights his head so we are eye to eye once again, his movements have stilled and he just holds himself inside of me.
He is breathing heavily. I can see his chest rising and falling rapidly, and his pulse is thumping so hard it’s visible in his neck.
He cups my face and glides a thumb over my lips. I kiss the pad of it and lean my cheek into his palm.
“Nora...” There’s something in his eyes. Something hiding there that he wants to say, but he thinks better of it.
He begins moving again, slowly, so slowly it could even be the movement of the water causing it. His head caresses that spot deep inside of me and I moan loudly.
“Ohhhh God.”
He must like that sound on my lips because he adjusts positions to really let go, but the hand bracing himself on the ledge slips, and wrapped together—connected as one—we slip below the surface of the water.
I expect him to panic. I expect him to immediately begin kicking and moving his legs but he doesn’t.
With my eyes closed, I feel his hands grip my face and his lips find mine.
I feel his tongue part my lips and connect with mine as we break the surface of the water and he rights his hand on the ledge once again.
He arose from that baptism a changed man.
He begins to move wildly. Fucking me with every ounce of strength he has within his body, until we’ve created a whirlpool around us. Water is sloshing up over the edge and onto the concrete and splashing up and onto our faces.
I can feel a tightening growing in my belly and it dips deep within my pussy. My walls begin to flutter and I cry out amongst stars.
“I’m coming!”
“Together...Come together,” he growls.
As soon as my body winds as tightly as it can, I explode into a million pieces, contracting and convulsing. I can feel the tingles from my hair follicles to the tips of my red, painted toes.
He stills, and with a mighty roar, he comes too. The pulsing of my pussy milks every drop from him.
We latch onto each other in a position that looks like bear hug and we are silent, letting the world come back to us piece by piece.
I scratch his head back and forth with my nails and lay kisses to his forehead.
“Nora...” he says, with his face buried in my neck.
“Yeah?”
“I think I’ve fallen in love with you,” he admits quietly.
I close my eyes as more tears form behind the lids.
“You don’t have to say it back. I don’t expect you to, but after what you did for me tonight, I needed you to know.”
I love you too.
I want to scream it at the top of my lungs, but that hurt little girl stops me. The little girl who is scared to love anyone again who could die saving someone else.
I’m too broken to allow him all the way in. He deserves someone who will love him completely and not resent his job because it scares her to death.
I know, in this moment, here and now—in this pool with him buried inside of me as he professes his love—this is goodbye.
Chapter 24
Case
Case,
I know you probably hate me right now, and for that I’m so sorry. I just didn’t know what else to do. You scare me. You terrify me, actually. You’re this good-looking, intense, amazingly sweet, perfect human being, and you love me, but...I had to go.
I changed my flight and I’m flying back to California today. By the time you read this, I’ll probably already be in the air, so don’t try to stop me.
I live with resentment every day toward my father for going back into that building the night of the fire. And resentment toward my mother for following him in.
You like to be the hero. Hell, it’s your job to be the hero, but knowing you could leave me forever by stepping into a dangerous situation is something my heart won’t let me do.
I couldn’t live with resenting you, and I couldn’t live with losing you.
You deserve better than that. You deserve someone better than me.
Please don’t contact me. That will only make this harder than it needs to be.
I love you, Case.
You need to know that.
Stay safe.
Phoenix.
I sit on the side of my bed, reading the note I found on the pillow beside me this morning, for the tenth time.
She loves me...and she’s gone.
I replay last night over and over in my mind, trying to find a place where it all went wrong, but there is nothing.
Last night was perfect. More than perfect.
The pool, what she did for me, making love in the pool, then making love here in my bed again, and then falling asleep together. I traced my fingers up and down her spine until I fell asleep.
Clearly sometime after that, she ghosted me, again.
I check the time on my phone.
9:45 a.m.
Grayson is absolutely awake, so I open my contacts, click his name then put him on speakerphone.
“Hello?” he answers after three rings.
“She’s gone, isn’t she?” I ask, not even specifying whom I’m talking about.
He takes a breath. “Yes, she is. She took an Uber to the airport at six o’clock this morning. Mills tried to make her change her mind, but she said work needed her.”
I slide my hand through my hair, tugging at it in frustration. “Fuck’s sake.”
“What happened, man? What’s going on?” he asks.
I ponder that question before I answer, because really, I have no goddamn idea what is going on. I thought everything was great. I thought it was on the up and up, but clearly, I was mistaken.
“I think I fucked up,” I say, as I scrub my hand over my face.
“What do you mean?”
“I told her I loved her.”
“The fuck did you just say?” he says, clearly stunned.
I’ve never been the type of man who falls in love. I enjoy women, yes, but I’ve only been in one exclusive relationship in my entire life, and I don’t even think I loved her.
But Nora?
