Not exactly a settling conclusion, but one she could live with. She knew deep down that she needed to be fair with Todd and let go of the jealousy that had eaten a hole in her pride.
After all, I’ve been able to be friends with Rick, but it’s not in the same way that I’m friends with Todd. So why can’t Todd be good friends with Jasmine and still be close to me?
Then she thought about Rick. What am I supposed to do about him? No answer came on the wind. No clear thought paraded through her mind.
Something still nagged her. It wasn’t Todd or Rick. Something else, but she couldn’t figure out what.
Am I doing something wrong, God? I really want to do what’s right. I want to make You happy.
The only thing she could think of was cheerleading. But what was wrong with that? She had made the squad, she had gotten past the point where Renee seriously bothered her, and she had made a good friend.
Teri. I wish she had made the squad. She’s better than I am, and I know it. She’s a stronger Christian too. And it’s going to be her senior year next year. I wish there was some way Teri could be on the squad.
Christy pulled a flower from the trellis and plucked its petals. She still wasn’t certain what was bothering her. She would try to get it out by writing in her diary.
Going back to her room and stretching out on her bed, Christy found a fresh page to write on. She opened up to her last entry from almost two weeks ago and read about her desire to become a cheerleader for God, but above all, to pursue her cheerleading dream in such a way that she would be a good example of a Christian.
“I didn’t really do it for You, did I?” Christy whispered into the stillness. “I did it for myself, and it didn’t make me a whole lot more like You. It kind of made me more like Renee and the others.”
Now with devout determination, she penned:
I’m going to do it for You now, Lord. I’m going to let all the girls on the squad know that I’m a Christian. I’m going to be a good example of You to them and the whole school.
Such a sincere vow should have eased Christy’s heart considerably. It didn’t. She still felt a strange nagging. It persisted all evening, so before she went to bed she knelt beside her bed. “I still feel as though something is wrong between us, God, but I don’t know what it is.” She paused. “Will You please show me what it is and what I should do to make it right, whatever it is that’s bugging me? Thanks, Father. Good night.”
Christy wondered if she was trying to make things right with God the way she’d tried to make things right with her mom when she forgot to put the towels in the dryer. Even though she knew that wasn’t the way God wanted her to approach her relationship with Him, it still seemed it would help smooth things over for the way she’d ignored Him for so long.
When she got up at seven, Christy felt as if she hadn’t slept at all, which made her even more exhausted than she’d been the day before.
She bustled around her room, getting ready, and bumped into her dresser, giving herself a huge black and blue mark on her hip.
Katie said her morning had gone about the same when the girls met at their lockers. They decided to be miserable together all day.
That proved difficult for Christy. She kept receiving congratulations from people she didn’t even know, and then at lunch Rick came looking for her. She could tell he was looking for her by the way he walked toward her with his eyes set in her direction.
“Killer!” he called while still a few yards away. A couple of people looked to see who Rick was talking to. Christy could almost hear their whispered answers: “Oh, look! That’s the new cheerleader.”
Christy stared at her half-eaten orange. This wasn’t her. She didn’t like the attention. She didn’t want people watching her, breaking through her invisible wall of privacy.
“Hey, Killer,” Rick said again, now standing right behind her, his hand on her shoulder. He squatted down to be more on eye level with her.
She turned around to look at him, fully aware that they had an audience.
“Come here,” he said, motioning with his head. “I reserved a place for two over there.”
Gathering her things, Christy followed him. She felt like a puppy on a leash. She knew people were talking about them. Rick led her over to “their” wall, where they had sat when he gave her the pep talk about hanging in there with the cheerleading tryouts. Rick planted himself on the wall. Christy remained standing, hugging her notebook in front of her like a shield. She had no reason to fear Rick; yet she felt insecure and timid.
“So, how’s my favorite Rah-Rah? Didn’t I tell you you would make it? You were perfect. Absolutely perfect. I looked for you afterward to tell you, but you had disappeared. Did you get my note?” He smiled at her, his deep brown eyes melting her.
“Yes. Thanks for all your encouragement. I probably wouldn’t have made it without you.”
“I told you you’d make it! I would have been really disappointed in you if you had quit. You deserved to make it. You know, I feel like you and I are more on the same level now.”
Christy wasn’t sure how to take that. “You mean I wasn’t good enough for you before?”
Rick smiled his half smile. “Let’s just say that now you’re more my kind of girl.”
The way he said it she couldn’t tell if he was teasing or serious. In any case she felt uncomfortable. The thought of being “good enough” for Rick disgusted her.
What a shallow value system you must have. All on the outside for show. What about the real me on the inside? Doesn’t that matter to you? Katie was right. You are just trying to shape me into the perfect girlfriend.
“So,” Rick said, changing the subject, “Katie said you canceled going to the prom with me because of your parents.”
Christy paused a moment, debating how to best respond. Honesty was always the best way. At least that’s what she’d tried to tell her little brother. Maybe she needed to take her own advice. “Well, to be honest with you, my parents never said I could go in the first place. I just hoped they would, and so I went ahead and made plans. But then they said no. Actually, they said it a lot stronger than that because they’re not at all in favor of dances or proms or any of that. So that’s why I had to cancel on you.”
