Ben got up at five a.m. after another restless night’s sleep and made himself a cup of coffee. He came in late the night before and went straight to bed, not bothering to read the paper, which had been his bedtime ritual since Kristopher was born. He figured he’d read it now, since all was quiet. Then he could find out how badly the world was going to hell as of yesterday.
He unrolled the paper and was about to sit down and read it when the buzzer rang. It startled him so badly that he spilled coffee all over the paper.
He cursed and threw the paper down on the counter.
“This better be good, you son of a bitch,” he mumbled in the direction of the door. “If it isn’t, I’m going to strangle you.”
He walked down the hallway and opened one of the front doors. There was no one there.
“You prick,” Ben said, closing and locking the door. He was about to go back to the kitchen and clean up the mess when something on the hard wood floor caught his eye. It was a white piece of paper with writing on it. Figuring it was one of the many memos Annie wrote to remind him to do something, Ben picked it up and was about to throw it in the trash. Then he noticed the writing didn’t look anything like Annie’s. What it said took him aback too. Lauren Roberta Briggs, it announced in small tight cursive letters, November 1984.
He turned the picture over and it blew him away. Holy crap, it’s Charlene all over again, he thought. He had to look away for a moment, but then he felt compelled to examine it more closely. Well, she had Charlene’s face and beautiful hair, but hers was darker, almost brown. Ben remembered Charlene’s hair was wavy, but Lauren’s hair was perfectly straight. Her eyes weren’t crystal blue like Charlene’s were. They had a grayish tinge to them. That outfit was something like Charlene would wear to school, but not for picture day. Charlene would have dressed to the nines for that.
So, some of me got into the mix after all, he thought. Charlene must have dropped this off or something. Ben wondered why she would wait over twenty years and then deliver a wallet-sized picture that was four years old.
Must have gotten into a fight with Johnny, he thought as he went into the kitchen and cleaned up the spilled coffee. He looked at his daughter some more and wondered what she was like. He hoped she had done well in school and was working on an exciting career in whatever. He didn’t want her to end up like Charlene--pregnant and in an arranged marriage of convenience. That wasn’t done anymore, but who knew with the Conrads. I hope Lauren has the good sense to stay away from guys like me, Ben thought, chuckling silently.
Ben imagined he met this impressionable young girl at a park and she was so thrilled about meeting him. He would give her some of his pearls of wisdom. Then, he’d stop over to check out her new apartment and he’d give her cooking lessons. He imagined her eyes lighting up as he showed her how he made Michele’s signature dessert, Blackberry Banana Flambé.
He shook his head. Those things were never going to happen. Although it made him sad, he knew it was better this way. She was probably on her way to starting a life for herself. If Ben walked in and announced he was her real father that would only mess things up for her.
Then he imagined another improbable scenario--Lauren the beautiful bride. She had her hair up in a bun, with a small tiara on top. She was wearing some designer wedding gown that probably cost about ten thousand dollars. It was Ben’s job to walk her down the aisle. As they approached the altar, she would lay her on head on Ben’s shoulder and say, ‘I love you, Daddy.’
Without realizing it, Ben slammed his coffee down on the counter. More of it spilled out. Goddamn it, he thought, that dick Johnny Briggs is going to be doing that! It’s not fair!
He sighed. Well, who said life was fair? Both my mother and my brother hate me and my own kid doesn’t know me from a hole in the wall. I’m lucky I’m here and not in some insane asylum. I just gotta accept that this is the way it is.
He was trying to figure out where to put the picture. He was planning to hide it in his office, but the problem was his office was right next to the bedroom. The desk was metal and very squeaky. He didn’t want Annie to wake up and catch him in the act. She might think the picture was a girlfriend he had on the side. He didn’t feel like explaining that it was his long lost daughter that he never bothered to tell her about. He looked around and decided to stick it in the utensil drawer; underneath the harvest gold organizer they got as a wedding gift. When Annie and Kristopher were both out of the house, he’d move it to the file where he stored all of their tax information. Annie would never bother to look in there.
He cleaned up yet another spill, finished what was left of his coffee and spread the newspaper out on the counter to dry. He was tired again so he decided to return to bed.
It felt like only five minutes later when someone shook him awake.
“What’s the problem?” he said groggily.
“I was going to ask you that,” Annie replied. He looked up at her and saw the sun streaming in between the closed blinds. It almost looked like Annie had a halo on top of her head.
“What time is it?” he asked.
“Quarter of seven,” she replied.
“Why did you wake me up so early?”
“I thought you were already awake.”
“What do you mean?”
“Ben, you were crying! When I asked you what was wrong, you didn’t answer me.”
Ben shot up straight in bed.
“I didn’t say anything, did I?”
Annie shook her head. “No, you were just sobbing like a baby. Was it a really bad dream?”
Ben felt his face. It was wet and stung a little bit. “I don’t know,” he replied. “I don’t remember.”
“Come here,” Annie said, her arms wide open. Ben put his arms around her. “I’ll chase all the bad dreams away.”
Ben chuckled. “All right, Mom,” he said in jest and kissed her lovingly on the cheek. It took a while, but he managed to shake the image of Lauren cursing him out on her wedding day while Johnny gloated with pride. It was hard to get rid of, but eventually he managed to sleep deeply for the first time in days.
Chapter 77: May 13
What They Left Behind Page 78