I know what I feel, deep in my bones, I feel love.
“I told her I was falling in love with her.”
“What the fuck? Where did this even come from?” he asks.
“Don’t play dumb, bro. Nora told me Amelia knew about us, which means you definitely know about us. Cut the act.”
“All right, fine, but why would that scare her off? That doesn’t make any sense—unless she really just wanted to keep it casual—and you caught feelings.”
“When is she supposed to land? Do you know?” I ask, lifting my phone from the bed and going into the kitchen.
“I’m not sure. Her flight only left about an hour ago, so not for at least five more, I’d say.”
“All right. If you hear something before me, let me know, all right?” I say, pressing the buttons on my coffee maker.
“I will. Take it easy.”
He hangs up and I lay my phone on the counter as my coffee starts to brew.
I scared her. This much is clear, but she told me she loved me too. I could feel it last night, and I needed her to know what it meant to me. What she means to me.
I stare at my phone, contemplating the next move.
She’s too independent to be chased. She’s made her decision clear, and given what she said in her note, my job is a factor.
I click her name in my contacts and my thumb hovers over the call button. I want to call her, even though I know she won’t answer. I want to call to say what I need to say. I want to call to stop her from doing this. To stop her from ending things, but I don’t.
I place my phone down on the bed and
scrub a hand over my face.
She’s made her decision.
Now’s the time to respect it.
Nora
No amount of airplane vodka can numb the intense pain I’m feeling inside of my chest. I know I took the coward’s way out. I own that because I know I couldn’t make this choice while having to face him.
Because I love him.
I don’t want to love him. I don’t want to care. Why was I stupid enough to believe I could sleep with him and spend time with him without feeling something?
Because you were thinking with your vagina. That’s why.
I wave down the flight attendant to order some more airplane vodka to silence the voice in my head telling me how badly I fucked up.
“Yes, ma’am?” she asks politely.
“Can I have another vodka straight up, please?”
“Uh, ma’am you’ve had two, and we limit our passengers beyond that for safety reasons, plus we are landing in ten minutes.” She has a thick, Southern accent and all it does is remind me of Georgia.
I sigh heavily. “I understand. Thank you.”
She leaves me to go ready the plane for landing and I sink down into my seat, pulling the hood of my jacket over my head, leaning against the window.
I did what was best for my heart.
Isn’t selfcare the best care?
No, the love of another is the best care. He loves you...and you left him.
Goddamnit. I really want that vodka.
The plane begins its descent and that tingling feeling rises in my belly. I look out the window as the runway gets closer and closer until our wheels screech with contact and the plane rolls to a stop.
I’m home.
But in my heart, I know this isn’t home. This hasn’t felt like home since the day I set foot in Georgia for the first time.
The South has been calling me.
I know in my soul I belong there. I feel free. Happy.
We are cleared to exit the plane and I do so with my hood still firmly over my head. Before long, I’m riding the escalator down to baggage claim when I hear a voice I know all too well.
“You look like shit.”
I turn to see my brother standing there in all his glory.
“Thanks,” I say; then I go into his arms for the biggest bear hug. “I didn’t know you were back in town.”
“When I got your text that you were coming back, I tracked your flight. Figured you’d prefer a ride home rather than a cab or a rideshare.”
“You would be correct.”
“How many bags do you have?” he asks, turning toward the baggage carousel.
“Just one,” I say, slinging my purse up onto my shoulder.
“Who are you and what have you done with my sister?” He laughs.
We collect my bag then head out to his car, making the drive to my apartment mostly in silence. I just watch the city pass by, with my head pressed against the window, until the car rolls to a stop in the parking lot.
“Nora? What happened?” my brother asks.
“Nothing. I just needed to come home for work,” I reply, sitting up to gather my things.
“You don’t look like someone kicked your dog because you have to come home early for work. Now stop lying to me and fess up.”
“There isn’t anything to fess up to, Marco.”
“Look, here’s the deal. You and I are going to have a conversation whether you like it or not, so make this easy on both of us. You go upstairs, shower, do whatever you need to do. I’ll go to the store, get all the things for chocolate chip French toast, and we’ll eat while you tell me whose ass I need to kick. Got it?”
My mouth waters at the thought of chocolate chip French toast. It was always our weekend breakfast when my parents were alive, and when Marco finally got custody of me, he started making it too.
“Fine. You had me at French toast.”
The smell of maple syrup and sugary sweet chocolate greets me when I finally emerge from my shower. I step into my small, modern kitchen to find Marco flipping a piece of French toast in the pan.
“Right on time,” he says.
I grab a glass from the cupboard and press it into the water dispenser on the fridge.
“Thanks,” I say, before gulping the water down so I can fill it up again.
I take the fresh glass over to the breakfast bar and perch up on the stool, watching him cook.