Christy remembered the hurt she felt when Rick hung up on her. She wanted him to apologize and hinted by saying, “I’m sorry things worked out the way they did. As I told you on the phone that day, I’m really sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Rick said, without apologizing for his part of the hurt. “I still have first take on your birthday. I even wrote it on my calendar. July 27. It will be a night you’ll never forget.”
First take! Who do you think I am that you can push me into any shape you want? Maybe I don’t want to go out with you ever! And why couldn’t you apologize for hanging up on me? You’re too proud to say you’re sorry. That’s your problem, Rick Doyle!
Months ago, when Rick had asked if he could take her out on her sixteenth birthday, she had blushed and felt honored. Now she wanted to push him off the wall for his cockiness. Oh, if only I had the nerve to say those things to him! She swallowed all of it and said absolutely nothing.
Rick swung his legs back and forth, kicking his heels against the bricks. “Did you hear much about the prom? From what I hear, we didn’t miss much.”
“Why didn’t you go?” Christy blurted out. It came out like an accusation.
Rick looked surprised. “What was the point if I couldn’t go with you?”
Christy gave him her best let’s-get-real look. “Why don’t you just tell me the truth?”
He fumbled around with a few meaningless words before looking over his shoulder and saying, “Okay, I can tell you, Christy. Actually, you’re the one I should be telling.” He rounded his shoulders and said quietly, “My parents didn’t want me to go.”
“There’s nothing shameful about that. If you remember, that’s why I didn’t go either.”
&
nbsp; “I know. But there’s more,” Rick continued. “Mine said they weren’t in favor of it, but if I was determined to go, they didn’t want me to go behind their backs. They said I could go only with a Christian girl, preferably someone from church. And I had to pay for it myself.”
“So, why didn’t you go with one of the girls at church?”
He looked at her as if she had asked a stupid question. “Because none of them are my kind of girl. You know, the rah-rah type. And besides, do you know how much it costs? By the time I rented a tux and bought flowers and everything, it would have been half my life savings. For that kind of money, I wouldn’t show up with some girl who would be off with her friends all night.”
It all made sense. Rick’s personality became transparent to Christy as he spoke. Katie had been so right. He did want to make Christy into “his kind of girl”—someone who had all the right qualifications on the outside, a girl who would give him undivided attention and follow him around, shy and quiet, letting him be the star.
“You know, Rick …” Christy felt her heart thumping as she spoke up. “I’m not so sure I am your kind of girl.”
“Sure you are! Or at least you’re going to be. You’ve come a long way, Christy. I can wait until you get it all together.”
“Okay, then let me rephrase that. I’m not so sure that you’re my kind of guy. You see, I want someone who’s patient and kind and not jealous. A guy who knows that what’s on the inside is more important than what’s on the outside. And I just don’t see you being that kind of guy.”
Rick looked shocked at her truthful words. “You don’t see me as that kind of guy?”
“No,” Christy said bravely, “but you could be.” And then for flair she added, “And I can wait.”
Christy turned and walked off fast and strong, with her heart pounding wildly.
“That’s on Friday afternoon, as in tomorrow, not next week,” added Christy’s history teacher while reading the announcement. “An all-school assembly will be held in the auditorium at two o’clock. Next year’s football team will be presented, and next year’s cheerleaders will be announced.”
“As if we don’t already know who the cheerleaders are,” said a girl in the front row.
Christy could feel the gaze of her classmates on her. She kept looking straight ahead.
“Open your books to chapter 17, and since I’m sure you all read this last night as I asked you to, I’d like you to spend the rest of class answering the review questions at the end of this section.”
The usual groans and shuffling of books ensued, and Christy hurried to get going on the assignment. She already had plenty of homework and didn’t want any more. Unfortunately, she made it through only half the questions before the teacher announced that whatever they didn’t finish in class would be due tomorrow, and they also needed to read chapter 18. Now it was Christy’s turn to groan and shuffle her books.
“Seems like all the teachers are piling it on now that school is almost over,” said a guy next to Christy as they left the classroom.
“I know,” Christy groaned.
“I think they want to cram everything in so they can put it all on our finals.”
“I’m not looking forward to that.” Christy inched her way down the crowded hall with the guy. She didn’t even know his name, and he hadn’t spoken to her all year. It seemed a little odd that he’d suddenly turned so friendly. Just then Christy spotted Teri standing by her locker.
“Excuse me,” she said. “I want to see how Teri is doing.”
“Yeah,” the guy said quickly, “too bad about her foot. Glad you made cheerleading, though. Congratulations!”
So that’s it! He’s suddenly paying attention to me because I’m going to be a cheerleader. How shallow can people be?
“No crutches?” she asked Teri, coming alongside her.
“No, I hobbled around this weekend, but it’s fine now.”
“That’s good news,” Christy said.