“All right. Let’s hear it,” he demands.
“There’s this guy—”
He interrupts me quickly, “I knew it. Who is he? I’ll fucking kill him for hurting you.”
“Whoa. Relax. He didn’t hurt me. Quite the opposite in fact. He’s...amazing,” I admit, because it’s the truth.
“If he’s so amazing, why do you seem so dejected?” He plates the food and pours syrup over the top before placing it in front of me.
I thank him for the food and slice myself a bite before answering. “I feel dejected because I ran. I felt something for the first time in my life that wasn’t purely physical, and it scared me so badly, I ran.”
“I’ll ignore the purely physical part and focus on the rest. Why did it scare you?”
“Because he’s great, Marco. A gentleman.”
“And you met him in Georgia?” He rests his forearms on the counterspace in front of me.
“He’s Grayson’s, Amelia’s fiancé’s, best friend.”
“Sounds Jerry Springer level complicated,” he says with a shake of his head.
“That’s the thing, it’s not. It’s the easiest thing I’ve done, maybe ever.” I stab another bite of food with my fork.
“Tell me about this Grayson’s, Amelia’s fiancé’s, best friend. What’s his name? What does he do?”
“His name is Case—”
He interrupts me before I can finish. “What kind of name is that?”
“Don’t be an ass. Don’t cut me off and don’t talk about his name, Falcon,” I retort, putting emphasis on the nickname he uses professionally.
“I’m just saying. And Falcon is a badass name. Don’t hate.”
I just roll my eyes and continue. “He’s a cop.”
The word hangs in the air like a thick cloud. My brother knows my hatred of a police officer’s job
“I see. Damn.”
“Exactly. I was catching feelings too quickly, and it needed to end before I got attached.” I eat another bite. “So I left—in the middle of the night.”
“That’s coldhearted, Little Sister.”
“What was I supposed to do, Marco? Tell me.” I cross my arms over my chest.
“Give the man a chance.”
He says it so quickly, so plainly, as if it is the most obvious thing in the world.
Give him a chance.
How can I do that when I just know something terrible is going to happen one day, and I’ll be heartbroken all over again?
“He can’t turn off his desire to diffuse situations. He inserts himself places he shouldn’t and it’s dangerous. We were on this ghost tour thing, and this guy came up to us. Apparently, Case had arrested him before. He was drunk and being an asshole. Case stepped in.”
“So he was protecting you? That’s what you’re saying?”
“I mean...no. He was being the hero. I don’t need a hero. Like, apparently in Atlanta, after the football game he went to with Grayson, he put himself in the middle of a fight he didn’t need to be in because a man was getting too aggressive with a woman.”
“He was protecting her.” He tips my head up so I’m looking at him. “He was doing what any real man would have done. He protects those he cares for, and the person he cares for just so happens to be my little sister. That’s makes it okay by me.” He shoves away from the counter to make his own plate.
“So if I were to say I’m going to leave right now and move to Savannah to be with a cop, you’d be okay with that?”
“Like it? No. I don’t want you that far away, but let’s face it, L
ittle Sister, I travel a lot for work, and I’m never in this city as it is. You should be where your friends are. Where you’re happy. You can lie to me and say you’re happy here, but I know better. I see your pictures when you’re in Georgia. I know the truth.”
“What about work? What then?”
“You hate your job.”
“What? No I—”
“Yes, you do. You may not hate nursing, but you hate working in the ER. You know that. I know that. Everyone knows that.”
“I can’t just pack up and leave. And even if I could, he may think I’m more trouble than I’m worth now.”
“If he thinks that, he doesn’t deserve you anyway.”
I climb from my chair and go around the breakfast bar to hug my brother.
“Thank you.”
He wraps his arms around me and squeezes. “For?”
“Always being honest and for being the best.”
“Being the best is in my blood. I can’t help it.”
Chapter 25
Nora
It’s been a few days since I flew out of Savannah, and Case hasn’t contacted me once. I don’t know why that hurts me. I didn’t expect him to. Hell, I even asked him not to, but it still hurts.
Fuck my stupid girl brain.
I took this time to think. To reflect.
Marco was right, though I’ll never say those words out loud to him. We talked more that day after breakfast about my fears and worries. He said, just like with the fire, the only way to get over fear is to put yourself right in the middle of the situation. Take control back.
At the end of the day, I know I want to be in Savannah with Amelia—with Grayson and Cadence—and especially with Case. But I don’t know if it’s the right choice in the long run, and that, in and of itself, is what is stopping me.
Today is my first day back to work, and while part of me dreads it, the other part of me welcomes the distraction.
I step into the emergency department and find Trina behind the desk in the nurses’ station.
“Would you look at that!” she says loudly. “You’re back!” She rounds the desk and basically tackles me in the biggest hug.