“Yes, well, the real good news is going to be tomorrow,” Teri said without a hint of jealousy. “I know how much you wanted to be a cheerleader, Christy, and I’m really glad you made it.”
“It hasn’t been announced yet, Teri.”
“No, but everybody knows who got it. It’s not going to be a surprise this year. I mean it’s obvious, don’t you think?”
“Aren’t you even upset about it? You worked so hard, and you’re so good, and it’s going to be your senior year and everything. Aren’t you even a little hurt or angry?”
Teri smiled her dazzling smile. “Kind of. You know, I really thought that’s what God wanted me to do—be a cheerleader next year. But I guess I was wrong.”
The bell clanged loudly above their heads. Teri squeezed Christy’s arm before slipping into her classroom. “I’m going to be in the front row tomorrow, cheering my heart out for you, Christy.”
At that instant, it was as if a loud bell went off inside Christy’s heart, and suddenly she knew what she had to do. It was completely clear.
Katie came looking for Christy after school at her locker. “Where were you at lunch?”
“Oh, I had to talk to somebody.”
“Who? Rick?” Katie prodded.
“No, Mrs. James. About some cheerleading stuff.”
“Are you getting excited about the assembly tomorrow?”
“I guess.” Christy shrugged and tried to smile at Katie.
“Well, this is your first year here, so maybe you don’t realize what a big deal they make of this at Kelley High. The athlete of the year calls the girls’ names, and they run onto the stage and line up in front of the football players. They always start crying. It’s a big deal. Better wear waterproof mascara tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Christy said.
“Did I tell you who made mascot for next year? It’s supposed to be a secret until they announce it at the assembly tomorrow, but of course they told me because they wanted to know if my cougar mascot outfit from last year would fit him.”
“Him?”
“Clifford Weed! Can you believe it?”
“I don’t think I know him.”
“He’s huge! He’ll make a great cougar. But they’ll have to come up with a new cougar suit.”
“Are you kind of sad that your year as mascot is already over?”
“Not really.” Then Katie quickly added, “Well, kind of, I guess. It’s funny how it always ends up being different from what you think it’s going to be.”
“Like the prom?” Christy ventured.
“Don’t go there, Christy.”
Christy pulled her algebra book from her locker and crammed it into her already full backpack.
“Do you want to come over this afternoon?” Katie asked.
“I’ve got so much homework,” Christy said. “I need to get going on it. I want to get it all done during the week because my mom said Todd called last night after I’d already gone to sleep, and he’s coming down this weekend.”
“So you guys are back together?”
“Oh, I don’t know.”
“What? Aren’t you anxious to see him?”
“Yes and no. I want to see him and spend time with him and get things settled and back to normal with our relationship, but I’m not ready to hear about his prom and Jasmine and all that.”
“Well, if you ask me, after going to the prom with Lance, I can sincerely tell you that whatever it takes to hold on to a guy like Todd, well, honey, JDI.”
“What?”
“You know, JDI—Just do it. You’ve got to give it your best shot and don’t ever give up! There are too many Lances in this world and not enough Todds.”
“You know what amazes me, Katie?”
“What?”
“Sometimes you are so right!”
“Only sometimes?”
They both laughed, and Christy said, “Yes, only sometimes. And that’s because you change your opinions faster than anyone I know. First you say I should go
for Rick; then you say I should hold on to Todd. Make up your mind!”
Katie tilted her head. “Make up my mind? Why? It ultimately doesn’t matter what I think, does it? I mean, aren’t you the one who should make up your mind and stick to what you believe and what you want?”
Even though Katie’s words were offered lightheartedly, they stung. Christy knew she had a problem with making decisions. It made her wonder if some of the decisions she’d made the last few days were ones she’d regret later.
“As I said, Katie, sometimes you are so right. I do need to get better at making my own decisions and sticking with them no matter what.”
“But Christy …” Katie’s voice and expression turned soft and understanding. “Don’t you think you’ve done about the best you could lately with all the stuff that’s been thrown at you?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, if you want my opinion—and remember, this is only my opinion—you have to decide this for yourself. But I think you’ve done just fine. Look how everything turned out. You made the cheerleading squad, you made your point with Rick so he doesn’t think he can run your life, and you’re going to see Todd and pick up where you left off with him. I think for all that’s happened you’ve done just fine.”
Christy gave her pal an appreciative hug. “Do you know what the best thing is about going to school every day?”
“No, I have no idea what could be the best thing about going to school. Believe me.” Katie’s eyes were full of mischief.
“It’s that I always know you’re going to be here for me.”
Katie smiled. “Thank you. I feel the same way. I know you’ll always be there for me too.”
“Even when I goof up on prom plans?” Christy said.
“Oh hey, that’s what keeps life interesting. Think how boring life would be if everything always went the way we planned it. Believe me, I’ve learned that sometimes the best answers to prayers are the ones God doesn’t answer.”
“What?”
“You think about that for a while. Think about how often we change our minds. If God gave us everything we asked for, we’d be in chaos.”
Christy Miller Collection, Vol 2 Page 11
